Martin: Let’s do a quick experiment. Think about the number of Instagram followers that you have. Now, add that number to Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter followers that you have as well. It might seem like a lot of connections with a lot of different people, right? But how many of those connections are actual friendships? And does that even matter? What is a friend these days? And where do you find them? Let’s have a Heart and Soul conversation.

[Show open]

Martin: You’re listening to Heart & Soul, a podcast with the Iglesia Ni Cristo, Church of Christ. I’m your host, Martin Zerrudo, and I’ll be interviewing young adults from across the world who are living Christian lives, who are also dealing with real world problems. This is Heart and Soul.

Martin: Welcome to Heart & Soul. Our guests today are Amanda Santiago and Vince Cadigal. Amanda is a nurse here in Toronto, Canada, and Vince is an analyst for the Navy, based in Washington, DC. How’s it going, guys? 

Amanda: Hey, Martin.

Vince: Good. How’s it going? 

Martin: Going well. Excited for this topic. Now, we also have joining us today Brother Bob, ordained Minister of the Gospel and host of That’s in the Bible. He is a husband and granddad to five, former Air Force and forever Buffalo Bills fan. Hello, Brother Bob, How are you?

Brother Bob: Hello to Brother Martin, Amanda, Vince. Greetings to all.

Martin: We’re so very happy that everyone can join us today. And to our listeners, thank you so much for listening to Episode Two of our podcast. The topic of our lesson today is A Friend In Need, why we need less connections and more friendships. Our first question goes out to Amanda and Vince. When we reached out to you, we let you know that the topic of our conversation is being able to find the right kind of friends that you need in your life. What prompted you? What gave you that courage to say, “you know what, I’m going to be on the show and talk about what I’m going through.”

Amanda: For me, I think that it’s from my past experiences. I thought it would be a great idea to share and talk about it in hopes that other brethren out there can learn from my experiences.

Martin: And Vince? 

Vince: I was reached out to by one of my friends out in California, and he thought that my story would be able to do the same thing that Amanda has mentioned before.

Martin: Right on, right on. Was there any hesitation?

Vince: Not really, I’m more of a public speaker. If someone wanted to hear my story, then I’ll gladly tell it.

Martin: Awesome. For you, Amanda?

Amanda: There is a bit of hesitation just because I’m not much of a public speaker as Vince, but my experience, I thought it would be a great idea. So I just went for it.

Martin: Definitely. And I’ve known Amanda for a long time. This is a part of her story that I did not know about. So myself, I’m also super eager to hear about it. So, we’ll get right to our first source. It was from Forbes and it was an article about how connections are easy, but friendships are hard. And we’ll start off our discussion by reading an excerpt from that article. And it says, “What about real friends? What about people to watch a movie or go for a walk or talk about what’s new, what’s upsetting us make us laugh? Where are the people we can tangibly embrace? They might be in another city. They might have impossible schedules. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t there, Skype, email text; they all work to keep us tethered. The hurdle is to be happy and fulfilled with these new forms of friendships.” So, the situation that this article is talking about today is that that friend in front of you that you can hold and you can laugh with and have good times with, and then a friend that you have over social media, what’s the difference? And is it the same kind of happiness and fulfillment as a friend, or is it different?

Amanda: In terms of having friendships in person versus social media, for me is just how you can see them in person versus social media, you can talk to them, you see them through a screen. But when you have that, as you said, tangible  method of communicating, seeing person to person is much different, because you can see their visual cues, you can hear them, and you have a stronger connection. But through social media, it’s more difficult to sense their visual cues and so forth. So that’s the difference for me.

Martin: Vince?

Vince: Yeah, I think social media is definitely a great platform to maintain a friendship. Me, personally, I don’t really make friends over just purely social media, everything has been an in person communication, but the route is built on the in person communication. And from there on, you know, once we part ways, we’re still able to maintain that friendship through these different types of platforms like Skype, Facebook, Instagram, just to be caught up with what’s happening in their life.

Martin: For sure. They say when you meet somebody in person for the first time, they’re trying to give you the best first impression, so maybe not all parts of what they’re showing you is as authentic as it can be. Do you feel like that level of superficiality is greater online? Because they can curate everything that they show the world and curate how they communicate with you? Is there a danger? Do you feel like maybe not everything is as it seems, when you’re connecting with somebody online?

Amanda: Nothing is ever as it seems? Yes. Especially on social media, talking about myself included, people like to post pictures and videos about the good things, about what they’ve experienced, and they don’t really share they’re down. So if something happens, they don’t share that, they only share what’s good things about their lives. And so it’s kind of hard to see the whole picture of that person. And that’s one of the downfalls for social media is they paint a positive picture all the time, and you can’t really see the whole picture.

Martin: Is that true,Vince?

Vince: Yes, definitely. As for me, one aspect of it, because there’s also certain other areas in social media where you can private your account and really make it private, and really make it catered towards your closest friends where you can freely speak, and freely post things with your friends’ events. 

Martin: Vince, how old are you? 

Vince: I’m 24. 

Martin: And Amanda?

Amanda: 27.

Martin: 27. Growing up, there was no social media, there was no Internet in terms of making friends. Can you call back to how it was making friends back then versus now? And is it easier? Is it harder?

Amanda: When I was growing up we had IM messenger. So that was a form of social media that we would use to talk, kind of like text messaging on computer. It was actually easy to make friends when I was growing up, especially in the Church. I grew up at the chapel because my parents were choir members. So, they would bring my sister and I to Church during choir practices. And I would hang out with other Church members. So, that was great. 

Martin: So, you found it was easier? 

Amanda: Yes. 

Martin: What about you, Vince?

Vince: Yes, growing up, like pre-adolescent days, I felt like everything was easier. The world wasn’t as big and complicated. When you’re a kid, you just want to have fun and run around, right? You know, the other kids on the playground just want to do the same thing. So, I felt that it was easier. And then, the older you get, going through adolescence, I think it starts getting bit more difficult just because it depends on the type of person you are. If you’re an introvert, [an] extrovert, that’ll affect how you treat people and how you meet them. 

Martin: Definitely, definitely. I remember when I was a kid in the cafeteria, the talking point was lunch. You sat down beside somebody, “Hey, what do you have for lunch?” “Oh, I have this.” And it’s like, “What do you have?” “Oh, I have rice.” And it’s usually like, “Oh, that’s interesting” while they eat their sandwich. That’s pretty much how friendships were established versus now.

Brother Bob: I see people taking pictures of their food and posting, posting all of their best lunches and dinners and snacks and stuff on their social media accounts. That’s the modern version of what you were describing. When you sit down next to someone in the cafeteria and talk about what you’re having for lunch. Now,they’re doing that online. So, my question to you all would be do you really believe that these people to whom you’re sending pictures of your food, etc., are those friends, or are they acquaintances? It seems to me that the term “friends” has a different meaning. I think I’m quite a bit older than all of you. And I think that whole term for your age group has a different meaning than what it did back in the day. 

Martin: Definitely. 

Brother Bob: A friend was genuinely someone, not that you would just have never met or talked to on the phone or, in today