Most kids just want to fit in but many feel thwarted by social anxiety. Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how children can navigate social interactions.

Most kids just want to fit in - join in games, hang out with friends and know what to say. But many are thwarted by social anxiety. Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how to help children handle social interactions.

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Most teenagers are ruled by their social lives.

But if 19 year old Lucy*, who suffers from social anxiety, kept a diary, there wouldn't be too much in it.

Her mother, Sarah*, says Lucy turned down most invitations, not because she didn't like her friends but because social gatherings made her too anxious.

"If she's invited to something she goes into total panic because she knows she's going to have to deal with a crowd of people so then I get tears and anxiety and panic attacks that are quite severe sometimes," Sarah says.

Sometimes Lucy's whole body shakes as the anxiety takes hold.

"She actually said to me she sometimes feels like she almost leaves her body, and I guess that's her coping mechanism to try and deal with what's going on."

Sarah says social anxiety has held her daughter back in many ways, preventing her from trying new activities.

"She will sit back, afraid of people watching her so it's a self-esteem thing. She feels people might laugh at her."

Lucy often watches other, younger children trying new things and feels frustrated that she can't bring herself to join in, Sarah says.

"It's quite a crippling thing and I don't know if people know how crippling it is, the anxiety."

Social anxiety is often driven by perfectionism and a fear of criticism or rejection by others, says clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher.

"Underlying it are often fears that something is wrong with us or we will do something wrong, such as making a mistake, going red in the face or performing poorly."

People with social anxiety worry that these mistakes will be exposed to others and they'll be judged negatively, Catherine says.

"Our worry brains can tell us we need to be perfect or flawless or, to the other extreme, we're destined for an epic YouTube-worthy fail and there's no in between.

"So anxious brains are often black and white brains - we're either on fire or it's a complete disaster."…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details