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Super Social but Super Shy
Update: 2024-11-07
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(VIDEO PODCAST AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE) This week, Alix and Ashtin discuss the differences between being extroverted versus introverted. Ashtin, an introvert, details the occasional discomfort she feels in social situations; whereas Alix reveals her distaste for being alone. They talk about posting online, self-isolation, and being in big groups. The sisters also catch up on each other's lives and share some recent messy stories.
Follow and connect with all things @HotMess across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earl.
00:00:06
Hey, Ashton.
00:00:07
Hey, Alex.
00:00:08
How are you?
00:00:09
I'm feeling pretty tired today.
00:00:11
I haven't been getting much sleep because I've been helping Braxton in the middle of the night because I'm being a nurse right now.
00:00:18
So, like, making cherries, taking his medicine, changing his ice machine.
00:00:22
And I'm like, I don't even know what sleep schedule I'm on, but it's a terrible one.
00:00:27
Wait, did I just turn that off?
00:00:37
How do I get that back on?
00:00:45
I'm a hot mess.
00:00:51
What's been going on with you?
00:00:53
Well, I am deteriorating.
00:00:57
I have been going out a lot just for a whole weekend.
00:01:02
Oh, my.
00:01:03
Do you need to clear your throat?
00:01:07
Maybe.
00:01:08
Is that better?
00:01:09
Yeah.
00:01:10
I used to never clear my throat when it would get like mucousy because I thought it sounded sexy.
00:01:14
And it was, it was in high school, like, for some reason I just thought I had like a raspy voice and my friends were like, it was like Isabella and Sally.
00:01:22
They were like, Alex, what are you doing?
00:01:23
And I was like, we, I thought it sounded sexy.
00:01:26
And then they always made fun of me and they're like, I think I sound sexy.
00:01:32
So I never used to clear it.
00:01:33
And now I realize that.
00:01:34
It's not cute.
00:01:35
So, yeah.
00:01:36
Continue on.
00:01:37
Anyway, so Wednesday night we had a mixer with a frat and it was at a haunted house.
00:01:45
So we like, that's so fun.
00:01:47
So we had like a pregame and then a party bus to the haunted house and then we went through the whole haunted house which, you know, usually I feel like a haunted house is like maybe five minutes,
00:01:57
you know, you're always like, that was too short.
00:02:00
I swear to God, we were in there for 30 minutes and I, towards the end, every time I turned a corner, I thought we were going to be like, it was going to be the end and it kept going.
00:02:08
I wasn't paying attention.
00:02:10
Were you, were you walking through or were you on like a hay ride?
00:02:15
No, we were walking through it.
00:02:16
Oh, you know, that's a long walk.
00:02:18
That's a long walk.
00:02:19
Yeah.
00:02:20
We were all like, we had all been like drinking and everyone was like fucking around.
00:02:24
We were like, what if you have to pee?
00:02:25
Yeah, I did and it just kept going and going and it was kind of underwhelming just because there was so many of us, you would see the people jump out and go back and hide in front of you.
00:02:38
Yeah, you have to go in like groups.
00:02:39
I got got twice.
00:02:41
I got so scared I ran straight into a wall like I've never full force like ran into a wall like I did.
00:02:50
I have a huge bruise on my knee now.
00:02:52
I'm also covered in bruises from this weekend.
00:02:54
I have one in the middle of my butt cheek which I don't even know how you get a bruise directly in the middle of your butt cheek, but it's like really dark.
00:03:02
Have you, do you ever get like random bruises?
00:03:05
I feel like all the time, all the time and I always get them in cryptic places.
00:03:09
Yeah, rocks and always be like, it's how did you get that bruise and I'm like, I just don't know.
00:03:13
I do.
00:03:14
Like, they just appeared.
00:03:15
But I don't lose as easily as you.
00:03:17
You like wake up every night with the bruise, like a peach, yeah, you wake up every night with the bruise.
00:03:23
But I just found one on like the inside of my arm.
00:03:25
I'm like, how did that get there?
00:03:26
I don't know.
00:03:27
I feel like when you are going out like that, there's always bruises involved somehow.
00:03:31
And then that was just a long night for me because we ended up going out after the haunted house too.
00:03:37
And Thursday, I was so dead, but Thursday was actual Halloween.
00:03:41
So I was like, I have to go out now and we went to Frenchman Street, which is like pretty much like Bourbon Street, but there's more like live bands.
00:03:49
It's a little less chaotic.
00:03:51
So we went to Frenchman first and we saw this awesome band me and my friend Joe were like, we stayed.
00:03:56
Everyone else went to Bourbon.
00:03:57
We stayed for like an extra 30 minutes just because this band was so good and she put, she sang like, hey, love, I Beyonce.
00:04:04
We were like, hey, love.
00:04:05
It was great.
00:04:06
But it was also raining.
00:04:07
So my hair by the end of the night was like wet and puffy.
00:04:12
And then we went to Bourbon and stayed there for way too long.
00:04:16
And Friday, I slept all day because I actually have never felt worse in my life.
00:04:22
Like I have been kind of going non-stop this entire month.
00:04:26
I still feel like I haven't recovered from Vegas.
00:04:28
So Friday, I slept all day and then Saturday was my friend's birthday extravaganza, I don't know why it's so extravaganza,
00:04:39
but we were doing like a birthday booze cruise and we had to be at her house by like 10 AM.
00:04:45
We took a party bus.
00:04:46
It was called like the twerk and teaky booze cruise cruise.
00:04:49
Wait, is there boats in New Orleans?
00:04:51
Oh, it's funny because it's on like the Bayou and they just take you around on these little teaky boats and it's kind of like a ponzen.
00:04:59
Wait, was it like a teaky bar?
00:05:01
No.
00:05:02
No, it was just like a ponzen.
00:05:03
They have those in Miami.
00:05:04
It's like a floating snow bar and I want to do it so bad.
00:05:08
Can we do it?
00:05:09
Yes.
00:05:10
I actually was on a boat this weekend and we saw one.
00:05:13
But kind of like, Loki Wave came and like crashed over them and I was like, I might get a little scared of drowning on that thing because I'm like, what's the motor power?
00:05:21
But there's just floating teaky boats in the water.
00:05:23
It does look so fun though.
00:05:24
Yes.
00:05:25
I've seen those.
00:05:26
Okay.
00:05:27
We have to do that.
00:05:28
Okay.
00:05:29
But anyway.
00:05:30
So these are on like the Bayou and we always get to a point where I've been on one of these like twice now and both times there's like alligators come and they give you marshmallows to like feed them.
00:05:39
What?
00:05:40
And we're all like drunk and I'm like, this is going to end very badly.
00:05:44
That's so dangerous.
00:05:46
No, I know.
00:05:47
If I saw an alligator within like 10 feet of me, they let you like pet them too.
00:05:53
But they look out.
00:05:54
Have you seen alligators in person?
00:05:55
They look fake.
00:05:56
Like their heads look like ceramic.
00:05:58
Yeah.
00:05:59
I went to the, there's like three keys, the Everglades.
00:06:03
Should we go on a swamp tour when you're here?
00:06:06
Not like a party one.
00:06:07
Yeah.
00:06:08
Oh my god.
00:06:09
I'm coming to visit you this weekend.
00:06:10
So excited.
00:06:11
So excited.
00:06:12
So your vendor is back on because.
00:06:13
I know.
00:06:14
That's what I was saying.
00:06:15
Oh my god.
00:06:16
Yeah.
00:06:17
You come Thursday, right?
00:06:18
I have to pass.
00:06:19
Wait.
00:06:20
So what are our plans to speak on when I come to visit you?
00:06:22
Okay.
00:06:23
So you get here Thursday, right?
00:06:25
Yes.
00:06:26
I think Thursday morning.
00:06:28
We're laughing because we actually just recorded this two times.
00:06:32
And then I asked it's Zoom recorder, like the thing that she records on Brook.
00:06:37
And then I forgot to hit record on mine.
00:06:39
So this is our third time recording this exact part.
00:06:43
So just pretend.
00:06:44
So one more time for good measure, action, walk us through what our plans are this weekend when I come to visit you.
00:06:50
So Thursday, I was thinking we go to the Audubon Zoo and because they're having a little dinosaur exhibit right now, which Thomas would love.
00:06:58
And then we can walk around, maybe walk around campus.
00:07:01
We have an early dinner.
00:07:03
Thomas is going to freak out.
