The Home of Wellbeing and Joy.

Welcome to Episode 31: Why We Argue (and How to Do It Better): Reflecting on the Art of Debate, where Dr Marcus and Charlie explore why humans argue and how to do it without losing connection, curiosity, or compassion.

From Socratic questioning to confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance, this episode dives into the psychology behind why debates so easily become battles and how to bring humility and empathy back into our conversations.

We explore:

• The Socratic Method and how curiosity over combat leads to growth 🧠


• Confirmation Bias (Nickerson, 1998) and why we “listen to reload” instead of to understand


• Cognitive Dissonance (Festinger, 1957) why our brains protect beliefs at all costs


• Practical tools for better dialogue: curiosity, shared values, and the power of pausing before reacting


• How debate can strengthen relationships when done with empathy and self-awareness 

Practical Advice for Listeners:

• Start from curiosity, not combat. Ask, “What led you to that view?”


• Pause the reflex to win. Notice when your heart rate rises, and breathe


• Find shared values before diving into differences


• Use “I” statements to stay open and grounded


• Know when to exit gracefully. Debate isn’t a war to be won, it’s a bridge to be built

Thanks for listening! If this episode helps you have more mindful, compassionate conversations, share it with someone who loves a good debate 💬

📍 Pillars explored: Introspection & Inspiration, Community & Connection, Wellbeing & Joy

📚 References cited in this episode:

• Dillon, J. J. Psychology and the Socratic Method.


• Festiger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Row, Peterson, New York.


• Nickerson, R. S. (1998). Confirmation bias: a ubiquitous phenomenon in many guises. Review of General Psychology, 2(2), 175–220. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175

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