What is Self-Control

We’ve come to the last week in our series on Growing in Character, and it’s one of the most important characteristics to get right.

Self-Control.

Self-Control can be as simple as saying no to that extra cookie or as critical as saying yes to a life of sobriety after battling addiction. Self-Control involves setting boundaries in a given area and making the choice to stay within them for our ultimate good.

The Greek word for self-control in Galatians 5:24 is engkrateia which means self-governance or mastery over self. The root word kratia means government, and is the basis of such words as demokratia or democracy. By this definition we can see that Paul was exhorting us in Galatians to have self-control ie: to rule over ourselves as a government rules over it’s people.

In a healthy democracy, laws serve as boundaries for the common welfare of the people. Boundaries are good, designed to protect and establish order. A society without order is anarchy which means a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.

That is not how we are called to live friends! We are empowered by the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:24 to have authority over our lives. Why is this important? John W. Ritenbaugh explains this well:

“The body and mind possess appetites and needs that can easily lead to sinful excesses if not controlled. They can lead any of us away in a hundred different directions from the supreme devotion to Him that He desires for our good. Note the senseless luxury of this present generation, the exaggerated care of the physical body, and the intemperance in eating and drinking… Our culture has molded us to seek ample provision for the flesh and material comforts far beyond our needs, drowning the spirit and producing needless anxieties. We have to learn to subordinate the drive to satisfy these insatiable appetites so they do not master us and lead us into sin.” John W. Ritenbaugh [source]

The words that stick out to me in that except are excess, intemperance, drowning the spirit and needless anxieties. Refusing to exercise self-control welcomes a host of unwanted intruders into our life.

This idea of self-governance is best illustrated in Proverbs 25:28

To understand this metaphor you must understand the cultural context of a fortified city; a city surrounded by walls. The wall protected the city. All powerful cities were surrounded by walls to keep out the enemy. The author of Proverbs is not talking about a tiny village or walls that cut the people off from all the ‘fun’ that lie outside the city gate. He’s talking about a city that is large, vibrant and full of life. Within the walls of the city, the people experienced freedom. Outside of the city wall was bondage.

You did not want to live outside the city walls! Self-control is learning to live within boundaries so that we can experience freedom in our lives.

I think self-control and living within boundaries can be misunderstood. Have you ever read Edgar Allen Poe’s Cask of Amontillado? In this story Montresor tricks Fortunato to follow him deep into the catacombs under his house where he then lays a wall brick by brick, trapping Fortunato in a cell to waste away. In some instances, there is a fear that if we exhibit self-control it’s like we are laying that wall brick by brick, walling ourselves into a cell that lacks fun and cuts us off from ‘all life has to offer’.

OH friend. Can I just tell you from personal experience how wrong this is? Self-control is not putting ourselves into a walled cell. Self-control is living a vibrant life of FREEDOM!

Just One More

There are some obvious areas in our lives that we must exhibit self-control or face some serious consequences. We can all point our finger at the ‘big ones’ from the list below and agree that we should probably not do them:

Murder

Steal

Do drugs

Commit adultury

Punch somebody in the face

We could add more, but you get the idea!

Instead, let’s focus in on the areas that seem insignificant. We live in a ‘just one more’ society where it feels counter-cultural to exhibit self control. We oftentimes trade what we want most for what we want right now because we don’t like to wait, and what’s the big deal anyway?

… one more cookie

… one more beer

… one more hour of sleep

… one more episode

… one more scroll through facebook

… one more trip to Target

… one more commitment on our calendar

… one more “yes” that we don’t have to give

Do you notice a pattern in this list? Most of these are fine in moderation; eating, drinking, social media, sleep, consumerism… but when we step outside the healthy boundary they become bigger issues. It’s easy to see how any of these in excess could lead to distraction or hold us back from the lives we want to live.

Personal Example

Last week I talked about gentleness, which for me goes hand in hand with self-control. When I lose my patience with the kids I display a lack of self-control by yelling which is definitely lacking in gentleness. If you struggle in this area, go back and read that article. I’ll be vulnerable in another area instead so as not to be repetitive, hmmm… sometimes being the author isn’t fun!

One of our favorite summer activities is camping, we do it every weekend. I’ve noticed over the past couple years that I have a tendency of having ‘just one more drink’ as we sit around the campfire with friends. For the most part, this has been fine except for the instances when that ‘one more’ has resulted in me embarrassing myself or not feeling great the next day. I’m 30 now, so it doesn’t take too many to not feel good in the morning.

Here’s where we must use discernment. In comparison with many people, my infrequent ‘one to many’ doesn’t seem like a big deal. I don’t have a drinking problem by definition of our world. BUT, I recognized that this lack of self-control was starting to rob me of joy and productivity. Often times if I have ‘just one glass of wine’ during the week I find myself staying up later and watching ‘just one more episode on Netflix’ and the following morning instead of waking up at 5 am to be productive I’d sleep for ‘just one more hour’ and miss out on the quiet time that I want most to start the day! Missing that quiet time usually means pushing off my time to spend with the Lord until later in the day (if I even get to it) which leaves me less equipped to operate in all the rest of the fruit of the spirit we’ve been talking about in this series.

Do you see how our ‘just one more’ in one area can turn into an adult version of “If you give a mouse a cookie, then he’ll probably eat it while scrolling Instagram and feeling bad about himself” type of situation?!

In my situation, when I’d indulge and have one too many drinks, I’d feel guilt and shame the next day. NOT because my God was condemning me, but because I know the boundary that I want to stay within and I’m disappointed in myself when I cross it. I’m disappointed in my lack of self-control. The enemy would use that guilt to torture me for days and whisper lies that I’d wallow in and start to believe like: “You haven’t really changed since your college days. You’re just the same party girl. Look at you! What would the women at Bible study say? You aren’t qualified to lead a small group because clearly you still haven’t gotten your own s*** together. They’re laughing at you! What an embarrasment!”

When I stay within my