Can't Finish Projects? Here's How to Beat Perfectionism
Description
Have you ever spent countless hours tweaking a project until it felt "just right," only to still feel disappointed?
Or maybe you’ve avoided starting something altogether because you were afraid you couldn’t do it perfectly?
f you answered “yes” to either of these questions, you’re not alone. In this post, and in my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites, we dive into a mindset that so many people silently struggle with — perfectionism. You can listen right here in Substack or on Apple Podcasts. You can also check out some videos of actionable exercises on YouTube.
The Perfectionism Trap: Why “Perfect” is Hurting You
Perfectionism might look like an admirable trait on the surface — a sign of high standards and drive. But it can quietly undermine your mental health, creativity, and happiness.
I see it all the time in my practice and in my own life. It’s that little voice that says, "If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing at all."
Sound familiar?
Why are we so obsessed with being perfect?
At its root, perfectionism is a survival strategy. Thousands of years ago, social belonging meant survival. Early humans relied on their group for protection and resources. Standing out too much, making mistakes, or appearing weak could mean exclusion from the group — which was literally life-threatening.
As a result, we developed strong social monitoring systems in our brains that made us hypersensitive to rejection and mistakes. Because our ancestors had to stay in the tribe to stay alive, so acceptance and avoidance of mistakes was critical.
While we no longer live in caves, our brains still react to social rejection as if it’s a threat to our very existence. When we receive praise or recognition, our brain releases dopamine — a reward chemical that feels really good. Over time, we crave this feeling and mistakenly believe that if we’re perfect, we’ll keep earning that validation and stay “safe.”
We start to associate perfection with this dopamine rush, creating a vicious cycle of striving for unattainable standards just to feel momentary relief. But that relief is fleeting, so we soon crave another fix.
Thankfully, in modern life, we don’t have to worry about saber-toothed tigers, but our brains still act like social rejection is a threat to survival. That’s part of why we become perfectionistic; we believe that if we’re flawless, we’ll be safe and loved.
The Heavy Costs of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is linked to increased anxiety, depression, burnout, and even suicidal thoughts. One large 2017 study found that rates of perfectionism among college students have significantly increased since the 1980s, largely driven by social media pressures and rising societal expectations.
Perfectionism is like a moving finish line. You think you’ll finally feel worthy when you hit a certain goal — but when you get there, the goalposts move again. You never truly arrive.
How Do You Know if Your Perfectionism is Going Overboard?
Perfectionism is often mistaken for healthy high standards, but they’re not the same.
Healthy high standards come from a place of growth, curiosity, and joy. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is driven by fear: fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of not being enough.
Your perfectionism might be going overboard if:
* You constantly criticize yourself, even over small mistakes.
* You procrastinate or avoid starting projects because they might not turn out perfectly.
* You feel your value depends on your achievements.
* You rarely feel satisfied, even after major accomplishments.
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, don’t worry — you’re not alone, and there is a way forward. Let me tell you about one of the most effective strategies I teach to help break this cycle.
The Good Enough Principle: How to Start Breaking Free
One of the most powerful tools I teach is called the Good Enough Principle.
When you’re about to start a task, instead of aiming for an illusion of perfection, define what "good enough" looks like in advance. Aim for something functional, aligned with your values, and doable.
Here’s how to try it today:
* Define "good enough" up front.Before starting, ask: What does a solid, finished version look like without the endless tweaking? Write it down and keep it visible.
* Check in with your body.Notice if you’re clenching your jaw, holding your breath, or tensing your shoulders. These are signs perfectionism is creeping in — pause, breathe, and return to your "good enough" goal.
* Speak to yourself with compassion.Instead of saying, "This isn’t good enough," try, "I did my best with what I had today."
Practicing self-compassion doesn’t lower your standards; it frees you from impossible ones. Research shows self-compassion actually improves resilience, motivation, and long-term performance more than harsh self-criticism ever could.
If you found this helpful, please share this with a friend who you think would benefit from this. I’d also love to hear what sort of “good enough” goals you set for yourself. Please share them in the comments below.
And one last thing: I also have a paid subscriber option where you can get even more resources, access to private Q&As, and access to my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Take my attachment styles quiz
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe
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