Did anybody in this movie...see a movie? Today we're contemplating 2003's Cape Farm, aka Cold Creek Manor, aka 33 1/3 Short Sound Drops That Shouldn't Have Made SDB Laugh. A putative thriller in which Dorff On Golf somehow manages to haul a dead pony into a swimming pool, our "city slicker" hero tries to charm the psychotic locals with Brandy Alexanders, children have eyeteeth the size of quarters, and a cemetery is added to the kids' chore wheel, Cold Creek Manor is mostly bad -- but at least Dennis Quaid doesn't make it any worse, so while you're fleeing the godless city for Sling Blade-on-Hudson, cue up an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3

QQQ score: 5.25

Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0

SHOW NOTES

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• Ebert's 1.5/4 review


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• Fatal Instinct