00:07:04
Oh, he's going to.
00:07:05
I've also never walked around to campus.
00:07:07
What?
00:07:08
Girl?
00:07:09
What?
00:07:10
I've only seen the bars.
00:07:12
That makes sense.
00:07:13
So we can walk around campus.
00:07:14
And then we'll have an early dinner, which dinner is kind of near bourbon.
00:07:18
So we can maybe take, like, walk through bourbon after dinner if we won't get the kids some funny t-shirts or something.
00:07:24
Wait, I have a question.
00:07:25
Yeah.
00:07:26
Is bourbon street as scary as it is during Mardi Gras, like all the time?
00:07:32
Or is it actually scary during Mardi Gras?
00:07:34
It's actually scary during Mardi Gras.
00:07:35
Like, for example, it's like any excuse or any time there's an excuse to party, it's kind of scary.
00:07:41
Like Halloween was crazy.
00:07:42
I love it.
00:07:43
Actually, remember when you first came after getting your boobs done?
00:07:48
And you got the biggest beads in the world.
00:07:50
Yes.
00:07:51
And I had to chuck someone's phone.
00:07:53
Yes.
00:07:54
But that's-- Yeah.
00:07:56
I got-- well, I went to Mardi Gras right after getting my boob job and obviously, like, your thing is, like, you flash for beads and I was so excited.
00:08:04
Alex was so excited by her new boobs, which is just not the time.
00:08:09
Like, I shouldn't have done that.
00:08:10
And that was at the point, too, where they were still, like, hard rocks.
00:08:13
Like, I remember, like, in my bikini, they, like, literally crumpled.
00:08:17
That was so good.
00:08:18
That was so good.
00:08:19
It was two cinder blocks on my chest, but I was so happy getting my beads.
00:08:24
I feel like Thursday night will have, like, a chill night.
00:08:26
We don't need to go crazy unless you and I want to do something.
00:08:29
And then Friday, I think we should do the yoga sculpt class because it's my favorite workout class.
00:08:35
It's, like, a heated yoga-- it's a hot yoga with, like, little weights.
00:08:40
So it's, like, my favorite workout.
00:08:42
And then-- I like-- Yeah.
00:08:45
I can't really do yoga if it's not heated or if there's not weights involved because then I'm just, like, what are we doing?
00:08:51
No.
00:08:52
Like, I just want to go in my room and touch my toes.
00:08:53
Yeah.
00:08:54
Alex is a yoga hater because she's always, like, I feel like I did nothing.
00:08:57
She doesn't get it.
00:08:58
But I do usually prefer to do hot yoga.
00:09:01
I found my inner, like, piece, though, more this year because I did start to-- It's very just, like, just for my mental.
00:09:07
Yeah.
00:09:08
That's why I like it so much.
00:09:09
It's, like, a for my mental.
00:09:10
But at first I went and, you know, and they do, like, the exhales and everyone's, like, no, no.
00:09:15
No, I do it.
00:09:16
And I'm, like, I'm, like, I'm so into it now.
00:09:18
I'm, like, it really, it helps me a lot.
00:09:21
I know.
00:09:22
But at first I used to, like, look at the people around me breathing so heavy and I was, like, this is weird.
00:09:25
But then I got into it myself.
00:09:27
Yeah.
00:09:28
And then I'll, like, get some coffee, shower, get some cutesy little brunch on Friday.
00:09:33
And then I was thinking, potentially, if we want, we could do the swamp tours and see all the little alligators, which is so fun on the swampies.
00:09:42
And then all my friends are going to, like, this bar place, but I'm pretty sure it's, like, strictly 21 plus.
00:09:49
So I booked a few lanes at this-- So you can't bring the kids?
00:09:53
No.
00:09:54
I'm actually so excited for them to come.
00:09:55
And the last time they came was so fun, Isabelle slept over with me.
00:09:58
Literally, Ashton, I wasn't there the last time that all the kids went to visit Ashton at college.
00:10:03
And they were at, like, a frapparty panel.
00:10:05
He's, like, dancing on a table and I was like, where am I?
00:10:08
Where was I?
00:10:09
Yeah.
00:10:10
I don't know.
00:10:11
Alex, where were you?
00:10:12
I'm never there when everyone comes to visit you.
00:10:15
Yeah.
00:10:16
I guess you just really don't like me.
00:10:18
Shut up.
00:10:19
Whatever.
00:10:20
So, yeah, we're going to go to this bowling alley that has, like, a live band.
00:10:23
It's a really fun place.
00:10:24
I love going and a bunch of my friends are going to come there.
00:10:26
And then I told dad, because he really wants to go out.
00:10:30
He's dying to go out.
00:10:31
He's like, I want to go to the boo.
00:10:32
I want to go here.
00:10:33
I'm like, all right, dad.
00:10:34
So I was like, if you can get-- Okay.
00:10:36
It's always dying to go out when they're going to-- Yeah.
00:10:38
Honestly, more than way out.
00:10:39
Yeah.
00:10:40
I'm like, let's go to bed.
00:10:41
And they're like, um, we're in Miami.
00:10:42
We have to go out.
00:10:43
I was like, OK.
00:10:44
All right.
00:10:45
But yeah.
00:10:46
And so I was like, dad, if you can get a babysitter, maybe we'll go to Bourbon or Frenchman after bowling and meet up with all the other people.
00:10:54
So Saturday morning, we'll tailgate either at the fratts or the boo.
00:10:58
And then we'll go to the game, which I'm totally fine not saying that long.
00:11:02
Unless we're doing well, we haven't done so well this year, though.
00:11:06
And then we'll go out to dinner Saturday.
00:11:09
I know you really want to go to the boot and redeem yourself from the last time you were there.
00:11:14
I really want to go to the boot.
00:11:15
I love the boot.
00:11:16
It's this bar on campus.
00:11:18
And they have these big drinks that are, like, one-feet tall.
00:11:22
And Alex thinks it's like the craziest thing she's ever seen, like, a triple well for, like, $5.
00:11:29
She, like, like, reminds me of-- I don't even know what a triple well means.
00:11:33
It's like a triple.
00:11:34
Basically, this big drink, and it's like, three drinks in one.
00:11:39
And it's like, how much?
00:11:40
It's like $5.
00:11:41
I don't know.
00:11:42
That's crazy.
00:11:43
Like, at Miami, there was one little tiny little drink.
00:11:46
It was, like, $30.
00:11:48
So-- And we have, like, the $8 pitchers.
00:11:51
You've seen the pitchers, right?
00:11:52
Yeah.
00:11:53
That's crazy.
00:11:54
I remember.
00:11:55
It's because it's, like, super, super cheap alcohol.
00:11:58
It's disgusting.
00:11:59
Yeah.
00:12:00
But it's great.
00:12:01
But it's so fun.
00:12:02
But it's so great.
00:12:03
But it's so fun.
00:12:04
Who cares?
00:12:05
When you're in college, I'll drink anything.
00:12:06
I know that's so true.
00:12:07
So we're liquor out of these trash bins.
00:12:10
Yeah.
00:12:11
Oh my God.
00:12:12
The vat.
00:12:13
I'm going to make you try vat.
00:12:16
It's a vat that drinks they put in the trash can that you dip your cup in.
00:12:21
Oh, wait.
00:12:22
I think I've had that.
00:12:23
And then maybe-- You play the game, check the vat.
00:12:26
And then you just-- I don't think actually I have had that.
00:12:29
Whenever I visited you, they were hanging-- Oh, the big iced tea bags.
00:12:35
Tweet bags, yeah.
00:12:36
And then there also was another time when I walked into a tailgate was or not a tailgate, but, like, a Mardi Gras frat party, which the frat houses in New Orleans are so much fun.
00:12:47
They're so good.
00:12:48
There was someone who had a big beer bong from the top of the roof.
00:12:54
And it swung down throughout the whole party across the lawn to the other side.
00:12:59
And I went and they were like-- It was like from someone else's house.
00:13:03
And you like having a little bit of another backyard.
00:13:06
And I was like, I'm probably going to get a disease from this funnel right now, but it was just-- that's what it's all about.
00:13:13
Yeah, that's what Mardi Gras is all about getting the diseases.
00:13:16
I'm so-- You have to come this year.
00:13:18
You have to go back to college.
00:13:20
You have to come to Mardi Gras this year.
00:13:21
I feel like I'm too old to go to Mardi Gras.
00:13:22
But like, I could not.
