Floridaman church burglar searched 'Where do church keep money'. Teen wields machete at elderly Democrats at polls.

Fire chief apologizes after Halloween party with KKK costumes. Hindu priest claimed could fly, dies falling off a mountain.

Women in China get calls from government asking if they pregnant. Vatican has a new anime girl mascot.

Snoop Dogg has a cannabis referee so you don't get too high. Farmer hog-ties two trespassers and drives them to police.

Pizzeria serves marijuana laced pies by mistake. Thieves steal 22 tons of cheese and that's no gouda!

Floridaman pulls a machete on son for forgetting his birthday. Man tried to cut off and eat a guy's toes for concert tickets.

Oral sex leads to throat cancer. French Bulldog dies on a plane because owner is a dummy.

Surfer dies after being impaled by swordfish. Police invite citizens to play Hide and Seek with their guns.

Man born with three penises in rare medical miracle. Police bust pizzeria with cocaine on the menu.

Floridaman in a bull onesie tried to burn down ex's home with pasta sauce. Lady escapes rehab, steals car, runs a man over twice.

Restaurant sorry for serving Nazi soldier actors. Court rules calling a man bald is sexual harassment

Crowd treated for nausea after opera with live sex and piercing. Cop calls cops after Burger King screws up order.

Woman smuggles turtles into Canada in a kayak. Majority of American houses are haunted according to survey.

Robot vacuums yell racial slurs at families after being hacked. Breakdancers risk getting Headspin Hole says doctors.

Floridaman with no legs refused to leave boat during hurricane. Meteorologists receive death threats over weather.

The bag that read, Definitely Not a Bag of Drugs, contained drugs. Spirit Halloween opening Spirit Christmas stores.

Burglar broke into a home and did household chores for the victim. Earth has a new mini moon friend.

Angry wife ate dead husband's ashes. Stolen sausages lead to a nursing home stabbing.

Need an AI Wingman for your gay dating app? Man steals ambulance to drive to court for stolen car charges.

Florida woman bites genitals of police officer following crash. Florida date ends when she throws steak knives.