Why Couples Struggle to Stay Present During Sex with Violet Lange

Update: 2025-10-23

Description

Have you ever found yourself shutting down during sex (or noticed your partner doing the same) and wondered why? In this video, we talk about what’s really happening when one or both partners disconnect during intimacy. It’s not just about physical arousal; it’s often about emotional safety, stress, past experiences, or feeling unseen and misunderstood. We’ll explore the deeper reasons people go numb, withdraw, or feel “checked out” in intimate moments, and what couples can do to gently reconnect. If you’ve ever felt like your body or your partner’s body just “turns off,” this conversation will help you understand the why and how to rebuild trust, openness, and closeness in your relationship.

About the Guest:

Violet Lange
Expertise: Violet Lange is an intimacy, dating and relationship expert who helps women create passionate, powerful partnerships. As a graduate of Harvard Business School, and with an undergraduate degree in Chemical Engineering, Violet loves to apply systems-thinking to the art of sex and relationships. She has helped hundreds of women create healthy love and hot intimacy. After a sexless marriage in her 20s, and a decade of dating in between, Violet met her husband Jason. They are still having great sex, even as it has evolved over time. Violet and Jason live with their two children in Colorado, USA, and she works with women virtually from all over the world.
Learn more about working with Violet here: www.violetlange.com/contact

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Timestamps:

(0:00 ) Introduction of Violet Lange and discussion on sexual breakthroughs
(0:41 ) Dr. Diane Mueller: Welcome and event announcement
(2:01 ) Challenges during sex: Shutdowns, pregnancy, and parenting
(3:07 ) Reframing and recognizing sexual challenges
(5:33 ) Strategies for managing shutdown during sex
(7:45 ) The sacred pause and its importance in sexual experiences
(10:25 ) Listening to your body's signals during intimacy
(12:31 ) Sponsor: Interlude mention
(13:35 ) Supporting a partner experiencing shutdown
(15:20 ) Establishing new agreements and somatic cues for better sex
(18:24 ) Sex and intimacy integration for parents
(22:11 ) Preview: Healing through domination and submission
(23:48 ) Violet Lange's offerings and resources
(24:52 ) Closing remarks and additional programs