On Blossoming is not your typical sex ed book. Instead of typically puritanical views on sex and puberty, author Gia Lynne focuses on incorporating the principles of pleasure into sex education for our youth and creates a new paradigm of human sexuality. In this interview she talks about some of her unique experiences of puberty and going through her teens talking openly with her parents that led her to write this book.

“While there is a growing urge in our culture to talk about consent, what comes before that? So. Much. And that is what we’ll explore in this book and also in the rest of my work.” ~Gia Lynne

In this episode you are going to hear a personal interview with author Gia Lynne who has recently written a new sex education book for teens and parents of teens. Her book, On Blossoming: Frank and Practical Advice on Our Bodies, Sexual Health, Sensuality, Pleasure, Orgasm, and More, is not your typical sex education book. This book takes on a taboo topic in our culture. It reworks the standard script of sexual education and fills in the gaps. Lynne presents solutions and provides tools for creating positive experiences.

Let’s hear about some of those unique experiences that led Gia Lynne to write the book On Blossoming.

WC: You were raised by sex educators…

Gia Lynne: Yes!

WC: I was definitely not raised by sex educators. So you had a different experience than a lot of people did. You said you were anticipating your period for a long time, right?

Gia Lynne: Oh yes.

WC: Did you talk about it with people in your family?

Gia Lynne: Obsessively. I first found out about my period when I was 7 or 8 because my sister and I were in the same “Female Body Class”. It was with my Mom. She had a book and we would talk about the book. It had illustrations and things like that. In the class we learned about periods. She showed us what a tampon looked like. She even put it in a cup of water so we could see how it expanded. I thought “Oh cool, that sounds great, it’s part of being an adult.”

I remember hopping off the bed and went to use the bathroom and thought “Okay, my period can start.” I was really disappointed when it actually didn’t. I definitely had a lot of positive associations around my first period.

WC: When you had your period, did you talk about it?

Gia Lynne: Oh yes. I definitely did. I had to wait awhile before the initial moment, it was about 5 years. One year, when you are in the single digits, is like an eternity. I was really anticipating this thing, and my sister, she is a year older so I saw her get hers and that was definitely like a teaser of what was to come because she was very private about it. I didn’t necessarily get all the info I wanted.

I would ask my Mom and other friends about their experiences too and then another close friend got her period too! I felt like “Oh Man, I am the one of three of us that didn’t get it.” When I first got it I felt a moment of power, I had this secret. I think that lasted less than one minute because pretty soon I was telling everybody and we had a party. It was fun and it felt like this one step of adulthood.

WC: You had a party?

Gia Lynne: Oh yes, It was a party where all the women in the house were invited. We had a private space where some couches were all together and we sat around the whole evening after dinner and we all just told stories. I remember laughing, there was so much laughter and we just sat around and told stories and laughed. There were no other activities that I can think of.

WC: When you started being interested in boys, did you talk to your parents about that?

Gia Lynne: Yes I did. It was something my sister and I would talk about a lot. We were on the same soccer team with all the boys that were all the candidates of my interest so we had a lot of conversation about who was who and what we thought about them. And then if there was someone that really stood out or I was interested in then I would talk to my Mom or my Dad about it or someone else I felt close to.

WC: At one point you talked to your Mom about possibly having sex with a boy, and you were pretty determined you were going to have sex with this boy.

Gia Lynne: Yes, I think this is pretty common that when we’re growing up there are certain age markers that vary for people like “how old you should be when certain things happen.” At that time I was 15, pretty close to 16, and I felt like I was getting pretty advanced in my teenage years and that I should be doing this. It’s strange to look back on but there is so much pressure growing up, and in adulthood, to do certain things by certain times, so yes I felt like I was READY. “This is the person,” I had probably been interested in him for six months or something like that, but it felt like a long time. I felt like we knew each other really well, but looking back on it, none of those things were really true.

WC: So you told your Mom that you were planning this?

Gia Lynne: Yes! I figured she should know because it felt like an important event and I knew I would feel better if I communicated what I was thinking. She had guided me in so many things – this is a big life step, that is how I thought about it at the time. I should see what she has to say about this.

I didn’t want to ask her permission though, that was important. This is a communication, not a question. But clearly it was also a question because it wasn’t something I felt totally right about, because if I had felt right about it I would have done it and I didn’t at that particular instant.

I could feel how she wanted to guide me as I think a lot of parents do. She didn’t want to tell me what to do. I think it is a very sensitive moment for a parent or a guardian. She knew how I didn’t know this boy very well. I was very infatuated with him, and we were infatuated with one another, but we didn’t have any real communication together. The most we had in common was soccer which was a good start. So I could feel the effect that me bringing that up had on her and that she was thinking about it. There was definitely charge, emotional charge that I felt and she just gave me the space to think, you know, “How come?” basically is what she said – she just kept the conversation going for me instead of being like “Yes or No.” She did what she could to keep the communication open.

WC: And, what happened?

Gia Lynne: I was left to my own devices to think about it, is this really what I want to do? The answer was no, I did not. I think once the heat of that particular time with him, instead of being so wrapped up in something I think I can or can’t do, or people think I should or shouldn’t do, I could step away from that and think “Is this what I really want to be doing?” And that particular event did not occur for a number of years later.

WC: So when that particular event occurred, you talked to your parents about it, right?

Gia Lynne: Yes.

WC: How did you talk to them, most kids don’t do that, right? It’s very secretive.

Gia Lynne: Yes, it came out of a series of conversations and this was an experience I’d been thinking about having. There was a particular person that I knew very well, also from soccer, but this time he is somebody I had been building a friendship with for the past seven years at that point. We had really gotten to know each other and started having more intimate experiences together. The thing that was different about that relationship was he knew so much more about me. He knew about my background, and this particular intentional community.

WC: You talked a lot?

Gia Lynne: Yes.

WC: You asked each other questions and you listened, right?

Gia Lynne: Yes. Which wasn’t initially part of our relationship. We didn’t have a very “talky” relationship. He was extremely shy, like we would go snowboarding together and sit on the chairlift and we would say one sentence each to each other and that felt BIG. But it was over time that we got more familiar with each other and built that foundation of communication. Like I told him long before we actually had intercourse that it was something that I wanted to do and was ready to do and how particular things were important to me like safe sex. He knew all of that well in advance, there was no surprising him like “Okay, now!” We had talked about it.

WC: Afterwards, did you tell your parents, did you tell your family?

Gia Lynne: I did! Yes.