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The Rabbi and The Shrink
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The Rabbi and The Shrink

Author: Rabbi Yonason Goldson and Dr. Margarita Gurri, CSP

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What do you get when you cross an Orthodox hitchhiking rabbi and a Catholic Cuban psychologist? An unpredictable conversation about everyday ethics and the secrets for successful relationships in business, family, and community. us with questions and comments:
39 Episodes
How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?How can employers increase passion?These and other important questions are addressed when passion guru Kira Day joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. What is the passion gap?Too many people don’t care about their workConfusing passion with mission sends us down the wrong pathOften we need to come from a place of darkness to appreciate light4:30 Our pains become our passions, and tension produces balanceWhat is the Passion Test?What are the internal and external drivers of passion?Passion makes us better9:00 The four passion bucketsWhat are the underlying reasons for our passions?Internal -- natural interestsSocial environment -- connections and safetyFunctional -- support and developmentPsychological -- autonomy, mastery, purposeDifferent people can be passionate about the same thing for very different reasons14:00 Why are we passionate about spectator sports?Gladiatorial battle or hero’s journey?If entertainment distracts us, does that make us less passionate?18:00 What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?Passion = meaning x investmentPurpose = passion sharedOverindulgence reveals imbalance24:00 How can employers increase passion?Care more!Put more heart into a job by allowing people to be people… give them a reason to be loyalYou can’t buy loyalty with money but with meaning28:00 Why do ethics produce passion?Why is procrastination a gift?31:00 Word of the day: Imputresciblenot liable to decomposition or putrefaction; incorruptible:Keeping passionately alive ensures our spirit won’t putrefy and we won’t corrupt our core valuesPassion is the lift inside of us which connects us to the world around us34:00 How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?You -- obstacle -- passionBelieve in yourself and your purpose, then obstacles will move out of your way39:00 With passion anything is possibleWhen in doubt, pretend to be you
How do we react when others’ deeply held values offend us?How does inclusivity strengthen an organization?Are you willing to accept or embrace a new reality?These and other intriguing questions are addressed when Global inclusion expert Dr. Helen Turnbull joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.  How does inclusivity strengthen an organization?We can be privileged and excluded at the same time4:00 What are D, E, and I?Diversity: who we areInclusion: how we are treatedDo differences divide: why can’t we just treat each other as individuals?Companies often hire for diversity and manage for similarity, which is self-defeatingWe can learn about our unconscious biases but we can’t eliminate themSometimes we surprise ourselves with our own prejudicesAre we making eye contact with some people and not others10:00 Do I have the will to compensate for my unconscious biases?Am I willing to let others help hold me accountable?Different perspectives bring us closer to the truthOur brains are naturally lazy and take shortcuts to the familiar and comfortableHow do you draw a cup and saucer?The limitations of pattern recognition15:00  Experiential teaching promotes learning and awarenessGive people time to think and discover their own epiphanies18:00 What does it mean to be labelled?The goal of diversity is to bring us together but the outcome often drives us apartThe need of creating a culture of respectLeaders have responsibility to set the example that defines the environment24:00 Make sure every person present is invited to speak without interruptionBegin to build community and trustAre some people looking for reasons to be offended?How do we react when others’ deeply held values offend us?Sometimes we need to get out ego out of the wayTurn the case around: is your reaction the same?Sometimes we can bend our rules to show respect for othersUse humor to defuse tension36:00 Will people accept or embrace a new reality?Inclusion takes more work than we thinkWhat’s in it for us?Research shows that diverse groups make better decisions41:30 Word of the day: fulminateTo protest vehemently or explodeWhen we are challenged, our reflex might be to lash out explosivelyBeing moderate really means to moderate our behaviorGive the benefit of the doubt and presume positive intentExpect more from ourselves and a little less from others
Do you suffer from infobesity?How do you make billions in 60 seconds?How do you avoid becoming a bore, a snore, and a chore?These and other urgent topics are addressed when Tongue-fu black belt Sam Horn joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.  We want to do things worth doingWe succeed through communityAccess to the successful is a shortcut to success4:30  Ink it when you think itIf we don’t write down ideas when they enter our minds, we will lose themMake your life your labYou will make a difference in others’ lives7:00 Ethics requires us to market the truth to benefit othersBe intriguing to get people on the hookInfobesitiy vs. intrigue: a practical techniqueAlliteration makes ideas memorableRhyme and rhythmCrafting a message changes lives14:00 tonality and musicalityRead out loud to self editShift from undesirable to desirableHow can the study of ethics make us less ethical?The qualities of E.T.H.I.C.S.20:00 Our expertise is perceived by the clarity of our thoughtsHow to not be a bore, snore, or choreHow to make billions in sixty secondsThe goal is to raise eyebrows Ask three “did you know” questions“Imagine this…”You don’t have to imagine30:00 Words matter; every one of themDon’t yell at a barking dogWhat words can we use to get the desired behavior?Ask for what we wantReal life examples have power35:00 Why was the woman crying on the beach?Arrogance vs. offeringsWe have a responsibility to share the wisdom of our experience39:00 How Tom got to Mission ControlRecognizing our abilities and accomplishments does not make us un-humbleWhat’s the greatest gift you can give someone else?45:00 The word of the day: inconcinnitylack of proportion and congruity; inelegance.The way we phrase and frame our message determines how it is receivedShowing order emerging from chaos is the way we broaden thinking46:30 Too many people believe that happiness is selfishFinding our gifts is the purpose of life; giving away our gifts is the meaning of lifeDon’t wait until there’s no time left to do what you want to do
