But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

Top 3% in podcasts globally This week we talk about How to Help Heal Anxiety and Fear After Narcissistic Abuse Want to heal from within?!? Get more info on how, here: https://linktr.ee/FierceChristyJade FREEBIE TIME! My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy After abuse we need SIMPLE. I created a planner for busy women just like you to navigate your days easier: https://christyjade.podia.com/shethrivesplanner  I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233 Speaker 1: (00:00) Hello. Hello. Today's episode's gonna be a little more casual, a little unplanned, a little cross your fingers. Let's hope something good comes out of this. Just kidding. Stay tuned. We're gonna dive into walking on eggshells. Speaker 1: (00:16) Hey Queens, welcome to, but Still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:14) So this is something I definitely went through with the narcissist in my life and every client I've had, every person I've had reach out. This tends to be something we all have in common, that with the narcissist, you are basically trained to have to walk on eggshells. Why? I don't know. Because the, the more you may go against them or not agree with them or just do what you want to do, the worse the consequences are, whether that's emotional, physical, whatever type of abuse. And this honestly could go for any type of a abuse, not just narcissistic abuse, but especially with narcissists. Man, it is their way or the highway. And we learn that we have to sacrifice our own wants, our own needs in order to placate them. I grew up pretty scared of somebody in my life. I grew up, I'll be honest, terrified because I was scared if I said the wrong thing made the wrong move, that person would explode. Speaker 1: (02:25) And it was a very scary experience. Every day I had to walk around on eggshells, right? That's a saying, walking on eggshells. And this was all, I honestly knew. I didn't realize the severity of how it would impact my entire life moving forward, even after I wasn't in this narcissist life anymore. So today we're gonna talk about how to change your mindset because it's not just kind of like, oh, here's a tip to not have to walk on eggshells, right? Like it's a whole mindset shift. So I thought, let's dig into it. I don't, like I said, I don't really have bullet points here, but I'm just gonna talk about my experience, what helped me and it, I'm so passionate about this. I may do another episode on it, but I just wanted to just have, have like a heart to heart with you guys about this because this is, something comes up, like I said, my clients are like, oh, I have to walk on eggshells. Speaker 1: (03:21) And then it bleeds into our lives. So when we are even out of the relationship, whether it's someone in your childhood, whether it's a romantic situation, you have really been conditioned to sacrifice your wants and needs. And we have these fears built in now of upsetting the narcissist. Yes. But it bleeds into our life of we now are often afraid of conflict. In my experience, I will say this, I'm a bold, fierce lady, okay? I've always had a stronger personality. So for me, this showed up just with a certain type of personality. I had no trouble with certain people saying, Hey, this is how I feel. But it was only people I felt safe with. The thing is, when you have grown up and are around narcissists, there can be a likelihood that you will attract and be comfortable with selfish people or people who are their way or the highway, because you are used to that personality, right? Speaker 1: (04:26) So we, and we're empathetic, right? A lot of narcissists will pick the empathetic, sensitive, I know how to pull your heartstrings type people so we can attract those people in our lives, right? It's not our fault. We're freaking awesome, but it, it can be a thing. So shining a light on the knowledge that you are afraid of having conflict, maybe it's only with certain type of people or certain personalities. A looking at that and saying, I know why I'm like that and I want to change that is like a first step, wanting to change something, like realizing it. I didn't realize it until I was out of the situation and was like, wow, I thought I was so fierce and bold, but let me look at my relationships with this person, this person, this person. There was some people in my life that I was really afraid and got that visceral reaction of nervousness to bring anything up to them. Speaker 1: (05:24) Whether it was just a dim difference in opinion, or if they said, we're going here at 10 o'clock, and I was like, man, I, I really wanna go at 12 cuz X, Y, z. I'd be afraid to say that because I knew I would get quote punished, right? Narcissist or selfish. People can often controlling people, I'll say, can often punish us for not doing exactly what they want, when they want, right? So that happened with a friend of mine where we were supposed to go somewhere. Let's say it was 11. She called the morning of and said, Hey, can we go an hour earlier? And I said, oh, we won't be ready by then. I, I think we had to drive, we weren't living in town something. There was something there where I was like, there, there's no way we could get there. And she said, oh, well then I'll just take my other friend. Speaker 1: (06:11) And those, those are signs of people that honestly they're not for me. We can all choose our own friends, but that is a personality I don't want. It was almost like, well if it's not convenient for me anymore, she last minute changed the time. And then because I couldn't do that kind of quote, punished me, I look at it, at it as it ended up being a punishment here, I had told my daughter we were going on this trip with them and then she canceled, right? Same thing happened with a friend we were supposed to go on a trip with. I told my daughter it was to Disney and then she said Nevermind. She was gonna invite her neighbors that were closer in age because it wouldn't be fun to have my daughter who is a little younger, two years and five years I think younger than her kids to do that. Speaker 1: (07:01) Like it wouldn't be as fun or convenient basically. And that I was, I was really upset by that. And this is, these are just examples of things for me that I'm just not here for anymore. This, these are people that are looking out for themselves. I'm not saying this particular person was a narcissist. I'm just saying when we are used to narcissistic people, we are used to selfish people. We're used to people that wanna do what's good for them and don't really compromise all of that sort of thing, right? So here comes the mindset shift. This is like these people, these types of people. When you get that reaction, when you feel like you are afraid to bring something up and it's strong, it might be the person that you're dealing with, right? It might be this isn't a great person to be in your life if you feel like they're gonna have a big reaction or punish you for having a different mindset or a different idea or not being able to do exactly what they want. Speaker 1: (08:01) On the other hand, if you're straight out of an narcissistic situation, you may have fears all together about upsetting anybody because you're just so used to that, right? So you do have to kind of discern the difference. But this is where you will have to push yourself a little. This is where the work comes in, right? We talk about the work of healing. This is an example when you feel that nervousness, especially if it's not the strong one you might get with certain personalities, but let's say it's with someone you like and know and trust, but you're like, I don't wanna cause a problem, right? This is where you do have to push yourself. And there are ways to say things nicely out of love where you can have these conversations like, you know, setting boundaries, bringing things up that you know, maybe someone has done something and you wanna bring it up. Speaker 1: (08:53) You can bring it up in a gentle way. Here is where the mindset shift is, okay? You have to know the people that are on your team, the people that want the best for you, they are going to have a healthy conversation with you. And that's what I don't think I realized because I had grown up with some unhealthy people in my life where conversations weren't healthy. So I didn't really know that existed till later in life, right? Like my husband is a prime example of somebody who can have a very healthy conversation. Will people get defensive? We're human. Y

Top 3% in podcasts globally My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here: https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/   Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/   #notmyshit Journal https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09P2HMWFF?ie=UTF8&psc=1&linkCode=sl1&tag=christym33-20&linkId=266a98aec073c6e361ea5a2b4e69d95d&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl   FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation:  30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter:  https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter Abuse Recovery Affirmations:  https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233   TRANSCRIPT FINAL But Still She Thrives Ep 34 Am I the Toxic One - The Answer You May Not Expect     Speaker 1   00:00 Today is a juicy topic. Am I the toxic one? I have been asked that. I see it all over narcissistic Facebook pages. People wanna know, am I the toxic one? And I've got some answers for you.   Speaker 1   00:16 Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mindf? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.   Speaker 1   01:14 I am so excited to do this episode because A, we often will be made out to be the crazy one, the toxic one, right? The narcissist in our life will put blame on us. We know that. But once we get out and we're on the other side, especially, we may say, Hey, maybe I wasn't all these things. So I'm gonna dig in. There's two answers to this. There's a no, none of this is your fault and you are not the narcissist. Like if you are even asking, am I the narcissist, you're probably not because narcissists are not self-aware. They don't even think they could be a narcissist. So the odds of that are very low. Do you have any toxic traits by nature or that have been formed because of your relationship? Maybe. So let's dig in. So like I said, the fact you're here, you're trying to learn, you're trying to grow, is a very not narcissistic trait, right?   Speaker 1   02:11 It's also a not so toxic person trait. Does that mean you are free of any toxic tendencies that may be due to toxic relationships in your childhood, in your romantic hood, in your friendships, whatever it is that you learned or used as a response to someone else's toxic trait? Maybe. So we're gonna ask some questions. You can ask these questions to yourself and be honest, truly dig in. If you wanna figure out am I the toxic one? Do I have any toxic traits, right? The first one, are you only concerned with yourself? So this is a big narcissistic trait and it can be a toxic person trait. In general. Are you concerned with yourself? Are you self-absorbed? Everything's all about you. Everything always comes back to talking about you or your feelings, whatever, whatever odds are. If you are with a narcissist, you are probably sort of the opposite, A people pleaser.   