Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, leads off the show with a sign language howdy-doody Avignon feathered-finger salute. And they’re off!

Co-host Arik is lost at sea seething. He’s annoyed by the tamper-proof liners on food containers. For some reason, he thinks they need to remain on the product as some sort of freshener/crisper. He jumps for joy when he realizes he’s been wrong all these years: “They can just be tossed? No more nasty foil prophylactic on my food? I can’t wait to start rough riding the fridge!”

THN PSA: Carla swoops in with a reminder that it is also perfectly legal to remove the tags from your mattresses.

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali pushes forward to the front of the lambast line: “I hate 5 wipers.”

Um, we’re just going to let that one drop.

Except, this is The Hate Napkin. We never let anything go. Before you know it, we’re chatting about elephants going potty on National Geo documentaries. Then, the age-old debate: Baby Wipes or Bidets?

What’s not to love—I mean, hate?

Carla’s war with Burnt Korn Waste Management continues. This week, the garbagemen refused to collect her trash—whereupon, a large wind blew her trash into the street. Whereupon, Burnt Korn’s finest arrived to her residence to interrogate her about said trash in the street. Whereupon, Carla was required to produce video evidence of the garbage truck skipping her house. Whereupon, the street was temporarily closed by said police, and the garbage folks were required to walk about, picking up the mess. Whereupon, justice!

Finally, Arik is tired of gym attire. “Listen, I don’t want to see your nipples and side boobs in the corner of my eye while I’m bench-pressing. I mean, if you’re a man.”

p.s. Moose Knuckles.

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