Avoidance and Control

True intimacy is hard to find and build upon, especially when our own identity starts to erode. Licensed Clinical Social Worker Kristen Searcey shares her female-pronged cycle of abuse in this Part 2 Episode. The episode is designed to help you see behaviors in yourself and others and seek support from a mental health specialist. Kristen Searcy is an EMDRIA certified EMDR Trauma Therapist and the founder of A Desert In Bloom Therapy in Phoenix. She specializes in helping women heal from complex trauma, domestic violence and eating disorders, blending clinical expertise with an artist's soul. Her work guides women toward the freedom to live fully in the present and to sing their own heart song again. Kristens WebsitePsychology TodayA Desert In Bloom InstagramIF you or someone you know is not doing okay call or text 988for mental health support and crises.https://988lifeline.org/Other Support linksNAMI Support Lines/ DetailsSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship—romantic, friendship, or even professional—where you keep giving, hoping they’ll change, and wondering why you feel so responsible for their healing?This appears with my clients -alot. We are stuck in the old abandonment story or wound. I actuallyt just realized I do this as well. I behave as if I am going to be abandoned. I strive and push myself so that people I love do not get a chance or idea of leaving me.The Abandonment wound is real. We can reflect and redirect our choices from it!Comment, Like or Share this episode if it was supportive.45 Minute Intro Session⁠⁠Free Resources⁠⁠Events (AZ and Virtual)

The old narratives about abuse don’t always fit what we see today.This week, I’m joined by Kristen Searcy, whose revolutionary Model of Abuse challenges everything we think we know about violence and control. We’re talking about how real change begins when we focus on consistent behaviors, not clinical labels.Kristen Searcy is an EMDRIA certified EMDR Trauma Therapist and the founder of A Desert In Bloom Therapy in Phoenix. She specializes in helping women heal from complex trauma, domestic violence and eating disorders, blending clinical expertise with an artist's soul. Her work guides women toward the freedom to live fully in the present and to sing their own heart song again. A Desert In BloomPsychology Today PageInstagram

Welcome to Season 4 of the Avoidance and Control podcast. Enjoy this warm-up episode to get your brain thinking opposite of the "fix it Model"Humans don't need to be "fixed", we need logic, inner knowing, and regulation.In This Episode:- 3 tips for stepping out of the Old story (trauma/Abuse/ etc)- Components of Salutogenics (moving toward Health)- Reduce the stigma that you are the only one going through this..Harm, abuse and control-- we've all experienced it in different ways. Book an Introduction call or sample other resources below45 Minute Intro SessionFree ResourcesEvents (AZ and Virtual)

How do you feel about diagnoses—do they help you understand yourself or make you feel stuck? In this powerful finale, Annamarie Green explores why true healing starts with your energy, not just a label. If you’ve ever felt like there’s more to healing than managing symptoms, this one’s for you.In This Episode:3 core Levels of HealingAnxiety LanguageHow to Chord Cut DIYAnnamarie Resources:Anxiety Languages FreebieSoul Surgeon Enrollment

You know those moments in life when everything feels like it's crumbling—finances, emotions, even your sense of self? I've been there. And so has my dear friend, former coaching client, and now incredible somatic breathwork practitioner, Janet Bonner West.Janet went from feeling broke, stuck, and hiding from her truth to discovering the power of breathwork—a practice that completely transformed her emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. And now? She’s bringing that same healing energy to The Resilience Tour Retreat as one of our breathwork facilitators!In This Episode:How Somatic Breathwork works with your Nervous SystemDisconnection to SelfConnection to body as first step Janet Bonner West, a Somatic Breathwork Practitioner and Health Coach, combines 27 years of experience as a physician assistant with her expertise in behavioral health. After her own journey through trauma and chronic pain, she now helps clients restore balance and well-being through breathwork and restorative health coaching. Janet believes in the power of self-healing and empowers individuals to reconnect with their innate intelligence.Janets Facebook PageResilience Tour Retreat Resilience Tour ResourcesMental Health Resources:HotlineNAMI Hotline ResourcesEducation- Health TopicsMoniques Episode Mentions:What is Dissociation?Why Patterns Come BackYouTube Video - Meet The Resilience Tour FoundersBook a Call with MoniqueMoniques Website