Speaker 1   03:07 But once you are out of this situation or nearing getting out, you may start to build up that confidence and start to say, Hey, what about me? And that's great. I love that you're a queen. Do more of that. And at some point though, the the pendulum may swing the other way where you get like, wow, this is my time and it is your time. You get that self-care, but don't lose your, the sweet part of you, right? Like don't lose that caring for other people. Don't throw other people under the bus. All of that. You wanna still have that balance. But yes, it's time for that self-care and that does not mean selfish. There is a difference. Self-care is not selfish. So asking yourself, am I selfish in general, digging into that, if you are all about you and selfish, you can get help.   Speaker 1   03:54 There are ways to get out of that. You can seek therapy, read self-help books on how to start having more empathy or sympathy and caring more about others. The next question, do you always think you are right? Think about this. In any conflict that comes up with your romantic partner, with friends, with family members, do you ever say, Hey, you know, that might be my fault, or Hey, I'm sorry, I could totally see even though maybe I didn't tend it that way. I see how that could hurt you and I'm really, really sorry. Or hey, yeah, I jacked up, right? Think about, are you always right in an argument in conflict? If so, you have to dive into that. That is a very narcissistic trait. Doesn't mean you're a narcissist if you have trouble saying, sorry, not always. Again, that can be part of something else.   Speaker 1   04:46 Other disorders or can be related to trauma, whatever it is, it is somewhat of a toxic trait, right? Because you want to be able to say, Hey, I recognize I'm not perfect and that's okay and I'm gonna be accountable and I'm gonna say I'm sorry and I don't wanna hurt the people in my life. I don't have to always be right. This is a good one. Do you manipulate people to get what you want? Is that a pattern in your life? That is a, a very, very clear sign of narcissism. That is one of the ones for me, is like a huge red flag When I meet people, if there is any manipulation or coercion, not minding other people's feelings, but all about, again, that goes back to narcissist a lot are all about themselves and having control, right? So they will control others, they will do whatever they need to manipulate, gaslight, lie, whatever they need to do to get what they want.   Speaker 1   05:44 So ask yourself, do I have a pattern of manipulating people or coercing people or trying to get people to do what I want all the time? If so, that is definitely toxic unless you're in, in the courtroom, cuz that's part of your job, . But if that bleeds out into your personal life, even if you are a lawyer, that is something you should definitely work on and seek help for. Are you always angry? Step back and think, am I always angry and taking it out on other people, right? We're gonna have emotions, we're gonna have anger, we're gonna have sadness, we're gonna have joy, we're gonna have all these emotions. But what is it that you do with it counts, right? And if you are angry all the time, that doesn't necessarily mean you're a narcissist or a toxic person. It could be due to you having resentment because you were the victim of abuse.   Speaker 1   06:32 But what's important is to go get the help to release that negative energy. Okay? So getting therapy for something like that is really important. But think about, yes, that's a toxic trait, especially if you are taking it out on other people. And a lot of narcissists, they do have a lot of anger inside. They have a lot of depression. There's a lot of really dark feelings inside of a narcissist buried. Some are buried very deeply, but they come out in the form of treat mistreating other people, right? So are you mistreating other people due to your own emotions? If so, that can be a sign of narcissism, it can be a sign of many other things. And again, any of these traits, if they're coming up and they're, you're saying yes to these, it's time to get that help. That can be, you know, you can self-learn with books and podcasts, but you can also get accelerated help.   Speaker 1   07:22 And what I love in my life is therapy or coaching this. This one, I want you to think deep here because codependency is a thing. This may hit more people than any of the others. If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse and you're like, am I the toxic one? Something that happens to us as victims is codependency. And sometimes that can radiate where we actually then become codependent in other relationships. And even if we're disconnected from another situation, we seek out codependent relationships in friendships, in romantic ships. So you have to ask yourself, are you trying to make a new friend or a new boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever, someone in your life, are you trying to set it up so you are kind of codependent on each other? Are you trying to get someone all to yourself? This can come up more, I would say, more than a lot of these others, other things, even though you may not intentionally be doing it.   Speaker 1   08:28 I want you to think about this one. Are you in some way coercing? Whether it's intentional or not saying, oh no, don't go out with her. I had a friend like this and I don't think it was ill intended. And I thought at the time it was swe

Top 3% in podcasts globally This week we talk about How to Help Heal Anxiety and Fear After Narcissistic Abuse Let me help you with 1:1 coaching special pricing for the month of May with VIP PRICING! One spot left! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ FREEBIE TIME! My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1: (00:00) Hello, my beautiful queen Bees. Today we're talking more about the effects of narcissistic abuse. If you are jumping in new here, welcome. We are doing this whole series on the effects of narcissistic abuse, psychologically, mentally, emotionally, all of fun. So stick around for how to help heal anxiety and fear after narcissistic abuse. Speaker 1: (00:26) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with? I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:23) All right, so we know surviving, narcissistic abuse can take a lot of courage and resilience, but the journey toward healing does not end once the relationship is over. Once you've disconnected, often survivors are left grappling with anxiety and fear that linger long after the abuse has ended. So these emotional wounds can be very overwhelming, but it's essential to remember that healing is possible, right? Having that faith has been a big part of my journey. So today we're gonna explore strategies to help you navigate and overcome some of those anxieties and fears. Empowering you to reclaim that inner strength. Cuz girl, I see it. I know it's there. Let's do this. First of all, you have to validate your feelings, right? It's the first step really, in any form of abuse, acknowledging it and saying, yes, yes, this was abuse, this was bad. It's okay that I have these effects, these psychological effects, whatever sort of effects, it's okay and it's normal in this situation that I'm in, right? Is this situation a common thing? No. We are warriors who have survived some of the craziest type of abuse out there. So it's okay to validate your feelings. These people made us feel completely crazy, like things were our fault. Like we were crazy, like we were perceiving things incorrectly, that we were just paranoid, that we were sensitive, you know, all the things they called us. Okay? So you're out of it. I want you to breathe. Put your hand to your heart and say, my feelings are valid. I'm serious. I'm gonna give you a moment. Speaker 1: (03:06) Really s just suck it all in. Like it's okay. It's okay that there may be some resistance there too. This is why I'm big on affirmations, repeating these things daily in the morning before you go to bed. My feelings are valid, is a really important affirmation for people who have gone through such abuse. Another standard, I did it myself, is seeking professional help. This stuff is hard to go through alone. I highly suggest reaching out to myself of course, because this is what I do. Very specific to this type of abuse. I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of experience, and it's fun to work with me. So yay. Or a therapist, I always will say a therapist who has experience in their own lives with narcissism is going to be very beneficial. Okay? So someone who specializes in trauma and abuse, great, but narcissistic abuse, it is different. Speaker 1: (04:05) And I do think it's important to try to seek out a professional who has the experience with narcissism. So whether it's me or a therapist, somebody there to help you understand narcissism further. Not only that, but helping, keeping you accountable every week to be doing this work because it, it can be tiring. But that's why in my programs, whether you do one-on-one or with my upcoming course, it's always going to be, this doesn't have to be so heavy and so hard. We'll have our moments. But this is really on building our, our self-esteem back and doing fun things and doing the meditation and making it lighter and happier and, and bringing peace and joy into your life in a fun way. So if you can get that from someone else or myself, that is fabulous, but have someone supporting you, you definitely need that along this journey. Speaker 1: (05:04) The third thing is practicing self-care. So engaging in self-care activities is crucial for your wellbeing. Focusing on nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental health, right? So you can do this kind of, I call it sparkle by sparkle. Focusing on one thing at a time and adding it to your routine so you don't overwhelm yourself and you don't feel like, oh, I have to do all the things to change my life. First of all, you're changing your life for the better. So, woo-hoo. Second of all, it can be fun. It's going to be fun. It's meant to be fun. My journey, I didn't realize that healing could be so liberating. Build my confidence so much and just make me like cutting out all the chaos and filling it with peace instead and uplifting people instead of people I had had in my life. It truly changed my world in such a way that that's part of why I do this, right? Speaker 1: (05:59) Like I want you guys to get to experience this. So a lot of these things, we've talked about them in multiple episodes, but exercise, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, all of these things are truly going to help your anxiety levels, your fear, because this is all this energy that gets stuck in our physical body, right? And our mind and all, but physical exercise truly releases negative energy. I talk about yin yoga a lot, I love it. If you want to ask me more about yin yoga, you can email me at fierce mama M A M AAC gmail.com. That'll always be in my show notes on the podcast, by the way, wherever you're listening. But exercise is so important, such a great, great way to release energy meditation, being present, right? Really being in the moment. And yes, some things, some hard things may come up and you walk through and release them. Speaker 1: (06:56) Same thing with journaling. It's a great way to process and do those fun things. Find those new activities that maybe you didn't get to do or old hobbies you kind of fell out of doing or someone made you stop doing things you love because