Fred Requests a woman's point of view to help him understand.

Then Maye weighs in with good memories and advice.

By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Fred’s Question

Dear BFW;

I've never tried anal sex before. It never appealed to me. Actually, I never have given it much thought until I perused the anal sex category here at Literotica and found it so popular.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I have never even had sex doggie style either. Yes, I realize that doggie style sex is an overwhelming favorite for hordes of people but not for me. It is not that I did not try having sex doggie style, it just did not work for me; my cock did not reach far enough for me to feel like I was fucking her. I mean, really fucking her. Okay, it reached but it would not go in far enough for me to feel that feeling of deep and satisfying penetration. It felt weird. I mean, I do not have a small cock. My cock is a little bigger than average at 7". Yeah, she seemed to enjoy it, but I was not receiving the same feeling that I receive when doing it missionary style and being able to really pound her.

"Sorry, Honey, scoot down so that your head doesn't bang the wall."

Moreover, although all the women who I have ever been with were clean, having just showered, shaved, douched, and flossed, whenever I tried having sex with them doggie style, I always received an aroma of excrement, which is a total turn off. I mean, I really do not want to smell shit when I am boning someone, and I am not even having sex with them anally; I am just trying to do it doggie style. Yet, when you start pounding away, pumping your pelvic area against her hips, you are going to get a whiff of poopies. And even if she is the most beautiful chick, that is gross.

"Geez, Beyonce, what the Hell did you eat last night? You smell like a 3-day-old Taco Bell."

I remember growing up and that was one of the worse ranks you could say to someone about their mother.

"Shut up Carl! Your mother takes it up the ass."

Way worse than saying that your mother wears combat boots, taking a cock up the ass was a big insult. That is, until a Greek kid moved into the neighborhood and we were playing; and then we started arguing over something stupid and one kid said to the Greek kid.

"You mother takes it up the ass."

The Greek kid, Nick, I think his name was, shrugged and walked away because, apparently, she did take it up the ass. He probably thought the kid was complimenting his mother instead of insulting her.

I remember that movie back in the late '70's, Midnight Express with Billy Hayes. He played a college student who went through Turkey hoping to score some drugs, Hashish, and deliver them back to the United States, only he was caught. Boy, those Turks fucked everybody up the ass; it did not matter if you were a man or a woman. What did he call Turkey, a country of pigs? Anyway, any time you dropped anything in that country, you were best just to walk away from it and pretend that it was not yours rather than to bend over and pick it up only to find a Turkish cock up your ass.

"Fred, Is that your money clip?"

"Hasad, I don't know who that money clip belongs to but it is not mine."

"It has your name engraved on it, Fred."

"Hey, Hasad, do you think that I am the only person in Turkey named Freddie?"

"Yes."

"Okay Hasad, then, kick it over here and I'll lie on the ground with my ass to the pavement to pick it up."

Anyway, call me ignorant and I am sure that I will piss off a lot of people who are into anal sex but I always thought of anal sex as a gay thing or as a Greek thing and never as a another choice selection to my sexual menu.

"Honey, can I fuck you up the ass tonight?"

"Gee, Sweetie, wouldn't you rather have a blow job?"

"Okay, Honey."

Now that I think of it, that movie with Burt Reynolds, Deliverance, I can hear the banjo music, now, showed those mountain men fucking anything that moved up the ass.

"Look, Darryl, a deer. Shoot it."

"Nah, let's track it and catch it. Then, we'll fuck it up the ass before we kill it and bring the meat home to Maw."

Oh, and that scene in Quentin Tarantino's, Pulp Fiction where that shopkeeper takes the black dude down the cellar and he calls his friend, a cop, and they are both ready to bone this poor guy up the ass until Butch Coolidge, Bruce Willis, saved his ass with a Samari's sword. Man that was a violent movie. I betcha when Vincent Vega, John Travolta, emerged from the bathroom after taking a shit, he would have preferred taking it up the ass instead of being blown away with that sawed off shotgun by Butch. They just don't make good family movies like that anymore (lol).

Actually, don't the Eskimos like anal sex? Still, they have a reason; it is fucking cold in those igloos. Who wants to take off your clothes to have sex when it is so cold that the penguins are trying to get in bed with you to keep warm? This way, the Eskimo women just inch down their seal line pajama bottoms and bang go, you are getting off. How they rub noses while having anal sex is something that I'd like to see, well...maybe not.

Presently, sex to me includes intercourse, of course, oral sex, and foreplay. I can see Bubba in prison chomping at the bit not being able to wait until he can get a good behavior pass to go out of his jail cell and to use the computer in the library so that he can write me a nasty comment to this story. Yet, you know, Bubba, if you hadn't been a criminal and dumb enough to have been caught and have your sorry ass thrown in jail, then you would not have to be boning some other convict up the ass while sniffing their poopies. Matter of fact, once you are a free man and out on the street, you cannot tell me that you would rather bone a hussy up the ass instead of fucking them missionary style.

I asked my girlfriend if she ever had anal sex and she said that she had it once and did not care for it. Then, I asked my sister-in-law (I have to be careful writing about my sister-in-law otherwise this piece can easily become an incest, okay taboo piece, rather than an anal piece) if she had anal sex and she said that she had. My sister-in-law was the one who wanted me to have sex doggie style with her. She liked doing it doggie style but I could not satisfy her that way. Hey, call me old fashioned. To me, fucking someone up the ass is just sex and not making love. I'd rather face the woman when I am making love to her; so that I can kiss her and suck her tits. Maybe, that's it. I'm a tit man rather than an ass man and it's rather hard trying to suck nipples when they are way on the other side while you have your cock behind her instead of in front of her where God intended Adam to bone Eve.

"Freddie, you're hurting me and stretching my tits all out of shape trying to pull them back to suck them while you are fucking me up the ass."

Now, all the religious freaks will be coming out of the woodwork to make nasty comments to this story. Hey, if you zealots are so full of religion then you shouldn't be doing anal sex anyway. Doesn't the Bible tell you that the only time you people are suppose to have sex is when you are making babies?

"Honey, can I have sex with you, tonight?"

"I'm sorry, Jacob, but I am already pregnant. Give me 9 months and we'll have sex again, then."

Yeah, try telling that to Moses. He had like 100 kids. He must have thought he was a Mormon instead of a Jew and it was okay to have more than one wife. Can you just see Mrs. Moses, now?

"Hey, Moses. Why don't you bone me up the ass once in a while instead of fucking me missionary style? I'm tired of having all these kids and with you going up to the mountaintop waiting for Jesus to talk to you and not being around to help change diapers. Moses! Where are you going with all those animals? It's raining."

Okay, for a brief period, 4 years, I was in the swinging lifestyle and I took an unofficial survey of the women who I partied with (they call it party with instead of saying had sex with) and everyone one of them said that she has had anal sex. Yet, I did not find one woman who preferred anal sex to penis to vagina intercourse. Now, that's an interesting discovery, don't you think? Allow me to repeat that. There was not one woman who would rather have anal sex to having regular penis to vagina intercourse, not one.

"You look lovely tonight; I cannot wait to make love to you."

"Why don't I just drop my panty and bend over. Then, you can fuck me up the ass and we can continue our evening without al