• Richard


• Lisa


• Tom


• Lizzie


• Serendipidy


• Norval Joe


• Planet Z

The next topic is Cool

RICHARD

Moves like stagger

On Mondays, I run a support network for people who think they can moonwalk, but they can’t.

You’d be surprised how many think they’re channelling Michael Jackson, when in reality their dancing sucks; and that’s being generous.

I hang out at wedding venues and school reunions, armed with business cards and flyers. On a good night, I can get a dozen referrals from traumatised wives and embarrassed family members, all desperate to wean their husbands, brothers and cousins off the mistaken belief they can dance like MJ.

Wednesdays: it’s Dirty Dancing… and, for the weekend – Saturday Night Fever, naturally.

SERENDIPIDY

“When will it stop?”

“When you’re done” I reply, adding more fuel to the fire, watching the flames burn ever higher.

Eventually, your screams turn to whimpers, and then, after a while the only sound is the crackle of burning wood, and the sizzle of your flesh.

That’s the tricky part, where the real skill comes in. Like sausages on a barbecue, you don’t want the outside burned and blackened, whilst the inside is still pink and raw.

Neither do I want you burned to a crisp.

Trust me, it takes an expert to obtain the perfect roast.

LISA

Professor Gilbert’s Secret

This is the dying testimony of Laurence Gilbert. I know I have been unparalleled in my field for decades. And can only now, on my deathbed reveal the reason.

I moonwalk into every lecture – it drags even the most unresponsive student’s eyes up from their screens. Then, I immediately hypnotise the students. They become someone else in my lectures. Some I retain and they do my bidding: mostly reading.

All students I make study. With their minds open I pour information in and give them the tools to regurgitate it.

I can’t say I’m sorry for anything I have done.

TOM

Same as it ever was.

“It was as dark and stormy night “said the joke to the thief. “When will it stop?” said the dwarf to the elf. “If the sun does rise in the morning, we must find Someone Else.” Of course, Someone Else was the mightiest Warlock in Limbo, not to be disturbed lightly. Which is the only way a pixie can disturb Any One, them being the Council of Elders. Consulting the Elder Scroll the 8th level Bard broke into song. In total discuss the Dragon Spawn fried the cursed lute with a breath of fire. Then a DOA swamped the network.

NORVAL JOE

Linoliamanda looked over Sabrina’s shoulder. “Is that your grandmother in the locket?”

“No,” Sabrina replied. “It’s someone else.”

Patrick cut in, “Where’s that tornado taking Mr. Vanpoot? When will it stop? Will he survive?”

Sabrina shrugged. “Maybe the police station. Maybe the hospital.”

Mrs. Weinerheimer said, “We should get home and sort this out. Is there anything else that you brought with you Patrick?”

“There’s some stuff in the van, but not much,” he said.

After they found more of Sabrina’s things in the van they drove to Bobbie’s house.

“Stay here tonight, Patrick,” Bobbie said. “Dad’s going to jail.”

PLANET Z

Back in the 80s, the moonwalk was all the rage. Johnny would moonwalk at the front of the class every time he aced a quiz or test. Or if he got the last of the pepperoni pizza at lunch, big moonwalk. He was also supposed to be the star quarterback for the school, but in his first game first play, he threw an absolute bomb of a pass that his receiver caught in the end zone for a touchdown, and Johnny moonwalked and his cleat caught in the grass and he tore up his knee and he never played again.