they were so controlling, right? This is your time to recreate yourself and part of that journey is this self-care. So remind yourself too that you deserve love, kindness to yourself. Very important. Give yourself grace and healing. So number four, I just touched on it quickly, but surrounding yourself with supportive people. Man, what a life changer. So for me, this was huge. This was a defining moment in my life, realizing there are people out there who are so uplifting who really support you and like trusting people again, and it can take some time, but trusting that people have your best interests and looking out for those red flags, and I have episodes on that of course, but looking out for those things can take time as well. Speaker 1: (08:02) But if you have friends already that are supportive, spend more time with them, spend more time with the people you trust and have fun with too, right? Maybe you just have some friends that are really fun to hang out with and you just wanna go get a margarita and chat and sit outside and have a good laugh. That's so important for your soul too. There are also a lot of support groups, especially with this online world. Now, there are tons of support groups. So you can look on Facebook or other social media outlets and find a community. Um, I myself am part of a couple of narcissistic abuse groups on Facebook. So whatever is your jam or your social hangout, see if you can find some people there. Even if you're watching videos like on YouTube, I find that if you're involved and you comment, you can kind of find each other. Speaker 1: (08:53) I actually made amazing friends, one of my best friends I made through YouTube about 10 years ago. We both were doing makeup videos and found each other and now we talk all the time. So you just never know what's out there in the world wa web. But surrounding yourself with people who uplift you like that and validate your experiences can counteract the negative effects of that abuse you've gone through and help alleviate that anxiety, the fear, the feeling like, oh, I'm crazy, or just not good enough. All that stuff that comes up. You start to kind of rewrite those thoughts by your own self-healing, but also hanging out with people who are saying the opposite and are like, do you know how amazing you are? I have a best friend who's like such a cheerleader

Top 3% in podcasts globally This week we talk about the ways to rebuild self esteem after narcissistic abuse.  Let me help you with 1:1 coaching special pricing for the month of May! One spot left! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ GET ON MY WAITLIST FOR MY UPCOMING COURSE!!! https://queensofpeacewaitlist.lpages.co/early-bird-waitlist/ FREEBIE TIME! My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy After abuse we need SIMPLE. I created a planner for busy women just like you to navigate your days easier: https://christyjade.podia.com/shethrivesplanner  I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233

Top 3% in podcasts globally This weeks starts the series on the Psychological Effects of Narcissistic abuse and how you can start your healing journey in relation to each one!  Let me help you with 1:1 coaching special pricing for the month of May! One spot left! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ FREEBIE TIME! My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade Have trouble setting boundaries in your life?   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1: (00:00) I am so excited to start this series. This is all about the long-term psychological effects of narcissistic abuse. This is something I go really deep into with my clients and we work on it one-on-one and their customized plan. But I'm starting this series to help more people know about what those effects are, and we'll go as we go on in the series, we will touch on each one more deeply and about how specifically we can help heal each wound. Stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:32) Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you'll find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies. Let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:30) The long-term psychological effects of narcissistic abuse can be significant and have a lasting impact on the victims. So we're gonna talk today about some common effects that survivors may experience. Let us dive on in. So first, a big one, low self-esteem. Pretty much every client I work with, every victim I've spoken to and myself has had narcissistic abuse that results in lower self-esteem. It often involves consistent criticism, belittling and demeaning behavior, right? So obviously over time, especially if you've been in a really long-term relationship, whether it's during your childhood or a romantic relationship or even a friendship, this can erode a person's self-esteem leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. I know for myself, between my childhood and my adult sh in between there, starting at a young age because I was put down and told that I was stupid or I wasn't interesting or whatever it was that my narcissist used to say to me to make it as if I was not as smart as them. Speaker 1: (02:46) I was not as good as them would know the right buttons to push that over time. And honestly, pretty quickly in my childhood, I became a person who believed that they were not, not capable enough, especially in the academic area, which I was smart. I am smart, right? We all have our strengths in any academic area. One may be more than the other, like English and creative versus scientific and math, whatever. But I was convinced I wasn't really good at anything. Even though I was in honors classes, I felt like it was almost imposter syndrome. Like maybe I'm just somehow getting by somehow. That's not really true. I was really brainwashed that I was stupid. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that. A lot of us are made to feel like we are not as valuable as the narcissist. We are not smart, we are not capable. Speaker 1: (03:40) They want us to be dependent on them and to need them. So they will reiterate and repeat how not intelligent we are in some form. And this completely will trash our self-esteem as time goes on. So if you have low self-esteem, if you have low self-worth, you are not alone. And it makes absolute sense that you don't if you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Another super annoying side effect of narcissistic abuse is anxiety and fear. So victims of narcissistic abuse may develop chronic anxiety and fear due to the unpredictable nature of the relationship. So if you grew up or in a a romantic relationship, any situation with a narcissist where you had to walk on eggshells, you had to look over your shoulder and wonder what mood are they gonna be? Are they going to mentally exhaust me? Are they going to physically hit me? Speaker 1: (04:34) Are they going to keep me away from my family? I had plans with today? Whatever it is, there's always fear underneath when you're dealing with a narcissist. So this will bleed into other parts of your life, even after you have disconnected from the narcissist. Something that is, that ingrained will continue on. So it's absolutely necessary, obviously to get help for all this. Again, we will be talking about how to heal these situations and these wounds in this series. So make sure to subscribe on whatever platform you're listening. Depression, ugh, this one is rough. That big dark gloomy cloud that takes over your life makes you feel like you don't have any motivation. You don't wanna get outta bed, maybe you don't wanna shower. Maybe you feel like you have nobody in your life, you're alone. Even if you have a couple friends, you might have a million friends, but you feel this isolation, this loneliness, this downward spiral. Speaker 1: (05:35) Um, if you're in a narcissistic situation, you may feel like you are stuck and can't get out. And even after you are out of this situation, this can still linger. Depression can still linger. You can have guilt, you can have shame. You can have a lot of depression based feelings that occur because of their gaslighting. That can really, really cause depression and being in your head too much cuz you're always trying to figure out what you did wrong or are you crazy? So victims may feel hopeless, helpless, and trapped even when you are outside of the situation. Your mind can still feel trapped. And this is normal when you are in or out of any narcissistic abusive situation. All right, let's just gather around for a big warm welcome to the complex post-traumatic stress disorder. See P T S D, you've probably heard this, especially narcissistic abuse victims. Speaker 1: (06:33) If you had star, if you have started studying this, you know, people will talk about narcissistic abuse, ptsd, it is common. It can cause symptoms similar to those of PTs D but with additional features related to the long-term nature of abuse because some of us have gone our entire lives under the thumb of a narcissist. So survivors may experience flashbacks, hypervigilance, disassociation, and difficulty forming, trusting relationships. I know a lot of you have talked to me about how you feel like you cannot trust not just other people, but your own relationship with yourself. You have trust issues because you feel like you can't trust yourself, that you're not going to get yourself into another narcissistic relationship, whether that is just because that's what you're used to from your childhood or your upbringing, or whether that's because you chose a relationship that ended up being narcissistic, which is not your fault. Speaker 1: (07:35) I wanna reiterate that. But this is something that can occur in PTs, D and C, PTs D where it can feel a little worse with C P T S D if it is a longer amount of time. You have more time that you have doubted yourself and you look back and think, gosh, I dealt with a and maybe, uh, quote, I chose to, which I hate that. I hate that wording, but a lot of people say that to me. Well, I chose this relationship, right? I don't like to think of it that way. That's a whole other episode. But that is something that can happen from that sort of relationship because you look back on it almost with a guilt and a lack of trust. So trying to move forward, trying to gain trust in a new relationship, you can feel totally scared, terrified, and not trusting of yourself. Speaker 1: (08:26) Again, these are very normal, normal effects of narcissistic abuse. More of those trust issues, the external trust issues repeated betrayals and emotional manipulation have occurred in a narcissistic relationship, right? So this can make it very challenging for you to trust others. And you may become guarded and suspicious of anyone fearing others will take advantage of you and hurt you. Again, emotional dysregulation. This is a recent buzzword. I'm glad it's getting more attention. Narcissistic abuse can disrupt a person's ability to regulate their emotions. Survivors may experience intense mood swings, difficulty managing your anger or your sadness and struggling with stabilizing your emotions. That's what it is. They're dysregulated, they're up, they're down. You can feel like your own emotions are not predictable. And this is again, a very normal side effect of narcissistic abuse, if you wanna call it that. Um, it's very common and I think first of all, knowing about it and shining a light on it can help saying, okay, this isn't me being crazy or being, because we get called crazy a lot when we are abused by a narcissist. Speaker 1: (09:47