00:13:24
Alex, we're literally-- My tool for these little bitches.
00:13:27
We do everything together.
00:13:28
Like, you can come to Mardi Gras.
00:13:30
It's OK.
00:13:31
I know, but I don't want to be like the 10th year creeper.
00:13:34
No, you're not.
00:13:35
But honestly-- But honestly, it might be a little much.
00:13:39
Like, people might be like to freaking out over you.
00:13:42
Because remember the last time you came from Mardi Gras?
00:13:46
Well, I did get a little violated at that time.
00:13:49
I went to Mardi Gras, but I think the girls in New Orleans are just ravenous.
00:13:54
Oh, yeah.
00:13:55
There's something in the air here.
00:13:56
It's really scary.
00:13:57
Like, you should see me when I go out here.
00:13:59
And it's OK because I was Mardi Gras, but I think it was at the boo, and then also a frat house twice.
00:14:06
I ended up crying only once.
00:14:08
But the same thing happened twice, where I just was like, what is going on here?
00:14:12
This has never happened to me.
00:14:14
We were at the boo, and I went to the bathroom.
00:14:17
And there was these girls sticking their phones over the bathroom stall and under the bathroom stall.
00:14:23
Video taping me while I was peeing.
00:14:26
And you know, and you're like, naked.
00:14:29
I had to take off my body suit and whatever to pee.
00:14:31
And these girls were screaming and had their phones over the bathroom stall.
00:14:35
And I started crying because I got overwhelmed.
00:14:38
And I-- It was never cry.
00:14:40
It was insane, like how many people were just-- the entire boo, it just seemed like everyone in there was crawling in on you.
00:14:47
I remember seeing you saying in the middle.
00:14:49
And you were just like, so overwhelmed.
00:14:50
And my friends were making a bear cane with their arms.
00:14:52
It wasn't insane.
00:14:53
Army crawling under them.
00:14:54
And I was like, I'm not that slow.
00:14:56
No, chill.
00:14:57
But this was like right when you kind of-- like a few months after you like really blew up.
00:15:02
And I feel like that was like one of the first times that like you were in such like a big crowd like that.
00:15:06
I remember like everywhere we went, like in the frat.
00:15:08
Like people were just like screaming and like crawling.
00:15:11
And it's like already so packed and like a shit show already because it's Marty Grau.
00:15:15
And then everyone was freaking out over you.
00:15:17
I got so mad because I remember just like walking down the street in all these girls that have never even given me like a second thought.
00:15:24
Like never even considered saying hello to me at a party.
00:15:28
We're like, oh my god, Ashton, is that your sister?
00:15:31
Yeah, I didn't know you had a sister.
00:15:33
And I would be like, fuck you.
00:15:36
I didn't actually say that.
00:15:37
But I wanted to really bad because I was just like, you're so fake.
00:15:41
But yeah, that was crazy.
00:15:44
But I feel like if you came this year, it would be super chill.
00:15:49
No, I do think so too.
00:15:50
I think we could make it fun.
00:15:52
Or I'll just hide out on Bourbon Street.
00:15:54
Or we can just get you like a full like morph suit.
00:15:57
And no one will know it's you.
00:15:59
Anything else going on in your life?
00:16:00
Then I'm missing out on?
00:16:02
I burnt my forehead with my curling iron.
00:16:04
Why do you keep doing that?
00:16:06
I don't know.
00:16:06
I think I have like a problem.
00:16:08
It's not that hard.
00:16:09
I know I've been curling my hair.
00:16:11
I've been curling my hair my entire life.
00:16:13
And for some reason this year, I keep burning my face.
00:16:16
And it's really embarrassing, honestly.
00:16:18
You have to stop because I'm going to have bad scars on your face.
00:16:22
I know.
00:16:23
It's really bad.
00:16:23
And I'm already trying to fix my skin as it is.
00:16:26
And I just have this huge scar on my forehead now.
00:16:29
And everyone's like, I went out the other night.
00:16:31
They're like, what's wrong with you?
00:16:32
What's wrong with you?
00:16:33
And I was like, oh, OK.
00:16:36
I was like, I don't know, but something is wrong with me.
00:16:41
But I don't know.
00:16:41
I'm banning myself.
00:16:42
I'm throwing out all my curling irons.
00:16:43
I can't do it anymore.
00:16:45
Yeah, it's going to be dangerous to do care of yourself.
00:16:49
Scary up there.
00:16:50
So should we get into our hot topic of the week?
00:16:52
I think we shall.
00:16:54
All right, moving on to the hot topic.
00:16:56
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:16:59
Our hot topic of the week is going to be talking about being introverted or extroverted.
00:17:13
And I guess I would say I'm an extrovert, but maybe not when I first meet people.
00:17:19
Honestly, this idea came from Ashton.
00:17:21
Yeah.
00:17:22
When I had a little menteebie the other week, I was like,
00:45:29
why do I have such weird interactions?
00:17:27
And I always overthink everything.
00:17:29
And I'm not fully myself when I talk to people.
00:17:32
And then I was like, I totally forgot that I'm such a shy person.
00:17:36
And I've always been that way.
00:17:38
And we've just been in so many big social interactions.
00:17:42
And I'm always out with big groups of people all the time that I'm just forced to be more social and outgoing than I normally would be on my loan sum.
00:17:51
And then I was like, wait, I totally forgot.
00:17:53
I'm such a little shy introvert girl, which is so funny.
00:17:56
I feel like you overthink after talking with someone about what you said.
00:18:03
Yes, because half of the time I'll say things.
00:18:06
And I'm like, that is so just not how I am as an actual person.
00:18:10
And I don't know.
00:18:11
It's hard to what do you mean.
00:18:12
I feel like the only time I overthink or can relate to this is when I, unless I say something stupid, or I'm like, why did I say that?
00:18:20
But I feel like when I have anxiety, and you're just anxious about everything that you said.
00:18:25
Yes, or what I didn't say.
00:18:28
I'll be so quiet talking to people.
00:18:30
And I'm like, why weren't you just being normal?
00:18:33
I'm like, it's like hard.
00:18:34
It takes me a minute to really be my full self around someone.
00:18:39
I don't know why.
00:18:41
I feel like I don't really agree with you because every time I bring you around new groups of people, I think especially this past year.
00:18:49
So I've just literally brought Ashton with me in my back pocket everywhere.
00:18:53
And everyone I bring Ashton to me, everyone's like, oh my God, she's amazing.
00:18:58
And they like you better than me.
00:19:00
Thank you.
00:19:01
But I feel like you do a good job at like having conversations with random people.
00:19:05
I don't know.
00:19:06
I think it's just that I overthink it.
00:19:07
I am definitely a shy person.
00:19:09
And if you put me in a room, I'm going to be myself when I'm with you and friends and people I'm comfortable with.
00:19:15
And then we meet people as a group.
00:19:18
But if I were to just one-on-one be introduced to someone, I'm like the most shyest, awkwardest, quietest person ever.
00:19:26
And yeah, I guess that makes sense.
00:19:28
I'm definitely not.
00:19:30
I would say I'm an extrovert in the sense of like, I like being with people.
00:19:34
I always like being with people.
00:19:36
And I can be very outgoing.
00:19:39
And I'm not like overthinking everything I say.
00:19:43
But the first time that I meet people, it takes me so long to warm up to someone.
00:19:47
And people don't expect that from me at first.
00:19:50
Especially when I meet girls, like Earl Girls, out in person.
00:19:54
And they're all like, wait, you're so much quieter than I expected you to be.
00:19:57
And so many people say that.
00:19:58
I think just because I have such like a loud outgoing personality online.
00:20:02
And I am loud and outgoing.
00:20:04
But only when I'm like comfortable with someone.
00:20:07
I also think that is a weird dynamic that sometimes like messes with my head a little bit.
00:20:11
Because posting online, I feel like you can just post whatever.
00:20:15
And you're posting to so many people.
00:20:17
But or at least I don't like actively think about how many people I'm posting to when I post.
00:20:22
I'm just like, comfortable by myself in my room posting my weird little thoughts.
00:20:27
And then it's like so many people see it.
00:20:30
And they feel like they know you.
00:20:31
And like they expect you to be like that in a social setting or out in public.
00:20:38
And that's just, I get scared a lot.
00:20:42
I don't know.
00:20:42
I really like meeting people.
00:20:44
And I do feel like when they tell me that they're like, oh, I'm a neural girl.
