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The Parenting Junkie Show

Author: Avital Schreiber Levy

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Hi,
I’m Avital.
(pronounced Ah-Vee-Tal)
I’m a mindful parenting coach, childhood designer, and mother. My work is dedicated to empowering intentional, imperfect parents (like you and me!) who face chaos, clutter, and conflict, through online tools to reclaim peace, presence and play for your family.
53 Episodes
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We’ve all inherited a blueprint for relationships from our parents, whether we’ve acknowledged it or not. And unless we examine it further, we’re destined to have the same relationship as our parents. Some of us may have been blessed with a great model for how to properly treat others, communicate, and resolve conflicts. But many were not so blessed, and even if you were, there are likely things about your parent’s relationship that you would do differently.  In this episode we’re going to discuss the process of examining our parent’s relationship and how we can create the relationship and family we’ve always wanted (plus set up our kids for relational success!).  [02:52] Ask yourself: Do I want my parent's relationship? [04:48] Our parent's relationship formed a sub-conscious blueprint for our own relationships. [07:07] If we don't address it, we're likely to repeat it.  [08:35] Or we reject it completely and try to do the exact opposite. [11:08] Our kids learn how to interact with others from the way they see us interact with our partner. [15:26] Pick the best from our parent's marriage, and find alternatives for the rest. [17:57] Look at your parent's marriage with an external, objective viewpoint. [19:46] Envision the relationship and family you want to create. [22:27] Develop the skills necessary to make our dream a reality and start making small changes to our thoughts, words, and actions. We owe it to ourselves and our children (and their children!) to put in the work to create the marriage and family of our dreams. There will be a cascading effect that will change generations.   If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resources: Our course, Parent In Love Episode 14 (You are your kid’s curriculum) Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/50
TPJ 49: You Get To Choose

TPJ 49: You Get To Choose

2020-01-0600:20:35

Do you or have you ever felt stuck in your marriage or serious relationship? Are you caught up in the day-to-day activities, wondering where the passion and excitement went? If so, you’re not alone. But it doesn’t have to stay that way! It’s up to us to choose what we want and make it happen.  [02:32] So many marriages and relationships around us are failing. [03:57] Even those that don't end in divorce seem to be full of conflict or complacency. [05:38] If you're feeling stuck or stagnant in your relationship, you're not alone. And there's something you can do about it.  [06:53] Most of our relationships are limited only by our imagination. [08:31] Some conflict is natural and expected. But how we handle it makes all the difference. [09:26] When you argue for your limits, you get to keep them.  [10:04] You cannot solve a problem from the same level at which it was created. [10:40] Don't fall into the Disney Princess trap. Wake up! [12:12] We get to create the relationship and family that we want. [14:24] Don't let resistance or limiting beliefs prevent you from creating the relationship of your dreams. [17:30] Our marriage could become the greatest source of healing and meaning in our lives. It takes a lot of effort...but we've already put in tremendous effort to organize as a family. Why not put in the next level of effort and make it great? If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/49
TPJ 48: Holiday Round-up

