My guest this week is Gayle Kirschenbaum. She is a filmmaker, writer, photographer and coach who recently released a memoir called Bullied to Besties, about how she healed her relationship with her mother. Her documentary, LOOK AT US NOW, MOTHER! is about the same journey. You can find her on Substack here.

I wasn’t sure Gayle would be the right fit for Bad Mothers, in spite of all evidence that her mother was abusive toward her and their relationship was extremely fraught for most of her life. I hesitated because Gayle is focused on the healing part of her story. She and her mother are now very close. Unfortunately I don’t believe this is possible for many of us who are estranged from our mothers, and I didn’t want anyone who had to choose estrangement to feel they have failed in some way. You have not failed.

Gayle told me that forgiveness doesn’t have to mean reconciliation, but forgiveness is what she needed to let go of anger and resentment and live a happier life. I believe this is an important step for all of us, but it may never lead to reconciliation.

Gayle and I seem to disagree on some of the fundamental responsibilities of parents and their children: I am not convinced it is my job to reframe instead of her job to acknowledge. In spite of her persistence, I still don’t believe it’s the best path forward for many of us with mothers whose self-awareness is nonexistent.

But I’m curious to know how you feel — please share in the comments, or send me a message at monicacardenas@substack.com.

Gayle’s memoir is available at all major bookstores, and on Bookshop.org.

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