00:20:47
And I'm like, oh my god, okay, great.
00:20:49
Like I can be myself around her.
00:20:51
Sometimes though when I meet people and I don't know if they know me, I don't know.
00:20:56
I get really stressed out about opening up to someone I like to like match the other person's energy a little bit more.
00:21:01
But like you said, with posting online and like not realizing how many people you're posting for.
00:21:06
I've seen some TikTok or something.
00:21:08
And it was like, oh, there's like 100,000 people in this stadium.
00:21:11
And the stadium was like massive and huge.
00:21:13
And she was like, I have like two million followers.
00:21:15
And I was like, oh my god.
00:21:17
And I was like, it's kind of crazy.
00:21:19
You like forget like how many people see the things that you post.
00:21:23
And I'm like, wait, should I not be posting these things?
00:21:27
No, I know.
00:21:28
It's like scary.
00:21:29
That's why I always freak out.
00:21:30
Because then I'm like, I keep to myself.
00:21:31
Mostly I'm kind of private.
00:21:32
You know, I don't share even you yell at me all the time.
00:21:36
You're like, why don't you tell me things?
00:21:37
Why are you so secretive?
00:21:38
Like, blah, blah, blah.
00:21:38
And I'm like, I'm not secretive.
00:21:40
I just like don't run around telling my shit to people all the time.
00:21:45
That is something you do differently than me, though.
00:21:47
That kind of annoys me is you keep things to yourself.
00:21:49
Like, say like you go on a date with a guy, right?
00:21:52
I'd be the type to like go back and tell my friends, like step by step, every detail.
00:21:58
Like the way he moved his fingers, like where he looked.
00:22:01
And Ashton, and like a lot of like Christens this way too, like won't say anything that goes good.
00:22:08
And I'm like, uh, hello?
00:22:11
Like, where is all the details?
00:22:13
And some people just don't like to share, but I like to share.
00:22:16
And I like to know.
00:22:17
So it really pisses me off that you don't share with me.
00:22:20
Yeah.
00:22:21
I think you're also just nosy in my life.
00:22:23
You're always like, what are you doing?
00:22:24
What was this?
00:22:25
What was that?
00:22:26
And I'm like, oh, look, why don't you like to tell?
00:22:28
Well, it's not that I don't like to tell.
00:22:30
I don't know.
00:22:31
It's just, you don't need to know every single little detail of everything.
00:22:36
Some things can be kept private.
00:22:38
No.
00:22:39
Yes, I do.
00:22:40
I don't like to keep things private, though.
00:22:42
I guess that's another thing about me is maybe I don't really keep much private at all.
00:22:49
I mean, definitely not online and like definitely not with the people in my life.
00:22:53
Like, I just don't, I don't know if I'm going through something.
00:22:57
Like, I like to go through it and like explain it to someone else or tell someone else.
00:23:00
Like, even like, I just, I don't really love being alone.
00:23:04
If I, I do like peace and quiet, though.
00:23:06
But if I'm being alone, I like to be alone, like with someone, you know, so like someone could be like sitting in the same room as me.
00:23:12
We don't have to talk, but I like another bodily presence.
00:23:16
See, that's where we differ as well.
00:23:19
I always like self-isolate and like to be alone.
00:23:25
You scare the shit out of me when you do this because I'll hang out with Ashton and she will go into like the bathroom or the bedroom or somewhere and like sit for like 45 minutes to like four hours and not come out.
00:23:39
And like, well, I'll be just hanging out having a great time and all of a sudden she goes away and she's in my room and I'm like knocking on the door like, hey, like you're so concerned all the time.
00:23:48
You're like, are you okay?
00:23:49
I am.
00:23:50
I'm like, I just don't understand.
00:23:51
I'm like, where are you going?
00:23:52
And she's just like, I just want to like sit here alone and I'm like, you just flew all the way to Florida to hang out with me and now you're just sitting in my room alone.
00:24:00
But that's why I need people like you in my life to be like, no, like my roommate who just knocked on my door and like was just coming to lay with me because we were all last night.
00:24:09
But that's the thing, like I will just stay alone forever unless there's someone else who comes in with me.
00:24:14
I just, I don't know, I like to be alone, like sleeping alone too.
00:24:18
Even if my friends are all alone.
00:24:19
I do like to sleep alone.
00:24:21
Yeah.
00:24:22
Like, I feel like at the end of the day doing so much with being around people all the time.
00:24:27
I just like to come home to my room alone and have some me time.
00:24:31
No, I like to be alone too, but like you like to have your me time like sometimes like too much, like all the time, like having anything else but your me time.
00:24:42
She literally locks herself in my room and I'm like, what I scream, I'm like, get out.
00:24:47
Yeah, you get mad at me.
00:24:49
Yeah, no, I just don't understand what you're doing.
00:24:52
It's a little bit of a problem.
00:24:53
I can self isolate a little too much, but that's also where all the overthinking happens when I'm alone.
00:25:01
I'm just like, it's kind of when you're self-isolating, do you want to be taken out of yourself isolation?
00:25:06
Or no.
00:25:07
No, I like being alone and having my alone time, but sometimes I'm like, oh, I should stop being a weirdo and like interact with people.
00:25:15
But when you first meet people, at least for me, I kind of got sidetracked.
00:25:19
It takes me a minute to open up to people and I'm always astonished by people that can be themselves right away so badly.
00:25:29
Yeah.
00:25:30
Like not that I'm not myself, but I'm just not my full self right away.
00:25:34
Like I like to see like, if this person's going to share something about themselves or let their guard down a little bit, like I feel like I keep my guard up until I see that someone else's guard goes down a little bit and then I'm like,
00:25:45
oh, okay, this is like a safe environment for me.
00:25:48
I'm always like in awe of those people that can just walk into a room and not know anyone and just fully be like, coming so strong with their personality and just not even care.
00:26:00
Those are the type of people that when I hang out with someone and they're automatically right away, like so fun and so friendly, I'm automatically so fun and friendly.
00:26:08
But if the other person brings me out of my show, yeah, but if the other person's really quiet, then I then tend to stay more on the outside.
00:26:17
So I'm like, maybe these other people are fun and loud too, but like I need to be the first to bring it out.
00:26:24
And I just kind of depends the environment, but I would say like a lot of people meet me and they're like, you're so much more shy when I first meet you than like after getting to know you.
00:26:35
That is definitely a thing for me too.
00:26:38
Also a lot of people are always like, I thought you would be a bitch before I met you because I'm just like kind of quiet and reserved and not like super talking a bunch to people.
00:26:49
So I get that out a lot too.
00:26:51
It's just like my RBF and I'm like, I'm having like a great time talking to you, but like I'm not all the time smiling ear to ear while talking to you like this.
00:27:01
Like I don't know why this is just like I would just rather talk like this.
00:27:05
And before I talk to people, they're like, I thought you were going to be the biggest bitch.
00:27:09
And I really hate that.
00:27:10
I give off that vibe.
00:27:11
And then the second that I talk to you though, I'm like, you'll see that I'm very nice, but I don't know.
00:27:16
I don't want to give off that vibe and I've been trying to like work on my RBF because it's sad.
00:27:21
It's sad.
00:27:22
I don't want people to think that I'm being.
00:27:24
It expends a lot of energy for me to fully like try to show my personality.
00:27:30
I almost think sometimes like the people that you meet that are like, hi, how are you?
00:27:35
Nice to meet you.
00:27:36
Like, yes.
00:27:37
Like whatever.
00:27:38
Like, I'm like, I don't trust you for some reason.
00:27:40
Are you?
00:27:41
I'm like, why are you so happy right now?
00:27:43
It's like you're putting on a show.
00:27:45
You know what I mean?
00:27:46
Yeah.
00:27:47
Yeah.
00:27:48
I'm like, and everyone's like, oh, they're so nice.
00:27:49
And I'm like, are they though?
00:27:50
I met some people that are like that, that actually aren't the best people, but they're just really going to be really friendly.
00:27:57
But I'm like, are you that happy all the time?
00:27:59
I don't think so.
00:28:00
I feel like for someone that really like genuinely like me as a person, you have to like, we have to have multiple interactions and multiple conversations and hang out.
00:28:09
I feel like to actually like know my real personality.
00:28:12
You have to spend real time with me and like actually hang out with me and get to know me.
00:28:18
Yeah.
00:28:19
It's not something that I can like to warm up to.
00:28:21
Yeah.
