Read the full episode and comment here: https://journeyfrommeh.com/facing-fear-with-vulnerability/

If what I share adds some benefit to your life or touches you please hit a like button, subscribe, share or comment.

I am petrified of dentists. As a child, my parents moved around a lot and we never had a regular dentist that I got to know and trust. Growing up a dentist extracted the wrong tooth. He extracted the healthy tooth. 

As an adult a dentist extracted a tooth that had an abscess beneath it. In case you don’t know, numbing agents don’t work when there is infection present, like an abscess. 

I didn’t know at the time that I should have been given antibiotics and then, only once the infection had cleared, should treatment have proceeded.

In 2020, during the first hard lockdown, I bit down on an olive and broke a tooth on the olive pip. Because of my fear of dentists, I ignored it and made excuses about not going to the dentist. Eventually an abscess developed beneath the broken tooth. 

I knew from the throbbing on the side of my mouth that my days of ignoring this was over and I had to get it sorted.

This was the worst kind of deja vu. More like a PTSD episode. The exact same situation that I had experienced before where I had been tortured by that arsehole. The thought of lying prone on that chair, under that bright light with hands and instrumentation preventing me from using my voice just debilitated me.

Like Eskimos and snow, when it comes to dentists, I need more words for fear. 

I decided to reach out for help and posted a message on my local community WhatsApp group asking what dentist in our area they would recommend. I also reached out to all our friends in our area and asked the same thing. 

I then tabulated the results of my survey and chose the dentist with the most recommendations. Being the early stages of COVID no-one was going out except for emergencies so when I called the receptionist said the dentist could see me in an hour.

What???!!! No, no, no, no, no!! I need at least three days to gather my strength.

Also she informed me, due to COVID protocols, I had to wait in my car and they would come and get me from the car. 

“My husband can’t come in with me?” 

“No. He can’t come into the building.”

Fuck! My big, strong 6’ 6” husband wouldn’t be allowed in the building - never mind in the room -  where I wanted him with his hands around the dentist’s neck ready to break it at the smallest squeak from me!

Also, she added, they would all be covered in PPE which may be quite frightening to see and she just wanted me to be prepared.

See? The word fear is just lacking in texture to describe where I was at this point.

I knew I had to move forward. I needed help. I did recognise that preparing me and describing exactly what I was going to encounter - in these very new and strange circumstances at that time - helped me, empowered me with knowledge.