Is it ever right to deceive or mislead?What happens when we become unexpectedly thrust into a radically new situation?How do we cope with compassion fatigue?These and other compelling questions are addressed when self-care expert Breeda Miller returns to join The Rabbi and the Shrink. An unplanned journey The story of "Mrs. Kelly"How do we cope with compassion fatigue?We can’t help others if we don’t care for ourselvesStories implant the lessons we need to survive and thriveWe can’t control what happens to us, only our responses4:30 Response is the root of responsibilityThe difference between reacting and respondingLooking at the bright side helps us cope with the darkness6:30 Give yourself permission to not respondTake a step backMeet others where they areBlessed are the flexible…Balance humor against dignity -- no regrets12:00 The rabbi who forgot his own lessonsWe don’t cope well with deviations from the normTake responsibility for your responses14:30  The ticket to heavenIs it ever right to deceive or mislead?A little creativity goes a long way21:00 We can’t break out of the box if we think in binary terms“Disbelieve everything I say; I’m telling the truth.”“Did that really happen?”Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story -- what does that mean?26:00 Our perception is the reality of our truthIf our intent is not to deceive, we let the story tell itselfThe unreliability of memoryWe have to hold ourselves accountable33:00 Second to nun?Mark Twain: If you tell the truth, you can have a terrible memory34:30  The word of the day:  perfectionismPerfection is not achievable, so being a perfectionist is setting ourselves up for failureStriving toward an unreachable goal may enable us to achieve our potential
What happens when authenticity becomes a cliche?Is it authentic to acknowledge being awful?Are we being authentic when we aspire to be more than we are?These and other stimulating questions are addressed when Jeff Koziatek, the Mindset Catalyst, joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.  Do what you love.Society sends a message that your value comes from what you doLearn how to say no.Everyone is asking the same two questions:What is my worth, and where does it come from?If it comes from something external, it’s not really ours.People need tools for communication, confidence, and mindset developmentWe can be authentic behind a maskBut how much better to develop core authenticity that allows us to drop the maskThe difference between hiding and filter10:00  “You are so different from how you seemed”Go from living two lives to living one lifeIs it possible to lie authentically?What happens when authenticity becomes a cliche?Is it authentic to acknowledge being awful?Are we being authentic when we aspire to be more than we are?17:00  Degrees of authenticityWhen our value is tied to something external, we rationalize compromising our ethicsTrauma may force us to choose between discovering our true value and spiraling into despairValue doesn’t change but perception doesCan poor self-esteem be common sense?25:00  If my actions earn me a 5 how do I get to 10?Binary thinking sets us up for failure in our own eyesGrowth model enables us to compartmentalize who we are from what we doVisualize going up in a glass elevatorWhat happens when our essence is out of sync with how we behave31:00 Core elements: Worth, values, identity, and purposeThe juggler and the kingPleasure seeking and self indulgence leave us nothing of true value with no purposeWhat are we juggling?When we have our priorities in order, ethics naturally fall into placeRecognizing the limits of our circumstances is part of being ethical39:00 How do we identify our true values?Why are values like trees?Can we see the forest of true values?41:00 The word of the day:  ChatoyancyWhen a tree grows under stress it causes the grain to curl back on itself, producing waves within the wood. The smoother the wood gets, the more the chatoyancy will show up.Pressure and polishing transform us into beautiful creationsWe are all 10 on the inside
If I could get an hour of your time back, what would you do with it?What is your brain chemistry telling you about how to live a more productive and fulfilling life?Have we fallen into the fallacy of “down time”?These and other fascinating questions are addressed when digital wellness guru Giancarlo Pitocco returns to join The Rabbi and the Shrink. Fred Rogers’s wisdomYou can love anyone if you understand where they are coming fromIf we would take time to learn about people, we would feel affinityThe power of human engagement 5:00 Special effects and action give us a dopamine fix with little substanceWe crave rapid-fire images and don’t have patience for genuine connection“The only thing missing from any situation is what you’re not giving.”~Marianne Williamson 8:00 Our phones help us avoid anything we don’t want to deal withFive core insights to achieve digital wellness:AttentionValuesBoundariesLeisure timeSolitude 12:00 Larry Hagman’s Sunday word fastThe benefits of a technology sabbath Create structure in our overloaded livesCreate purpose-filled compartments to promote productivityBrain chemistry dictates when is our prime timeLimiting use of technologyTaking responsibility for ourselves at work and home 18:00 Are we using our time wisely?Bennet principle: the activities that require more energy leave us more energizedThe fallacy of “down time” to regenerate Physical activities have more psychological payoffs than digital onesThe engagement of mind and creativity rather than disengaging through technology 23:30 What’s the difference between work and recreation?Jogging, working out -- we do these because we understand they’re good for us, and we end up feeling better Why, Intention, and WillWe start with purpose, then commit, then follow throughIntention is your soulWill is the connection between your soul and your physical body 31:00 Technology is designed to be addictiveSM platforms harvest our time and attentionFB have evidence that IG is toxic 36:00 How can parents help children develop healthy digital habits?Enroll them in the processAudit how you spend your time 40:00 No-nagging contractWhat do we want to do?  