99: There Really Are Good Men: Releasing Cynicism & Expanding to Love
Update: 2025-02-10
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The cynicism of men
Hey, beautiful souls, and welcome back to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang (that’s me). With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I know this time of year can bring up all kinds of emotions—love, longing, frustration, and maybe even cynicism. You might be thinking, ‘Where are all the good men?’ or ‘Why does everyone else seem to find love but me?’ Or maybe you’re in a relationship and you’re unhappy or even if you are, aside from your partner or a few friends perhaps you’ve lost your faith in men. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you.
My own personal example of good men
This episode came to me like a lightning bolt and the urge to do it perhaps because I am on my own journey. I came out of a relationship last year and it was challenging to be honest with you and it tested my good faith in men through my own projections. Recently I had an incident with my car at the beginning of the year going 100km an hour towards the beach down south here luckily on a country road because I must have run over something and it shredded my tire. I mean shredded. Only the central metal bit left. I panicked because I have no idea how to fix a tire, I was in the middle of no where, what was I to do?
I kid you 5 minutes later, a man pulled over to help me. He was in his SUV with like 4 children and without any hesitation helped me. I was so grateful and he said to me, I wanted to show my children this is what good men do, good humans really. I want to especially show my boys what it is to be a good man and I did the very thing I would do for my daughters and want other men should they be in your situation. Honestly it moved me to tears.
With my spare tyre in fact I got to the petrol station to sort it out because the rear end of my car came off and unexpectedly two men which I would stereotypically class as “bikies” helped me they were again so sweet and gave me a specific tape for cars in case something else happened when they left.
From that moment I’ve had really lovely interactions with men, I mean to the point of a nice man randomly buying me a coffee and pastry the day I had to take me car in for a service all stressed.
Why women don’t believe in good men: disappointment and hurt
Many women feel disillusioned about love, especially if they’ve been hurt or let down before. Maybe you’ve given your heart to someone who didn’t handle it with care. Maybe you’ve been strung along, ghosted, or left wondering why you weren’t “enough” for someone to stay. Or maybe you’ve witnessed relationships around you that only rein forced the idea that love is hard, unreliable, or even painful. Over time, these experiences can build up, creating an invisible wall between you and the kind of love you truly desire.
Social media, men suck and no good men are out there
And then there’s social media—a place where heartache is turned into entertainment. Everywhere you look, there are jokes about how “men ain’t sh*t,” how modern dating is a dumpster fire, and how settling is the only option if you don’t want to end up alone. It’s easy to laugh along, repost the memes, and bond with friends over shared frustration. But what if that belief is keeping you stuck? What if, every time you reinforce the idea that “good men don’t exist,” you’re unintentionally closing yourself off to the very thing you want most?
Duality and reality of good men
This episode isn’t about pretending that bad experiences don’t exist. You’ve been hurt, and that hurt is real. It’s valid to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even wary when it comes to love. But what if you could honour your experiences without letting them define your future? What if, instead of carrying those wounds as proof that love is doomed, you allowed them to be stepping stones toward a deeper understanding of what you truly need?
Today, we’re shifting the focus. Instead of asking, “Why does this always happen to me?” we’re exploring, “How can I open to love in a way that feels safe, nourishing, and real?” Because love is real. Good men do exist. And the more you allow yourself to believe that, the more likely you are to recognise love when it arrives.
In a relationship but doubt good men
Maybe you’re already in a relationship, but you still find yourself questioning whether good men really exist. Perhaps your partner is loving and supportive, yet deep down, you struggle to fully trust it. Maybe past wounds make it hard for you to receive love without skepticism, or you catch yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not that your partner has done anything wrong—it’s just that part of you is still carrying the weight of old heartbreaks, making it hard to relax into the love that’s already here.
In a relationship but unhappy
Or maybe you’re with someone who isn’t showing up the way you need, and you’re wondering if settling is just part of the deal. You see other women sharing stories about their incredible, emotionally available partners, and instead of feeling inspired, you feel disheartened. Does love like that really exist, or is it just luck? Am I asking for too much? These questions can be painful, but they also hold power—because they invite you to examine what you believe about love and what you are willing to accept.
Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically erase doubts, fears, or past conditioning about love. Sometimes, it brings them even more to the surface. If you’re with a partner who treats you well, this episode is an opportunity to soften and truly receive the love you have—without fear, without suspicion, without waiting for it to disappear. And if you’re in a relationship where you don’t feel cherished, this is a chance to reflect on whether you are settling out of fear that something better doesn’t exist. Because here’s the truth: good men exist, and you deserve to be with one.
Unlearning societal conditioning around men
Society feeds us cautionary tales about men being untrustworthy, emotionally unavailable, or selfish. From a young age, we’re conditioned to be on guard—to protect our hearts, to expect disappointment, and to believe that love is always a little bit dangerous. These messages are everywhere, subtly shaping the way we view relationships.
Pop culture often glorifies toxic dynamics—the “bad boy” who eventually changes for the right woman, the emotionally distant man who needs to be chased, the love that only becomes real after struggle and heartbreak. We’re told that passion is in the push-and-pull, that chaos is exciting, and that if a man is too kind, too available, or too stable, he must be boring. The stories we absorb through movies, music, and even social media normalise dysfunction to the point where healthy love can feel unfamiliar—or even suspicious.
Unlearning family cultural conditioning around men
Many of us also grew up hearing limiting beliefs about men from the women around us. Maybe it was an aunt who told you, “All men cheat, it’s just a matter of time.” Or a friend who insisted, “You have to lower your standards if you actually want a relationship.” Or even the quiet but persistent idea that “Men are scared of commitment,” so you have to be careful not to be too much or too needy if you want one to stay. These narratives become ingrained, making it easy to approach relationships with doubt, guardedness, or the assumption that disappointment is inevitable.
But what if those beliefs aren’t truth—just echoes of other people’s experiences and fears? What if they were passed down as protection, but they’re actually blocking you from seeing the full picture? Yes, some men are emotionally unavailable, and yes, heartbreak exists. But so does deep, healthy, reciprocal love. And there are men who are present, committed, emotionally intellig
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