Beyond the basement

Under a giant ash tree in my local cemetery, I unpack a juicy invitation a friend offered me: what if I simply enjoyed my biological instincts - without judging them or needing to act on them? If you’re a regular listener you’ll know I’m a recovering perfectionist. So I notice how quickly I police urges (from cream buns to sexual desire), labelling them “right/wrong” and shutting down aliveness. Here I reveal an edgy challenge in my own life - feelings of attraction that have awakened primal impulses to protect and possess, and how easily I moralise them. Guided by embodiment, I talk about the practice of “touching reality with consciousness” - locating the sensation in my body, letting it move, finding safety, and staying with the longing itself. The episode is an invitation to trade evaluation for presence, to experience appetite as energy, and to widen our capacity to be human messy, desirous, and alive without making it another problem to fix. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

It’s a juicy question, and one I tried to answer in the closing moments of my ‘Think Less, Play More’ workshop at Happy Startup School’s Summercamp. What emerged was good enough, yet could have been clearer - so here’s my attempt to explore and answer aloud.I share why playfulness isn’t about learning to “do” play, but about subtracting the noise and distractions that cover up our natural capacity to “be” playful. I talk about following aliveness, experimenting with safe ways of play, and discovering your own play “love language.” I offer simple practices too, drawn from improv and embodiment - like slowing down, following the fun, and welcoming everything - as well as poses that help shift you into a more playful state.This is a conversation about reclaiming what’s already inside you, building range and resilience, and learning to hold life more lightly.Visit www.chriskenworthy.co.uk/play for a gift eBook on discovering your play love language. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me unpacking a recent experience of improvising at a festival - in a room that wasn’t quite ready to play. What started as a search for lightness turned into a fascinating, often excruciating exploration of what happens when improv meets uncertainty, nervous systems, and a whole lot of silence.This is part analysis, part rant, and part love letter to the art of play. I share what I learned about game-building, commitment, group dynamics, and what improvisers know deeply: how to meet a moment, how to make others look good, and how to navigate not knowing.I also explore our need for fun, connection, and recognition - and what it means to offer joy when it might not be met. If you’ve ever longed to play but hesitated at the edge, or found yourself carrying too much responsibility, this one’s for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Perhaps perfectionism’s just a quirk in your life, you’re not even sure what it is, or what it has to do with you - then this episode is for you.I make the case for why it’s worth getting curious about perfectionism—not just as a personality trait or habit, but as a powerful, often hidden force shaping how you feel, work, relate, and live. You don’t have to call yourself a perfectionist to benefit from exploring it.This isn’t about diagnosis it’s about self-understanding. In this episode, I offer some reflections on what perfectionism really is, how it works in the shadows, and what might become possible when you see it more clearly. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I explore something you could call your play love language - the idea that each of us has a particular way we enjoy playing, even if we think we’re “not a playful person.”I often meet people who say they don’t know how to play or forgot, or that they’ve never really felt playful. So I wanted to take a closer look: What is play, really? How do we find our way into it without pressure or performance? And what might it mean to reclaim play as a personal, pleasurable, maybe even vital part of being human?This is an open-hearted invitation to notice what kind of play lights you up, with suggestions on how to identify that. I also clear up unhelpful myths and stereotypes about what play should be - that could be getting in the way of you feeling more alive, curious and playful. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I talk about why letting go can feel almost impossible - especially for perfectionists. Not because we don’t want to relax, but because our whole system has been trained to hold on, grip tighter, and stay in control.I explore how this contraction shows up in the smallest places: in how we walk, speak, think, write, and relate. It’s not just a behaviour - it’s a survival strategy. And letting go for people like us isn’t about forcing ourselves to relax. It’s about noticing the grip, appreciating why it’s there, then gently inviting something new.This is an episode about self-trust, aliveness, feeling and discovering more micro-moments where you get to choose whether you tighten or soften. This is for anyone who feels exhausted by the effort of holding everything together. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