What do we need to do?Break up your day and create a scheduleReal wisdom comes from knowing why you do what you doThe paradox of Ben Franklin It feels good to exercise boundariesPromote safety, trust, self-respect, courage, and love 47:00 The word of the day: enervateTo be drained of energyWe need to ignite ourselves into purposeful and meaningful action to energize ourselvesBoredom is the clash between ambition and laziness 52:00 As a family, pay attention to how you’re spending your time“How do we feel about that?”If I could get an hour of time back, what would you do with it?
Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?What signals are we sending out that promote or allow them to treat us badly?Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?These and other profoundly relevant questions are addressed when speaker and podcast host Scott Mason joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. People are responding to alienation by seeking meaning and purposeProgress and purpose -- the source of happinessYou cannot pursue happiness3:00 Make connections to build communitiesLove emerges through giving and committing ourselves to a common purposeA flame gives without giving anything up We should influence one another in a way that we improve one another8:00 It’s a moral imperative to contribute light to the worldA lack of clarity or belief holds us backRecognize your gifts so you can give10:30 A leap into the unknown changed everythingA ride in the dark and the rain produced a service mindsetA new perspective brings new opportunitiesDo we listen when we hear “the voice”?The profound power of humility and opening ourselves to new possibilities16:30 Be Theseus -- meet the challenges that will make you a heroGet out of the comfort boxBuild a circle of laughter and joyWhy is a safe place a place of terror?21:00 Fight fear with fearThe power of shameRecover balance to make the right decision by looking down all roads23:00 Viewing the world as hostile makes us hostileEmbrace the challenges that are beyond our control and respond with what we can do with themRadical accountability turns us into positive extremistsWhat signals are we sending out that promotes or allows them to treat us badly?Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?32:00 Irreconcilable differences?Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?Absolute truth is truth, regardless of whether we like it or understand itLiving in a world where we don’t all agree on truth, we have to recognize the sincerity and good intentions of those with whom we disagree37:00 Belief in our own soul is transformativeThe nature of the universe transcends our ability to comprehendRespect facts, logic, and reasonSeek commonality of belief and humanity before focusing on differencesDon’t be afraid of uncomfortable conversationsIf you personalize every belief, you will find it impossible to coexist with others who have different beliefsWe need to disagree honestly in order to grow and be willing to revisit our beliefs45:00 Befriending “adversaries” may bring us condemnation from our “allies”Every human being is deserving of basic respectMost of us are doing good things despite our shortcomings or errorsPrincipled compromise is not compromising our values49:00  We have to be able to connect and to leadLeadership is impossible without self confidence in who we are and what we believe55:00 Word of the day: gorgonizeWhen we look for the ugliness in others, we petrify our own hearts
Why are we reluctant to "walk across the cafeteria" to start a conversation?What is the soundtrack to your life?Why don't books and history tell the whole story, and where should we turn to get it?These and other critical questions for building a harmonious world are addressed when award-winning musician and race reconciliator Daryl Davis joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. Music is a bridgeThe benefit of a global perspectiveLegal desegregation took years to take effectAttacked for being a Cub Scout?Learning about racism at age 10How can you hate me if you don’t know me?7:30 Responding to injustice and hate with genuine curiosityBreadth of experience provides perspective to moderate our responses10:00 Books and histories did not explain hateMeeting the head of the American Nazi Party as a high school studentThe coming race war?“Joining” the Nazi rally before the White HouseThe “rationalism” of white supremacy18:00 What happens when whites become the minority in the U.S.?What does the fear of that do to people?Charleston, PIttsburgh, El Paso22:30 A chance encounter with the KKKHere was the answer to the question28:00 We have to know who we areExposure to different cultures and ideologies make us broaderThe five values all humans want:Love, respect, to be heard, to be treated fairly, we want those values for our familiesA missed opportunity for dialogue is a missed opportunity for conflict resolution33:00  Meeting the Imperial Wizard of the KKKThe “noise”We all feel fear of the unknown, we are all relieved when that fear is removedWe hate what we don’t understand because it frightens usAwareness of our collective ignorance can bring us togetherEducation cures ignorance, which cures fear, which cures violence48:00 What can we all do to transcend and eliminate hate?Spend time listening to people to learn who they areDebate doesn’t bring people together; getting to know one another as human beings does53:45 Music contains the keyHarmony allows our differences to become a source of strength and unity57:00 The word of the day:  liminalof, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a responseWhat if life had background music?Any moment can offer the opportunity to change our lives and our world
