Episode 340 – Actively listening to what someone else is saying can be incredibly hard, but it comes with enormous benefits. How do effective leaders manage it?

Transcript of Podcast Episode 340

Hello, this is Bill Rainaldi, with another edition of Security Mutual’s SML Planning Minute. In today’s episode, want to be an effective business leader? Learn how to listen.

Listening is one of the most underrated business skills. Learning how to listen effectively is a difficult task, but it can pay enormous dividends in a business situation. A 2022 article in Forbes magazine suggests that, while it’s easy to see how challenging it can be to carefully listen to someone, we often fail to grasp the huge benefits that come with it.[1]

This is what’s known as “active listening.” Active listening is defined as “a way of listening that involves full attention to what is being said for the primary purpose of understanding the speaker.”[2] If we are not making the effort to actively listen, there’s a good chance we will misunderstand what the other person is saying. And the consequences can be huge.

Active listening has been shown to be effective in building relationships and generating trust.[3] To be a good listener, you need to learn to stop speaking and be willing to give someone your full attention. Simply put, silence can be an underestimated source of understanding and power.

Effective listening seems to be more difficult than many people realize. How many times have you heard someone say “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name…?”  More likely, it’s not that they’ve forgotten your name, but they never actually learned it in the first place. It’s very difficult to learn someone’s name when you’re not actively listening. It all happens very quickly, and it requires a certain amount of concentration.

Just how good are you at this special, learned skill? A recent article on LinkedIn suggests some of the ways that we can be both good and bad at listening, and some practical steps we can take to improve this learned skill.[4]

The author, financial psychologist Dr. Charles Chaffin, outlines five ways to be a good listener along with five ways to be a bad listener.[5]

The good news first. Here are Dr. Chaffin’s suggestions:

1. Learn to “mirror” what someone else is saying to you. In other words, restate what that other person is telling you. It helps clear up any misunderstanding, and demonstrates for that individual that you are, in fact, hearing them.


2. Ask questions. In fact, Dr. Chaffin suggests that you ask, “one more question than you think you need to.”[6] It’s a way to tell the other person that you understand what they’re saying.


3. Use what are called “micro-validations.” A simple “That sounds like fun” or “Makes sense to me” in the middle of a conversation can really help.


4. Insert an occasional pause. You don’t have to respond right away when someone says something. It sends a message to the other person that you are actually considering what they are saying.


5. Pay attention to your body language. Dr. Chaffin suggests maintaining eye contact and keeping an open posture. And ignore your phone during the conversation. It’s a way of telling the other person that what they’re saying is important.

Now the bad news. Here are five things that terrible listeners tend to do:

1. Talking too much about yourself. These days, it seems that so many people have a tendency to hijack a conversation. It can be very frustrating for the other person.


2. Interrupting. This is a tough one. It’s easy to jump in with a solution before you really understand someone’s problem. There’s no need to rush.


3. Getting ahead of yourself, or as Dr. Chaffin puts it, “Listening to respond, not understand.” It’s best not to think about your response until you’ve fully deciphered what the other person is saying.


4. Not paying attention. You can acknowledge what they’re saying all you want, but so many of us do this as a form of lip service while distracted by something else, like a computer screen, a cell phone alert or a random thought.


5. Dismissing someone else’s emotions. This is a trust-killer.

The truth is that, perhaps more than anything else, the person you’re speaking to simply wants to be heard and understood.  Recognizing that can go a long way in generating rapport and trust and making yourself more successful.

[1] Zenger, Jack. “The Unforeseen Rewards Of Good Listening.” Forbes.com. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackzenger/2022/05/19/the-unforeseen-rewards-of-good-listening/ (accessed May 23, 2025).

[2] Grande, Dianne. “Active Listening Skills.” psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202006/active-listening-skills (accessed May 27, 2025).

[3] Zenger, Jack. “The Unforeseen Rewards Of Good Listening.” Forbes.com. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackzenger/2022/05/19/the-unforeseen-rewards-of-good-listening/ (accessed May 23, 2025).

[4] Chaffin, Charles. “Listen! 5 Ways to be a BAD Listener..and a GOOD Listener.” LinkedIn.com. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/listen-5-ways-bad-listener-good-dr-charles-chaffin-r15we/ (accessed May 23, 2025).

[5] Id.

[6] Id.

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