Top 3% in podcasts globally We know that Narcissists can leave some damage, but let's talk about the one that needs to get attention right now! Listen in to todays' episode for more... My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/   Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/   #notmyshit Journal https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09P2HMWFF?ie=UTF8&psc=1&linkCode=sl1&tag=christym33-20&linkId=266a98aec073c6e361ea5a2b4e69d95d&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl   FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation:  30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter:  https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter Abuse Recovery Affirmations:  https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233 Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com     Transcript: Speaker 1: (00:00) Good morning, good afternoon, or goodnight, wherever you are. Hello, I'm so glad you joined me. And today I have a special episode talking about a wound, a narcissistic wound, of course, that people don't really talk about. And maybe it's not so obvious, even though I would say a hundred percent of us have. So stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:22) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with? I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:20) We have talked about effects of narcissistic abuse. There are many, many, many of them. And in today's episode, we're gonna talk about the one that pretty much everybody has. I've had it, all my clients have it. It's something that's underlying and it's something that we have to maintain because of the level of narcissistic abuse and what it does to our mind, body, and dang soul, okay? It is chronic fatigue. When you have been exposed to narcissistic abuse, your nervous system, it gets stuck. You are stuck in that survival mode. You're always walking around on eggshells, right? You're hyper aware of everything going on around you, and you know you're listening, you're looking, your senses are always heightened in your environment to protect yourself and stay safe. I can remember back when I was going through narcissistic abuse, especially the physical abuse, just that fear of what's on the other side of the door. Speaker 1: (02:21) Do I need to protect myself? And it's just that fight flight fawn, whatever mode you go into, but you're always on. Every part of you is just always on. I mean, that sounds tiring enough. But what happens is when you are on that, you're running on adrenaline, you're running on cortisol, you're running on these stress hormones, right? So once you disconnect, once this person isn't in your daily life, once, you're not having to have that protection and that armor on so tight, there's no longer this constant dependency on stress, right? And those hormones that it actually will cause fatigue. I was kind of thinking about it in comparison. I mean, it's kind of off, but you'll get my comparison. I like analogy. So here we go. So I was comparing it to when I was like so focused, and you all can probably relate when you're so focused on studying for finals or some huge test. Speaker 1: (03:21) But let's do finals, because usually that's multiple classes. You know, it can be a couple of weeks of really preparing. Or if you're like me, a procrastinator, maybe a couple days and, but you're thrown into something, maybe pulling all nighters, putting your own self-care aside, over stuffing that brain. But imagine that times a million with trauma and abuse thrown into it and needing to stay safe during that time, which is often way more time than the time you would spend to prepare for a final, right? For a lot of us, it was years, decades of abuse that was embedded in our daily life. So that is why so many of my clients come to me after they disconnect from a narcissist, and they're like, now what? Right? We're so acclimated and our body physically is acclimated to this type of lifestyle. So here we are going, okay, now what? Speaker 1: (04:16) You literally have no idea really what to do, where to start, your body, your mind, everything's just been shaken up, flipped upside down. Sure, there may be relief, of course, but there's a whole identity of yourself that you are losing, and part of that identity is constant stress in your mind and your physical body, right? So that seems like, oh, that would be, that would be great, right? And it is great, but it's also when any big changes happen that can lead to exhaustion and just different chemicals, hormones, you know, changing and having to recalibrate. So that leads us to the what now. And that what now goes beyond one podcast episode and is what I do with my clients, help them heal, find peace, find freedom. But let's get to the basics, right? Just to start out, first of all, you need sleep, rest, your body needs rest, your mind needs rest, sleep is great. Speaker 1: (05:14) But if rest is all you can get at the moment, we're still going through healing, we're gonna still have ruminating thoughts, but rest is so, so important. Like a queen bear in winter. Okay? You're gonna be a queen bear. This is your order. You need to get that rest. Now, one week of good sleep, that's, that's not gonna do the healing. That's not everything you need to do. So this is something where if you want change, you truly want peace in your life, you want to find that calm, you wanna find that balance, you are going to have to make changes in your routines, right? So I'm not gonna overwhelm you, and we're gonna get to this in a second. We're gonna do this in like little baby bits, so stay with me here. But we're gonna get into a pattern of at least trying to be able to get sleep here and there maybe once a week if you can, sleeping in. Speaker 1: (06:00) And we'll get into how to do that because I know a lot of us live busy lives, we're parents, all of that. But the other things that we need to do, and we're gonna do these one at a time, okay? So just stay with me. I'm saying this because I know how overwhelming it is in the beginning, and this is why it's great to have support and whatever, but I'm here trying to at least give you some bits and tips that you can take with you. And they may seem simple, but I'm telling you, they will be life changing if you can implement them one by one, and the order in which you wanna do it is up to you. So nourishing your body with healthy foods. Yeah, talking about the fruits and veggies, like this is simple stuff. But sometimes when we are so overwhelmed or exhausted, it's easy to reach for the takeout or the pink sprinkled donuts. Speaker 1: (06:51) I mean, what I'm human. So really making an effort to eat healthy, taking supplements if you need to, like go get your physical girl, go see what you need in that body getting out. Nature is another thing. Having alone time and not, I mean, alone time is super important for this healing process, but also it is important to connect and kind of regain trust in people, which can take some time, right? Depending on your situation. But even getting out with new people, uplifting people. And I have episodes on that. I have some friendship episodes and you can find, but there's, and this is also actually a really great time to keep on decluttering the people who are mistreating you or dragging you down. So it's like, while we're at it, let's, let's keep on a roll here, because you are protecting your peace and odds are if you've tolerated from one person, you've tolerated from multiple people. Speaker 1: (07:45) So again, this is a one, one piece at a time journey, but that might be something for me, that was one of the first things I did was also say, okay, what other people are in my life? Maybe I can't disconnect like so black and white yet, but who do I probably need to distance from now that I realize I'm getting mistreated by more than one person and I've tolerated a type of behavior because I was raised to accept this behavior and now I'm realizing I don't like that, I don't like that feeling. I don't like to be controlled, I don't like to have to walk on eggshells. So that is also an option at this time. Again, the order of this and the frequency or speed of this is up to you and your path. It is always helpful to have someone along for the ride. Speaker 1: (08:33) Like I said, and you guys probably know if you've been listening, I had my own therapi

Top 3% podcast Obsessive thoughts got ya down? Listen in on this week's episode for 5 ways to stop your ruminating thoughts after narcissistic abuse GET ON MY WAITLIST FOR MY UPCOMING COURSE!!! https://queensofpeacewaitlist.lpages.co/early-bird-waitlist/ My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here: https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/   Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/   #notmyshit Journal https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09P2HMWFF?ie=UTF8&psc=1&linkCode=sl1&tag=christym33-20&linkId=266a98aec073c6e361ea5a2b4e69d95d&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl   FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation:  30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter:  https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter Abuse Recovery Affirmations:  https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Oh my Queens. This one's a hard one. These obsessive thoughts. I have so many clients come to me with this. I went through this. I remember not being able to concentrate at work. Literally having to go to the bathroom and be like, okay, get it together. Focus, because of my narcissistic situation inside of it. And even after we disconnected, it almost became worse in a different way, even though I was actually the one who broke it off with the narcissist. So cozy up, get a little drink, let's hang out. Let's talk about how to stop these obsessive thoughts, how to help stop them. We can't stop them immediately right away, but there are a lot of ways to do that. Also, the podcast episode before this is more about why we have these obsessive thoughts, especially after a narcissistic, abusive situation. So check that out either now or, or save it and listen to it later. Stay tuned for five glorious ways to help us with these obsessive thoughts. Speaker 1: (01:06) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you'll find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (02:03) All right? So first of all, remember, give yourself grace and patience with this process. Nothing is overnight, but it is possible to undo this damage and find peace and freedom from narcissistic abuse. So the first thing I'm gonna say, and this is one that helped me earlier on in the journey, especially when I had to just get out of my head immediately, and that is changing your environment. And it sounds simple, but you've gotta stir up that motivation to do it. First of all, you can't do it without doing it, but change your environment. I would literally go outside, like I said, even if I was at work, if I couldn't get outta my head, I would be like, all right. Hmm. Taking a little elevator ride down to the first floor and going outside, just shaking it off, saying, you know, saying hi to people, even in the lobby of my office, whatever, kind of distracted my brain a little bit to break the the cycle. Speaker 1: (02:59) So changing your actual environment, especially if you have