Why is self-care a moral and ethical imperative?What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?What can we do to restore our collective faith in one another?These and other critical questions are addressed when self-care expert Breeda Miller joins the Rabbi and the Shrink Is self-care an ethical issue?Take a break before you breakOnly by taking care of ourselves can we take care of and be of service to othersYou can only love others in proportion to how we love ourselves4:00  “What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?”There may be dreams we didn’t pursue that we still have time to realizeCan you tell your own story in a way that inspires others?10:30  Stories provide the context that make information relevantSimple stories often have the most profound impact and meaningThis generation is having a crisis of faith in one another, in ourselves, and in our futureWhat can we do to restore our collective faith?We have to listen to what’s really important, to the story within the storyTaking care of ourselves helps us see through the fog15:30 The problem with being outcome oriented is that we end up feeling frustrated unless we get the outcome we want and until we get the outcomeThe journey really is the destinationBe kind with the truth20:30 We have to practice what we preachDon’t feel guilty acknowledging our own limitations“I can do a year’s work in 9 months but not in 12 months”Rest and recreation are not a break from work, they are part of the workSelf-care is a moral and ethical imperative25:00 Mediation feels like a waste of time but it is essential maintenanceWe need to take care of ourselves to ensure the quality of others’ experience with us28:30  If you were given a gift of 4 hours, what would you do?Take a walk, call a friend, read a book, go for a run, get a massage -- then find a way to do itShort term goals for self care will help us reach our long term goalsMake a list of 2-minute, 5-minute, 10-minute activities so you’ll be ready to take advantage of opportunities when they arise34:30  Word of the day:  symbiosisWe want to be interdependent without being codependentIt’s not good for us to be alone, even though sometimes we need to be aloneThe balance between nurturing ourselves and nurturing others creates a tension that we have to continuously manage38:00 The Doctors formula for self-care: SCHEMTTSleep -- the right amount in the right conditionsCompassion -- for ourselves and othersHumor -- the kind that is kindExercise -- simple movementMeaning -- a sense of purpose contextualizes everything else in our livesTouch -- physically and emotionallyTake a break when you need one
Can you ever exploit the truth to be untruthful?Why is authenticity always in your own self-interest?How can we trust ourselves living in a deceptive world?These and other fascinating questions are addressed when video virtuoso Peter Kelly joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. Everything you’ve seen slanted by the bias of its sourceYou can be 100% accurate in your facts but also not truthfulThe Giver -- the movie was designed to transcend politicsContext is critical to perception, irrespective of factsWhat am I trying to accomplish?  The answer will guide us in our decision making6:00 The world is not binary black and white, and ethics requires us to grapple with the grayAuthenticity requires us to represent both sidesTechnology makes it easy to misrepresent without outright lying9:00 Video allows us to fashion our virtual environmentWhat happens when we change our persona when we’re on camera?Authenticity is self-servingVirtual backgrounds?13:00 Movies use illusion and deception to create an image of realityThe whole story is often overly detailed -- can we preserve the truth by editing the truth?Expectations may require us to be fake to avoid the appearance of being fake17:30  How will deep fake technology erode our confidence and trust in what we see?22:30 Is the perception of polarization making us more polarized?Don’t we have a responsibility to question sources, especially when they confirm our preconceptions?What happens when the media don’t recognize their own responsibility to tell the truth?It’s okay to say “I don’t know”28:00  What can we do to check our own biases?Media literacy:  Awareness of camera angle reveals bias32:00 When is it ethical to use tricks to promote our image or agenda?If it feels inauthentic, it probably isMake sure soundbites accurately represent the whole story Overstating your case discredits your own cause35:00  If I have to misrepresent my case or the opposing case, what does that say about my confidence in my own causePresent the other side in the strongest way, then refute with an even stronger argumentHow can we meet a public health crisis like COVID if we don’t debate them honestly?All extremism comes from insecurity41:00  We become emotionally invested in our preconceptions, even when we see them disprovenListen to the other side before responding or attackingThe epidemic of ultracrepidarianismIntegrity of titles, sources, and statistics53:00 The word of the day:  Verisimilitudethe appearance or semblance of truth; likelihood; probabilityIt’s not enough to “tell the truth” if we present it in a way that isn’t truthfulDo we have honest, collective commitment to the truth, or are we exploiting biases to serve ourselves or our agendas?One of the best ways to preserve mental health is talking to people you disagree with57:00  Have faith in yourself to pursue the truthHave objective contacts who will be honest with you and use them to check yourself and your integrity