TPJ 48: Holiday Round-up

2019-12-1600:34:31

Should you tell your kids the truth about Santa or the tooth fairy? How about the “Elf On The Shelf”? I get asked questions about these and other traditions on a regular basis, and I thought I would round up some of my favorite conversations regarding these in this special holiday episode.  [3:03] Some TPJ updates! [11:06] Should we tell our kids the truth about Santa? [11:59] I feel strongly that everything I tell my kids should be 100% the truth. [13:18] You don't have to bring it up, but if they ask, be honest. [13:41] Soon your kids may ask you about serious matters, and they should not have any doubt that you're being honest with them. [15:08] Don't avoid the game or ritual; but consider being 100% honest about it if your children ask if it's real.  [16:58] My thoughts on the “Elf On The Shelf” tradition. [19:27] When children melt down, it's because there's an unmet need or our expectation isn't developmentally appropriate. [22:44] Our role isn't to manipulate our children into good behavior.  [23:30] This actually teaches them to only behave when they're being watched, and doesn’t teach them empathy. [27:03] How you can make it fun without the manipulation. [29:56] A letter to our families. [30:02] We may not like or approve of everything our family does, and they may not agree with the way we do things (or don't do things).  [30:40] Let's reframe; they often do the things they do or say the things they say because they care about us! [31:02] Let's try to model what it looks like to be loving and accepting, even when people disagree with us. [31:28] We shouldn't let little annoyances come between us and the people we love (and who love us). [31:55] Let's focus on the gift of spending time together. When you approach these issues with the mindset of a conscious and peaceful parent, you’ll find ways to enjoy the holidays and their traditions without the sometimes negative and harmful effects they may otherwise bring.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Should You Tell the TRUTH about Santa? STOP! Elf on a Shelf Dear Family, A Letter For The Holidays Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/48
In this episode you’ll get to listen in on a conversation I had with Rachel Rainbolt from Sage Parenting. Rachel is a coach, writer, podcaster, and advocate of all things gentle parenting, natural homeschooling, and simple living.  We know you’ll get a lot out of this conversation with two mommas who don’t always get it right, who sometimes lose their cools or get overwhelmed, but always try to do what’s best for their ever-changing children and families.   [4:13] Find the overlap between your child’s needs and your concerns and collaborate with them to find a solution that addresses both.  [5:02] Example of overlap. [6:30] “It feels really great to treat children like actual human beings, deserving of respect, and honoring our own needs and feelings in the process.”  [6:59] Some mistakenly believe this only works for older kids.  [8:18] Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations or have this “template” we try to use. We need to keep our expectations aligned with each unique, individual child. [10:48] Have grace for yourself...we're not all born as great parents. It takes effort and work.  [11:23] Narrate out loud what's going through your head. [11:36] We all lose it sometimes. Model what it looks like to ask forgiveness and make repairs. [13:55] Get yourself out of that fight, flight, or freeze response so you can think and respond instead of reacting. [14:48] Rachel’s approach to homeschooling.  [16:17] Started out in public school, but it didn't feel right.  [18:27] This is how children naturally learn and develop. [22:16] When you hold space for your child's preferences & desires, they'll do the same for you. [25:09] Some parents need a little more structure around their child's education, and that's ok. Find a balance. [26:52] Relax on the timelines of what they're supposed to learn. don't need to push things so early. [31:30] Rachel’s approach with screens at home. [32:52] Don't fear technology. Screens are like a tool or part of the environment. [37:38] We're all unique, and you have to do what works best for your family. [40:59] What is the bucket system? [45:02] Rachel’s approach to minimalism and simple living.  [45:32] We all need to simplify our lives to give us space to work on the things that are most meaningful. [47:28] Involve your children in conversations about finances. [50:13] You can bring your kids into money conversations without adding the burdensome or stressful elements of your financial situation.  [53:39] Many necessary life skills aren't learned in school.  [58:17] Keep a list of things that each child wants. As holidays or birthdays approach, revisit the list and ask if there’s anything they no longer want.  [58:43] Give things away to other families/children and allow your children to see the positive effect it has on that family. If you make it a priority to discover and honor your child's preferences & desires, you’ll find that they'll do the same for you and it will completely change the dynamics of your family!  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Rachel’s website, Sage Parenting @SageParenting on IG Free to Learn by Peter Gray The Opposite Of Spoiled by Ron Lieber Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/47
