Happy New Year! 

 

The calendar begins anew—as does our hate. After all, who doesn’t feel like pulling hair from their pate after listening to drunk revelers quack out “Auld Lang Syne” over and over? 

 

Hey, how come Sound Engineer Pauly from Bali keeps playing with his mike head? What’s wrong with the big fat tip of your mike? Pauly, why are you rubbing your mike cap with your hand like two ocean bed tubers making out? 

 

This just in! The Hate Napkin has reached Top 50 Podcast Status in the Mid-Atlantic Region Among the Middle School Male Demographic! 

 

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, reaches deep into the THN Mailbag and produces a klepto-Xmas gift exchange lamentation that’s enough to reduce the Grinch to tears. No, seriously, if there was ever a reason for a mother-in-law to get run over by a reindeer, this anonymous listener has one! 

 

Co-host Arik is tired of being a “girlfriend with a dick” to all the women he’s interested in. Actually, he admits, he has no one to blame but himself—which kind of means he hates himself. “Finally!” Pauly weighs in. “Something we can all agree on!”  

 

Needless to say, Arik doesn’t stop there. Apparently the trade-off for sobriety are more boring “daddy but no sugar” dating stories by our waxing-long co-host. 

 

Carla hasn’t gone to sleep since last year—due to the hellfire of last night’s private fireworks displays in Burnt Korn, where, authorities are reporting, only two percent of the adult population this year lost digits due to holiday idiocy. That’s down several percentage points from the previous New Year’s. 

 

Finally, Pauly spends the rest of the episode ranting about Google. He recently quit all-things Google for blah-blah-blah reasons. Who knows? Maybe he’s got a legitimate beef about Big Tech.  

 

Meanwhile, you can listen to The Hate Napkin on all popular podcast websites and apps, including Google Podcasts! 

 

THN PSA: “Calves don’t come out of anuses.” 

 

https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/message 

 

Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/support 

 

See all episodes: www.thehatenapkin.com/category/episodes/ 

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