#30  MIchael Patrick Mulroy - A Mission to Promote Virtue EthicsWhat are the core values that drive collaboration and success?How do we confront ideologies that rationalize violence and tribalism?What is the ultimate formula for promoting accountability?These and other foundational questions are addressed in this fascinating discussion when former U.S. marine, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for the Middle East, and retired CIA Paramilitary Operations Officer Michael Patrick Mulroy joins the Rabbi and the Shrink. notes2:00 Inspired to serve by 9/11Identifying the root causes of conflict4:30 Lack of economic opportunityThe crisis of child soldiers7:30 Toxic ideology makes it possible to rationalize evil and not easily defeatedChildren are compliant and easily indoctrinatedIncreasing tribalism pits us against each other10:30 The ethics of stoicismWisdom, courage, moderation, and justiceWhat’s good for your soul is worth more than anything elseStoicism as a guide to virtue ethics13:00 Be accountable to yourselfA legal system is only as effective as the people’s commitment to uphold the lawWe lack clarity of what our core values are19:00  The increasing legitimacy of vigilantismTeach ethics and virtue through models of self-sacrificeThe true benefits of diversity23:00 Understanding human nature prepares us for an ethical lifeManaging the conflict between opposing elements of our natureHow do we conquer our inclination to do evil?When we struggle against evil, we become stronger in our commitment to be goodLife is made up of tiny moments that add up30:00 Where do we start?Stoicism means to take life as it comesStudy the story of ZenoRead Meditations by Marcus AreliusThe Jewish leader Rabbi Judah and Marcus Arelius37:00 Establish stoicism as a guiding philosophy in the militarySupport grassroots movements to confront child soldiersDemand accountability from elected officials41:30  The word of the day: PanglossianSuperficial, Pollyanna view of the worldHowever, if we accept that reality is what it is, then we can focus on changing ourselves, which is the most effective way to change the world45:00 We can be one step away from amazing
#29 Cristina DiGiacomo -- how practical philosophy prevents persistent problemsDo you often wonder why people aren’t listening to you?Can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?These and other persistent questions are answered when practical philosopher and moral alchemist Cristina DiGiacomo joins the Rabbi and the Shrink  How can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?We are philosophers if we pursue authentic wisdoms7:30 The handshake and the golden rule are examples of accessible philosophyPhilosophy is the love of wisdom and the way we look at lifeAsking questions makes us philosophersPhilosophy is a matter of outlook and perspectiveOur attitudes shape our perceptions12:00  What are the benefits of asking questions?You stop multitaskingTriggers serotoninQuestions lead to intentions which lead to outcomesIf we aren’t open to new insights, we can’t be ethical17:00  When we know that we don’t know, we open ourselves up to possibilitiesToo many people don’t recognize the relevance of ethics in their lives19:30  When we face problems, ask where did we go wrong?It’s easier to blame individuals that to question the systemThe benefit of 12-step recovery programsMistakes help us become stronger and do better24:30  Why aren’t people listening to me?Are we connecting perception with reality?What do the classical philosophers say to address our problems?28:00  Asking questions preempts conflict and promotes self-reflectionOpenness drives progressThe danger and opportunity of “yeah, but.”32:00  The word of the day:  epistemologyHow we know what we knowIf arrive at the correct facts through faulty reasoning we may be setting ourselves up for future errorsWe may need data now, but reason prepares us for the future36:00 “The sage acts without pressure from within or without.”The Hebrew word aliza can mean to relieve pressure or to apply pressureDifferent situations call for different strategies to move us forwardWhat is one question you can ask yourself about your philosophy?When we live from fear rather than from curiosity, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
What is the difference between ethics and morals?How can we build an ethical society when we don't agree on moral principles?How can we trust our own opinions when we can't trust our sources of information?These and many other profound and urgent questions are addressed when the rabbi, Yonason Goldson, changes chairs from host to guest on the Rabbi and the Shrink. Are compassion and intellect split, or can they be reconciled?The difference between compassion and kindness4:00 Is giving an impulse or a choice?We unlearn our natural wiring to be kind and compassionate6:30 What are ethics? Are they different from morals?Where does wisdom come from?How do we build an ethical society when we don’t agree on moral axioms?11:00 Why are universal ethical principles so elusive?Why did Albert Einstein regret publicizing the theory of relativity?What’s the difference between facts, truth, and reality?17:00 How do we apply ethics to COVID vaccinations?We can arrive at different conclusions through intellectual integrity.Is unethical behavior a kind of virus?23:00 Can oversensitivity cause us to become increasingly oversensitive?26:00 How do our beliefs and proclivities influence our perception of truth?How do we make allowances for our own unconscious biases?How my willingness to challenge my own stereotypes changed the course of my life.30:00 Why constructive disagreement is the way of wisdom and unanimity is dangerous?32:00 Why is the best lie closest to the truth?How do we have confidence in our own opinions when we can’t trust our sources of information?When we try to score points by compromising truth, we end up harming our own cause?38:00 How does ego promote confirmation bias?Why do people complain about being disillusioned?Embrace the tension between urgency and equanimityGreed, speed, laziness, and haziness are the source of most of our problems.42:00 The word of the day: anucleate: lacking a cell nucleusWe need a sense of self and center, but just as ego leads us into much folly, humility allows us to be flexible to adapt, like red blood cells fitting into capillaries because they lack a nucleus46:00 Sometimes we just need to be a good member of the audience.We get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to do the obvious.
