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Donald Trump addresses the Israeli-American Council in Washington, DC on Thursday, September 19 (screen capture).

Five days after this electoral campaign’s second bungled attempt on his life, Donald Trump—who to my knowledge has yet to address white Americans by name as a voting bloc—spoke before the Israeli-American Council in Washington, DC.

After being introduced by Miriam Adelson (born Miriam Farbstein 78 years ago in Tel Aviv), the widow of mega-billionaire casino magnate Sheldon Adelson, Trump palavered for 45 minutes about Israel, America, America’s relationship to Israel, Israel’s importance to America, and the urgent need to snuff out anti-Semitism’s stubborn fires wherever they appear—which, for some baffling reason, is everywhere, at all times, throughout history and into the present…but hopefully not into the future, at least not if he has anything to do with it.

Audio version: To listen in a player, use the one below or click here. To download the mp3, right-click here and choose “save link/target as.”

About ten minutes in, he said it was Israel’s responsibility to defeat his super-cunty multiracial archnemesis Kamala Harris:

Israel has to defeat her. I really believe that it’s a disaster for Israel…. We’re going to take back our country, and we’re going to make Israel great again, and we’re going to make America great again…. We’ve gathered today to talk about the scourge of anti-Semitism. Tonight, we’re two weeks away from the one-year anniversary of the worst attack on the Jewish people since the Holocaust, without question. On October 7th, which would have never happened if I was president, by the way, I have to always preface it by saying it would have never, ever happened. Innocent men, women, children, and babies were tortured, maimed, kidnapped, and killed.

Toward the end, Trump said he’d seen a poll that claimed he was only snagging 40 percent of Jewish Americans’ votes:

That means you got 60 percent voting for somebody that hates Israel…. Forty percent is not acceptable because we have an election to win.… I’m not going to call this as a prediction, but in my opinion, the Jewish people would have a lot to do with a loss if I’m at 40 percent…. The Democrats are bad to Israel — very bad….

But if we don’t win this election, Israel, in my opinion, within a period of two to three years will cease to exist. It’s going to be wiped out. That’s what’s going to happen…. And you have 60 percent of the Jewish people essentially voting for them. If I do win, Israel will be safe and secure, and we will stop the toxic poison of anti-Semitism from spreading all over America and all over the world. We’ll get it stopped…. They did a poll in Israel. I’m, like, at 99 percent favorable. I could run for — right now, I could run for any office in Israel…. Everybody loves me. I could run for Prime Minister.

Anti-Semites—who swarm the globe like cockroaches infesting a dumpy Bronx apartment, forcing slumlords to cram their hands into a pair of shoes and frantically run around crushing them—would snigger and say that Trump is basically running to be Israel’s Prime Minister already. Even worse, they’d say he’s running for America’s presidency on behalf of Israel’s Prime Minister.

Despite Trump’s pro-Israel kowtowing, this didn’t stop anti-Trump major news outlets such as The Washington Post and The New York Times from accusing him of…wait for it…anti-Semitism! “Oh, so Trump thinks Jewish people have disproportionate political power?” belched the Post’s headline. “Trump’s Suggestion That Jews Could Cost Him Race Creates Fear of Antisemitic Reprisal,” bleated the Times.

 It’s unclear what poll Trump was citing that claimed the Jew Skew was 60-40 in Harris’s favor, but according to a September 9 study conducted by what I’m certain is the entirely unbiased Jewish Democratic Council of America:

Harris leads Trump with U.S. Jews by a 72 to 25 percent margin…. Trump, meanwhile, holds an 83-17 percent lead over Harris among Orthodox Jews.

Speaking of Israel and the emotionally exhausting (for me, at least) forever wars that have plagued the Middle East since 1948 like the world’s longest dysfunctional marriage, last week’s big news involved the strategic detonation of Hezbollah members’ pager devices. I tend to zone out whenever the Middle East is mentioned, but just as they say about politics and race, although you may not care about them, they care about you. It’s a futile wish, but I wish the Middle East thought about me as much as I’m forced to think about the Middle East.

Hezbollah is a Lebanese—not lesbian—nongovernmental self-defense organization that has been increasingly trading fire with Israel ever since last October 7. This past Tuesday, countless Hezbollah members across Lebanon were wounded and several killed when their pager devices began exploding en masse.

Reuters, “Hezbollah pager explosions kill several people in Lebanon”:

Regional broadcasters carrying CCTV footage which showed what appeared to be a small handheld device placed next to a grocery store cashier where an individual was paying spontaneously exploding.

In other footage, an explosion appeared to knock out someone standing at a fruit stand at a market area.

Last Tuesday, the Jewish Press—although some would think the term “Jewish Press” is a redundancy, it also happens to be the name of a singular Jewish media outlet—estimated that over four thousand Hezbollah members were wounded in the attack and that nine were killed outright.

Although it was initially assumed that Mossad had somehow figured out a way to super-heat the pagers’ lithium batteries, experts say that an exploding battery wouldn’t generate sufficient force to kill someone. The likelier scenario is that Mossad planted explosives in a shipment of pagers targeted for Hezbollah members—who, ironically, were using the obsolete cellular devices not necessarily because Lebanese people are primitive sand fleas but because they presumed pagers would be more difficult to track and detonate than smartphones.

Israel upped the ante on Wednesday, targeting solar panels and walkie-talkies. Israel has refused to claim responsibility for the attacks. Then again, Israel still refuses to claim that they have hundreds of nuclear bombs, so I’d take everything they say with a grain of kosher salt.

This wasn’t the first time that an Israeli intelligence agency used telecommunications devices to take out an adversary. In 1996, Shin Bet planted explosives in Hamas bombmaker Yayha Ayyash’s cellphone, killing him. In 1972, Mossad killed a PLO representative “<a target="_blank" hre