The holidays are often a mixed bag of emotions. It can be a privilege to have family and friends to meet up with during the holidays. But for many of us it’s a season of stress and frustration...especially when you do things differently from the norm, like peaceful & conscious parenting.  [4:34] The stress and anxiety can become “normal” for us if we don’t do something about it.  [6:50] We shouldn't let differences and minor issues damage our relationships. [9:58] Tip #1: Your breath. [13:38] Tip #2: Visualization.  [17:40] Tip #3: Focus on the good, not the bad. “Energy flows where attention goes.” -Tony Robbins [22:53] Remember this season is temporary! [23:51] You are the main leader and influence in your children’s life.  [24:56] Being with diverse groups of people will broaden their horizons and capacity!   [25:58] Take breaks.  [27:55] Channel your inner “peaceful ninja”. We can’t avoid some of the more unpleasant aspects of gathering with family over the holiday season, but we can use these tools to reduce the stress and anxiety that normally come with this time of year. Let’s use our breath to stay calm, our bubble to keep criticisms or judgments from bothering us, and focus only on the good during this holiday season.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Byron Katie’s website, The Work.  Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/46
In this special bonus episode of the Parenting Junkie Show, I interview Tosha Schore, whose mission is to create a more peaceful world one sweet boy at a time. Tosha helps parents who have young boys who are struggling with aggression issues, helping change their behavior without using punishment or harshness.  This episode will be helpful even if you don’t have boys. You no doubt have boys in your life in some way (nephews, friends of your kids, etc.) and you’ll learn about what we need to change regarding the way we treat boys in our culture.   [3:46] We have an opportunity to bring more peace to the world by changing how we parent/treat boys. [11:12] Men often tamp down their boy's feelings to help them avoid the shame they experienced as a child. [13:08] The way to “fix it” is not by shaming parents or the boys. [15:32] Parents get scared; men don’t want their boys to be shamed like they were, and women are often triggered by past trauma.  [16:03] First we have to heal ourselves and work on our own triggers. [17:18] We often believe a fallacy that if they behave “properly,” then they get our love and affection. We need to flip that around.  [22:23] Move in close and try to be playful about it. [23:39] It's not about teaching them what’s ok and what’s not...they know.  [27:46] Kids often will say or do things that are contrary to what they really want or need. [30:34] Your body/physical touch is a parenting tool. [31:55] Setting limits is extremely important for the well-being of you and your family. [33:52] Limits will shine a light on the area(s) your kid's struggle with. [37:17] Limits can (and should) be set with love.  [38:25] We often subconsciously expect kids to love the limits we set...but they won’t. You have to get comfortable with the fact that they won’t like it.  [40:33] Why do we do things that don’t work over and over, expecting them to suddenly start working?  [42:53] Being playful and silly is a great way to diffuse tense situations. [43:28] Once a child feels seen and connected, he wants to cooperate. [44:57] If you're uncomfortable with aggressive play, step outside your comfort zone and experiment with allowing it. [51:56] What about aggressive video games? [53:09] Do what’s best for you and your family (even if “all their friends” play a certain game and you feel uncomfortable with it).  [55:04] Be interested in what your kids are interested in and learn about the games they’re playing. [55:28] Tech should stay in a family space (i.e. not in a bedroom).  [56:01] If something interferes with their wellbeing, you may need to set limits around that activity. And experiment with limits and adjust as necessary.  [58:50] Behavior doesn't equal identity. If we consistently step toward our boys when they act up and focus on building connection, we’ll start to see the aggressive behaviors “peel off” (like layers of an onion). Remember, your sweet boy is in there regardless of current behavior If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & Resources Mentioned: Tosha’s book Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges Tosha’s website Tosha’s Facebook Page Tosha’s course “Out With Aggression” Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/tosha-schore  