What's the single most effective way to avoid ethical pitfalls?Why are so many people afraid to talk about ethics?Has the world gotten less ethical?These and other critical questions for success are answered when ethics auditor Amanda "Jo" Erven joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. Amanda “Jo” Erven1:30 Changing one person’s mind contributes to a better worldIt’s hard to sell ethics because people don’t have a definition and are scared by the wordHave an ethics icebreaker Ethics may not be simple, but don't  have to be complicated6:00 Three ethical character typesThe Big MeThe Ethical RationalizerThe Everyday EthicistPeople who call themselves ethicists tend to be less ethical10:00 Unethical behavior encourages others to behave unethicallyCreate your own ethical value statement or mantraWe can’t change our circumstances except by changing ourselves14:30  Be ethically pro-active which is pro-selfToo many people don’t know their own values16:00 Where do we start to put ethics into action?We don’t have to be expertsSometimes we’re scared to do what’s right18:00 Individual, leadership, and organizational ethicsThe seven deadly ethical sins“Move fast and break things” mentalityDisingenuous leaders -- always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes20:30 Have things really gotten worse?We are definitely more self-absorbed todayWe don’t feel shame, but we rush to shame othersThe contradiction of AirBNB24:15 Beware of conflicts of your own interestEthics is threatened by fear and entitlementThe ethics of COVIDDan Ariely’s research: thinking of the 10 commandments makes us more honest28:30 Find your trusted advisorFacing and embrace your adversityTeaching surly students in Budapest, HungaryWhen we have to defend our behavior, we think more about our choices33:00 Doing the right thing feels really goodEthical discipline protects others and ourselves38:00 The word of the day:  miscreate -- to produce in a way that is defectiveGood intentions without disciplined execution can have disastrous results40:00 Everyone deserves a better-than-good life
How do we do a better job handling it when we get flustered and defensive?How do we give and receive criticism in a way the builds trust and encourages improvement?What is the alternative to flight or fight that promotes cooperation and collaboration?These and other critical question for success in business and in life are answered when customer service maven Marilyn Suttle joins the Rabbi and the Shrink. Wellbeing and security are critical to a healthy work environment for workers and customersEthics creates a culture of trust, solid relationships, and loyaltyRaising trust increases expectations, which is a good thingDevelop the skill set to deal with difficult and unexpected situationsDifferent values and styles need to be accommodated6:00 Learned behavior is not easily unlearnedHow do we handle it better when we get flustered and defensive?We’re 100% responsible for 50% of every relationshipWe make assumptions about the facts, which may or may not be trueWe make up stories that create feelings by exploiting our unmet expectationsWhat outcome do we really want?Clear communication often defuses conflict before it happens.13:00 When we get into fight or flight, our biology hijacks our thinking and decision makingThe other option is a challenge response, which can focus and motivate usBeing honest make us vulnerable, which is frightening but creates the potential for closeness17:30 It’s all in the palm of your hand:First impressions -- eliminate the potential for annoyanceLast impressionManage high emotion momentsMarry yourself to your team and your customersMeasure and gauge -- feedback21:15 Value their time and ask only for meaningful feedback and use itHow do you respond to criticismRedirect attention toward the good to promote reframingTake responsibility and show appreciation27:00 Empower employees to address customer issuesHave someone to call to help you regain clarity31:00 Different perspectives generate an ethical view32:00 The word of the day:  pithyWe don’t want to reduce all ideas to soundbites, but we do want to be concise so our ideas have impact34:00 Happiness is a profound concept that come from being part of something important36:00 Tailor your customer care according to the needs of each customer37:00 Blaming, complaining, and making excuses are responses that will not lead to improvementThe difference between responding and reactingGet comfortable with silence or pausingCounting to 10 reboots your brainResist the pressure to fill empty space without thinking firstThe benefit of one, two, and three second pausesThe pauses are the most essential part of the classIt takes stress to alleviate stress46:00 The core of ethics is growingIf we aren’t experiencing growing pains, we aren’t really living.
