Kate Muir is a women’s health expert, investigative journalist and documentary maker. She created and produced two ground-breaking Channel 4 documentaries on menopause that ignited a massive conversation among women in the UK. Her latest book is How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis, and I met her when she visited my local bookshop.

I was intrigued by the content of her book, of course, but the thing that made me want to invite her on the podcast was an offhand remark she made, about how she’d been a bad mother for wanting a divorce.

Part of having a magnificent midlife crisis has to do with asserting our own needs and desires as women in midlife. And I think there are a lot of similarities between this idea, and allowing women, without judgement, to decide to be childfree or to go no- or low-contact with a parent if that is the best thing for them. These problems are not necessarily related, but the related cultural norms have historically forced women to put up with things that make them unhappy or worse.

I hope you enjoy this conversation with Kate about what makes a good mother, what made her feel like a bad mother, and how she’s come through it all.

In this conversation, Kate discusses her research on the benefits of using hormone replacement therapy, and shares her experiences of motherhood from the early days to adulthood. The resources discussed follow:

Dr. Mary Claire Haver

Dr. Louise Newson

Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year

Louise Erdrich, The Blue Jay’s Dance: A Memoir of Early Motherhood

Anne Tyler, Ladder of Years

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