Welcome to the Women of Worth Podcast with Claire Fealy! 

In this week's bonus episode, I speak with Annie Lavin! She is a couples therapist, a singles coach, and a relationship educator! She has a wealth of information to share with us today! I ask questions and she answers! But, this isn’t just my podcast. I would never be where I am today without you! So, settle in, grab a nice cup of tea, and welcome to another episode of OUR podcast.

Being Single [5:21 ]

• People often think love can only be found externally outside of themselves [5:30 ]
• We often times glamourize intimate relationships [6:00 ]
• People start to blame themselves when it isn't working out like they thought [6:15 ]

Overcoming “what's wrong with me”?[7:00 ]

• We have to understand each person's unique patterns [7:20 ] 
• Bring compassion [7:40 ] 
• Not overlook love is available now within me [8:10 ]
• Mindset of love and idea of eternal love [9:00 ]

Attachment styles [14:00 ]

• Our relationships with our primary caregivers can have an impact on our daily life and relationships [14:30 ]
• A great place to start is the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller [15:50 ]
• Attachment styles are fluid and are not an identity [16:30 ]
• People believe they need to work to get love and that they are undeserving of it [19:30 ]

Dating Apps [22:10 ]

• When you are fatigued and frustrated it is time to come off of them [22:50 ]
• I think the apps are a great place to practice relating skills [22:55 ]
• It is all about your intention online [23:20 ]

Planning the Future [27:15 ]

• Yes, women in particular [27:25 ]
• We get to know people over time in a minimum of 0 to 3 months [27:30 ]
• We need to give one another time [28:30 ]
• It is all about your intention online [23:20 ]
• If your only mission in dating is being with your forever person your life would lack a little bit of color [29:30 ]
• People can lose sight of growth and transformation when they are in pursuit of a partner [33:30 ]

How much do you think Disney has messed us all up? [37:05 ]

• Even when you think that pursuit and the energy involved [37:10 ]
• Awareness of old stories rather than basking in the amazing things happening in our lives [38:00 ]
• Triggers of not having that happily ever after [38:40 ]

Coaching clients on Jealousy [39:30 ]

• We have to accept it [39:55 ]
• We have to find compassion for ourselves [40:10 ]
• Normalize the feelings of being happy for others and being jealous [40:30 ]
• Shifting focus on things going on in your life [41:00 ]
• Bring attention to the fact that we don't really ever know that much about other people's lives [41:20 ]
• Jealousy sometimes is pointing out what it is that you really want [43:05 ] 
• Your feelings are feedback for your needs [43:30 ]

Struggling to let go [43:50 ]

• Sit with how are you feeling with this person [45:20 ]
• We have to allow for all of the pain to be felt, to move, shift and be there [47:00 ]
• You also have to not feel shame in feeling the pain [48:30 ]
• I would encourage a break from communication [49:00 ]
• We are blaming and outsourcing our peace and ability to move one [50:30 ]
• Give ourselves time [51:50 ]

Top Tips for dating in 2022 [57:40 ]

• Get to know yourself and do that work [57:50 ]
• Know what you need [59:00 ]
• Be okay with rejection and know you’re worthy [1:01:20 ]
• Know your intention in online dating [1:01:30 ]
• There is nothing wrong with you and believe it [1:02:15 ]

Learn more about Annie on Instagram therelationshipcoach.ie