October Surprise #3 - Mixer
October Surprise #3 - MixerUpdate: 2024-10-26
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//DOZENS OF FACES
//NONE OF THEM WANTED
//LEAST OF ALL YOURS
The Wrong Station presents the last place you'd want to be...
“MIXER”
--Written and performed by Anthony Botelho. Support The Wrong Station by subscribing at www.patreon.com/thewrongstation.
The Wrong Station contains explicit content and mature themes. Episode-specific warnings can be found at www.wrongstation.com/c-w.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Hey, everyone.
00:00:01
This is Alexander.
00:00:02
I'm one of the three people who makes wrong station.
00:00:04
And I'd love it if you came and joined us on Patreon.
00:00:06
We're an independent show.
00:00:08
We only survive because people like you think that we do work that's worth paying for.
00:00:12
But on top of that, the Patreon is full of really good stuff that I want you to listen to.
00:00:17
We have extra episodes.
00:00:19
We have this show called "Control Tower" where we analyze wrong station episodes.
00:00:23
We have this show called "The Grim War Club" where we analyze some of the media and the stories that have inspired wrong station.
00:00:29
And we also have this beautiful, quarterly print publication called "The Lore Book" that I do all the graphic design for.
00:00:35
I think you'll really like it.
00:00:37
So come on over to patreon.com/thorongstation.
00:00:40
Sign up for a free trial.
00:00:41
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00:00:44
And see if there's anything there that you like.
00:00:46
I think there will be.
00:00:47
Once again, that's patreon.com/thorongstation.
00:00:51
Thanks a lot.
00:00:52
*music* You may wish to adjust the dial.
00:01:13
You're currently too busy.
00:01:16
The wrong station.
00:01:19
*music* *music* *music* *music* He tapped his card and the terminal beeped,
00:02:05
cutting through the crowd noise and radio top 40 hits for a half a second.
00:02:09
$12 plus tax and a 20% tip.
00:02:13
And the bartender slid him his cracked Miller High Life.
00:02:17
He'd have to make this one last.
00:02:19
He wasn't too keen on waiting 15 minutes again for another.
00:02:23
He'd started the evening with a paper plane.
00:02:26
When he'd arrived 30 minutes fashionably late, only to find that that was still 30 minutes unfashionably early.
00:02:34
He loved a paper plane and thought it might even be a conversation piece.
00:02:38
"Ooh, what's that?"
00:02:40
"In Ierio Decarta," you say.
00:02:42
"I should get one."
00:02:44
But, even with hardly anyone there, it still felt the bartender's judgment as she spent a minute and a half making it.
00:02:52
And as for conversation, he'd nervously taken down the coop glass and three gulps long before anyone he was keen on talking to would show up.
00:03:02
So now it was Miller.
00:03:04
That's what everyone else was having, that or a vodka soda.
00:03:08
So even if he was someone who would order a cocktail when the bar was slammed, and he wasn't, it struck him that such a characterful choice would have appeared.
00:03:19
Self-conscious.
00:03:21
An affectation.
00:03:23
"Why am I even here?"
00:03:26
He knew the answer, but that hadn't stopped him from asking himself the question eight times that day.
00:03:32
"Tired of the apps," the ad had asked, "meet real singles in your city in person."
00:03:39
He certainly was tired of the apps.
00:03:41
He didn't know anyone earnestly looking for love who wasn't.
00:03:45
He'd been tired of them five years ago, back when they still worked, and you could reasonably hope to set up a date once every month or so.
00:03:52
But he'd been out of the game for a while, and returned to find them...
00:03:56
I'm even worse.
00:03:58
Boughts, pay-walled features, and hidden, gamified, ELO scores that made you feel like you were playing a game of chess with a boardful of pawns.
00:04:07
So of course he wanted to try something different.
00:04:11
But was this that something?
00:04:14
845, and now the bar was packed.