How does sustainability apply to us as individuals as well as the world?How do we find it in ourselves to forgive ourselves and forgive others?How do quirks and idiosyncrasies forge us into more compete and healthy people?These and many other secrets for self-development are answered when the Ikigai Guy David E. Marlow joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. What is Ikigai = Japanese for life + purposeLiving out the essence of you in everything you do3:30 What is a leader?  Someone who enables and empower others to fulfill their potential in a way that betters the worldHappiness emerges from a sense of working toward the fulfillment of purpose5:00  How do you find your ikigaiReflect on moments when you felt fulfilledVisit your values, verbs, and verses7:00 The five pillars include:Choose to be grateful; we control our attitudesMaking a conscious choice to live in the momentForgive the past and yourself10:00 Monotask: start somewhere small and work outwardMultitasking doesn’t workEmbrace the gift of small beginningsBeing busy as an excuse for not being productive18:00 How do we forgive people who cause us pain and don’t ask for forgiveness?First forgive yourselfForgive without recovering trustThe harm we do ourselves by not forgiving23:00 Without human integrity we disintegrateHarmony and sustainability in how we live completes us so we can live healthy livesBy integrating our values into our mindset and behavior we become people of integrity26:00 What are the five pillars?Being present in the momentStarting smallJoy of little things (gratitude)Harmony and sustainabilityReleasing yourself through forgiveness and reflectionWe strive to uncover our essence30:00 Shalom = harmony = all the pieces are in place and fuse into integrationThe seven levels of spiritual maturity and completionThe conductor is the most important player in the orchestra34:00  Blend your idiosyncrasies with your talents to become your best unique selfYou don’t have to change yourself; you have to uncover who you truly are38:00 Word of the Day: diapasonOriginally, the organ stop that releases steam to produce soundNow a burst of force that produces music Our ideal is to release our inner music40:00 When we seek treasure, what will we do if we find it?43:00 Post-interview conversation
How does pleasure distract us from our own unhappiness?How is social media designed to control our minds and behaviors?What is the formula for good digital health and well-being?Learn the answers to these and many other essential question when digital wellbeing expert Giancarlo Pitocco joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. We need to reclaim control of our lives from technologyShift your attention from being hijacked by our devicesFB has been exploited and misused by unethical players to manipulate and serve their own agendasDo you know how much time you’re spending in front of a screen?4:30 We don’t know what happiness is.Pleasure often distracts us from our own unhappiness.If you’re not dependent on external factors for happiness, you’re in control of your life and live more fully7:00  Is it good to be easily amused?Being delighted by simple pleasures makes the experience of living richer.Social media is designed to keep us consuming, almost but never quite satisfied.11:00 Are you making your future self proud by what you’re doing now?What happens when our lives become all about comfort, convenience, and stimulation?The purpose of the game is to play the game; the purpose is the processWe’re living in the Roman Empire14:00 What are you doing with your life if you don’t have aspirations and values?Pushing the boundaries of comfort and familiarity keeps us growing and truly alive“The obstacle is the way”We can be navigators of our lives, or we can be carried on the current.Prioritization give us control19:00 The five stages of digital well being1. Attention -- you want to be the DJ of your life by placing the needle where it should be2. Values -- Evaluate how new technology affects your relationships, your work, and your attitudeswe can’t eliminate technology from our lives, but we can choose how to allow it in.Google “dark patterns” to learn the dangersSocial media is designed to make you addicted; they are selling your time and attention, turning you from a consumer into a commodity.“The Attention Merchants” by Tim Wu35:003. Boundaries -- without priorities, you never get to the important stuffDon’t plug in your phone next to your bedBuy an alarm clock37:304. High quality leisure timeUnwind doing something projective and creativeSpend time with people39:005. Solitude -- learn to be with yourselfThe fundamental value of self-discipline.Easy and fun entertainment seduces us from doing what we know is in our best interest.No one changes behavior without incentive.  That’s why a clear WHY is critical to our digital health.44:45 The word of the day: dissilient -- bursting open or springing apart (Yiddish: plotz)We should be living with so much enthusiasm welling up inside us that we don’t seek or respond to external distraction. 47:00 Education can be merely a form of entertainment if it doesn’t lead to action.Go into your phone and look at screen time or digital wellbeing and see how much time you’re spending on your device.49:00  How would your life and relationships be healthier if you spent less time on technology?What will you do or have you done to make a positive change in your life?