Do your children ever act entitled or ungrateful? Mine do, and it’s a major trigger for me. While I don’t want to deprive my children of abundance, safety, joy, experiences and some material things, I don’t want to raise entitled and ungrateful children (who will turn into entitled and ungrateful adults)! So what are we to do??  That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode. [3:59] How entitled are our kids? We can use these questions as a gauge.  [6:36] If our children are acting entitled, what do we do? Getting angry or yelling makes it worse. [7:28] Giving in makes it worse too. [11:02] My aim isn’t to give my kids a fairy tale existence.  [17:24] It’s a gradual learning curve. [19:48] Entitlement isn’t about having “the thing”; it’s about the attitude toward having “the thing”. [20:06] The opposite of entitlement isn’t deprivation; the opposite of entitlement is gratitude.  [21:34] Practical step #1 to decreasing our children’s entitlement: Restrain our overprotective instincts.  [24:30] Practical step #2: Help them frame frustrations within a broader perspective. [26:59] Practical step #3: We should avoid bribing our children or paying them for chores. [28:29] Practical step #4: Stop doing things for your children that they can do for themselves. [30:27] Practical step #5: Practice gratitude regularly. [33:07] Practical step #6: Give our children perspective by sharing how difficult things are/were for other people.  The opposite of entitlement is gratitude, and the route to gratitude is perspective. We need to remind ourselves of how good we have it and stop taking it for granted.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Next Bliss Retreat  Empathic Limits Course Amy McCready’s book “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic” Peaceful Parenting Doesn't Work?! Allowance and Chores  10 Tips for Teaching Gratitude Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/45
We all want what’s best for our children, but sometimes we can be a little too protective, do too much for them, and expect too little from them.  In this interview with Becki Biermaier, who has experienced more than her share of challenges as a little person, we discuss what parents can do to help their children develop resilience and overcome the challenges they face in life.    [8:05] Pity is disempowering. “Until a child knows they can’t, they think they can.” [9:46] Boundaries and expectations.  [11:43] Allow our children to experience discomfort and challenges [13:46] Celebrate progress instead of complaining that our children need our help to complete a task.  [15:00] “What kids need the most is to do things for themselves, with you telling them they can.”  [16:51] Build margin into our schedule so we can slow down and let our children try things on their own. [18:09] Help younger children by promoting their independence and helping them learn that every choice has a result.  [21:05] Elementary school age: teach them to brainstorm strategies and think through “if/then” scenarios (and to regroup when they fail or face challenges).  [23:00] Middle schoolers; reinforce the idea that their decisions impact their results.  [23:40] Even though they resist it, middle schoolers need more of your time.  [25:20] High school; they do more on their own and need a safe space to come to you with questions and issues.  [28:15] Overcoming bullying or getting picked on. [31:02] Overcoming learning or social disabilities and challenges. [37:18] Partner with your child’s teachers & school administration. I think we’ll find that as we expect more from our children, build in more time to let them try things on their own, celebrate their wins, and help them regroup after failures, they’ll develop resilience and overcome any challenges that come their way!  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Becki’s email address: everybodylookup@gmail.com  Becki’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTG10qvgLMRSoB9OIc6xNxA  Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/becki-biermaier/