00:04:17
Some downtown spot he'd never heard of, but that sounded interesting enough in the event info.
00:04:22
An "activity bar" to help people break the ice.
00:04:26
Though, really, it was the same as any trendy place in that part of town.
00:04:30
You know the ones.
00:04:31
Neon lights over a smooth copper bar top, tropical wall paper, monochrome floor tiles, and a loud geometric pattern.
00:04:40
With a few lawn bowling lanes and a single air hockey table thrown in for the 80 odd people present.
00:04:47
He was certainly trying.
00:04:49
For all his human faults, you couldn't say the man wasn't trying.
00:04:52
Early on, a small group had started a game in one of the lanes, seeing that he could sideline to make the numbers even.
00:04:59
He did so.
00:05:01
Struck up some light conversation, made some joking, foe bravado boasts about his experience playing botchy with the Italians in the park, exchanged a few names that he had shamefully forgotten a half hour later.
00:05:13
But the conversation was only ever friendly.
00:05:17
On both sides, none of the women were quite close enough to his age for him.
00:05:21
Not the right look for him, the right sense of humor, the right anything.
00:05:27
And he didn't think he had the right anything for any of them, either.
00:05:31
As a friend, sure.
00:05:33
He was a friendly guy.
00:05:34
That wasn't his problem.
00:05:34
But he had plenty of those.
00:05:37
He gave his awkward little talk to you later, and left them to the conversation of more hungry-eyed suitors.
00:05:46
He was trying.
00:05:47
His friends thought so.
00:05:48
A singles mixer?
00:05:50
Yeesh.
00:05:51
Honestly, I think that might be the thick of these days.
00:05:55
But he, I'm proud of you.
00:05:56
I did not think I could do that in your shoes.
00:05:58
Good thing I don't have to.
00:06:00
Yeah, good thing you don't have to.
00:06:02
You married bastards.
00:06:05
Still, he appreciated the pat on the back and support for his questionable choice.
00:06:11
He'd even resolved to give it at least 90 minutes, a real honest college try, for his friends.
00:06:21
Halfway through.
00:06:23
He checked his watch a third time in as many minutes, confirming he was halfway through.
00:06:31
Maybe if he just perched here for a minute, leaned on this partition, someone would come to him.
00:06:37
Let's cross the legs.
00:06:38
No, scratch that.
00:06:39
Looks deliberate.
00:06:41
Rest the arm.
00:06:42
Crook the elbow at a clean right angle.
00:06:45
There we are.
00:06:47
What the bottle droop and hold it by the lip.
00:06:50
Seductive-like.
00:06:52
Take a sip.
00:06:53
No, wait, don't do that.
00:06:54
That's a prop, you idiot.
00:06:56
You can hardly afford the first two drinks, especially when you've paid another $20 just for the privilege of being here this evening.
00:07:01
But hey, for that entry fee, you also got a wristband.
00:07:08
I'm even here.
00:07:11
He abandoned his perch.
00:07:13
That was a half-cooked strategy anyway.
00:07:15
Not exactly the kind of thing that would work when 60 to 70% of the attendees were men.
00:07:20
He started drifting.
00:07:22
Maybe that would be easier now that there were more people here.
00:07:26
He met Dana, who worked in marketing.
00:07:30
She was nice, he spoke.
00:07:32
Georgia, a recruiter in Fintech.
00:07:35
Lindsay, who worked in marketing.
00:07:37
And Sarah, who worked in marketing.
00:07:40
They blended together in his mind, mid-conversation.
00:07:43
He'd blink and suddenly find herself with the next person.
00:07:46
And though he liked a few things about each of them.
00:07:51
Well, though surely he blended into the soup of men present too, as they all rotated with each other.
00:07:59
Every time he cut into talk to someone, his heart would break a little as the other guy nodded politely for a few exchanges, then meekly wandered away.
00:08:08
He'd feel a flash of anger as someone taller and louder would then do the same to him.