time, you can go and hang out in nature. You can go for a run, pick up the phone, call a friend. Don't talk about the narc though. You've gotta make decisions and choices too, right? So change your environment and change. Change the thoughts, right? Like decide to talk about something else. If you are going to call someone or watch a funny show, like I said, get out, go to a store. I feel like it's a lot easier to get into our heads and really spiral down if we are sitting in our home alone in a quiet space, right? And over time we will have to find other coping mechanisms. But in the very beginning, that was something super helpful and it's something I still use today. I mean, in general with life stresses, that is one of my go-to things, is to get outside, do something healthier than sitting in my little brain full of crazy thoughts. Speaker 1: (03:58) Okay, number two, practicing mindfulness. If you've been following me, you know, I'm a big fan for a reason of all the meditation, yin yoga specifically. Um, it's a practice that involves paying attention to the present moment, right? So by focusing on the present moment, you may be able to reduce the power of those intrusive thoughts related to the past abuse or current abuse. You may be listening to this if you are currently in this situation as well. So I'm trying to address everybody. Um, mindfulness practices can include the meditation, deep breathing, you know, breath work and yoga. Number three is using grounding techniques. So these can help you feel more connected again to the present moment and less overwhelmed by those thoughts. Some of these include breath work, right? It's the same sort of thing. It's it's mindfulness, but it also is a physical activity that's going to ground you focusing on physical sensations. Speaker 1: (05:01) And I do this and talk about this with my clients. I even do this with my eight year old daughter. When she's a little, she gets a little anxiety, especially, she's kind of a perfectionist. Anybody relate, anyone have perfectionism or kids that have perfectionism? Um, so sometimes with her schoolwork, I mean literally if she gets below a 90%, she, she gets a little anxious. So in the moment we do the sensory activities, which is like I do something like, okay, find something, a red something that's the color red in the room. And then I want you to shut your eyes and smell. Is there any smell you can pick up? Then we do something with touch, maybe like find a very soft texture in the room or maybe find a, you know, more rough texture. Um, then one of my favorites is because there's always some sort of noise, even if it's some sort of room noise or a fan or birds chirping, shutting your eyes. Speaker 1: (06:02) And I like to say find two sounds cuz there's usually more than one. And you can do this and you can repeat this and change it. You know, you can then look for something the color teal, like make it a little tricky. Um, but that is a grounding technique that I really like, um, for any situation. But it does help you get out of that ruminating thought process as well. Number four, self care. If you know me, can you hear my snap? Yes, I'm snapping with excitement. I love self-care, but taking care of yourself can help you feel more empowered and less overwhelmed by the intrusive thoughts. So activities of self-care can include exercise. This is an amazing one. This is why running and for me it's dancing. I love dance. Um, it's so therapeutic. You literally are forced to kind of get outta your mind and be paying attention to what you're doing. Speaker 1: (07:02) It's hard to think as deeply and ruminating while you are engaged in physical activity. So that's a huge one for me. Again, spending time in nature is taking care of yourself, like getting that sitting in gratitude in nature too, right? Like gratitude is so important in self-care because, and I, and I do practices not just what I'm grateful for and I pray I'm a big God lady. Um, I pray and thank God, but I also practice gratitude for the things I have done. So it could be, what are five things you're proud of this week, right? So that's your homework. I'm sticking homework in today. I want you to email me and my email's always in the show notes, but it's fierce mama m a m a c gmail.com. I want you to just email me just two. We're gonna start easy cuz I know this is hard when you're coming out of abuse, I want you to say two things. Speaker 1: (07:59) You're grateful for that you did, you accomplished your wins. Okay? So email me that this week. Um, so definitely the gratitude, sitting in nature and engaging in any hobbies you enjoy. What's something maybe you couldn't do anymore? Maybe you were in a narcissistic situation where you were being controlled or you were having to live for somebody else. You forgot who the hell you were. We're gonna remind you. That's what I'm here for. I'm here for you 2.0, that's my jam, right? Ask any of my clients. Um, we want that 2.0 you that's like, yes, I am a queen, I know I'm a queen. Even if you don't feel like that right now, you are going to, if you work with me, oh, you're gonna feel like a queen lady. And what, where did you lose yourself? What ha what haven't you done that you loved to do years ago? Speaker 1: (08:50) Or maybe just always thought, God, I would love to paint or I would love to

*Top 3% in podcasts globally Do you have obsessive thoughts about a narcissist in your life? In today's episode I share 4 reasons you can't stop thinking about them or the situation.  My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade EPISODES MENTIONED: What is GASLIGHTING? (ep 23) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-23-what-is-gaslighting-the-narcissists-favorite-8/id1662241353?i=1000610540022 The Cycle of Abuse: (ep 6) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-6-the-cycle-of-abuse-and-how-to-avoid/id1662241353?i=1000596278747 WORK WITH ME: https://www.christyjade.com/transformational-coaching Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy After abuse we need SIMPLE. I created a planner for busy women just like you to navigate your days easier: https://christyjade.podia.com/shethrivesplanner  I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1: (00:00) Welcome to, but still she thrives. On today's episode, we are going to talk about all of those nasty, annoying sleep, disturbing stomach ache, causing obsessive thoughts we have over the narcs in our lives. Why can't we stop thinking about them? Stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:19) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:17) So I have had more than five clients recently talk about how disruptive the thoughts are, even after disconnection, even when you're out of the relationship. What is going on that I'm still obsessing, I'm still thinking about whether it's the narcissist, the relationship, what they did wrong. There are all of these obsessive thoughts. So let's dive into the why today, and then we're also gonna talk about how to help those thoughts in the next episode. So narcissists tend to target empaths and people who are more thoughtful by nature, right? They're easier targets, lucky us. Woo. So as those types of personalities, we tend to overthink as it is, then you throw in a manipulative narcissist who knows how to create a co-dependent situation with us. If and when we get strong enough to finally get out, which congratulations, by the way, our brain will still be stuck there for a while. Speaker 1: (02:19) And this is normal. This is normal in our situation, okay? For us who we are, and this situation, it's normal. Our brains really want to fix any problem. A lot of us can be people pleasers or we're so trained to please a certain person that our brain wants to fix any problem immediately because we are set up where we feel like, especially in narcissistic, abusive situations, if we don't fix the problem, it's gonna become a bigger problem. We are going to get emotionally or physically abused, right? This is how our brain is set up. So it is very normal for us to want to fix all the problems. So if we can't figure something out, our brain is going to ruminate, ruminate, ruminate. And with narcissist, it's usually a situation that cannot be fixed without disconnecting from them entirely, right? So if you are in the situation, it's even harder because truly living with a narc, you're going to always have these problems. Speaker 1: (03:21) They're always going to to create this dynamic. When you are disconnected, that's great, that's a huge step forward. But there still is work to be done because your brain is set up this way. So it's still trying to problem solve all the time, and it's trying to figure things out. But why do narcissists tend to make the obsession unbearable like it is? Because they've set up this codependent situation. This means they're already creating a relationship with us that is obsessive by nature. They confuse us, which leads us to having to spend more time trying to figure them out, trying to figure our relationship out or our, you know, past relationship with them out, like what just happened. That's a very common thing to feel when you get on the other side. You are like, what just happened to my life, right? Trying to figure out what is wrong with us. Speaker 1: (04:13) By the way, it's nothing. You're a fly queen, okay? We'll get there. That's another episode. Trying to figure out if we should stay or go or why we didn't leave earlier, or how it affects us and has damaged us or our children, right? There's a lot of figuring out. So they are so strategic, they know exactly how to make sure they stay on our mind and have control of us and our minds, even when we leave, even when we are apart. So they're still in there. The longer you've been with a narcissist, the harder it may feel to get out of these thoughts. But girl, I promise it is possible. Okay? So keep that hope up. All right. Now let's dive into how they do this specifically. So, so if you've been doing your research, you may know what gaslighting is. I have a whole episode on it. Speaker 1: (05:01) You may want, if you don't know what it is, you may want to also listen to that episode. I think it's episode 23. I will put that in my show notes. If you're like, what are show notes, Christy. , just go to wherever, whatever platform you're playing this on, right underneath, if you click, there should be information about each and every episode that has all my information, how to contact me, any pertinent information that I talk about during the episode, like this, you know, I'm talking about another episode you may want to reference. All of that good stuff is in every single episode's, show notes, they're all, they all have their own separate show note page on whatever, um, platform you are on. Okay? So back to gaslighting. So if you don't know what gaslighting is it, go watch that episode. But gaslighting is something they do that it really makes us feel crazy and wonder if we are in the wrong and one makes us wonder, are we causing the problem? Speaker 1: (05:59) So this leads to more obsessive thoughts to try to figure these things out. They also give us the silent treatment. This is something, ooh, they love a good silent treatment to control you when they're not communicating. This leads us to trying to get into their heads to figure out what they are thinking. Again, obsessive thoughts and all a part of their big nasty plan to keep control over our minds and our hearts, which it's worked. But