Are your kids ever on the receiving end of name-calling? Do they get their feelings hurt by other kids, and you find yourself struggling with how to deal with it or help them through it?  In this episode we’ll dive into some ways you can help your children become healthy and strong individuals by coaching them through the friction and conflict they’re bound to experience throughout their childhood.                      [3:11] Name calling and hurt feelings are par for the course and aren’t as bad as you might think.   [4:54] Our natural tendency is to be empathetic and protective...but sometimes we overprotect. [6:59] Being overprotective can make our children feel incapable of handling conflict.                      [8:04] We also don’t want to just brush it off as no big deal.  [9:40] There will be times when you need to involve other people (parents, teachers, etc.).  [10:41] Not every single conflict between kids is “bullying” or “unsafe.”[12:47] We need to experience friction & conflict in childhood to help us learn how to deal with it.                   [18:22] The 3 “un-truths” explored in The Coddling of the American Mind.  [20:09] Give a little bit of empathy, but mostly focus on coaching them.           [21:52] The untruth of fragility. [24:09] The untruth of emotional reasoning. [30:52] The untruth of us vs. them. Let’s do our best to reframe the conflicts our children experience as opportunities to coach them and help them develop into healthy and strong people who can handle whatever life throws at them.   If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Book The Coddling of the American Mind https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/ Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/44
Consumption...gifts...toys. If you're like me, you live in a society where materialism and the availability of toys and “stuff” is overwhelming, you likely struggle with the desire for “more” vs. minimalism and mindful consumption. In this episode we discuss how we can be eco-conscious when it comes to gifts and the holidays. [3:33] The deck is stacked against us when it comes to consumption and materialism...especially in the U.S. [6:29] The real issue is with our own internal struggles with mindful consumption. [6:42] We also need to give ourselves the grace and freedom to live a joy-filled life. [8:12] The world (and our children) needs less consumption. [15:29] Idea #1: Adopt an animal from a shelter. [16:48] Idea #2: An experience. [18:20] Idea #3: Second hand (used) items. [19:58] Idea #4: Long lasting/high quality toys. [21:40] Idea #5: Digital gifts. In the end what makes the biggest impact is minimizing and making special occasions less about “stuff” and more about what really matters.    If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.   Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/ Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/43
In this episode I interview Julie Bogart (author of the incredible book The Brave Learner and founder of https://bravewriter.com)! Join us as we discuss ideas for making learning fun and how you are responsible for your child’s education even if you don’t homeschool.  [6:53] “How you relate to your child around their education is the key to successful growth of their love of learning.” [10:47] We can partner with our children to give them an education that they enjoy and gives them a hunger for learning.  [13:13] Bring play and enchantment into learning instead of forcing kids to leave play to do hard work. [15:59] Whether we homeschool or not, an involved parent leads to the best outcomes for our child’s education.  [19:15] The more we support our children, the sooner they choose to try on their own. [19:36] We need to provide the corresponding level of support to the presenting need.   [22:34] Sometimes the teacher is the leader, sometimes the child is.  [32:56] Don’t miss out on opportunities for your child to learn how to teach, even if it means you have to play a game you don’t particularly enjoy (Pokémon anyone?? 😂 ) [34:49] Learning is invisible to parents (you can’t see in their head) so we often seek “paper and pencil” for reassurance that learning is occuring.  [38:35] Kids are constantly pay attention and learning...but what they’re paying attention to doesn’t always register in our minds as learning, according to traditional academics.  [39:04] The best approach to screen time (spoiler alert; there isn’t one). [45:58] We all struggle at times, but we shouldn’t stay there. No one can live in “struggle” long-term. There needs to be a pivot; we need to find a way to move forward, out of the struggle. [47:12] The way to move forward is subjective, not prescriptive. It depends on the needs of our individual families and what’s best in each season.  [49:20] “Liberation comes when you take back your right to explore as many options as necessary to find today’s right fit for you and your family.”  Whether we homeschool or not, we are ultimately responsible for our children’s education and need to be as involved as possible to fuel their love for learning.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Julie’s book The Brave Learner https://thebravelearner.com/ (be sure to download the free companion guide from this website!) https://bravewriter.com/  Julie’s podcast & blog info @JulieBraveWriter Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/42
TPJ 41: Why Kids Lie

