In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow and Tami consider the reasons that a betraying partner may refuse to admit their shame, whether it’s worth waiting a few more days to see if a partner is going to start respecting boundaries, and how to respond to a partner’s enmeshment, lying, and childhood trauma. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] How can we get the recovery support we need two years after disclosure? 

[6:19 ] What is too soon for couples therapy? 

[9:30 ] Why does my partner always walk in front of me? 

[13:43 ] Should I wait 30 more days for my betrayer to start respecting my boundaries?

[19:24 ] Why are so many sex addicts enmeshed with a parent? 

[23:35 ] My therapist can’t believe I want to stay with my partner. Now what? 

[31:38 ] How can I hold space for my partner’s wounds and trauma?

[38:03 ] How do I handle my partner’s incomplete information about his betrayal?

[45:35 ] How can I understand my partner’s childhood trauma and patterns of withdrawal?

[49:36 ] Why can’t my partner stop lovebombing me? 

[53:50 ] My partner is a sex and love addict, what does limerance mean? 

[57:10 ] “I don’t hate myself” – does my partner feel any shame?

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES

• “When both partners are stabilized in their own healing journeys, couples therapy is that much more effective.” 

• “Your partner just wants to walk next to you in life.” 

• “Are the actions you’re taking allowing me to move closer to you or forcing me to move further away from you?”

• “Choosing to stay in a relationship or choosing to go is something that only you deal with every day.” 

• “Addiction doesn’t thrive in honesty. It has to thrive in lying.”