if you're out, you broke through again, congrats. But these are things that have created the dynamic. So if you're wondering, how did I get like this? Why am I so obsessed? There's all of these parts play a part into it. Narcissists also play hot and cold games. We call it the yo-Yo, right? They are known for sucking you in, in the beginning with making you feel special, making you feel so alive and like you're the best thing since sliced bread or pink sprinkled donuts. Speaker 1: (06:59) But I'm, I'm a little biased. As soon as you get sucked in, they will start yo-yoing, you creating conflict, being abusive, lying, gas, lighting, cheating, name calling. Maybe the physical abuse starts earlier on it, it usually kind of graduates to getting worse. But even in that very first start of the cycle, right? There's a cycle of abuse where, and I have an episode on that I will link, um, but it starts out all the, like, this is your dream life and it's just this honeymoon, but it's beyond honeymoon usually it's usually a little more, um, they're laying it on a little thicker, really whining and dining and making you feel special and the complimenting all that. Then the yo-yo starts in where they start mistreating you, but you are already kind of sucked in and then it, it's just the cycle that continues, right? They suck you in, they spit you out, they suck you in, they spit you out and spit you out. Speaker 1: (07:54) Meaning the abuse, the lying, the shaming, all of the above, right? So imagine what your brain goes through, right? They're creating this conflict and then making it up to you. And they're princes charming. So they'll buy gifts, make promises, give those compliments. That is the cycle. And that my queens will enhance those obsessive thoughts because it's so confusing and it's involving your heart and your mind and your spirit. It's involving every single part of you creating this dynamic. So of course, of course this is going to be very difficult once you get out. So there are reasons we can get so obsessive in general, even after we have disconnected. That's why it can be so hard for us to escape. And often we can get sucked back in to the unhealthy situation a lot easier with them than someone else who does not create this codependent dynamic, right? Speaker 1: (08:52) A healthier

Does Your Narcissist Ex Miss you? When you go no contact, or they dispose of you, are narcissists capable of missing you? Listen to this podcast episode to get the answer! My FREE 4 MINUTE empowering meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint Journey to Peace Coaching Call and Blueprint   1:1 coaching/energy work: weekly calls: She Thrives Transformational Coaching - Monthly   1:1 coaching/energy 3 month program for major transformation Queens of Peace Coaching Program MINUS Voxer   Self Paced Boundaries Course:  Empowered Boundaries Course   My #notmyshit Journal for daily empowerment: #NOTMYSHIT JOURNAL: 5 minutes a day to giving zero effs about the things you shouldn't   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233 TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Last episode we talked about going no contact. So I thought, well, why not talk about does your ex narcissist, whether it's romantic friend, family, do they miss you? So we're gonna touch on that in today's episode. Speaker 1: (00:17) Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a prerecorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (01:38) I have had this question come up a lot. Does my narcissist ex whatever? Miss me. First of all, why do we wonder that? Because a good narcissist loves to keep us wondering, right? And we also know that they don't really function like healthy humans. So we get very confused by their emotions, by their communication. So they're confusing beings. We are left with many, many questions, aren't we? But I would love to clear this question up for you today. Okay, so do they miss you? It is somewhat of a complicated answer, but I'm gonna break it down. We are going to use an analogy. Yay. It's analogy time. Alright, we are going to compare this to a drug addict. Their drug and their dealer. You my friend, were their dealer. The energy they sucked out of you to build themselves up. The control they needed was their drug and they are the addict. Speaker 1: (02:30) So though this hurt me a lot to hear, and I know it hurts people when I talk to my clients about it, it's hurt. It's really hurtful, but it's something once you break through the pain of that, it's like such a relief and really empowering and helps you on your healing journey. But honestly, the narcissist, the drug addict, they don't miss the dealer. They don't miss you. They miss what you provided them, okay? You provided them the control they needed the energy they sucked out of you, right? For their own energy feed. You know, if you have studied narcissism, you know what I'm talking about. So the life they sucked out of you and to build themselves up, right? They miss that. They don't miss you as a person. And of course they miss how you made it easier to get their drug. But once they get a new dealer, let's say they move on in a relationship or if it's a friendship, you'll see they quickly move on to new people. Speaker 1: (03:26) That is a common thing with narcissists. Then they will dispose or stop coming after you, right? Because you know right away they freak out. They're like, oh my drug, my drug, I need my drug. Where's my dealer? And so they will claw you trying to get you back. They will try everything. They will try manipulation, they will try sweetness and flowers and cookies. Was that just me? And then they will get mad if you're not responding to it, not giving them what they want. And they will get angry. I mean, they try guilt trips. They try everything right in the beginning when you disconnect. It is very difficult. But if they get a new quote supply, as we call it that they can supply, deal them their drug, they will forget about you. That's if you get off lucky, it'll be a nice clean break. Speaker 1: (04:11) That's not often the case, but it can happen. So not to say it lasts forever. They may have a split from their new dealer and come back weeks, months, even years later, looking to see if you can give them what you need. If you're still there, if you, if they still have control of you and they will dress it up like it is you and that you are special. And I wanna stop and take a moment and say, you are special. You're a very special, beautiful flower, but you are not special to them. And that is the part that's like, ooh, I know it hurts. So I want you to repeat. I want like your hand on your heart and say I am special , okay? And we're getting cheesy here. I don't care because I want you to feel that you are special just because you're not special to them that means nothing. Speaker 1: (04:53) They don't know how to treat people, right? Nobody's special to them. It has nothing to do with you. They're incapable of appreciating special people. They're incapable of loving the way we do. Okay? So it's nothing to do with you. So I do just wanna stop and let you feel that and know that you are special. And it, that part has nothing to do with you, okay? They don't work like rational, healthy humans who know how to appreciate and love. Okay? So it's all about control to them. I actually have a little story, story time and Christie, this is just an example of how they do move on and get new supply. And then they, whether or not they have it or not like it, it might be kind of working but not as easy to get as it was from you. Maybe look, I'm an empath. Speaker 1: (05:39) Oh my heart strings, forget it. You, you get me with nostalgia. I'm yours. I'm putty in your hands, right? So one of my narcissists knew this about me, right? And I don't know if he had new supply or not, but probably a year or two after we disconnected, they reached out. I had not learned about narcissism. I didn't know really the whole situation. I knew it was toxic. I got out of it, but I didn't know it on a deeper level. And so I did fall prey again, okay? A little story time that not so proud of, but this can be part of our journey, right? So they had forgotten about me, but then they reached out out of nowhere saying they missed me and please could we get together? I had been so strong for so long, moved on and I think they doubted I would, right? Speaker 1: (06:28) But they were just testing. And I had a moment, I had a weak moment. I said, well maybe just for a short little friend leave, is it right? I asked when and what do you know? They said, ah, I'm actually pretty busy the next few months, few months . Okay? So in an instant though, a light bulb went off in my head and it, and it was hurtful, but it also was like, ah ha. And that's when I started to see this isn't about me. They didn't really miss me or they would've jumped at the chance. It was they were checking if they had control. I always will say this, right? There's two things narcissists do. They're either trying to get control of you or checking if they still have control of you. So they were checking if they still had it. I proved that, I guess they did have somewhat of control over me, but you know what? Speaker 1: (07:17) They could have it. I was so excited to be released , because they turn around, right? And were like, oh, I got control. Well that's cool. I don't really need to see you. I was just checking. So then basically it's another disposal. But I was there for it because I realized this is all about control. And now here's the proof, here is the proof. I did not feel special. It made me realize, no, they don't miss me. All that they just said is bs. I'm not special to them. And that hurt. But I also knew I was special. I feel like, what's that? Um, was that Saturday night Live? People like me, I'm special. I don't remember. But anyway, something cheesy that made me laugh years ago. And now I'm 43 in perimenopause and I don't know what's happening anymore in my life, but I do know what's happening with narcissists. Speaker 1: (08:01) Thank goodness for that. They don't miss you. They miss their supply or whatever you were giving them that they needed and they may move on and not need you anymore. And that's a really good thing actually. Okay? So I was happy to be released from the web. You know that web of the narcissist, it is sticky, it's awful. And though painful to like kind of know you're not special. It was painful, but it was liberating to realize it was never about