TPJ 41: Why Kids Lie

2019-10-2800:36:03

Do your children lie to you? Or if they’re too young, are you worried they will in the future? I get questions about lying quite often, and in this episode we’re going to talk about why children lie and what we can do about it.  [4:13] Lying is a natural part of a child’s development.   [5:45] Younger kids sometimes don’t differentiate between reality and their imagination. [8:04] They start using their imagination to attempt to alter reality. [9:27] They start to lie because they’re aware of what we want to hear or to avoid trouble.  [14:58] Let’s try to be less offended and angry when our children lie. It’s part of growing up and it’s going to happen.  [16:11] We really don’t value the truth as much as we say or think we do. We lie to ourselves and others frequently.  [18:55] We even lie to our children.  [22:03] We often lie to protect ourselves. [22:37] Our kids lie to us because they think we can't handle the truth.  [23:25] We need to model honesty.   [25:22] Let’s show our kids that we value honesty over smooth sailing (and keep calm when they tell us the truth).  [26:03] When they do lie, it’s important to guide them back to honesty without shaming and punishing them.  [30:56] There’s a powerful link between truth and trust, and it goes both ways (our trust in them, and their trust in us).  [34:25] We can respond playfully and calmly when we catch our children lying.  This will set a foundation for connection with our kids, creating trustworthy and truthful relationships for years to come.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.   Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.  Links & resources mentioned: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/41
Does it frustrate you when you ask your children to do something, and they don’t do it? Do your kids ever tune you out or not hear you when you’re trying to talk to them? Do they ever dig in their heels or do the opposite of what you’re asking them to do? Doesn’t it just drive you CRAZY sometimes?? Or is it just me?  In this episode we’re going to talk about why children don’t “listen” and what we can do to improve the odds they’ll cooperate and comply with our requests more often.   [3:56] The term “listen” has become a euphemism for “obey.”  [7:05] Let’s aim for this instead of obedience. [9:40] There are times when we need our children to comply with a request. [10:38] There are many reasons why kids...even you and me...don't listen. [13:09] They might be busy or in "flow.” [13:56] They might have a more pressing need. [16:04] Don't have what they need (tools, skills, etc.) to fulfill a request. [17:03] They might not understand what we’re asking. [18:24] They don't want to do what we've asked them to do. [20:39] Hunter Clarke-Fields explains how we’re often the ones not listening.  [24:31] How do we make ourselves heard? There has to be some friction that breaks their concentration. [26:39] Go down to their level, make eye contact, and speak calmly, clearly, and in a way they can understand.  [28:15] If you’re interrupting them, let them know when they can get back to what they were doing.  [30:47] Sometimes you will still have to follow through and help them. [32:38] Minimize the number of requests we make and only request things that are really important.  [34:36] We must model listening by listening to them (as much as possible).  We won’t (and can’t) do all of these things perfectly every single time, but it’s something to work toward.  If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.   Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.  Resources Mentioned:  Why obedience is NOT my goal Obedience vs. Respect  Hunter Clarke-Fields Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/40
Is the battle over your children’s screen time a constant source of frustration (and tantrums!)? Are you concerned they’re spending too much time on screens and that it might be unhealthy and even stunting their mental, social, and physical development?  🙋🏽 I’m right there with you. In this episode I talk with Dr. Alok Kanojia (a world-class addiction psychiatrist and reformed gamer) and his wife Kruti about gaming and screen time, breaking down the intricacies and nuances that will help each of us address the issue in our own families.  [3:05] What is Healthy Gamer?  [7:16] It’s challenging to balance children’s screen time without isolating them from their friends and community.  [8:48] If it causes a problem in a major area of life (mental, social, physical, etc.), then it is a problem.  [11:04] Reframe conversations with our children about video games/screen time and avoid being antagonistic.  [12:00] Consider having weekly check-ins where you discuss gaming & screen time with your child, creating a sense of shared responsibility and goals.  [13:27] Figure out what type of gamer our children are (do they like to build & create vs. high intensity and competition). It will help us find offline activities that they’ll be interested in.  [16:40] What’s a healthy amount of game/screen time? [19:30] Research indicates that violence in games doesn’t increase violence in real life. The communities that form around games are more concerning than the games themselves.  [20:10] Move away from headsets to speakers so we can hear what our children are hearing when they play (especially any conversation that’s happening with other people in the game).  [21:43] Watch for when our children have that blank stare/zoned out look. That’s a good time to transition to something else.  [22:18] Watch out for dopamine burnout. That’s when addiction can set in, and may require more direct intervention.  [24:00] How do we set healthy boundaries and expectations? [27:20] Find other ways for children to enjoy the characters and stories they love (soundtracks, short stories, etc.).  [29:47] Kids who gravitate toward games are often intelligent and are seeking ways to be challenged. [32:52] Should we limit screen time? There’s no one-size-fits-all.  [34:32] We’re trying to model and teach our children restraint, not restriction.  In the end, we need to trust our parental intuition to determine what’s right for our families. And we need to have grace for ourselves as we try things and figure out what works best for each unique child.  To find out more about Dr. Alok and Kruti Kanojia's work, head over to https://www.healthygamer.gg/. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.   Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/39 
TPJ 38: Playful Parenting

