What if the arrangement everyone claims is "best for children" after separation is actually harming them? This provocative question forms the foundation of our deep dive into the dangerous myth of 50-50 equal shared parenting time.

Drawing on Australian government-commissioned research and international studies, we expose how equal shared care arrangements can negatively impact children's emotional regulation and attachment security - particularly for young children under four years of age. 

The science is clear: children don't benefit from mathematical equality in care arrangements - they need parenting plans tailored to their developmental stages and individual needs.

We unpack the stunning hypocrisy in how primary caregiving work (most often performed by mothers) is valued before separation versus after. Society demands mothers sacrifice everything as primary caregivers, then suddenly treats that caregiving as worthless when parents separate. This isn't about gender equality - it's about using the language of "fairness" to mask a profound devaluation of nurturing work.

The developmental reality is that children's needs vary dramatically with age. Babies and toddlers forming primary attachments need consistent, predictable access to their primary caregiver. Preschoolers developing emotion regulation still need a secure base. School-aged children benefit from stability during the school term. Teenagers need input into their own arrangements. One size simply doesn't fit all, and arrangements that might harm a two-year-old could be appropriate for a twelve-year-old.

Trust your instincts if you're being pressured into arrangements that don't feel right. The consequences of inappropriate arrangements can be severe -attachment disruption, chronic stress, emotion regulation difficulties, and academic problems that are often dismissed as "normal adjustment" when they're actually warning signs. 

Your job isn't keeping other adults happy - it's advocating for arrangements that support your children's healthy development, even when that means challenging popular assumptions. Ready to learn more? Check out the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint for comprehensive, evidence-based guidance.

About Danielle Black:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia, helping parents cut through professional pressure and harmful myths to make decisions based on what children actually need.

Having navigated her own complex separation and divorce, and guided hundreds of clients to successful outcomes, Danielle provides evidence-based strategies that challenge inappropriate arrangements and put children's wellbeing first.

The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast helps listeners to understand the nuances of ongoing control and other forms of abuse after separation, and challenges harmful myths about post-separation parenting and provides evidence-based guidance for protective parents.

Ready to transform your approach to parenting after separation?

Join The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ waitlist for exclusive early access, early bird pricing, and instant free mini-guide and private podcast episode: danielleblackcoaching.com.au

Follow Danielle on Instagram: @danielleblackcoaching

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