00:28:22
Cause I don't know.
00:28:23
But I'm, I don't know, I'm not as bad as you, I don't think.
00:28:28
And I will say one thing that has happened over the past year, year and a half with being in like the public eye is media training.
00:28:40
And I, so basically, you know, when you have some type of social presence and you're going to be doing interviews and press and I don't know,
00:28:51
maybe going on another podcast or whatever.
00:28:54
You're just talking online in general.
00:28:56
You usually do some type of media training in the beginning.
00:29:00
And it's weird because I'm like, what even, I was in college.
00:29:03
I was like, what am I even being media trained for?
00:29:05
Like, I don't even know what I'm doing and you're just kind of like plopped into these scenarios.
00:29:09
I was like, Oh, all the sudden you're on a carpet answering these questions, all the sudden, you're like doing an interview with this magazine.
00:29:15
And I.
00:29:16
But the thing is, I used to be so scared by interviews because I did all this media training because I really wanted to be perfect in my responses.
00:29:32
And I think for me, where I would get my wire sort of crossed is like, we have been brought up to have like a business professional background, at least like that's the way like dad raised us and work and when you're in a work environment,
00:29:46
you are to be professional.
00:29:48
And you know, we learn a lot of that in school as well and how to be in an interview.
00:29:52
And then the thing that would trip me up is I wanted to be that like professional buttoned up corporate type of girl in a work setting.
00:30:01
And I want people to take me seriously.
00:30:04
But at the same time when you're just someone who's like an online presence, that's not really what they're looking for.
00:30:09
They're looking for personality.
00:30:11
Yeah.
00:30:12
So like I got so worried about saying everything like buttoned up perfection, like that's not even who I am online and what I'm posting and the reason that people enjoy me.
00:30:22
So I feel like I've done all these interviews and press and I just wasn't even being myself.
00:30:29
I was like so afraid to say anything that could maybe be just not perfectly in line.
00:30:36
And I think I did too much media training.
00:30:38
So now I'm literally untraining myself from the media training, untraining the media training.
00:30:45
No.
00:30:46
And that's like the opposite for me.
00:30:48
I've not been media trained.
00:30:50
And then I get scared and just start blabbing because I know but I'm also I still struggle to like get my actual personality across in interviews.
00:31:02
I like see videos of myself and I'm being such like a weirdo and I'm like, who is that?
00:31:06
But I don't recognize it.
00:31:07
It's hard.
00:31:08
It's so hard.
00:31:09
It's not that it's hard work.
00:31:10
It's hard to.
00:31:12
It's just difficult.
00:31:13
What?
00:31:14
Just the second that someone's like interviewing you, it feels so professional.
00:31:17
And I'm like, why can't like this happen to me actually last year as that Paris Fashion Week and I was doing a me interview after the Mimou show with someone and I was with this girl the whole day.
00:31:28
We were having a great conversation, great banter.
00:31:30
And the second that she sat down, she's like, okay, let's start the interview and she hit like record on her phone.
00:31:34
And then you just I clammed up and I literally couldn't speak.
00:31:39
I didn't know who I was.
00:31:40
I was like, wait.
00:31:42
No.
00:31:43
So that one interview I did with Nylon Magazine, we were driving from my hotel to the coach show and the interviewer was in the car with me and we were just talking and she was just like,
00:31:55
oh, like, how was your day?
00:31:56
I was like, oh, I had a photo shoot this morning.
00:31:57
Like, it's been crazy.
00:31:58
I just had like five minutes to change, blah, blah, blah.
00:32:00
And then she just kind of like was talking to me like normal about my day.
00:32:04
And then all of a sudden I look over on her lap and her phone is recording.
00:32:08
And I was like, and then immediately I started like, stuttering and it was really bad.
00:32:14
You have to like trick yourself into not knowing that it's happening.
00:32:17
And that was the interview too, where I was like, I was, it was such a busy day for me.
00:32:21
I was like so stressed and like, not a single clear thought across my brain.
00:32:26
And that was the interview with the headline where it was like, my sister gives me the egg.
00:32:35
And I was like, oh, my god, I can't do interviews because you haven't had any media training.
00:32:37
Your interviews have been so good and so funny.
00:32:39
Like the headlines being like, if I don't see any famous people here, I'm leaving or when you were like, my sister gives me the egg, like that stuff is so, that's what makes something interesting.
00:32:50
And now I'm trying to be more like you and I have been doing a good job recently.
00:32:55
And I'm just like, what the hell am I so scared about?
00:32:57
And I'm like, I am so boring and I come across so just not myself in these interviews because I'm just trying to say like the pitch perfect answer and I'm like, I'm not running for president.
00:33:08
I'm just being myself.
00:33:09
So I have to let loose a little.
00:33:11
It's just still so scary in general to be interviewed.
00:33:14
I always in my mind, I'm like, I need the right answer.
00:33:17
That's like kind of shows my personality and maybe there's no right answer.
00:33:21
There's no right answer.
00:33:22
And that's the problem I struggle with a lot when I'm like, there's no right answer.
00:33:25
I'm like, what do I do?
00:33:27
Yeah, I just kind of come into this new head space where I'm a little bit more like I don't really care what people think of me.
00:33:38
And I think I was so stuck on just having all these eyes on me and having or wanting everyone to like me.
00:33:46
So I would try to like mold myself into something that everyone would like and I was like, I'm not even being myself.
00:33:50
And I was like, if people don't like me, that's fine.
00:33:53
But I need to just like stay true to who I am.
00:33:55
I think I actually have been a lot better about just like I went to the CFDA Awards and granted like use.
00:34:02
They were good.
00:34:03
That was I feel like the first time that I just was like letting loose a little bit and not that it was anything crazy, but I was much more comfortable.
00:34:11
Like usually before I do those interviews, like I'm choked up and just so scared.
00:34:16
And then I was like, what am I so scared of?
00:34:18
Like I'm just talking about myself.
00:34:20
So it's definitely taken a while to get adjusted to, but I feel like I'm finally coming into a space where I'm sure of myself and also used to these things where there's a camera being shoved in your face with a microphone and I've just been a little bit more comfortable with it.
00:34:38
Yeah, for me, I'm so bad at talking about myself because I'm just like, oh, like I don't know, like I'm just me, like I don't know, like my mind goes blank when people ask me questions about myself.
00:34:50
I'm like, because I just, I'm like, I don't know.
00:34:53
Because I feel like half of me wants to be perceived a certain way and then I get nervous and then I like end up losing all sense of self.
00:35:03
And that's like the anxious, scared.
00:35:06
I'm just always scared a little bit of everything.
00:35:10
Like, yeah.
00:35:11
I think what I've realized that was the more that I'm just myself, the better it goes.
00:35:17
And I always get stressed about when I'm in big groups of people that when I leave, you know when someone, you hang out with someone for the first time and then they leave and everyone just like, well, like they're so nice,
00:35:27
like they're so great.
00:35:29
I was like, I feel like no one has ever said that about me.
00:35:31
And then.
00:35:32
I think that all the time.
00:35:33
I always think I'm just like, like there, like I'm an NPC.
00:35:37
I feel like that's how I am.
00:35:40
And I hung out with Jake and all his friends at a dinner in LA and I was like, you know what?
00:35:46
Because I consciously was like, you know what?
00:35:47
I just need to like be myself because it was people I didn't really know at first.
00:35:51
And usually I just, I think when you're in a group of people where there's multiple people that know each other and you don't know anyone for the first time, it's a lot easier to just be quiet because you're like,
00:36:02
you're not part of the group or part of their things.
00:36:05
But this dinner in my head, I literally was like, let's just like be really friendly.
00:36:09
Just talk like normal, act like you know everyone.
00:36:13
And then I left and Jake texted me and was like, everyone when you left and got in your car said that you were so nice.
00:36:18
And I was like, I'm literally framing this text.
00:36:20
It was the cool thing about it.
00:36:22
Especially like Jake's friends.
00:36:23
Like they're just so funny.
00:36:25
They're so funny.
00:36:26
They're so funny.
00:36:27
I'm like one of those people who's like, my whole life have been like, I won't speak unless spoken to kind of like, I'm not going to be the one to go up to you and be like, hi, let's be best friends.
00:36:35
Like, blah, blah, blah.
00:36:36
All my roommates said I was really weird for this, like in a class.
00:36:40
So I don't know any friends in my class.
