For stepmum support, tools, workshops and coaching, visit: https://stepmumspace.com

If you’ve ever felt the urge to check your partner’s messages with his ex — not out of mistrust, but out of fear, insecurity or emotional overload — this episode will make you feel deeply understood. Elizabeth* speaks with honesty about what high-conflict co-parenting does to your nervous system, your relationship, and your sense of safety.

In this episode, Katie talks to Elizabeth, who entered her relationship just as her partner’s ex was at her most high conflict. From trying to block the bond between Elizabeth and her stepson, to reporting Elizabeth as a safeguarding risk, the early years were marked by constant drama, accusations and emotional chaos.

Despite all of this, Elizabeth and her stepson formed an incredibly strong, loving connection.

Eventually Elizabeth’s husband set firm boundaries — and the conflict with the ex stopped.
 But something unexpected happened:

When things became calm and amicable… Elizabeth didn’t feel relief. She felt triggered.

She found herself wanting to read their messages, craving reassurance, and feeling a deep discomfort she didn’t anticipate. This episode explores why this happens, and why stepmums often struggle more after the chaos ends than during it.

It’s an insightful, compassionate, and very relatable conversation with a woman who speaks openly and courageously.

Not her real name.

In This Episode We Explore:

• Why high-conflict behaviour from an ex can create long-term emotional hypervigilance
• The urge to check messages — and what it’s really about
• How it feels when your partner becomes amicable with his ex after years of drama
• Why calm can feel unsafe when you’re used to chaos
• The bond between Elizabeth and her stepson despite the obstacles
• How false allegations impact a stepmum’s sense of safety
• What helps when old triggers appear in new, quieter seasons

If You Need Support
Book a free introductory coaching call: https://www.stepmumspace.com/booking

Learn more about Katie’s work: https://www.stepmumspace.com

Keywords:
high conflict ex, stepmum checking messages, stepmum insecurity, stepmum emotional triggers, false allegations stepmum, stepmum nervous system, blended family stress, stepmum boundaries, struggling stepmum, stepmum podcast

Helpful Links:
Stepmum Space website: https://stepmumspace.com

Instagram: @stepmumspace
1:1 Coaching & Couples Coaching: https://stepmumspace.com

Your feelings make perfect sense — especially when the past has taught your body to stay on alert. You don’t have to navigate it alone.

Support the show