Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous!

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients). Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is.

Related resources

• Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi
• 8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy, a Free eBook by Martha Kauppi
• Martha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com

Timestamps

(00:55 ) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy?

(04:04 ) What is consensual non-monogamy?

(05:36 ) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy?

(08:40 ) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media

(11:46 ) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life

(15:42 ) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way

(21:03 ) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship?

(24:20 ) Tips for working through jealousy 

(25:35 ) What is compersion?

(30:13 ) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! 

(32:10 ) Where can you find Martha? 

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give