00:36:43
I will just go and sit and not interact with anyone, not talk to anyone and leave.
00:36:48
Like I don't understand.
00:36:49
You don't have class friends?
00:36:51
No, all my friends are always like, yeah, I was like with my class friend and I was like telling them about like this crazy, like weekend we had, like blah, blah, blah, I was telling them all this and that we were talking, we were texting.
00:37:01
And I'm like, you just like make class friends.
00:37:03
Like you look to someone sitting next to you and you're like, hey, like let's be friends.
00:37:08
Like that is so scary to me.
00:37:10
That's really scary to me.
00:37:12
A class friend is the best type of friend.
00:37:14
It's like a work friend.
00:37:15
Like you just get each other on a different type of level and it's like, there's never any drama obviously because like you just see them like going to class and like, I think my class friends are like some of the best friends in my life.
00:37:26
No, but like I'm sure, like I wish I could make class friends, but I'm just so scared to just be like, hey, you know, like I can't go up to anyone.
00:37:34
If someone were like, I feel like the only class friends I've ever made were people that have come up to me.
00:37:39
But even then, I'm so like so awkward and I'm like, yeah, like me, like I'm such a freak for some reason.
00:37:46
I'm trying to remember, I don't know, I'm not overly the person to like go up to someone and be like, hey, whatever, but usually I feel like my class friends formed from me being like one's the test I wasn't paying attention.
00:38:02
And then you just start talking.
00:38:04
That's why I dig myself into a hole because I'm like, I'm so scared to interact with anyone.
00:38:09
If I miss work or notes or like a deadline or something, I just won't, I won't text anyone.
00:38:15
Even if I have a question, like I missed a note because I ran to the bathroom, I'll just be like, oh, dammit.
00:38:19
Better luck next time.
00:38:22
Yes.
00:38:23
I like, it's really weird.
00:38:25
And I'm aware that it's weird, but I'm just like so, so scared.
00:38:29
Do you know that Natalie's one of my friends that was a class friend?
00:38:34
Really?
00:38:36
This was actually psycho of me.
00:38:39
I found out, so Natalie was in my class and I found out this was freshman year that we had been getting with the same guy and I was like, wait,
00:38:49
I need to know what's going on here.
00:38:52
So I went up to her after class and was like, hey, do you want to go to Starbucks together?
00:38:57
Like, let's get a coffee.
00:38:59
And she was like, yeah, and we were just talking about, I don't know, it was like a law class or something.
00:39:03
I had a homework or final coming up and I was like, so, like, are you getting with blah, blah, blah?
00:39:10
And she was like, I know, I can't believe I did this.
00:39:13
And I was like, yeah, me too.
00:39:15
I was like, doesn't he kind of suck?
00:39:17
And then she was like, oh my god, he's the worst.
00:39:19
And then we started like, shitting on him together and then we became best friends.
00:39:23
Oh my God, that's so fun.
00:39:24
I love that.
00:39:25
I know.
00:39:26
I know, but isn't that like crazy?
00:39:27
That's so funny.
00:39:28
She was just a girl in my class that like, I found out was getting with the same guy as me.
00:39:33
So, let's, let's discuss this because I was like, I don't know if she knows.
00:39:36
And I was like, if I was her, I would want to know too.
00:39:39
And I didn't have beef with her, but I just was like, I also didn't like the guy.
00:39:42
So I wanted to like, let her know that I didn't like him, but I guess I did kind of, I don't know what was going on.
00:39:49
But I know.
00:39:50
But I love that.
00:39:51
I had no idea.
00:39:52
Yeah.
00:39:53
And one time I went into his room and there was another girl's dress on the bed and I remember being like, oh, like, that's not my dress.
00:40:05
And it was like so awkward.
00:40:06
And he like swept it to the side.
00:40:08
I remember our junior year of college, Natalie was like, oh my God, I had this like cheetah print dress.
00:40:15
I would wear all the time fresh manure and I lost it.
00:40:17
And I was like, wait, I found that cheetah print dress when I went into his room to get with him.
00:40:23
And I was so upset.
00:40:25
And it was her dress.
00:40:26
And that's literally where I need to tell this message says.
00:40:29
And we didn't put it together until like junior year that the dress I found that I was so upset by was her dress.
00:40:35
That's so funny.
00:40:37
Yeah.
00:40:38
So that's how we became best friends, but it was all thanks to class.
00:40:43
Yeah.
00:40:44
See, that's very extroverted and coded of you.
00:40:48
I don't know.
00:40:49
I guess I am extroverted, but it just takes me a while to warm up to people.
00:40:53
But I used to be, I used to not be this way at all.
00:40:56
I used to be so shy.
00:40:57
I remember when we were in maybe like fifth grade, remember when mom took us to what model in agency was that?
00:41:05
Oh, Ford.
00:41:06
I think it was Ford.
00:41:07
Yeah.
00:41:08
The like open casting calls in New York City for Ford models.
00:41:11
We literally waited like five blocks down for this model casting and I got a call back for this some type of, I don't remember, obviously the shoot at the time,
00:41:21
but when you like walked in and then it was to see if you would get picked for the shoot.
00:41:24
And it was me and like a bunch of these other girls and you wait in this long line, finally got up and the question, they were like, kind of nice to meet you.
00:41:31
I was like, hey, I'm Alex.
00:41:34
Like that's literally how shy I was.
00:41:36
And he was like, what do you like to do this day?
00:41:39
I remember his question was, what do you like to do on a Saturday?
00:41:43
And I stood in silence for a kid you not four minutes straight, literally just looking at this man like, um, that's literally me right now.
00:41:52
My mom was like tapping me and she was like, Alex, like you like to ride horses, like say you like to ride horses.
00:41:57
I'm like, I like to ride horses.
00:41:59
Wait, no, that's literally me when I was doing like the little video clips for the nylon and elite daily interviews I did.
00:42:08
They did like fun little social media clips and they asked me like stupid little questions, like superlatives.
00:42:12
I literally, Alex, I'm like really embarrassed by this.
00:42:15
They asked me a question and I was like, um, like all minute and I was looking around the room.
00:42:22
I was like, I'm just gonna fucking tell you the answer.
00:42:24
Just say something.
00:42:25
I know.
00:42:26
I know sometimes you just have to not care.
00:42:27
But I will say you've always been really shy in ordering food at restaurants.
00:42:32
Like I would now you're better, but I like crying.
00:42:35
It was maybe until you went to college that like you would order at a restaurant.
00:42:39
She would say, I remember it and you would get so mad at me when we were little.
00:42:42
The waitress would come over and be like, what does everyone want to eat?
00:42:44
We would go around the table.
00:42:45
It would get to Ashton.
00:42:46
She would say.
00:42:47
And I was like, Ashton, use your words.
00:42:54
No, it's so funny because my ex boyfriend from high school, when I first would like meet his family and do family dinners with him, they would all fuck with me and be like, Ashton, like stop being so loud, like stop talking so much and they would always shit on me for it and they had a joke.
00:43:07
We're because I think I said something and they were all like, what?
00:43:11
And I remember his brother would have this joke.
00:43:15
You would talk like you would talk like Marcel Bechel.
00:43:19
I literally was.
00:43:20
His brother would do the same thing that you just said, he'd be like, hey Ashton, you and you and you.
00:43:25
And it was like, it was like so embarrassing, but at least they were like a fun outgoing group to where they like made fun of me for it.
00:43:35
If his family was like super like uptight and like strict and like scary, I probably wouldn't never speak to them ever because I'd just be too scared.
00:43:46
Meeting boyfriend's family, scary.
00:43:49
It's so scary to me, but and like you're trying to be on your best behavior.
00:43:54
Like you want them to like you, but you also want to like show your personality, but you're not sure.
00:43:59
Yeah, it's like you're like just boring if you're not showing your personality, but it's so scary.
00:44:03
And you're like, what if they don't like laugh and yeah, it was actually funny last year when I met Braxton's grandpa, he's Puerto Rican.
00:44:14
So he, he kind of speaks like broken English, or he has a very thick accent.
00:44:19
So he doesn't get his words out correctly all the time.
00:44:24
And oh my gosh, what did he say?
00:44:25
So the first time I met him, we were going to Adolphin's game.
00:44:29
And I was like dressed up.
00:44:30
I had my hair done, makeup on.
00:44:32
And then the second time I met him, I just came over to like hang out with his family.
00:44:35
And I was in sweatpants.
00:44:37
My hair was up.