What if your quality of life starts with what's on your plate? While those with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) have protective skills, but this episode reminds us that the first step in standing up for your health is making sure you have a good quality of life. In This Episode: Christina PTSD diagnosis and self-advocacy Provider Problems Breath and Mindset Tools and Practice Christina Lombardo is a Trauma Informed Certified Holistic Nutritionist and Evox Practitioner specializing in trauma and substance use recovery. She has a Bachelors Degree from Northern Arizona University, is certified in sports nutrition, has continuing education in nervous system practices, ACES training, and other wellness practices. She sees individual clients and teaches classes to teenagers and adults about nutrition and wellness practices for sustainable, yet flexible, everyday living. Christina's Website Christina's Instagram Resources from this Episode: Belief Exercise Episode (Journal with Monique) 3 Breath Practices Moniques Links Gifted Consultation Details on Resilience Tour Retreat 2025

"Have you ever felt a sudden shift in your mood, an unexpected wave of frustration, sadness, or anxiety—but couldn’t quite understand why? In this episode: What is Trigger Control How to Identify Them Sweeping Upset Under the Rug Keeps you Stuck Brittany Smith is a Holistic Aesthetic Nurse and Certified Coach who blends nursing expertise with wellness coaching to help with challenges related to aging. At Method Aesthetics, she offers services like skincare treatments, injectables, and vitamin infusions to boost vitality and highlight natural beauty. Through her holistic practice, BSI Wellness, Brittany helps clients build lasting wellness routines focusing on prevention. She is also passionate about community and works with other holistic providers while hosting educational events to encourage healthier lifestyles. Links: BSI Website Brittany Smith Instagram Resilience Tour Ticket Details The Relationship Bridge: How to Make Deeper Connections and Grow Healthy Relationships Resilience Tour Webinar-- How We Help Moniques Links: Gifted Consultation Call My Book - Not The Chancla

I get so incredibly excited to help people on consultation calls-- let this episode help you make a decision. also DM me or leave a comment or Review if you'd like to get an episode on How to Interview your Helper. Monique Gomez is a Trauma and Resilience Life Coach, former Mental Health Therapist, Reiki Master, and Licensed Massage Therapist with a Master's degree is Social Work. Monique specializes in working with individuals who often feel misunderstood or unheard, tend to prioritize others' needs over their own, or overwork due to feelings of unworthiness. Clients seeking help are open to understanding their nervous system and learning to collaborate with it rather than working against it. This includes coping with stress, trauma, and life challenges, as well as building resilience for the future. Book a Gifted Consultation Call Not The Chacla: How Awareness of Our History and Trauma Create Compassion to Rewrite Our Future Resources: Put local Non Emergency phone numbers in your phone National Help Hotline is 988 (suicide and crisis Hotline-- call or TEXT)

Another Throwback Tuesday from Season 1: What is. Trauma? while so many Pop Psych Influencers and plain old Tik Tokers like to explain what they believe to be trauma and what is not trauma, this episode breaks down the Truth. If this episode Resonates I'd love for you to check out our Upcoming Resilience Tour Retreat in April 2025; what I'd like to call a Heal-Cation (especially if you get the overnight tickets) Ticket Details If you are curious about how I work with people in Trauma/ Significant Histories-- Book a call below Gifted Consultation Call

Are your relationships helping you thrive, or are they quietly draining your energy? In This Episode: Why your relationships directly impact your health and happiness. How to identify three key relationship types: nurturers, neutral supporters, and energy vampires. The role of boundaries and values in maintaining healthy dynamics. Practical steps to release guilt and move on from one-sided relationships. As a Holistic Aesthetic Nurse and Certified Coach, I combine traditional nursing expertise with wellness coaching to address aging-related challenges. At Method Aesthetics, I provide onsite services like skincare treatments, injectables, and vitamin infusions to enhance vitality and natural beauty. Through my holistic practice, BSI Wellness, I empower clients to create sustainable wellness routines emphasizing preventative care. Passionate about community building, I collaborate with holistic providers and host educational events to inspire healthier lifestyles. Brittany Smith Links: Instagram Linked In Website Resources Mentioned in Episode: Rupture and Repair Episode Avoidant Attachment Episode What is Fawning Episode Resilience Tour Instagram Resilience Tour Retreat April 4,5, and 6 Tickets Resilience Tour Webinar (27 Min)