TPJ 38: Playful Parenting

2019-10-0700:26:461

Have you ever seen a parent who really knows how to connect with kids? I think we all know someone who knows how to get them laughing and win them over with ease. One who can speak to kids at their level, calm them down when they get a little crazy or help them feel better when they’re upset. My brother is like this and it’s amazing to watch him in action. I wish it came as naturally to me as it does to him. Can you relate?  In this episode, we’re talking about what playful parenting is, why it works, and how you can incorporate it into your life right now.   [4:48] Playfulness is a superpower when it comes to interacting with children. [6:58] Responding to a situation playfully not only calms our children down but also calms ourselves down. [8:16] Play is how children learn, communicate feelings, connect with others, and deal with stressful situations. [9:45] Playfulness can help children express complex emotions. [11:05] Children can learn how to overcome fear when we role-play and teach them how to “talk” to fear. [11:55] Teach them to overcome shyness. [12:36] Teach them about diversity and being kind to people who are different.   [13:21] Prepare them for a difficult situation, like going to the doctor.  [15:25] Help them learn how to deal with sibling rivalry.  [17:06] Use play to get their cooperation and diffuse power struggles...like when you’re in a rush to go somewhere and your child is moving very slowly.  [18:49] Become contrary and silly about something you want them to do (like washing their hands with soap).  [20:14] When they’re resisting you, try the “full agreement” game.  [22:25] Additional ideas Playful parenting has so much potential to transform life with your children. All it takes is a little imagination and a good dose of silliness! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/38 
TPJ 37: Start Accepting Now

TPJ 37: Start Accepting Now

2019-09-3000:33:36

In this episode I talk about the reality that as our children grow into adulthood, they may “veer off” the path that we hoped for them. Have you ever worried about that? Have you thought about how you may feel if they turn out to be different than the person you wanted them to be? How would you handle it if you’re disappointed about who they become?    [4:25] We have a lot of influence in their early years.  [5:51] Then there are the teenage years… [6:58] We want our children to be able to think for themselves, but we also don’t want them to make “bad” decisions. [8:39] What’s our long term vision for our relationship with our children?  [10:30] We need to start accepting them for who they are.  [12:36] What I mean by acceptance (and what it's not). [16:35] How can we not only accept who they are today, but also who our children will become?  [18:21] What are some of those things you think you wouldn’t be able to accept or tolerate?  [19:49] Not accepting our children may result in losing our relationship with them. [23:38] Not accepting our children may cause them to lose relationship with themselves.  [25:32] Let’s not let our own agenda for our children overpower our unconditional love for them. [27:12] Tolerance isn’t enough. We must accept, love, and celebrate who they are (and who they’re becoming).  [29:30] The byproduct of this level of acceptance will be more influence.   If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resource Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/37  
In this episode we’re going to talk about religious practices, faith, and religious communities. People often ask me about how they can combine their passion and commitment to parenting from a loving and respectful place with their commitment to their faith (which might be based on a type of rewards system itself!) It’s a tough but important question to answer. And this doesn’t apply to just organized religion; it’s applicable to any sort of belief system or way of life (like veganism, atheism, or any of the other “isms”).    [4:08] How do we get our children to adopt our belief system without controlling or manipulating?  [6:20] Dr. Shefali shares her thoughts on religion and parenting. [11:44] Those raised in a religious home often feel obligated to “carry the torch”.  [15:15] Any religion, belief, or way of life can come from a place of love or fear.  [16:59] Trying to force others into our beliefs is a sign of insecurity.  [18:09] Others raised in a religious home completely abandon their faith as they come of age. [19:25] It doesn’t have to be “all-or-nothing”. We can throw out what doesn’t serve us and keep what does. [23:06] Use critical thinking and discernment. [24:34] Check our motives; are we doing (or not doing) something because we’re afraid of what others might think or say?  [26:22] Do our beliefs make us separatists? [27:41] Is there duality in our beliefs?  [29:41] We should share our beliefs with our children and give them space to explore and make their own interpretations.  [30:15] Instead of forcing, controlling, or manipulating religious activity, let’s inspire it. [33:20] Try to create positive interactions. Make the positive to negative ratio 5:1. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.   Links & Resources Gottman Institute article  Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/36
