"What's your attachment style?" has become a common first date or dinner party question. And for good reason — we can build better relationships when we understand our own tendencies in relationships.

But did you know that there are a number of attachment theory myths circulating that might be holding you back from finding love and companionship?

Today we explore which attachment styles are healthy, whether it's possible to have more than one style, whether/how you can change your style, and how understanding attachment theory isn't a panacea for all relationship issues.

P.S. Make sure to listen all the way through to hear Josh and Jessica awkwardly singing about attachment.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:54 - Myth #1: Your attachment styles developed as a result of early childhood experiences.

05:14 - Myth #2: Your attachment style is fixed.

09:28 - Myth #3: Insecure attachment is unhealthy or bad.

14:49 - Myth #4: You're just one style.

29:15 - Myth #5: If you’re insecurely attached, you can’t build secure relationships (unless you find securely attached people).

33:44 - Myth #6: In order to build a secure relationship, you have to develop secure attachment first.

36:22 - Myth #7: Attachment theory explains everything.

39:34 - Bonus Myth and final thoughts

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Diane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles Test

Wired for Love: A book by Stan Tatkin that explores how attachment theory can inform and improve romantic relationships.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love: a book by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller on adult attachment styles and how they impact relationships.

Beyond the Valentine Chocolates and Roses: Creating a Long-Lasting Relationship

The Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning Relationship

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