When they see the copper, the triplets think it’s about them gobbing on the cauliflower and turmeric latte crowd - which I’m not even sure is a crime’

‘We’ve no idea what caused the fire. And we’re sticking to that story’

‘People in the crowd are staring at Honor like she’s a cold sore on debs night’

‘The thought of booking a table for one at Shanahan’s on the Green got me through my prison sentence’

JP is staring at me like I’ve said I’m really enjoying his old dear’s OnlyFans account

‘A threesome?’ Sorcha goes. ‘Why would you think I’d be into having a threesome?’

‘Things have changed since you were at school, Sorcha,’ the old man goes. ‘We recognise that traditional media is our enemy now’

The competition gets under way. The entrants are each told to remove a sock and put it in the pint glass in front of them

‘Your father is a moral eunuch, Ross. Those aren’t my words. That was a main finding of the Mahon tribunal’

The porty invitations were returned with the words, ‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly? Are you focking kidding me?’

A lot of things are storting to make sense, including the violin case Leo carries around with him like a Chicago gangster

‘Our daughter is nothing like Donald Trump, Sorcha – aport from the tan and the vengefulness’

Sorcha knows my game. She can read me like the instructions on an airplane vomit bag

It’s a miracle Sorcha’s old man has never killed me, though he did buy me a plot in Shanganagh Cemetery for my 40th

‘Are you aware that your children are Protestants now?’

How do you become a Protestant? ‘You have to drink the blood of a Sussex chicken on Dalkey Island under a gibbous moon’

Honor has picked a theme for her year as Mount Anville head girl: ‘Vengeance’

‘Protestants are not that much different from us. I mean, they’re definitely less craic, but they get sh*t done’

‘What’s on offer,’ she goes, smiling, ‘is eternal life,’ and I do believe she’s flirting

‘Ross, it’s not just a case of filling out a form and – hey, presto – you’re a Protestant’