In this episode we’ll discuss spirituality in parenting, regardless of one’s religion. [6:50] Are religious people happier? [8:29] Organized religions often facilitate social ties and community. [10:15] Religious people create time to pursue spiritual feelings and emotions. [13:25] We can harness these same feelings and emotions in our parenting. [14:58] If you’re curious about my personal spirituality… [17:50] Parenting itself is an act of spirituality. [18:21] Gratitude [21:13] Giving [24:45] Create a gateway to your emotions and spirituality and make it part of your day-to-day life. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.   Links & Resources Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/35 Quote from Brené Brown at 4:50: “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” This definition was first published in The Gifts of Imperfection. For some people, that power greater than us is God; for others, it’s fishing. Some are reminded of our inextricable connection by faith; others by expressions of shared humanity. Some find that religion is the best expression of inextricable human connection that is guided by love and compassion, and others believe that no entity has done more to corrode that connection than organized religion.”
Leadership and Family. How about Leadership and Parenting? Do these words go together?  When you became a parent maybe you began to feel more like a servant than a leader. Maybe you feel like you just need to keep people alive and happy, get them what they need, and be there for them.  Leadership is an act of service, but it's very different than being a servant.  When we're servants we don't have a vision, but when we're leaders this is at the very crux of good leadership.  A clear vision. In this episode we’re going to talk about leadership and how we can be effective leaders for our families. A lot of us were thrown into this parenting role without developing our skills as a leader. [3:46] Most of us default to what was modeled for us in our own childhood. Perhaps your own parents were permissive (weak leaders) or authoritarian (overbearing leaders). [7:08] Sometimes parenthood feels more like being a servant than a leader. [9:23] We should look to influential leaders for inspiration in our parenting.   [11:30] We are of service to our children, but not servants to them. [15:12] What would it look like if we stepped into the role of being the visionary for our family? [17:53] Bad bosses can teach us what NOT to do. [21:06] Great bosses can show us what it looks like to successfully lead a group of individuals. [23:36] We have an obligation to create a vision for our family…and it doesn’t happen through control. [26:59] Children need leaders. [28:01] Leaders keep themselves together. They don’t melt down on those they lead. [30:06] We have to be willing to make hard choices, often with imperfect information, and deal with the conflict or consequences. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.  Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & Resources Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/34 Related Podcast:  “I am the curriculum”  
The word authority gets a bad rap when it comes to peaceful parenting because it tends to get lumped in with the authoritarian parenting style which is the “do as I say or else” style. But authority is actually well rooted in the authoritative style where you have high expectations but you also provide high support and warmth.    When we choose to abdicate our role as the authority, our children are then left to make decisions they are not ready to make. Instead, if we become that empathetic firm leader, our children can relax because they know there's someone at the helm.   We need to get comfortable being the authority figure. As Janet Lansbury said “Children NEED parents. They feel no real freedom without boundaries. They are not little adults with the maturity to make healthy, thoughtful, sensible decisions about screen use, sugar intake, etc.” I couldn’t agree more.    In this episode, I’ll share why being the authority figure in your family actually liberates your children and 3 ways to get comfortable being the authority figure...here’s what you’ll hear:   [6:19] It’s our JOB! [7:30] Authoritative vs. Authoritarian [11:06] Legal and moral responsibility [12:47] Social and physical responsibility [15:50] Is authority harsh? [16:41] Don’t throw your kids in the deep end 🏊‍♀️ [18:47] Downside of democracy (in the home) [22:23] Janet Lansbury’s take on parenting by democracy [25:42] Eventually you will have no more authority… [26:44] #1 - Give small choices [30:44] #2 - Get comfortable [33:02] #3 - Why it’s an act of generosity     Remember, when children have a leader and have clarity around the expectations of the home they are liberated and free to enjoy the ride.   If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.    Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.   Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/33
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Comments (6)

Ruska R

Avital, just put those cereals in special boxes. They stay fresh & you don't need to roll anything. Problem solved. (Posting this with humor. 🙂) You are awesome, thank you!❤️

Nov 4th
Reply

Ruska R

This episode is pure GOLD!

Nov 4th
Reply

Jordan Nicole

I'm so incredibly type A and when given a strict guideline I follow it to the T in an almost unhealthy way. So the permission to relax and change things if it's not working for me is the best advice I've ever gotten. I feel more confident in trusting myself and I'm inspired by your advice and experience. Thank you Avital!

Oct 23rd
Reply (1)

Diana Cross

Definitely not for me. I listened to the whole first episode to give it a chance and after wading through 15 minutes of nothing before it properly started, I didn't really agree with anything at all.

Sep 9th
Reply

Samantha Perry

Thank you Avital! It's like you know what I need to hear and when. You've changed the way I see parenting!

Apr 8th
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