Have you felt like you are a victim of a Narcissist or a person who is crazy selfish? This episode has been a long time coming, as these are common questions and responses I speak to my clients about. Majority of my clients who want to get out of these old patterns and stories are people pleasers. In the Episode: Why We Hold on to Toxic Cycles Bring Self-Compassion to Your Big Heart How Fear Splits Our Truth Moniques Links: Book a Gifted Consultation for Self Compassion Resilience Tour Retreat Other Related Episodes: Avoidant Attachment with Allie Andrews Insecure Attachment with Allie Andrews Hurt Cycles Part 1

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in doing, ignoring your pain just to make it through the day? In this episode we'll dive into the survival mode that keeps us resisting pain and grief. Andrea is the founder of The Grief Nook, a comfortable space to creatively grieve in community. Through her workshops, support groups, speaking events, and individual support, she helps grievers discover ways to process and express their grief through creativity, connection, and tradition. Her guidance as a Certified Grief Educator and Trauma & Resilience Coach brings them closer to their desires and goals through the power of their own innate abilities. In This Episode: Common Signs of Survival Mode and how to Creep Out Loss of Expectations as Grief Guilt and Resistance to Pain Andreas Links: Grief Nook Instagram Upcoming Events Discovery Call with Andrea Moniques Links: Resilience Tour Retreat and Resources Gifted Consultation with Monique

Winter Skin, super dry? We chat with Brittny Owner of Trades of Brit to discuss nature, family and faith. In This Episode: Pregnancy and Tuning into your Body Grief and Remembering our Loved ones Faith and Social Supports Brittny owns Trades of Brit, a natural skincare company, rooted in nature and perfected in science. She has her masters in Organic Chemistry and even has an internship with Loreal USA. Brittny is a wife and mother to 5 beautiful kids with 2 sets of twins. She loves all things health, fitness and traveling. She started Trades of Brit out of her need to help heal her daughter's eczema and her family's dry skin. Brittny's Instagram Trades of Brit Website Moniques Links Resilience Tour 2025 Gifted Consultation

Sometimes we let our impulsive nature push us further away from our goals. Quick reactions we have with our money, our time or even the tasks we wish to complete. Dr. Veronica Schiltz is a mama of two kids under three, a wife, a Christ follower and a licensed chiropractor and certified health coach passionately focused on the nervous system. She takes a holistic approach to both coaching and chiropractic that helps you uncover mindset blocks, handle physical disconnections in the brain and body, and habitual patterns that may be holding you back so you can live fulfilled in your health, home, and business. Dr. Veronica and I spoke on: Systems Build Consistency Manage big emotions to return to regulation handling the unexpected with growth and faith Veronicas Links: Resources Masterclass Podcast Peaceful and Profitable CEO Systems Program Moniques Links: Gifted Consultation Not The Chancla (my Book) Building Regulation Hybrid

Do you have ADHD and tired of the symptoms? Or do you want to learn how to adapt when Ego gets in the way? In this episode, we chat about Brain Balancing with Neurofeedback then a well-executed tangent on the following: Knowing Yourself and Communicating Clearly: Understand who you are, speak honestly, and make choices that match your values. Recognize how your thoughts, feelings, and past experiences shape your reactions. Grow Through Challenges: As part of personal growth, learn to handle ego struggles, adapt when they get in the way, and face failure with confidence. Mercedes Collins is an extra corporate girlie who left the 9-5 to start her own business and create more freedom with her time to spend with her family and 2 young kids. She’s the owner of Neurogen Brain Balancing East Valley, with offers a medication free alternative for ADHD, migraines and common sleep concerns. She believes emotional wellness for kids starts with parents having a regulated nervous system, so she loves working with moms in this area of life! Mercedes Links: Neurogen Brain Balance Website Mercedes Instagram Neurogen Brain Balance East Valley Instagram Apple Podcasts: The Abundance Generators Podcast Moniques Links: Resilience Tour Retreat April 2025 Gifted Consultation Building Regulation Hybrid (enrollment ends 12/22/24)