00:44:38
I had my makeup on and he was like, you looked better before.
00:44:43
And I was like, I'm crying, but he said that he meant to say, you look better than you did before.
00:44:53
But I think that was his family just trying to make me feel they're just trying to make you feel better.
00:44:57
I don't think that's what he meant.
00:44:59
But like meeting the family and like, you know, when you're just like, it was Braxton's mom, Braxton's aunt, Braxton's dad, all these people, his cousin's like, people I just didn't know.
00:45:08
And like, he, the grandpa literally roasted me in front of everyone and I was like, I'm going to go home now.
00:45:14
That's so funny.
00:45:16
I remember being like purple.
00:45:18
Yeah, that's like me my whole life.
00:45:28
It sounds like I've been talking very negatively about being introverted.
00:45:37
But I like it.
00:45:38
I like to like keep to myself and be private and like, I don't have to rely on anyone else to like kind of bring me up in a way.
00:45:46
No, it's definitely a great skill.
00:45:47
It's definitely a great skill.
00:45:49
I think it's like kind of cute.
00:45:50
I'm like, giving mysterious, I am someone who like, I don't really like to be alone.
00:45:57
And I think like being able to be introverted in a way is like, you're comfortable with yourself is great.
00:46:03
Like, I'm almost like uncomfortable with myself at times.
00:46:06
Like, I don't want to be alone or in my own thoughts.
00:46:09
Like, I always need to be in the presence of someone else.
00:46:11
Like, if I'm alone, I'm alone together, meaning like someone else is in the room.
00:46:15
Yeah.
00:46:16
I feel like you view being alone is like a negative thing and I view it as a great thing.
00:46:20
Like, I love my alone time.
00:46:22
So I definitely have to get better at that.
00:46:25
And it definitely doesn't help also having like a boyfriend because then you're also like codependent on them and just like want to be with them.
00:46:32
And I feel myself, you know me, it's hard for me to feel emotions and I feel myself like missing Braxton a lot and like being upset when I'm not with him and I'm like,
00:46:45
oh no.
00:46:46
Like I don't want to be that way but I am that way now.
00:46:50
Yeah.
00:46:51
Do you feel, yeah, I was going to say, do you ever feel like after you're doing a lot of like social interaction that you like need to like decompress and like come back like you need to take a break.
00:47:05
Like I always do.
00:47:06
I always have to feel more alive.
00:47:09
I feel better if I'm doing social stuff, social stuff, social stuff, like I feel not good when I'm like alone, alone, alone, alone, having health and wellness.
00:47:17
I like to like be social and go out obviously but it gets to a point where I'm always like, okay, I need to like regroup and like be alone for a minute and like come back,
00:47:28
it's like coming back to reality for me almost.
00:47:32
Which is like a weird way to do it.
00:47:33
No, I don't feel that way.
00:47:34
I don't know.
00:47:35
I feel pretty like alive and grounded when I'm with other people I think.
00:47:38
Like I thrive off of being with like my friends and those interactions and well, I don't yes.
00:47:44
I do too.
00:47:45
But I don't know.
00:47:46
I always like need to come back to me at some point.
00:47:50
I don't know.
00:47:51
I don't really know how to explain it.
00:47:53
I feel like people will get what I'm saying.
00:47:56
Yeah, no, there's definitely a group of people that feel that way.
00:48:01
And that's honestly like, I wonder if that's healthier.
00:48:04
I hosted an event with a clothing brand in LA this summer and they were like, I wasn't really given any details until the day of when I got there and I was like terrified.
00:48:14
I was like, what do you mean I'm hosting an event like that is one of my biggest fears.
00:48:19
But it was honestly pretty chill.
00:48:20
It was just like a group of girls.
00:48:22
We did a Pilates class and then a lunch and then they were like, you're going to have a little session after where all the girls are going to like, we're going to sit around the couch and like play games and they're going to ask you questions about yourself and all this stuff.
00:48:33
And I was like, what?
00:48:35
That's terrifying.
00:48:36
But then I was like, okay, yeah, sure because I was in a place to like say no.
00:48:41
I was like, yeah, that's so great.
00:48:43
I'm not scared at all.
00:48:45
And then the event went on and we did the Pilates class and then we had the lunch after and then everyone was kind of just like socializing and talking after because they were doing, there was like a little tattoo station and like a little permanent jewelry station.
00:48:58
So everyone was kind of just like walking around socializing and the, the woman that was like running the event kept coming up to me.
00:49:05
She was like, are you okay?
00:49:06
Are you upset that like you're not getting enough attention?
00:49:09
Like I was like, oh no, I was like, I'm doing great.
00:49:13
But I was being, I was like, was actively aware of how weird I was being.
00:49:16
I was like, I was trying to talk to girls, but I'd be like, hi, like nice to meet you.
00:49:21
And no one was really like coming up to me because I don't know, like if they thought I, now I'm like, I'm so scared that I left and everyone thought I was a bitch.
00:49:31
I was so shy to just like, I really wanted to meet everyone there and be like, hey, like what's going on?
00:49:37
But like, I was just so nervous and I like ended up, I think I met like three girls in the interactions were so awkward and I left and I was like, what is wrong with me?
00:49:46
Like, I really need to work on that.
00:49:49
I feel like once I meet people and find, but I definitely would feel like a sense, I don't have confidence in the sense that people ever want to like meet.
00:49:58
Well, that was the thing.
00:50:00
That's what I was thinking.
00:50:01
I was like, why would anyone want to talk to me?
00:50:02
And then I was like, actually, literally hosting this event.
00:50:06
It happened.
00:50:07
Um, that happened really hard to me at the summer at the hot mess boat party, um, which was like an event that I threw sold tickets for girls bought.
00:50:17
There was literally like 60,000 people trying to buy it in the first like minute and it sold out.
00:50:23
And I walked in and was like, head down, head down, like, oh my god.
00:50:27
Like I should have been like, hey, like thanks for coming and welcome.
00:50:31
But I was like, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I don't know.
00:50:36
So that I lack a little confidence in.
00:50:39
And like people are like, oh, you should do like a podcast tour or you should like throw parties like for, you know, or all girls to come.
00:50:47
And I just like never want to because I have no faith that anyone would show up because I'm like, what?
00:50:52
I think I just don't think so.
00:50:53
Like I really just don't have faith that anyone would come.
00:50:57
We're just so funny because at that party, I remember I was talking to girls the entire night.
00:51:02
Very talkative and way more outgoing when I have a few drinks in me.
00:51:09
I was best friends with everyone at that party.
00:51:10
I was like down at the bar with all of them just talking the whole time and dad kept being like, where have you been?
00:51:15
I'm like, I'm with my best friends.
00:51:16
Like, what are you talking about?
00:51:17
These girls I met five minutes ago.
00:51:19
I don't know.
00:51:20
I think it's like I'm so used to being so shy that when I have like one drink, I'm like, oh, I don't care anymore.
00:51:23
I'm like, we sometimes I think like that's the way I have to go about it or like for these interviews.
00:51:29
I need to pretend as if I just took like a shot or so and was moving and grooving.
00:51:36
Yeah.
00:51:37
Maybe I should know.
00:51:39
I am done with drinking.
00:51:41
I hate it so much.
00:51:45
I don't want this to sound bad, but I think I'm like a good drinker.
00:51:48
What do you mean you're a good drinker?
00:51:51
I don't know.
00:51:52
I just like haven't been going out.
00:51:54
So I was scared that like I wouldn't be able to do it anymore.
00:51:57
I'm like, you can't go your alcohol.
00:52:00
Yeah, because I think I got member like a few episodes ago and I was like, wait, I'm so hungover.
00:52:05
I can't like move.
00:52:06
I think I just like wasn't used to going out because now like, I'm completely fine.
00:52:10
Like I can go out and be functioning the next day.
00:52:12
I think if anything, it almost like sparks more ideas for me.
00:52:16
I think.
00:52:17
Yeah, you just like the in your little like diluted hungover state where you're so a little drunk.
00:52:21
I get very creative.
00:52:22
So much, I'm so much better I was, wait, so this Instagram I posted the other day when it was like pictures of me out with like the martini glass and then at the deli with the sandwich.
00:52:34
I was like still drunk, I think the next morning because I just like threw that up on Instagram and it was like.
00:52:39
Yeah, I loved it.
00:52:40
It took me like two seconds and it did so well and I was like, maybe I need to just like let lose a little bit of a little dirty martini and start posting my Instagrams.