00:08:14
But what else were any of them supposed to do?
00:08:17
Eventually he drifted back towards the bar, and fell in with a woman who had blonde hair and lonely eyes.
00:08:25
He knew off the bat that he wasn't interested.
00:08:28
There was at least a decade between them.
00:08:31
But she was alone.
00:08:32
Man, she'd been alone several of the times he passed by here that night.
00:08:37
And it seemed like it would be unkind to leave her alone in that particular moment.
00:08:42
So they got to talking.
00:08:44
She worked HR in marketing, if you can believe that.
00:08:48
Somebody passed.
00:08:49
She waved to them and they waved back before moving on.
00:08:54
"Friend of yours?"
00:08:55
he asked.
00:08:57
Plenty of people had come in groups.
00:08:59
For a woman especially, it seemed it the sensible thing to do.
00:09:03
Not really, but I've seen them at a couple of these.
00:09:07
That got his gears turning.
00:09:11
"Do you come to these often?"
00:09:13
he asked.
00:09:14
He'd asked most people he'd talked to that night this, or if they'd ever done something like before.
00:09:21
It wasn't an interesting question, but it was like chitchat.
00:09:26
This time though, he was genuinely curious.
00:09:30
"Yeah, this is my fourth."
00:09:34
Well, that's fucking sad.
00:09:37
He thought this, feeling guilty for thinking it as he did, and relieved he wasn't buzzed enough to have said it out loud.
00:09:45
But she seemed to sense this thought, perhaps telepathically, but more likely because he didn't have as good a poker face as he thought.
00:09:54
It's pretty fun, you know?
00:09:56
Meeting new people, going to new bars?
00:09:59
Well, I guess they had it here last month too.
00:10:03
"Sure, but you haven't met anyone yet?
00:10:06
Gone on a date?"
00:10:08
A rude question, maybe.
00:10:11
But they were already there.
00:10:13
She took a deep breath, exhaled, all while staring at a distant wall.
00:10:20
"I haven't really found what I'm looking for," she said at length.
00:10:26
"And I don't think anyone I've found is looking for me."
00:10:31
"But I'm sure it'll happen."
00:10:33
"And then?"
00:10:35
"It's better than the apps, right?"
00:10:37
She forced a smile, and he nodded and forced one too.
00:10:42
But it made him feel sick to his stomach, those words so close to his own thoughts, and that tragic kernel of hope.
00:10:52
He finished his beer and excused himself to go to the restroom.
00:10:56
"No one else in there, thank God.
00:10:58
A splash of cold water to the face.
00:11:01
A small burp, as it reflux.
00:11:04
He spit bile into the sink.
00:11:06
Another splash."
00:11:09
Why the hell am I even here?
00:11:13
He looked at himself in the mirror, cracked in the lower right corner.
00:11:18
Not too bad to look at, he thought.
00:11:21
That, or at least self-image, wasn't his problem either.
00:11:27
"Then what was his problem?"
00:11:30
"Was he too particular?"
00:11:32
"Surely, if there was one thing in life worth being particular about, it was this."
00:11:38
He wanted to find someone who he could talk to for hours without tiring of it, who he found funny, and kind, and attractive, and weird, and all in a particular way that suited him.
00:11:49
And more than that, someone who thought those things of him.
00:11:54
But was there such a person?
00:11:58
Well, there must be at least one in the world, that whether on some app or in this loud, good God, he could hear the music and wall of chatter from down in the restroom.
00:12:08
Loud bar, he was paying to be, and the odds of meeting them seemed unlikely.
00:12:15
What was to be done?
00:12:16
He could lower his expectations to a more reasonable level of connection.
00:12:22
But what about the opposite side of that coin?
00:12:25
What could he do about himself and how others felt about him?
00:12:30
Be less him?
00:12:33
He thought about himself, wanting sweet bourbon and fresh lemon juice, but instead ordering a logger that made him feel gassy.
