Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] Intro.

[2:58 ] Defining ambiguous loss – am I even in grief? 

[4:40 ] Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned. 

[6:02 ] Examples of disenfranchised grief as it relates to betrayal trauma.

[11:30 ] Ambiguous losses that are associated with betrayal trauma. 

[13:56 ] When betrayal occurs, the resulting grief is often disenfranchised. 

[15:47 ] Statements that are commonly heard in disenfranchised grief. 

[18:36 ] The psychological and emotional impact of disenfranchised grief. 

[24:12 ] Strategies for empowering ourselves after loss. 

[27:34 ] Common ways we invalidate grief after betrayal.

[29:45 ] How can I validate myself in my grief? 

[37:04 ] Interventions to help navigate disenfranchised grief. 

[41:35 ] What resources are available to better understand and process grief. 

[44:20 ] What dialog can we use to better communicate with extended family members who will not allow space for grief? 

[47:35 ] How can I navigate anticipatory grief when I don't know what is actually going to happen? 

[48:55 ] How can I ever start dating again after betrayal? 

[50:49 ] What if the person who feels unsafe to me is a therapist? 

[52:28 ] What is appropriate to say to our adult children? 

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES

• "When a loss isn't socially recognized, the grieving process can be isolating and difficult to navigate." 

• "The lack of validation can make the pain even more isolating." 

• "When we are alone with our betrayal trauma and our grief, we can start to invalidate our own feelings." 

• "Navigating disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma requires real, intentional effort to heal." 

• "No one has the right to tell people what is or isn't a loss."