Why You're So Reactive Lately - And How to Regain Control
Description
Tell me if this sounds familiar: One small thing goes wrong and suddenly you’re spiraling.
You snap at your partner. Your coworker’s email feels like a personal attack. You find yourself crying over something that wouldn’t have bothered you last month.
No, you’re not being too sensitive or crazy. And you're also not alone. What you’re likely dealing with is a nervous system on high alert.
This is called "emotional reactivity." And it’s on the rise. However, that’s not surprising. We’re living through a perfect storm of chronic stressors: the lingering effects of the pandemic on our nervous systems, climate anxiety, economic uncertainty, and a 24/7 doomscroll cycle.
Our brains are overwhelmed.
In this post, we’re going to explore some signs of emotional reactivity and then I’ll share a helpful strategy to acknowledge and tame those overwhelming feelings.
And if you’re craving even more, we dive even deeper into this topic on the latest episode of Mental Health Bites, so give it a listen right here in substack, on Apple, or Spotify).
What Is Emotional Reactivity?
Emotional reactivity is when your response to a situation—especially an emotionally charged one—feels bigger than the situation calls for.
When you’re in this state, your amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for threat detection) hijacks your emotional responses. Your prefrontal cortex, which helps you reason and stay calm, gets suppressed.
That’s why you might feel out of control or even when you recognize that your reaction isn’t rational. It’s not about willpower—it’s biology.
Common signs of emotional reactivity include:
* Your emotional responses feel fast and big.
* You regret your reactions later.
* Small things feel catastrophic.
* You’re more irritable, anxious, or tearful than usual.
* People around you feel like they’re “walking on eggshells.”
And it’s during these times of emotional reactivity when we may be quick to anger, tears, or shut down. In those moments, we don’t have access to our best thinking. That’s where this practical tool comes in.
How to Reduce Emotional Reactivity with “Name–Tame–Reframe”
The “Name–Tame–Reframe” exercise creates a pause between the stimulus (what triggered you) and your reaction, allowing you to regulate your nervous system and respond more thoughtfully.
Let’s break it down:
1. Name the Emotion
The first step is to name what you’re feeling. Labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which helps with reasoning and control.
When you feel overwhelmed, pause and say to yourself:
* “I’m feeling really anxious right now.”
* “That comment made me feel embarrassed and small.”
* “I think I’m actually hurt, not angry.”
You don’t have to solve anything yet. You just have to name it. That alone helps your brain shift out of reactive mode.
2. Tame the Body
Emotions don’t just live in the mind—they live in the body. So the next step is to calm the body’s stress response. Otherwise, your brain will stay stuck in fight-or-flight.
Here are two quick ways to tame the body in the moment:
* Regulated breathing: Try breathing in through the nose for 4 seconds, holding that breath for 1 second, and exhaling through the mouth for 6 seconds. Repeat this three or four times. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural calming response.
* Physical grounding: Shake out your hands, splash cold water on your face, or press your feet firmly into the floor and name five things you can see. This tells your body: I am safe. I am present.
Taming the body interrupts the reactive loop and gives your brain time to re-engage your thinking processes.
3. Reframe the Thought
Now that your brain is a bit calmer, it’s time to look at the story you’re telling yourself and consider an alternative.
Reframing isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about asking:
* “What’s another possible explanation here?”
* “Is it possible I’m taking this more personally than intended?”
* “If a friend was in my shoes, how would I talk to them about it?”
Here’s an example:
* Original thought: “She ignored my text because she’s mad at me.”
* Reframed thought: “She might be overwhelmed or distracted. I’ll check in later if it still feels unresolved.”
Reframing gives you a chance to respond from your values instead of reacting from your triggers.
Putting It All Together
The next time you feel tempted to yell, cry, or retreat, try this in real time:
* Pause.
* Name the emotion (“I’m feeling hurt.”)
* Tame the body (Breathe. Ground. Slow down.)
* Reframe the story (“There’s more than one way to interpret this.”)
You might still feel uncomfortable, but you’ll no longer be ruled by the discomfort. That’s the difference between reactivity and regulation.
Over time, this tool strengthens your emotional flexibility—what psychologists call resilience—and helps you respond in ways that align with who you want to be, even under stress.
You probably know someone who’s feeling overwhelmed right now. If naming, taming, and reframing works for you, feel free to share this strategy with someone who could use an opportunity to pause and rediscover their more grounded self.
Here’s to Your Health,
Dr. Judy
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
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