00:12:42
He suppose he already was being less himself that evening, without having made the conscious choice.
00:12:48
He hadn't tried talking to anybody about wood pressing, or international jazz, or the history of aviation.
00:12:55
No, he'd been leading with that vapid.
00:12:58
How about all this, huh, with a goofy smile on his face?
00:13:03
And maybe that was the right choice.
00:13:07
Maybe he already knew the answer, which was to dilute himself.
00:13:12
Be the jack of all trades, try and be everything to everybody.
00:13:18
But to be everything to everyone, he could not simply be less.
00:13:23
He also had to be more.
00:13:27
He put his head in his hands.
00:13:30
He didn't know how to do it.
00:13:32
How could you be less of yourself and more at the same time?
00:13:36
How could you dilute yourself like that without something bigger to dilute yourself in?
00:13:41
He lowered his hands and washed them again, just to feel the cool water against his wrists.
00:13:48
He wasn't making sense to himself.
00:13:51
Maybe it was time to go.
00:13:54
He looked down to the cracked corner of the bathroom mirror.
00:13:58
It beheld the manifold faces staring back at him from its shards.
00:14:04
Some great gear in the cosmos clicked one tooth forward into its next position.
00:14:13
He knew what he had to do.
00:14:16
The bar was still slammed, still a cavernous, but to look at the blank expression on his face, he might as well have been all alone in a silent room.
00:14:26
He scanned around quickly, until his eyes settled on someone he thought he could find attractive, bubbly brunette, laughing with a toothy smile.
00:14:35
He made a straight line for her, walking into the conversation she was having.
00:14:41
Literally.
00:14:43
She'd been chatting with another gentleman, and, wordlessly, seamlessly.
00:14:50
He walked into this man, into him, stepping into the same point and space that he occupied, absorbing him, and being absorbed himself,
00:15:02
a flesh and clothing devouring each other in the span of a second to become someone new.
00:15:08
Someone, more.
00:15:11
The woman flinched, hesitated for a moment.
00:15:15
Her mind, not quite able to process, would have just taken place, instead trying to work around what it had just seen in order to save its own sanity.
00:15:25
She apologized and resumed the conversation.
00:15:29
"Where were we?"
00:15:30
He told her it was fine and carried on.
00:15:33
"Yes, where was he?"
00:15:36
"Ah, right."
00:15:38
He was John and David.
00:15:39
He was a graphic designer and civil engineer, lived in Toronto's whole life, born and raised a good church folk in Chatham.
00:15:49
He sipped on his high life as he reminded her of all this.
00:15:54
Though eventually the conversation waned and they parted ways.
00:15:58
Not enough yet, it seemed, but that was to be expected.
00:16:03
Her man tried to brush past him, shouldering his way to the bar.
00:16:07
John and David grabbed his arm as he did.
00:16:10
Their skin, blood and muscle melting and bonding at a mere touch.
00:16:15
The quick yank, the man was brought into their assemblage.
00:16:19
Now they were Matthew as well.
00:16:22
A stockbroker.
00:16:24
Bit of a prick.
00:16:26
But still, it wasn't enough.
00:16:29
He tried again.
00:16:33
There was a dark-skinned woman with big, bright eyes and he thrust his hand into the spine of the man talking to her and absorbed him.
00:16:38
Andreas, an AD on film sets.
00:16:42
But it wasn't enough.
00:16:44
He still wasn't enough.
00:16:46
Edwin, a skinny kid who worked as a cis-admin for a tech startup.
00:16:51
His bones broke as John David Matthew Andreas pushed into him.
00:16:56
George, he worked construction and used his spare time to travel back to his family's village in Greece.
00:17:03
Not enough.
00:17:05
Jackson, studying to be a pilot, Alex a brewer.
00:17:10
Not enough.
00:17:13
He opened around them and devoured.
00:17:15
He pierced through them and subsumed from within.