*Top 3% in podcasts globally Narcissists can get you into their sticky web, but there are ways to get out! Listen to today's episode to get more insight. https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade WORK WITH ME: https://www.christyjade.com/transformational-coaching Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here: https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy After abuse we need SIMPLE. I created a planner for busy women just like you to navigate your days easier: https://christyjade.podia.com/shethrivesplanner  I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233 TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Yes, Queens. On today's episode, we are going to talk about going no contact. Ooh, this is my fire. I love this, but I know it can be difficult. So we're gonna talk about the challenges and the benefits. And on Thursday we're gonna talk about does your ex miss you during the no contact period? Ooh, ooh, the suspense. Stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:26) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? And you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a pre-recorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (01:47) First things first. I never list. Now that's not it. First things first, how to go no contact. Okay, so this is I I mean it's pretty simple. No contact as far as what it actually means. It's very straightforward. It is going no contact with the narcissist in your life that you know you are going to be a healthier being if you do not have contact with them. If you absolutely cannot and you are co-parenting or something of this sort, you have to go to my Gray Rock method episode. I will link it below. I think it's episode five, but not sure. So I will link it, um, in my show notes. Alright, so going no contact. First of all, narcissist. Uh, they can really deflect. They can twist things. You know, they're manipulators. So one thing you have to be is very, very, very clear in what your decision is. Speaker 1: (02:37) You have to communicate this to them. You cannot do it all. If you're that strong, more power to you, as I've learned, I think it's more beneficial to state very clearly and simply what it is. So I, you could say something like, I am no longer going to be in communication with you of any kind. Please do not contact me. Now the next one, block all forms of communication. You're saying you do not want to contact them. You have made this decision, you need to mean it. And what helps you do that is blocking them. That can feel awful inside. Blocking seems like a really horrible thing, but horrible people, horrible decisions sometimes result in things that are not so comfortable that we are put in a situation where we have to do them. Such as blocking. It is not to be mean to somebody else. Speaker 1: (03:28) It is blocking to protect your peace. If you are on this journey or, and you're saying, I really want peace, I really wanna be fully disconnected from this person, then this truly is the way to ensure that obviously blocking their email, blocking their calls, blocking their texts, blocking their messenger. What are we in 1999? AOL Messenger? No, but any of the messenger apps on Facebook, Gmail, TikTok, wherever you are, all the social medias, whatever way there is a way for them to contact you, put a wall between you because you no longer want that communication. Right? Right. You ha, I'm telling you, you have to really mean it for this to work. Another reminder is to avoid triggering situations because this can can make us waiver where we're feeling strong and we're like, yeah, look at me. I block that mouth all over town. Everywhere. Speaker 1: (04:21) Yeah. And then we get into a triggering situation and all of a sudden we get that little softer side coming out. We're like, oh man, well maybe, maybe I should just unblock to know if they, if there's an emergency or to know, I mean they might. Maybe they're having a hard time. We start to go down a spiral. So try to avoid triggering situations that could lead to that where your heart strings feel tugged at. Don't be going looking at your cute little memories in your photo albums. Does anyone even have photo albums? I am showing my age. I'm 43. I might have some photo albums. Okay, don't go scrolling in your Facebook memories. Is that more modern and up to date peeps? I said peeps to be cool, but you get my point. Don't put yourself in triggering situations. That could be, oh, reaching out to their sister. Speaker 1: (05:13) You're just checking in to see how she is. No, maybe you're just reaching because you are missing them even though it may seem wrong. This is natural that we miss people even when we decide to cut them out of their lives. So it's like having a little access to the person. Maybe you're asking their cousin, oh, have you seen Dean? How's he doing? That's a triggering situation cuz they're gonna start talking about, oh well actually his cat passed away. And then you're like, oh, I should unblock my all my stuff so I can just real quick tell him I'm sorry his cat died. Right? No, stay locked up like a box. Alright, the fourth thing in this part here is focusing on self-care. This is a huge part and you can go back through a couple of my episodes that talk about self-care, how I really in my start of this journey when I disconnected what I did to help myself. Speaker 1: (06:10) But self-care is so important just to name a couple of things. Get your exercise, get your sleep, get support. This is so important. I could not have done my journey after the disconnect. Not even just through it, but after, cuz it's a whole new life. It's a whole, I mean it's a recreation of yourself. I could not have done that without support. So if you do want to work with me, I will mention this. I starting in about a month or so, I'm gonna be doing part-time. So I do have a couple of spots open if you wanna work with me. I will put a link again in the show notes. If you are looking to just have one call or have you know several, um, you can get like package deals. So I will put those below. But you really, really should have support again with somebody who understands narcissism. Speaker 1: (07:00) I cannot say that enough, whether it's me or somebody else, someone who gets narcissism. So self-care includes getting support and help. Alright, so let's talk about those challenges of going no contact. Ah, okay. The guilt is really y'all. Let's just start with the biggest one for, I mean that was huge. I had such guilt and it did not help that family members laid on bigger guilt onto me or you. Let's say you're in a romantic situation and maybe it's your in-laws or your friends even, right? Your friends have so much with you and your partner and you all are buddies and hang out all the time and they don't want that to end. They may even guilt you. So you have your own guilt on top of other people's guilt on top of, of course the narcissist guilt. Cuz you know dang well they are going to throw their guilt all up in that, right? Speaker 1: (07:51) So that is especially why I needed the support I did. The guilt was literally like eating me alive. It was really getting to me. Another challenge is loneliness and isolation. First of all, if this is especially like in romantic situations, a lot of times the narcissists will isolate you so you are dependent on them, right? We got the codependency thing thing going. So when, and if you get to have the glory of disconnecting from a narcissist, you feel great and free, but you also are on the other side and you could be lonely because you have been isolated, you have been manipulated into isolating yourself from your friends, from your family, and it's hard enough to deal with any breakup. You're going to feel lonely in ways, right? Because you're used to having this person, especially in narcissistic situations. If you are an empath with a narcissist, you are codependent. Speaker 1: (08:46) That's just gonna happen. And now you have to untether those cords that have been tied for X amount of time depending on your situation. So you've got loneliness and isolation to deal with. Again, why you need support. The third one is potential backlash from the narcissist. And this is tough and I do wanna recommend, I always will put the, um, hotline number, the domestic abuse hotline. I mentioned this now because hopefully the narcissist in your life is not violent. If they are, I do su

Narcissists can get you into their sticky web, but there are ways to get out! Listen to today's episode to get more insight. My 4 MINUTE meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ 1:1 coaching/energy work: weekly calls: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ 1:1 coaching/energy 3 month program for major transformation https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/queens-of-peace-coaching-program2/ Self Paced Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ My #notmyshit Journal for daily empowerment: https://amzn.to/3XzbVYd FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider 30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter: https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter Abuse Recovery Affirmations: https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations PODCAST: But Still She Thrives: https://christyjade.podbean.com/ And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy After abuse we need SIMPLE. I created a planner for busy women just like you to navigate your days easier: https://christyjade.podia.com/shethrivesplanner  I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233 TRANSCRIPT:   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Hello. So the last episode, we talked about the signs of gaslighting, and today we're gonna talk about if you're being gas lit, five ways to beat a narcissist at their own game. Speaker 1: (00:16) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind f girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up, ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a pre-recorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (01:37) All right, does that narcissist got you down? They often use gaslighting as a tactic to take control, right? So I'm gonna talk about five ways to beat a narcissist at their own game. First of all, stand firm in your truth. This is where they can make you feel so crazy. You've got to really be confident in the truth and know, okay, this is a narcissist, or this is a person who is trying to gain control so they will go to any length to make me be convinced that their story is the truth and mine is not okay. So you have to stand really firm in that and don't waiver in your conversations with them and even just in your own mind. Number two, and I preface this with, I come from a family of lawyers. Everyone is very big on documenting everything, writing everything down. Speaker 1: (02:29) It has saved me in many a situation. I mean, legally, personally, I, I write everything down and I, with narcissist specifically, I'm going to say, I've said it before, I am very passionate about this. If you are in, let's say, a co-parenting situation with a narcissist, do not have calls on the phone. If possible, have everything through email and through text. You can go through your lawyers and, um, ask them to make this an, you know, an addendum or add it to your, um, you know, custody papers. You should not have to contact them or them contact you about anything other than your children if it is a custody situation. Cuz in my mind, if you can avoid being in touch with a narcissist at all, we'd love to avoid that. So these situations, you're forced. If you do have someone in your family, you do not feel ready to disconnect totally from, or you have a boss or coworker that you think may be a narcissist, these are ways to help you. Speaker 1: (03:33) I of course, will always say, if you can get away from the narcissist, get away from the narcissist. That's the only way to really beat the narcissist . Okay, so we talked about standing in your truth and writing it down, right? Seriously, I take no risks with the narcissist and of course deal with them as little as possible. That being said, number three is that contact should be short and sweet. So if you do have to have the contact, make it clear and short. You don't have to make it sweet, actually, depending on your situation, you can just be clear and short. I would say also be firm. Like I say, stand in your