So many “Pop psychologist Influencers” who have a lifetime of therapy love to define Trauma and judge others, I'm here to tell you the truth based on science and facts. In this episode, I will answer what trauma is by -explaining the critiques from Pop Psychologist Influencers -explaining how trauma affects the brain - explaining the old definition of trauma Resources and Links Gifted Consultation https://goldenhandsmassageaz.com/contact Not The Chancla: How Awareness of Our History and Trauma Create Compassion to Rewrite Our Future https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMNVVWWS?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420 Presale- Building Regulation https://goldenhandsmassageaz.com/hybrid-coaching Attunement/Attachment Research Findings: The concept of therapeutic alliance, often referred to as "attunement" in some therapeutic contexts, is indeed crucial for quality clinical mental health treatment. This alliance or attunement refers to the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client, including aspects such as empathy, rapport, trust, and mutual understanding. Enhanced Communication and Trust -- A study by Marmarosh and Kivlighan Jr. (2012) in the "Journal of Counseling Psychology" emphasized that a strong therapeutic alliance is associated with better communication between the therapist and client. When clients perceive that their therapist is attuned to their needs and experiences, they are more likely to trust the therapist and be open about their thoughts and feelings. Client Engagement and Collaboration - In their research published in the "Journal of Clinical Psychology" in 2017, Martin et al. highlighted that a positive therapeutic alliance enhances client engagement and collaboration. When clients feel that their therapist is attuned to their concerns and actively involves them in the therapeutic process, they are more motivated to participate in treatment and work together towards their goals. Facilitation of Emotional Expression and Validation - The therapeutic alliance, characterized by empathy and attunement, creates a safe space for clients to express their emotions and thoughts. A study by Elliott et al. (2018) in "Psychotherapy Research" found that when clients feel heard and validated by their therapist, it can lead to emotional relief and a sense of validation, which are therapeutic in themselves. The study by Flückiger et al. (2012) in "Psychotherapy Research" demonstrated that clients with a positive alliance are less likely to drop out of treatment prematurely, which is crucial for the continuity and effectiveness of mental health treatment. Socials Instagram Facebook LinkedIn

Have you been called a People Pleaser? If you often put others' needs before your own, then you might be in this natural Nervous System Reaction. In This Episode: Examples of Fawning/People Pleasing Boundaries and Compassion Listening to Your Needs Allie helps individuals and couples have better sex and feel happier and more secure in themselves and their relationships. Allie is a Certified Somatica® Sex and Relationship Coach, Certified Yoga Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Coach with her Master’s in Education. Allies Links Allies Instagram Conversation Cards Allies Website Moniques Links Instagram Resilience Tour Retreat Gifted Consultation

Do you ever feel like you are Self-sabotaging your Success? In all areas of life, work, or business, our Subconscious Mind can interfere with our wants. Natalie and I went deep into her recent battle with Self Sabotage. Natalie is a Board Accredited and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, EFT Tapping Practitioner, NLP Practitioner & Certified Life + Success Coach. She's been called the "Mindset Whisperer" by her clients. She's kind of like if your business strategy coach + your mindset/embodiment coach had a baby! Natalie is the best of both worlds. Her purpose in life is to help women wake up to their potential, make friends with their ambition, embrace their superpowers and achieve success without sacrificing their joy & wellbeing. Natlaies Links: Free Discover Your Sales Superpower The Embodied Entrepreneur Podcast Website Resources From The Episode: Monique on Natalies Podcast Belief Exercise Podcast Episode Moniques Links: Gifted Consultation Call Instagram Resilience Tour Retreat/Events My Book Not The Chancla

Why does authenticity feel so rare in a world full of curated images and perfected profiles? In this episode my new friend Niko gets vulnerable with me as we discuss topics like: Branding Navigating Relationship Challenges Rejection You will explore how staying true to yourself can transform your connections, shape your brand, and even elevate your spiritual life. Niko Arapkiles is the host of the Just Grow Podcast and CEO of Just Grow Visions Through his communities & live events he helps entrepreneurs build an authentic personal brand using the “woo+do” framework so they can build a profitable life & business. Nikos Links: Skool Community LinkTree (Events, Podcast and Programs) Moniques Resources: Social Resilience Mastery Class 11/12 Navigating Cycles of Hurt (Avoidance & Control Episode) Moniques Instagram Resilience Tour Instagram Gifted Consultation