Why You Procrastinate on Dreams (and How to Stop)
Description
So you have a big and inspiring goal, one for the ages.
Maybe you want to write a book, start your own business, move to a new city, or change your career. But instead of taking action, you stay busy with lower-stakes tasks, telling yourself you’ll start "once things settle down" or "when I feel ready."
But what if “ready” never seems to come?
How do you know if you’ve stretched the preparation phase so far you’re full on procrastinating on your dreams?
Here are some clues:
* You spend more time planning, researching, or tweaking than actually doing.
* You keep refining your website, rewriting your business plan, or outlining chapter after chapter but you never hit publish.
* You need to watch just one more YouTube video, and then you’ll finally figure out the perfect workout plan.
You get the picture. This pattern often feels safe, but it’s actually self-sabotage.
Here we’re going to explore self-sabotage, and how you can break free from it. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here on Substack or Apple Podcasts. You can also look for more short videos and insights at my YouTube channel.
Let’s dive into what procrastination is, why you do it, and how to stop the sabotage and start living your dreams.
Procrastination Regulation: The Science of Why we Shy Away
When we put things off, we often then take ourselves to task for perceived laziness. But procrastination isn’t laziness; it’s a problem of emotional regulation.
In the book The Procrastination Equation by Dr. Piers Steel, he shares research which argues that procrastination is about avoiding negative emotions like fear of failure, fear of judgment, and self-doubt.
As you begin to think—and maybe stress—about a highly coveted goal, your brain’s limbic system (which handles emotion and survival instincts) kicks in and hijacks your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for planning and rational decision-making).
When faced with a big, meaningful goal, your brain perceives risk and discomfort, and instinctively seeks immediate relief. That’s why you suddenly decide to clean your entire closet instead of working on your dream; it feels soothing in the short term but keeps you stuck long-term.
High Achievers Also Hide: How the Successful Feel about Procrastination
Think those with high success and prolific output are immune to the procrastination equation?
Think again.
Shonda Rhimes, creator of hit shows from Grey’s Anatomy to How to Get Away with Murder, wrote in her book Year of Yes that she avoided taking big creative and personal risks for years out of fear — until she decided to start saying “yes” to opportunities that scared her.
She explained that the fear never went away, rather she just made a decision to say yes to projects without the psychological safety of feeling ready.
Remember that procrastination isn’t a personal flaw; it’s a protective pattern. And it’s one we can overcome.
The Roots of Procrastination: How Early Patterns Spring Us Forward or Set Us Back
Our early relationships shape how we handle setbacks and risks. If you learned that mistakes led to punishment or withdrawal of love, you might now avoid big goals to protect yourself from that emotional pain. Anxious attachment styles might obsessively prepare and seek reassurance, never feeling ready. Avoidant styles might disengage completely to avoid vulnerability.
These approaches were probably beneficially adaptive if as children the risks of mistakes or revealing vulnerability were genuinely high. But as adults with goals and dreams, we have to find ways to accept that risk is an inherent aspect of reaching for anything worthwhile. Whether it’s an artistic aspiration, a higher paying job, or making a commitment like a marriage, we have to accept the prospect of failure exists. The way forward is not to look for a risk-free path, but a protocol to propel us forward regardless of our fear.
How to Get Unstuck: The Micro-Win Momentum Plan
So what procedures can we put in place when our internal motivation is hijacked by fear circuitry?
One way is by breaking down your big, weighty goals, into small, achievable wins. This way, you avoid overwhelm and can use the momentum of each smaller win to propel you forward.
To begin, define your big dream clearly. Write it out, confining it to one, bold sentence: I want to start a podcast about mental wellness or I want to write and publish my first novel.
Next, break that big dream into micro-wins, wins that are so small they seem almost silly.
Not "write a chapter," but "write one paragraph."
Not "launch the business," but "brainstorm three possible names."
You want them to be so easy you can’t find an excuse not to be able to do them.
Now, put into practice the “implementation intention” strategy. Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer of NYU into the science of goals has shown that when you specify when and where you’ll take an action, you’re far more likely to follow through. For example, instead of setting a goal “to write tomorrow,” instead set “tomorrow at 9 a.m., in my kitchen, I will write one paragraph."
Leave no room for excuses.
Once you have achieved the first goal, track it and celebrate! Use a sticky note on your mirror, a checkmark on a whiteboard, or a simple app. Every completed micro-win activates the release of dopamine in your brain, reinforcing action over avoidance. It gives your brain the literal psychological “juice” to keep going.
Finally, make sure to share your wins with a supportive person. Tell a friend, coach, or online community, just make sure it’s someone who matters to you, and who will genuinely be happy for your success. Accountability amplifies momentum.
Starting small shifts your brain from fear to action.
Over time, micro-wins compound into massive progress. And each win tells you on the other side of procrastination is success. Your dreams are not meant to stay on a shelf for “someday.” You deserve to live them now.
What tricks do you use to get yourself unstuck? I’d love to know. And if you found this helpful, please share it with someone you think would enjoy this read.
If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and access to my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, check out my paid subscriber option.
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
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