If there’s one thing humans resist, it’s not knowing - stepping into a void of uncertainty (a.k.a being alive).In this episode, I explore our very human relationship with the unknown. I reflect on how your mind instinctively scrambles to make meaning when we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory - and how that effort to “work it out” can sometimes get in the way of effectively navigating what unfolds, and even thriving and creating in it.Borrowing lessons from improvisation, I talk about the discomfort of not-knowing, the urge to assign a story, and the subtle fear that can creep in when nothing makes sense yet. This is me making the case for more curiosity instead of control, when we don’t know what to do next. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I explore a condition I call Seriousness Fatigue™ - a surprisingly common but under-diagnosed affliction affecting grown-ups everywhere. Symptoms include: chronic joylessness, relentless productivity, and a general heaviness that makes life feel like a spreadsheet.It’s a playful diagnosis, but a real experience. I look at how fun deficit disorder (FDD) links to perfectionism, mental over-exertion, and emotional and physical disconnection. I also offer a few suggested treatments (side effects may include relief, pleasure and feeling alive again).If life has felt a bit grey lately, and you crave lightness or escape - this might be just what the doctor (didn’t) order. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

If you’re a regular listener, you’ll know Laurie (my dog) was a robust presence in my life, and our relationship was both loving and incredibly challenging. It wasn’t simple. It stretched me, frustrated me, entertained me, taught me. Living with him, and later rehoming him, pushed me to my limits - but that was only the beginning of the journey. I had no idea what would happen next…This is me sharing a story and reflecting on the experience - what it taught me about navigating boundaries and grief through the lens of Perfectionism. And just so you know, there are themes of death in this podcast.It’s been about a month since Laurie left, and I’ve been slowly processing the grief, the fallout, and the meaning in that loss. Only now do I feel ready to speak about it - and share what this period is still teaching me.In this episode we’ll explore the nature of ‘doing the right thing’ - even when that only seems to create more pain for you and for others. This is a raw, honest and hopefully fair reflection on navigating the paradoxes in love, loss and being human. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Ever questioned your trust in yourself or doubted your capacity to do brave things? Ever felt weak or ashamed because of that?In this episode I share reflections from periods of my life when I’ve felt raw, alone and unsupported - when I had to rebuild trust with myself as a matter of self-preservation. And what I’ve discovered is that self-trust doesn’t come from pushing through, ‘man-ing-up’, or performing confidence. It grows quietly, in moments of honesty, in choosing gentleness, and deliberately noticing how I keep showing up for myself (imperfectly) - especially when life gets challenging.For me, trust is about how you are in relationship with yourself. And like all relationships, that requires healing. It’s a thing we ‘do’ (as well as say and feel) through our bodies. It comes from a sense of inner peace and wholeness that’s quite possible to nurture, in small acts of kindness, curiosity and compassion towards our noisy inner world. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Modern life really isn’t set up for being slow and still. It can feel uncomfortable, even pointless. Yet beyond the resistance, I’ve been discovering something tender, alive and a source of great relief. This episode is me sharing that process with you.In this episode, I talk about something very simple - but not always easy: sitting still and being with myself. No fixing, no doing, just being with myself and noticing what’s there. That simple.It started as an experiment, but it’s been surprisingly rich. I’ve found that when I stop to really listen, there’s a kind of release or healing that starts to happen. It’s not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be either, and it’s putting me in touch with deeper, quieter truths about myself and what next. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Here I’m exploring the terrain of desire - not the surface-level kind, but the deep, bodily knowing of what you truly want and need. Speaking from a clearing in the woods, I reflect on the difference between external striving and inner attunement, and how perfectionism can cut us off from our own instincts.This is a meditation on listening, gently, to the signals in your body, the ache of unmet needs, and the quiet internal whispers of what you might really be here for. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your desires or unsure how to meet them, this episode invites curiosity over easy answers. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me for walk in the Austrian Alps, reflecting on a question few of us ever dare to ask, let alone answer: “How do you want to spend your time on Earth?” From the beauty of retreat to the discomfort of liminal space, I explore the tension between desire and guilt, perfectionism and possibility. Expect honest musings, playful techniques (like divergent thinking and ‘sensing’ into your response), plus heartfelt encouragement to live the question, rather than force an answer. This is a nice companion for anyone at a point of change, reorienting, or wondering what’s next. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

