Calm is the New Power Move
Description
Hustle culture. Main character energy. Your brand must be bold. Chaotic. Unapologetically loud.
Over the last decade, we’ve been told this is how it had to be. But you’ve probably noticed a shift happen about how we talk about power, confidence, and self-expression.
Lately, something different is taking hold.
A calmer and more grounded kind of influence has become increasingly popular, the kind that doesn’t scream for attention but commands it. In a world that constantly pulls us into chaos and reactivity, the ability to remain calm, connected, and intentional is a radical strength.
This is a phenomenon that many call “quiet control,” and it’s a skill you can develop.
For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here on Substack or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.
What is Quiet Control?
Quiet control is what happens when someone walks into a room and regulates it just by being. They don’t need to dominate the conversation. They have no need to prove themselves. Their energy feels stable, their words are thoughtful, and their presence is magnetic in a very different way.
So what exactly is happening here, and why is this shift so powerful?
As nervous system education becomes more mainstream, especially in trauma recovery and mental wellness spaces, we have seen more people prioritize what psychologists call nervous system regulation.
You might have heard of polyvagal theory, a term that’s now exploded across social media. At the heart of polyvagal theory is the vagus nerve, a critical communication line between your brain and body that helps regulate your heart rate, digestion, and stress response.
When your nervous system is dysregulated, you flip into fight, flight, or shut down. When it's regulated (especially in what’s called the ventral vagal state) you feel safe, engaged, open, and in control. You’re calm, but alert. Relaxed, but present.
This relaxed, present state is not only good for your health, but also it has become a new standard for personal power. This is why quiet control has gained so much momentum. It’s a personality trait in addition to a psychological state. It’s one that says: I know how to self-soothe. I can be grounded in chaos. I respond, not react. I trust myself.
The Three Anchors of Quiet Control
For those who grew up in environments where love had to be earned, where attention was only given for performance, or where emotional chaos was the norm, being calm might feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. For many people, drama felt more real than stability. But with healing, we learn that peace is not boring.
Here are some techniques that anyone can use to build a stronger relationship with their nervous system and embody grounded leadership, whether you're in a difficult conversation, navigating stress, or simply trying to feel more stable inside your own body.
* Anchor One: Breathe Low and Slow. This is the fastest way to signal safety to your brain and body. Inhale through your nose for a count of four, and exhale through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat this for one to two minutes. This simple pattern of slow exhale breathing activates your vagus nerve, shifting you into that calm, connected state.
* Anchor Two: Speak in Tempo. We often don’t realize how much our speech pattern affects not only others but also ourselves. When you speak more slowly and intentionally, you calm your own nervous system and signal leadership to others. Try to add deliberate pauses when you speak. Lower your voice just slightly. When you do this, it tells your brain, “I’m not in danger. I have time. I’m in control.”
* Anchor Three: The Leadership Pause. This one is big. Before you respond (especially to something triggering) pause for five seconds. Then ask yourself: What would the grounded, self-respecting version of me say right now? This one practice alone can change relationships, emails, arguments, and inner dialogue.
The real power is not the suppression of emotion, it is to hold it wisely.
Until next time, stay grounded, stay curious, and own your quiet power.
If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and access to my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, check out my paid subscriber option.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Take my attachment styles quiz
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe
United States