00:52:50
We love the martinis, but it is bad because like I do think things are so much better when I'm drinking.
00:52:58
Like I have this tick tock of me and Sally because we were out and someone said like, dun dun.
00:53:03
Like you know the lawn order sounds yeah, and we were like, that's really funny.
00:53:09
Like that's going to be our new thing like, dun dun, and I could so see Sally doing that like, dun dun, yeah, no, we thought it was the best thing ever.
00:53:18
So I made this tick tock or ten to this sound lawn order, dun dun.
00:53:24
And Sally was like, you should post it right now and I was like, I don't post things when I'm like, having a drink because like that's because I just don't, I just don't, I was like, you know what?
00:53:34
Because we're not in the right headspace.
00:53:35
Let's just not and it's something that I've learned to not do.
00:53:40
And I didn't post it and Sally was like, you should post and I was like, I'm just going to wait till the morning and I woke up in the morning and I watched these tick tocks and I was like, this like it literally like couldn't be less funny.
00:53:49
And in the moment we thought it was so good and we were like, dun dun.
00:53:54
And I was like, it's just like not funny in the slightest and we thought it was the best tick talk of all time and I was like, that's why you don't post when you're out.
00:54:01
No, when I drink, I think I am the funniest person ever and I want to post everything and I do sometimes and then I wake up and I'm like, Ashton, what did you do?
00:54:10
You're just being weird.
00:54:11
Actually, the second that Ashton starts drinking, I forgot that you do this.
00:54:15
You don't stop talking.
00:54:17
Oh, no.
00:54:18
You actually like sometimes like need to be a little bit puzzled.
00:54:22
I talk too much.
00:54:23
She's like, is a child of us.
00:54:24
I say this.
00:54:25
I tell everyone, I'm like, I need a muzzle on my face when I drink.
00:54:28
It's pretty bad.
00:54:29
The second that Ashton has a drink, like she has, she's completely switched.
00:54:34
She doesn't stop talking.
00:54:35
Like, I don't think you're breathing.
00:54:37
That is what I get all of my anxiety from is just how much.
00:54:41
I just, all I remember every night after going out was just me talking and talking.
00:54:45
Like, what?
00:54:46
What's I saying?
00:54:47
I don't even know and I'm really scared and I always get in situations like this and my friends are like, because she is, she's talking.
00:54:54
I'll just start talking.
00:54:56
I don't talk when I'm sober, just when I'm drunk.
00:55:00
I mean, I think everyone, like, drunk talks a little bit when you say something to someone and you're like, wait, what?
00:55:04
But I think it's such a harsh difference for me because I'm mute normally.
00:55:10
Yeah.
00:55:11
I don't really get anxiety though about things like that.
00:55:14
I do.
00:55:15
Because I'm just more so as I say, because no one's talking to you a lot and they just keep talking and you're out and you're like, you're like, get away from me.
00:55:24
Yeah.
00:55:25
That's me.
00:55:26
I'm that person.
00:55:27
And I'm aware of it.
00:55:30
I need.
00:55:31
Yeah.
00:55:32
We're quitting alcohol.
00:55:33
I hate her.
00:55:34
Love her though.
00:55:35
It's a love hate release.
00:55:36
I mean, I don't know, that's the other thing is I think it took a while for me to realize.
00:55:43
I don't, I don't mean this to sound bad, but it may sound bad.
00:55:47
But when you're going out in college, it's like everyone's going out and like, so, yes, like you're getting so drunk and it's not fun.
00:55:58
And it's like you don't even remember.
00:56:01
And I'm like, you can go out and have fun and have a drink or two and just like be able to let loose a little, but you don't need to be like blacked out not remembering anything.
00:56:10
Yeah.
00:56:11
You don't want to be like that.
00:56:12
And the other thing I found about going out, I just really want to dance.
00:56:16
Like I was like, what is the fun in going out recently and I went through a phase where I was like, going out, it's not fun anymore.
00:56:21
And then I was like, wait, I want to do something and I was like, what is it that I enjoy about going out?
00:56:26
And it's really just being around my friends and dancing.
00:56:28
I just want to dance.
00:56:29
You don't understand last night.
00:56:30
We went out.
00:56:31
Like, I don't really want to talk to people.
00:56:32
I just want to dance.
00:56:33
No.
00:56:34
That's the thing I don't really get about the whole, like, you know what?
00:56:39
For example, like, like, it's at home.
00:56:42
They have the same soundtrack of like oldies that they play every day.
00:56:45
And then it's so packed and it's everyone just like standing around the bar talking and drinking.
00:56:49
And I'm like, okay, yeah, like it's nice to like, I like to go when it's like you're catching up for people and talking, but when I want to go out, I'm like, I want to dance and I dance like a freak.
00:57:00
Yeah.
00:57:01
Like, I don't want people looking at me.
00:57:02
That's what's fun about going out.
00:57:03
It's just like letting loose and dancing last night after the event we were at.
00:57:08
We were going to go to this other bar after because the event ended.
00:57:14
And instead we went to my friend's house and there was like five of us and we were just playing music on the TV and we danced for like three hours and I was like, this is really embarrassing.
00:57:25
But we were just like having fun and like dancing with my friends.
00:57:29
We did this one night where we all were like supposed to go out and then we just came back, but we were already like a little tipsy and we played music and we just danced like freaks for like like we all were like taking our clothes off and just dancing and like laughing and having fun.
00:57:46
And like that's all that I want to do when I'm going out and just want to dance.
00:57:50
I do too.
00:57:51
I love to dance.
00:57:52
Girls just want to dance.
00:57:53
Girls just want to dance.
00:57:55
Girls just want to dance.
00:57:56
I don't like the way that I dance.
00:58:00
And when I'm going out and it's just not good, but I always might go to when I get excited when I'm out, is I'll turn around and put my hands on something and put my face down and I just go like,
00:58:13
like shaking grass, but like it's not like shaking it.
00:58:17
It's just like, like lift up and down, lift up and down, lift up.
00:58:21
You know it's worse.
00:58:22
It's like, if someone's good, if I get excited for something, I'm just like, you're just like.
00:58:27
No, my new dance move that I keep doing now and I'm like fully aware because I see people look at me and I'm like,
00:58:37
oh, this is weird, but I can't stop doing it.
00:58:39
I do this nanky leg.
00:58:41
I like, I go like this and I like twist my knee in and out and like, I go, I take it all the way to the floor and back up and I'm like, what am I doing?
00:58:49
I'm like, I look so weird.
00:58:52
You know Sarah's, Sarah's dance is this, she just goes like, there's like, really intensely.
00:58:58
I love people's dance moves so much.
00:59:01
I've been literally like, pangering this panda, I'm like, ripping this like, I really want to snuggle with him right now.
00:59:07
I know it's an EQ, you know, husbibi, pibi's gouge, miss him, panda, same pibi always, always honestly.
00:59:18
Yeah.
00:59:19
Well, I should probably do what would Alex do.
00:59:21
Yeah.
00:59:22
You probably should.
00:59:23
It's time to kick you out.
00:59:24
Okay.
00:59:25
Love you.
00:59:26
Love you.
00:59:27
All right.
00:59:28
So instead of what would Alex do at the end of this episode, because I know we've missed what would Alex do the past few episodes and that is you guys know my favorite part of each episode, I have decided that next week's episode,
00:59:40
we were going to do a full what would Alex do episode, but even better because it's going to be actual voicemails that you guys leave into the podcast, so I'm going to be able to hear your voice and we've never done that before.
00:59:53
I'm really, really excited for it.
00:59:54
I was going to sit down and do what would Alex do, but I was like, I don't want it to be rushed.
00:59:59
I really want to hear what you guys have to say and I actually want to hear your voices and speak with the oral girls.
01:00:05
And I know we haven't done this in a few episodes, so I'm really excited for that.
01:00:07
So I will see you guys next Thursday.
01:00:10
Thanks for tuning in.
01:00:11
Don't forget to subscribe, follow this podcast wherever you're listening, watching.
01:00:16
I love you guys and oral girls.
01:00:18
I will see you next Thursday.
01:00:20
Bye.
01:00:21
[MUSIC]
01:00:29
Wait, did I just turn that off?
01:00:31
How do I get that back on?
01:00:32
[MUSIC]
01:00:38
I'm a hot mess.
01:00:39
[MUSIC]
01:00:49