Affairs grab our attention. Whether it’s someone in the news or a friend of a friend, we tune in, pass judgement, or quietly reflect on our own relationships. But what is it that makes cheating stories so captivating?

In this episode, I talk about why we care so much about other people’s affairs. I explore how unmet needs, identity, and longing can show up in relationships. I unpack what betrayal can do to a person’s sense of self, why fantasy can feel easier than reality, and why some couples do try to rebuild after infidelity.

This is not about sensationalism or blame. It’s a real conversation about what I see in the therapy room and what can help people make sense of something painful and complicated.

What I cover in this episode

• Why cheating stories hook us, even when they’re not ours
• How social referencing plays into our opinions on infidelity
• What betrayal can do to trust, identity, and mental health
• The messiness of defining cheating in relationships
• How unmet needs and longing can fuel emotional or physical affairs
• What it can look like to recover as an individual
• What’s involved in repairing a relationship after an affair
• Why not all couples stay together
• What happens when a relationship starts as an affair
• The impact of perpetual problems in relationships (Gottman research: 69 percent of issues are ongoing)
• Why switching partners doesn’t always solve core differences
• What couples need to rebuild trust and connection

Referenced in this episode

 📚 The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

• Gottman Method couples therapy model
• Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment framework
• 69 percent of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable

Therapy helps manage rather than eliminate these recurring issues

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