00:17:19
It wasn't enough.
00:17:21
Blood sprayed across the floor before quickly being sucked back into him.
00:17:25
He wasn't enough.
00:17:29
He was certainly dilute by now, though, with many interests, careers, origins, perspectives and walks of life.
00:17:37
And though he tried to contain all this inside one frame, it became harder and harder with each new self he forced in.
00:17:45
At around thirty, the boundaries, the shape of him began to buckle under sheer reality and conservation of mass.
00:17:53
An extra finger burst out of the heel of his hand.
00:17:57
He groaned, resting hands on his bloated belly.
00:18:00
He felt even more gassy now.
00:18:03
Then suddenly a head prolapsed out of him, moaning in a feeble, high-pitched voice.
00:18:09
He clenched himself.
00:18:10
Elbows, knees and anguished jaws pressed against the inside of his skin.
00:18:16
And then his body distended, sagged, bulged out into a sort of rounded shape so that now he crawled and rolled about the venue.
00:18:26
Many arms and legs pulling him forward.
00:18:29
Many faces looking for someone else.
00:18:32
Anyone else?
00:18:34
There weren't many people left by that time.
00:18:36
The last small cluster of men had been pressed against the palm-treen pineapple-covered walls by his teeming mass, hardly realizing what was happening to them as they dissolved into him like a sugar cube on the tongue.
00:18:52
Was that it, then?
00:18:54
Was there nobody left?
00:18:56
Had everyone else just gone home?
00:19:00
But, wait, one person at the very back all the way across the room.
00:19:06
He waived, and to his surprise, many arms waived right back.
00:19:16
He crawled to meet her, and she crawled toward him.
00:19:21
Another sphere of flesh, who he realized as he got close enough, had a face with that blonde hair and those lonely eyes.
00:19:34
It seemed she had realized what was required as well.
00:19:38
She, and Dana, and Georgia, Lindsay, Sarah.
00:19:45
They got to chatting.
00:19:47
They had so much in common, so many similar experiences and opinions and little things that they liked about each other.
00:19:58
But, it wasn't a perfect match.
00:20:04
She didn't like none of her liked band of brothers.
00:20:08
None of him had ever been crazy about sex in the city.
00:20:12
All their many faces sank.
00:20:16
While they seemed good, though they all perhaps knew that simply good could be good, they both also wondered if they could do better.
00:20:27
This was love, after all.
00:20:30
It didn't need to be perfect, but it didn't need to be right.
00:20:35
So, they both made their excuses and parted ways.
00:20:39
They thanked the bartender, collected their coats, and crawled outside, bursting to the wooden doorframe and the pain glass, out into the night and onto the streets.
00:20:53
At least there would be more persons out there, more to become as they rolled across the cities, and then the earth, until eventually there would only be the two of them,
00:21:06
each having attained that entirety they knew was required.
00:21:11
Knowing or hoping that they would then finally have found someone who was enough,
00:21:21
and for whom they too were enough.
00:21:31
The wrong station is made possible with the generous support of our listeners on Patreon.
00:21:40
Visit today at patreon.com/thewrongstation.
00:21:46
You can also support us by leaving a rating and review on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever it is you tune into the show.
00:21:46
This surprise episode, Mixer, was written and performed by Anthony Battello.
00:22:01
Thank you to Aaron Moses, Vanessa, Patrick O'Connor, Linda Absher, Annabelle Lawson, Yasmine Kuhnick, and Lazaric Kenard, for helping us keep the lights off.
00:22:09
The wrong station is co-produced by Alexander Saxton, Anthony Battello, and Jacob Duarte-Schpiel, with news composed and performed by Lauren Citron, and arranged from Viola and performed by Viola Schmidt.
00:22:20
You can follow the wrong station on social media, at thewrongstation, and email us at thewrongstation@gmail.com.
00:22:27
And until next time, thank you for listening.
00:22:32
[Music]
00:22:49
