How to Balance Support and Independence in Neurodivergent Teens

Raising neurodivergent teens requires us to walk the razor's edge between offering support and encouraging independence...

...it's a balance that can sometimes feel elusive.

I'm Kate Lynch, and the other day I discussed this with Dr. Emily W. King, a child psychologist with a wealth of experience working with neurodivergent kids.

Before she became a parent, Dr. Emily was a licensed psychologist. Despite all her academic knowledge and training, having her own kids and working with her clients provided the real education. Nothing prepares you for the emotional experience of parenting. Knowledge helps, but understanding how our brains and bodies work together—in vastly different ways—comes from lived experience. As Dr. Emily put it, “Lived experience is just as valuable as any letters we have behind our name.”

Every child is different, and each family figures out what work best for them. For instance, my son is now comfortable taking the subway to school, although that journey had its challenges. He has navigated train disruptions, struggled with confusion, and yet persisted, growing more independent over time. 

Dr. Emily noted that our kids are on their own timelines, and traditional age-based developmental milestones don’t apply to neurodivergent kids. Trusting the process, allowing for those inevitable challenges, and seeing them as growth opportunities are critical. Understanding and accepting this can alleviate some parental anxiety.

Sometimes, teens might feel they no longer need certain therapies, even when their parents think otherwise. Emily suggested a collaborative approach: understanding the child’s perspective, discussing their goals, and finding compromises that respect their feelings while ensuring they get the support they need.

 One particularly touching moment Dr. Emily recalled was when her son unexpectedly grabbed her hand in a crowd, a simple yet profound reminder that there’s a last time for everything—we just don’t know when it will be.

By sharing experiences and learning from each other, we can help our neurodivergent kids feel safe, understood, and empowered to grow.

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If you’re anything like other parents I talk to, you’re seeking 3 things:

1. Connection with other parents who get it.

   
   



2. Support, empathy and guidance through the rough spots.

   
   



3. Resources to help your children.

   
   

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⁠https://katelynch.substack.com/p/back-to-school-support-special⁠