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When someone you love suddenly shuts down and says “I’m fine,” it can be confusing, painful, and triggering — especially if you know something’s off. In this episode, Thais Gibson and Mike de Zio dive deep into what’s really happening when a dismissive avoidant (DA) or fearful avoidant (FA) pulls away.

They explore how shutting down is rarely about spite or indifference — it’s a subconscious protection strategy. Through personal stories and actionable steps, Thais and Mike explain how to understand these patterns, respond without pushing your partner away, and create safety for honest reconnection.

💡 You’ll Learn:

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  Why dismissive and fearful avoidants withdraw when they’re hurt

  
  


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  The 6 key steps to reconnect without triggering defensiveness

  
  


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  How to validate your partner’s needs without abandoning your own

  
  


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  What to say (and not say) when they need space

  
  


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  How to rebuild communication, empathy, and safety in conflict

  
  


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  Why clearly expressing your needs is a vital part of healing

  
  

🕓 Episode Breakdown:

00:00 – Intro: Why avoidants “shut down” during conflict

03:00 – Understanding Avoidant Protection Mechanisms

06:10 – Thais’ Past Experience as a Fearful Avoidant

07:45 – Why Avoidants Retreat When Hurt

09:03 – Emotional Safety vs. Pressure in Relationships

11:00 – How to Support a Dismissive Avoidant Without Overstepping

13:05 – The Power of Asking Gentle Questions

16:12 – How Opposite Needs Create Miscommunication

19:00 – Is It Okay to Sleep on an Argument?

21:15 – Reassurance, Timing, and the Hybrid Approach

22:30 – Step 1: Approach Them With Sensitivity

24:45 – Step 2: Offer Support Without Pressure

27:00 – Step 3: “Timebox” the Conversation

30:19 – Step 4: How to Reconnect When They’re Ready

33:10 – Step 5: Communicate Needs Clearly & Calmly

36:00 – Step 6: Take Your Own Needs Into Account

38:00 – Why Communicating Your Needs Builds Emotional Safety

41:00 – Healthy Conflict vs. Avoidance

44:30 – How Validation and Compromise Foster Secure Attachment

46:00 – Final Reflections: Reconnecting After Withdrawal

Key Takeaway:

Avoidants don’t shut you out because they don’t care — they do it because vulnerability feels unsafe. The more you understand their patterns and communicate your own needs clearly, the faster you both can reconnect from a place of empathy, not defense.

🎙️ Meet Your Host

Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over 70,000 students worldwide, she’s a global expert in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and emotional intelligence.

📚 Helpful Resources:

🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz

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📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love

🎧 More Podcast Episodes

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📝 Read the PDS Blog

https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

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#DismissiveAvoidant #FearfulAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #ThaisGibson #AttachmentHealing #EmotionalSafety #ConflictResolution #RelationshipCommunication #SecureAttachment #SubconsciousHealing

Remember: Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest — sometimes, it’s protection. Learn how to bridge the gap with compassion and clarity. 💗