What does wild swimming in an alpine lake have to do with improvisation? Everything, it turns out.In this episode, I tell the story of standing on the edge of a glacial lake in Austria, feeling the pull of aliveness and the grip of fear, all at once. I notice how familiar the pattern is: the hesitation, the mental noise, the search for the “right” way in. Just like improv.This is honest reflections on what it means to take a risk - whether it’s stepping into cold water or stepping into the unknown with a new scene partner. I explore how our nervous systems respond, how our patterns show up, and how we can meet them with more awareness, self-leadership, and maybe even joy.Because the way you do one thing really is the way you do everything. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Some Perfectionists think they’re pretty easy-going. They don’t make a fuss. They go with the flow. Or do they?In this episode, I explore the subtle difference between genuinely flowing with life and quietly complying with it. If you’ve ever mistaken your ability to ‘just get on with things’ as calmness, this one’s for you. I unpack the hidden self-abandonment that can sit under so-called flexibility - and how to tell the difference.You’ll hear reflections from my own journey, what I’ve noticed in others, and how to shift from going along with life to moving through it with agency, dignity, and real calm. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Ever wondered why you’re so hard on yourself?In this episode, I share the story of how I became a Perfectionist - from the early signs I didn’t have a name for, to the moment it all clicked, and the ways it’s shaped every part of my life. Career, creativity, relationships, rest… nothing has escaped its grip.I talk about what I’ve learned along the way, how my understanding of Perfectionism has deepened, and how that might relate to your own experience - even if you’ve never used the word “Perfectionist” before.And if you’re curious to discover your unique flavour of Perfectionism, I also share early access to a new personality test I’ve been creating.This one’s personal — and it might help make a few things make more sense for you, too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

By the time you hear this, I’ll have said goodbye to my dog Laurie.This episode is me choosing not to “function” my way through the re-homing process - but to feel it, and to share that with you. I reflect on what it means to end things relationally, not just practically. On how grief shows up in the body. On humility, holding, and being held. On how hard it is to let go - even when it’s the right thing.There are funny stories too (Laurie gave me plenty). And there’s some real talk about perfectionism, the pressure to get everything “right,” and what that even means in the messy business of relationships.It’s raw, yes - but real. If you wrestle with endings, have ever faced a tricky goodbye or struggled to stay soft when life gets sharp, I hope this one speaks to you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

What if the thing we’re all really searching for… is aliveness?In this episode, I explore what I believe is a core human drive — the longing to feel something. To feel moved, stirred, stretched, awake. I share reflections on what aliveness means, how it shows up in different phases of life (especially mid-life, where I find myself now), and how it can quietly slip out of reach when life becomes too safe, too predictable, or too dull.I talk about the tension between safety and risk, comfort and edge — and why happiness often depends on our willingness to feel anything at all.If you’ve ever asked yourself, Is this it? or felt the quiet ache of something missing… this one’s for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Ever felt restless, frustrated or ‘just this side’ of anger - but can’t quite put your finger on what or why?In this episode, I explore one of those days... When your body speaks louder than the mind, when sensations and feelings emerge without reason. I talk about what it’s like to be there, and share what I’ve learned in my work as an embodiment coach about how to listen to the body, and how it speaks about what you really need.I share personal reflections, gentle practices, and a few hard-earned truths about what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to soothing your nervous system and tuning into the signals beneath the noise. As well as the perils of fixing or numbing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I explore what it really means to commit - not just in theory, but in practice, in the body, and in everyday life. Drawing from improv and personal experience, I explore the cost and discomfort of being ‘half-in, half-out’ - how it creates uncertainty and anxiety. And instead, I make the case for actively embodying either fully in, or fully out.Because commitment isn’t just a thought or promise, it’s a signal to your nervous system, a gesture of clarity, and a kindness to everyone around you.If you’ve ever sat on the fence, hovered at the edge, or struggled to fully back yourself, this one’s for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com