Keziah Gutierrez: And I also knew in the back of my mind that my dad is getting older, my mom is getting older.

McGill Onate: Once that kind of clicked to me, I was like they know so much more why am I trying to do everything myself?

Hannah Limon: I’m strong now because of you two.

Katrina Nicole Espiritu: Wait, I’m not crying. I’m just—

Taylor Joy Lagpacan: Why am I getting so emotional right now?! 

[Show intro] 

Kez: Welcome to the Heart and Soul podcast, where we have honest conversations that nurture our souls. Today we’re talking about relationships with our parents as adults. As we enter adulthood, entering college or getting a first job, first apartment, our first bills, we begin to build a life for our own one that becomes a blueprint of how our lives should be. We decide who we spend our time with and what we spend our time on. But the question is, as an adult, what about our relationship with our parents? So let’s talk about it. I’m Kez G, your host for today’s episode. Let’s have a Heart and Soul conversation.

[Music] 

Kez: I am also joined by my co-hosts today from all over the world. McGill, from Canada, Katrina from the Philippines, Hannah from California, and Taylor from San Diego. 

Co-Hosts: Hello. Hi. 

Kez: And of course, we’d like to welcome Brother Donald Pinnock, a Minister of the Gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hello, Brother Donald! 

Brother Donald Pinnock: Hi. This is going to be a very, very interesting and insightful conversation for sure.

Kez: So today we’re talking about our parents, our relationship with our parents. Especially now as we’re all living in our 20s. We’re all 20 years old and above, and all of us, all your co-hosts are in different stages. 

And, you know, in movies, once you graduate high school, we hear about, or the movies show people our age packing our things, moving out to colleges or leaving the nest and then going out there in the world and doing our own thing. So here’s a question I’d like to ask us to start us off: Thinking about your own relationship with your parents, how involved are your parents in the decisions that you make as a young adult? I’m actually going to start off with Taylor, how [is] your relationship with your parents? And when you started, you know, start making your own decisions? you know, buying your first car and everything. How involved were they?

Taylor: Very involved is the quick answer. I would…I feel like it’s safe to say that my parents have been very involved with my decisions, you know, forever, my entire life. And, you know, I feel like I’ve just continued as I grew into adulthood. But right now, at this point in my life, you know, I’m working, I’m trying to become more financially stable on my own.

And at this point, I feel like my parents are definitely not as involved as they were, let’s say 2 or 3 years ago, but they are still involved in the sense that they ask me, every now and then, like how I’m doing with work, how I’m doing in terms of reaching my financial goals, other goals in my life.

So, they’re still very involved in the sense that they show me that they’re still interested in what’s going on in my life, but they’re not going to pry for answers from me. 

Kez: I’m similar as well. They just ask me how I’m going with my adult life. When I was younger, I would ask, you know, can I, can we eat out at a restaurant and my mom would say, you have food at home and now as an adult. I mean, the other day I was pretty much driving back home from work, and I saw, like, a fast food joint, and I’m like, I’m kind of hungry right now. Like, you know, Should I get some junk-Should I get some, like, you know, some food on the way? Because it is just on the way home. And I just thought to myself, do I want to spend $12 on a large meal when I, when at home, I can just literally cook the same thing?

Taylor: So relatable. I feel that every single day, Kez! 

Kez: Yeah! And then I told and I found myself going, oh, I have food at home I like. And I just drove. I was like, no, I didn’t stop for the fast food restaurant. And then I just think, oh, I owe my mom a huge apology for all the times I like, begged her and she and I would go “You never treat me out. Why? I don’t want food at home.” I understand now. I’m like, I’m not wasting 12 bucks like that. $12 can go for something else, you know.

Taylor: I love how my conversations with my parents like it clearly shifted. I could feel a clear shift. As I started entering adulthood. Specifically, I noticed this shift once I started working, you know, like making my own money and start, building a financial foundation for myself. That is the time my conversations with my parents started feeling so adult. That’s the best way I can describe it. My mom and I, we just started talking, prior to me working, my mom never really delved into her work life with me. Like telling me things that are going on in her work or goals that she has in her career. But then when I started working, that’s something we would bond over, us talking about what’s going on in our offices. Like she would tell me what’s going on and I would tell her, of course. Yeah, I’m experiencing something similar at my work. So it was cool that…I could there was something else my mom and I could talk about and with my dad. Oh, definitely. My dad is actually, he is an accountant in terms of his work, and he specializes in taxes. So you can imagine we started having lots of tax conversations. So, I appreciate how my parents have recognized that I am at that much more mature stage in my life. You know, where I don’t necessarily rely on them for everything I can provide for myself for certain things. And, in response to that, they understand that they can talk to me, much more maturely. 

Kez: And I know Hannah, you actually live away from your parents. Am I still correct on that? 

Hannah: You’re correct! So actually, I am…well, I’m still living in my family home here in San Diego. And, like you’ve mentioned, Kez, my parents, they’re actually, in another country for my dad’s line of work. So actually, when the time came, when I moved away for college, I went to another city, in Irvine, which is an hour away. they were still involved here and there where they would visit me. They would already, provide, you know, any groceries and such, even though I don’t ask. But when it does come to big decisions such as finances, employment, past relationships, challenges or decisions, I would always defer to my parents. But for them, it’s more of, they know I’m independent enough to make my own decisions, but they always reassure that they’re there for support and to, you know, guide me. They’re not as forceful or like what Taylor said to pry, like, you know, what do you need? What do you need? Help? What are you struggling with? So, you know, I appreciate that independence because of course, you know, as dire as it sounds, of course, they may not be around as long

Kez: And what about you, Kat? 

Kat: My parents are pretty involved as well, so I’m always consulting my decisions when it comes to work and the Church. So I’m always consulting them and they’re likely to give me such advice that I need too, so that I can decide not only on my own, but also depending on what they advise to me. That’s our relationship with my parents.

Kez: And McGill, what about you? Did you have something similar where you had to make choices or and your parents stepped in to help out?

McGill: Yes, actually, in terms of like, career paths, and everything, God bless my parents, they are like, honestly couldn’t ask for anything, like, more, because what they really did and helping me choosing my career path for me, as I’m, you know, as we all are, I’m sure there’s been a point where, you know, we’re trying to figure out what we want to do with our career path, what we want to have as a future job. 

And for me, I really didn’t know what I wante