Florida lady has lesbian threesome in public pool in front of kids. Man wields machete and demands people buy his meth.

Worker left for dead during wilderness office retreat. Fighting sexual urges? Try badminton, kids.

Woman is allergic to her own period. Fake police officer fools the police force for years.

Doctor let teenage daughter drill hole in patient's skull. Rock band fakes farewell tour to see tickets.

Chick-fil-A launches Chicken TV. World's oldest man says the secret is fried food and luck.

Florida doctor ignores screaming patients. Bloody Floridaman refuses to leave a plane.

Dead woman still has to pay rent. Football team will wear QR codes for in-game tipping.

Horse is elected mayor of a US town. Woman performed lewd act with a trout.

So sorry we lost your skull, sir! Flights canceled over dangerous missing scissors.

Woman runs over boyfriend with car on their way to couples therapy. Man shot his father over smelly feet.

Floridaman drives truck through strip club for kicking him out. Man stabs roommate over gas prices.

Circumcised without consent leads to apology. Taliban welcome hostages - I mean "Tourists".

Lice in passenger's hair leads to emergency landing. Breastfeeding humans try to get an orangutan to do same.

Lady steals $1.5 million worth of chicken wings from school. Stop giving the monks energy drinks, please.

Glitterbombing Mars will make it better to dance on. Man steals women's undies cuz he hates his wife's undies.

Hurricane blows cocaine onto Florida beach. Lady blames strong winds for failed sobriety test.

Chess player poisons her rival pre-match. Mayor asks to please not poop on their pretty beach.

Airline now allows women to purchase seats away from the creepy men. Man arrested for assaulting a Prius.

Black clothing banned in classrooms but the 10 Commandments are on the wall for all to see.

Pole vaulter’s huge package costs him Olympic medal. Baby Karen's are nearly extinct.