Saving Ourselves For Marriage: Part 2

Next Generation Discipleship and Social Group.

Based on a post by Architect 23 94, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Connected.

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As it turned out, I would learn a lot more about the subject
during NG group a couple weeks later. The study that week was on 'integrity in
relationships'. The study material was pretty general and covered all kinds of
relationships, both social and business. However, discussion among the
unmarried college students naturally morphed into a dialogue of biblical
perspectives on dating relationships and sexual purity.

The group consisted of students from very conservative
Powell College, so the conversation was much what you would expect in terms of
defining physical boundaries in dating relationships, avoiding temptation,
abstaining from pre-marital sex, etc.

Emily was sitting a few chairs to my right and noticeably
fidgeted with her Bible cover while others talked about various 'Christian'
guidelines for dating. She listened politely to several volleys of points and
counterpoints before adding her own perspective to the conversation.

"Sexual purity is important, but I think we're getting
lost in legalism and missing God's larger purpose. The whole purpose of
'dating' is to find the spouse God has intended for us. That shouldn't be done
randomly or haphazardly. We should be building serious platonic friendships and
know that marriage is a very real possibility before ever going on a
date."

She continued after a slight pause, "For me personally,
I don't want to 'date'. I want to be attracted to a guy that I already love as
my best friend, and then have him 'court' me as an intentional commitment
leading to marriage."

She hesitated for an instant, then added, "I know that
sounds unromantic and clinical; and maybe I'm being naïve since I've never
dated; but I don't think there would be as much temptation if the relationship
is defined by God's larger plan."

My mental wheels started turning as Emily's comment pivoted
the group's conversation toward God's intent for marriage. Everything she said
made a lot of sense and I spent the next couple days reading the Bible and
studying everything I could find on the topic. Meanwhile, I couldn't help but
analyze our friendship, and my feelings toward her, within that newly
discovered context.

Emily’s note initiative.

The next time I saw Emily was Saturday morning when she
stopped by the hardware store to say hello. Unfortunately, there were a lot of
customers in the store and I was busy helping an older couple choose a new
mailbox. Emily waved while the couple debated between themselves whether or not
to spend the extra couple dollars for a sturdier metal box vs. a plastic one.
She wrote something on a yellow notepad by the cash register, then waved
goodbye as she walked out of the store.

The couple decided to go for the metal mailbox, which I
thought was a good decision, and then I made sure they had the mounting
hardware they would need. I went on to assist several other customers, and it
was probably an hour before I was finally able to look at Emily's note.

Beautiful flowing handwriting was perfectly aligned on the
ruled notepad and read, "Just stopped to say hi! I'll be studying at the
library this afternoon if you are free. Text me." She signed the bottom of
the note with a simple "-E" accompanied by a smiley face and her cell
phone number.

I involuntarily smiled at the sight of her smiley face and
phone number. The smiley face was just cute. The number was a welcome new step
in our friendship.

I saved her number in my phone and texted, "Sorry, I
work until 6."

I did want to see her and, on a whim, quickly hit send on a
follow-up text, "Root beer at Muggs?"

My phone chimed almost immediately, "Text me when you
are leaving the store."

Mr. Jacobs and I locked up the store at 6 o'clock and I
texted Emily shortly after to let her know I was leaving.

The local dog 'n suds type window-service stand was popular
with Powell students and townsfolk alike, and was located just a couple blocks
away from the hardware store. I was there in just a couple minutes and found
the sunny April day had given a lot of other people the same idea. I didn't see
Emily yet, but I figured I should claim a place in the ordering line.

She arrived a few minutes later, fashionably dressed in a
knee length olive-color skirt, light-tan corded sweater, medium-brown tights,
and light-tan laced-boot style heels. We greeted each other with a friendly hug
and then discussed what to order as the line crept forward.

When it was our turn at the window, Emily ordered a
chili-cheese dog, fries, and root beer. I did the same and we both paid for our
respective meals. We shuffled a few steps over to the service window and,
within seconds, received our tray of food. All the picnic tables were occupied
and we waited a few moments as a family stood up and gathered their trash.

Once seated, Emily opened her petite mouth as wide as she
could and fiercely attacked the comparatively huge chili dog. I chuckled at the
odd contrast of neatly-dressed, normally prim-and-proper Emily sitting there
with an overstuffed mouth and chili running down the back of her hand.

She facetiously reprimanded me with a mouth full of chili
dog, "Stop it! These things are hard to eat!"

After talking for more than an hour, we disposed our trash
and exited the corral of picnic tables onto the sidewalk. I didn't want our
time together to end and asked, "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"Yes, that would be nice."

We slowly strolled side-by-side toward the Powell campus as
the sun moved lower in the sky. Remembering back to our conversation about
Haiti, I asked, "Have you made plans for the summer?"

"Yes, and I should thank you for that. I did a lot of
thinking and praying after we talked that day at the hardware store. I'm going
to stay here and volunteer at the Christian school's summer camp for special
needs children."

"That's great, but why thank me?"

"Well, I was encouraging you that God can use you in
great ways in your hometown; which I truly believe by the way; but, I think I
was actually talking more to myself that day than I was you. You made me
realize I strayed from God's calling. I chased the glamour of overseas
adventures when I should have been right here reaching people in my own
community."

She told me more about the summer camp as we slowly followed
the meandering campus pathways, and it made me happy to hear the excitement and
joy in her voice.

The topic of our summers dwindled to a close and we were
content to walk in silence, just enjoying the time together.

After a little while, Emily somewhat hesitantly asked,
"Michael; how did you feel about the NG study last week? You didn't say
anything during the discussion."

We happened to be passing a bench when she asked the question
and I gestured for us to sit down. We did, and I started talking from my heart
without giving any thought to what I was saying.

"Honestly, I hadn't put much thought into relationships
or marriage before that study. Not that I don't want to get married, I do. I'm
just so awkward around girls; er, women; you know that. Dating was never a
relevant subject for me, so let's just say there wasn't an urgent need to study
God's intent for it."

Emily started to interject, "You're;” but
truncated her comment when she realized I wasn't finished with my thought.

"I've done a lot of praying, studying and thinking
since Wednesday. While courtship isn't directly spelled out in Scripture, I
think what you said makes a lot of sense. I believe God's intent is for people
to truly know the real intellectual, emotional, and spiritual soul of the other
person, and to seek God's guidance for them as a potential spouse. I think most
of that can be done within the context of platonic friendship; without the, er;
complications; of traditional dating."

Our eyes met before I very intentionally suggested,
"Mental and physical attraction is important too, but I think everyone
knows that pretty much immediately without dating."

Emily simply replied, "Yes, I think you are right about
feeling attraction right away."

She said it with normal tone and inflection in her voice,
but her eyes gave her away. She had feelings for me, but was waiting for me as
the Christian man to be the leader of the relationship.

I was honest and a thinly veiled in my response, "This
whole idea is very new to me. I know how I feel, but I need to do a lot more
thinking and praying on the subject."

Emily smiled warmly and we resumed our walk with more
mundane topics of conversation.

Thinking and Praying.

I did do a lot more thinking and praying on the subject over
the following week. I knew how I felt about Emily, but I also knew that the
idea of courtship was a huge commitment. Did God place her in my life as my
future wife, or just as a really good friend? The last thing I wanted to do was
take that decision lightly and end up hurting Emily.

The timing was also terrible. The spring term was ending in
3 weeks and we both had