#23 Rosemary Ravinal – show up as the real youIs there a difference between filtering and misrepresenting?Is it dishonest to use a virtual background?What message do I send if I show up on Zoom in my pajamas?These and other urgently relevant questions will be answered when Zoom mastery expert Rosemary Ravinal joins The Rabbi and the Shrink. can make or break our careers, our reputations, and you know how difficult it is to fix them once they are broken. So the stakes are very high.02:09When COVID began, we felt it was temporary and didn’t make much effort:kids running around … somebody's lawn mowing the lawn… I'm in my sweats… I haven't even combed my hair.A year later, we're still doing it, and now we’re going into in person meetings again. 03:41It's like creating a set. But the authenticity part is that that you create, that really reflects who you are, as a person with like your company's values06:51Am I being somewhat hypocritical if I set standards or I espouse standards that I'm not, I haven't reached yet? Or if I filter elements of myself, because I don't feel that they're attractive? Is that inauthentic? 07:42How would you show up to a physical meeting? Would you show up with running shorts? You would be respectful to the people with whom you're meeting by being appropriate to the occasion. 11:04It's so easy to lie when you don't look at the person in the eye. An example would be, you know, I hear from friends who are using online dating apps. And I might hear from a gentleman who would say, you know, women just don't put their real photos on there. Not only do they lie about their ages, but they don't use current photos.14:15If you're going to show up in a video meeting, you need to have your camera on and have an executive presence on virtual calls. Otherwise, it shows a lack of respect for the other people that you're not showing up as you really are.18:27Anything we can do to make ourselves more committed to reaching a higher ideal, I think is really the essence of authenticity.22:34You want to have a sense of personality, warmth. So for example, I encourage people to have some hints and cues about their passion. If you're a baseball fan, if you love to play guitar; you might have some movie posters behind you.25:46It goes to trust, right? Because if you are consistent, every time it builds trust.32:34I'm talking about the authenticity of the that we present. I think that there's a challenge we have today we see it in the media, we see it really all over the place. The relationship between the message and the messenger. 35:35Check your facts, research, because we often say things that someone said, so let's say the rabbi and I make up a false fact. And then you repeat it, and then they repeat it. And pretty soon, we take it as truth.36:17Respecting people is not that doesn't mean that we have to agree with everybody. We can be forceful at times, in expressing our thoughts and our points of view, and still have it done with civility with respect and with an openness to hear the other side. 37:10The word of the day is stultify, which means to cause a loss of enthusiasm, often, through ridicule, or causing embarrassment.Studies have shown that people believe that sarcastic people are more intelligent, really, and that's a really troublesome fact to me, because it encourages us to be sarcastic. I'm using a rhetorical device to discredit the speaker to discredit the idea without actually engaging. 40:06I urge everyone to think about how are you presenting yourself in the images, the sounds, the words, the facts.  
What does leadership really look like? How do you decide what to share, with your team and with the outside world?And when you're a leader, how do you balance the ever-changing demands that get put on you?Kimi Hirotsu Ziemski helps us sort of how to be a real leader and not just the person in charge! management is a communications management term. And what it means is there are some things that you share with your team, and only your team. And there are some things that you share with the greater stakeholder community. The question becomes, if you are not fully transparent if you are making choices about what you share, and when you share it, is boundary management, actually ethical or is it by some people's lights, fibbing, lying, committing the falsehood? 7:00The seven key success parameters are actually a framework that is sort of like the most beautiful Mandela of things that are interwoven. But for explanation purposes, we generally take them apart. But they always start out with clear definition.22:00We've been trying to get this client for years, decades. We got the request for proposal. I went through it, I took it to my engineers, my engineers got incredible heartburn. And I went to my boss, and I said, Diana, how much trouble Am I going to be in if I go to this client and respectfully declined to bid on the business? It's not bleeding edge, it's hemorrhaging edge. And they don't believe that they can make it work to a level of reliability and quality, that they're willing to put their names and our company name on. 
What makes a successful relationship?Is marriage really the happily ever after part or do they still require work?What is reasonable to expect versus what do you need to accept? Find the answers to these questions and more as we talk to Claire Vande Polder, the author of Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesGrab your copy here:Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesConnect with Claire onLinkedinInstagram2:45What I came up with is a book that is basically, what happy couples do as told in their own words.  It's the only book, I know of where all the expert advice comes from people who are only experts in their own relationship and what they do that makes them happy.7:00 When I was a younger person I looked at people who had been married for a while and I thought, okay they're just they're like on autopilot right?29:00it took a lot of time before they understood that's not who my husband is, this thing that I really wish my wife was doing? That's really not who she is so, can I just lay off of that and let her be more who she is, and then take more of a look at what am I doing? How could I change myself?  Could I change the way that I think about something because I have more control over that and just learn to love?
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