truth. Don't add fluff. Don't try to use emotion to get them to be compassionate. Sometimes we can do that. Sometimes with narcissists we think, oh, maybe if I explain my feelings deeper or how much they're hurting me, no. Speaker 1: (04:24) First of all, they eat that up for supper. They love it, they want that, but also it won't work on them. Okay? Keep your emotions, that whole emotional part to yourself. Guard it with a cage . This is what we call the gray rock method. This is part of it at least, which in it's episode five, I believe on my podcast, goes deeper into the gray rock method. I will link that in the show notes. Um, but basically it's keeping things short and sweet. The gray rock is representative of just blending in, not letting them get a rise out of you not having emotion. Basically, you're a gray rock, and over time they tend to lose interest. And if you don't take their bait, it, it's kind of like they back off there can, you know, there can be patterns of them coming and, and checking to see if they still have control. Speaker 1: (05:16) Like, oh, maybe the gray rock misses me or whatever. But in general, it is a really great method that I have used myself and swear by. This is an important one. And I would say this is definitely hard when you have been, especially if you've been in a situation with a narcissist for a long time, and it's a close intimate relationship, whether it's romantic friendship, family ship, and even if you've been under the same boss for, you know, 10 years, they can have such a hold on you that you are terrified to rattle the cage. You walk on eggshells and I am giving you permission to leave without guilt. And this can look like leaving a conversation. This can look like leaving the relationship. This I know for some will be harder to hear or harder to do than others, but I am here to tell you I was, I was in a situation like that for so long where I was terrified and it wasn't just the narcissist that I was terrified of. Speaker 1: (06:22) It was the other people in our lives that guilt tripped me or me trying to disconnect from this person, right? So you can get guilt from multiple angles and it's hard and it's uncomfortable and that's why I'm a big advocate of getting support through me, through a therapist, whatever it is in your situation, because you really do. I got support during my situation. And yeah, I definitely think you need support when you are leaving a situation completely. But I'm also saying if you're in a conversation and you feel uncomfortable or you feel like they're manipulating you or you feel like you're getting sucked in, you're taking the bait, they are twisting things around, you are allowed to, I mean, take a breath, count to five and just say, I need to go. Whether it's on the phone, you hang up whether you are with them and you, you, you can call it Uber if I mean you, I know you're in like different situations sometimes where you feel like you might be stuck, you're not stuck, you are not stuck. Speaker 1: (07:27) And if it is a, um, dangerous or violent situation, please call the domestic abuse hotline. And that phone number is, um, in the show notes. But the best way to outsmart a gas lighter or a narcissist is to disengage. It's the gray rock. It's the not taking the bait. It's no longer walking on eggshells. It's being in your truth and it's disengaging. The second you feel that visceral reaction of this isn't right. I mean, your body speaks to you. So get familiar with your body. That's why you need those meditations. Go grab my four minute mood boost meditation. Just getting in touch with your body will help you so much when you are trying to just follow your intuition through narcissistic abuse. It's almost like we can, we can lose our own intuition. We can lose our own identity. We have been literally living in fear of someone else or for someone else depending on your situation. Speaker 1: (08:30) Um, so it's crazy stuff, but that's why you need support. So if you want to work with me, um, again, all my information is in the show notes. You can email me. That's probably the best way to do it. Um, so we can talk about in what way. There are different packages I have for coaching. Um, I do yoga and yin yoga really, really helps support the mind body balance. And I just did a couple epis

All my current offers! Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ 1:1 coaching/energy work: weekly calls: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ 1:1 coaching/energy 3 month program for major transformation https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/queens-of-peace-coaching-program2/ Self Paced Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ My #notmyshit Journal for daily empowerment: https://amzn.to/3XzbVYd FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider 30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter: https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter Abuse Recovery Affirmations: https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations PODCAST: But Still She Thrives: https://christyjade.podbean.com/ TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) In today's episode, we are going to talk about gaslighting. It is a buzzword, especially over the last few years. So we're gonna dive into it and maybe you're wondering, am I being gaslit? What are the signs of gaslighting? I will let you know. Stay tuned. Speaker 1: (00:17) Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you'll find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.Christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a prerecorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (01:38) So there are several, several ways that you can be gaslit by a narcissist or, I mean, gaslighting can be a tactic used by people who are not narcissists, but narcissists definitely use a lot of these ways to get what they want. So number one, that is a pretty clear sign, especially if it's a pattern, is getting super defensive when you are just having a normal conversation asking a normal question that they will then turn against you. We'll get into that too. But watching their body language, seeing their response and their defensiveness when you are going about a normal conversation or a normal question, is definitely a sign. Number two, complete denial. They know it did happen, but they're so convincing they can make you believe that it did not. Um, especially over time, like you can really start to feel cuckoo. Like wait, they're so convincing. Speaker 1: (02:40) They look like they believe it honestly. They usually do not believe it, but they are so hellbent on being right and not being wrong that they will even try to convince themselves of another story or in the moment just defend, defend so much so that you start questioning yourself and then they take advantage of that and they can get you to agree with what they're saying or even twisting the story, which is comes to our next. Number three is twisting the story. May like, they're like, maybe it happened, but it's not, it's not what you remember, but you know the truth. Like you're there going, wait, I was there, I remember this happen. And they have this way of twisting the stories, twisting the narrative. They may twist the blame. Well, often they do twist the blame. That's very common, right? So a lot of twisting going on, twisting the story, twisting the blame. Speaker 1: (03:38) And that leads to the next one, which is the reversal. So they reverse everything. Like you come to them with, you know, maybe a request, maybe a boundary, maybe getting further information on something. It could be in conflict, it could not. But once they get that defense up, like we talk about number one, they will what I call the reversal, they will reverse it and deflect away from them having the accountability, right? So that again, it'll make you feel crazy. And then you're on the defense, right? So they are purposely reversing it. So then you're on the defense, you have to defense yourself and it gets away from the original problem that you brought to their attention. And they can do this even by just saying things like, oh, you're crazy or you're dramatic, or Remember when you did this or I was just joking and then you came back at me in, in upset, but I was just joking, right? Speaker 1: (04:36) There's so many different ways that they can do this reversal, but in general, look out for whenever you go to them to talk about something, does it get turned back on you? That is another very clear sign that you're being gaslit. Number five, shaming you for bringing something up. They can, yes, they can make you feel bad about it, like the reversal, they can deny it, but they can also shame you and go into a victim mode and you know, start to make you feel bad. And maybe they say something like, I was just trying to help but you, you know, deep down, like it's not helpful. But I was just trying to help and I was just, oh little, oh me little, oh in all innocent me. But they're not innocent. They are vindictive, they're intentional with what they're doing. And now they're going to shame you for bringing something up because they need the blame to get away from them. Speaker 1: (05:31) Similar thing with number six, dismissing your feelings. When you bring something up, it doesn't matter. It's almost as if their feelings are the only feelings that matter. That is how it feels to be with a narcissist. They will guilt you and do all that other stuff. But at the end of the day, if you ask yourself, does this person seem to value my feelings? Sit with that. If no, they don't seem to ever care about your feelings and they do all these things to dismiss your feelings and to get it back to where they're in a good light and maybe you're in a bad light, that is not cool. That's another sign. Number seven, in general, narcissists do not apologize. It is rare. There's certain situations, and this is where it can get tricky and that's why, you know, if you work with me or one of my clients, that is something that it's much easier on a customized basis to be like, for me to be able to help with because I can hear the language and people can talk me through what they're experiencing and I can, you know, really have an understanding of, okay, this person is, is not sincerely apologetic, right? Speaker 1: (06:40) There's ways and you can learn it yourself too. But I've, I've been through years and years of this education and in my own life that I can really detect it. But just to give a general overview, they generally don't apologize. Like I said, they'll turn things around on you if they do apologize, it would be something, the language could be something like, well, I'm, I'm sorry you feel that way. Or I'm sorry you perceived it that way. I'm sorry you, I'm sorry you. Or if they're really desperate, they, they can do a whole crocodile to your sincere sounding apology. So that's where it can get tricky. But I trust my gut on this a lot too in my, in my past experiences of does this feel like they're just trying to get what they want? Or does it feel like a bulb has gone off in their head? Speaker 1: (07:25) Sometimes? In the beginning of all this, the only way to know that is to see the actions that happen after. So sometimes I know a lot of us don't wanna have regrets. We don't wanna maybe kick people out of our lives without knowing. Well, maybe they were sorry. You don't give a million chances though, right? It's like if they're sorry, they're going to change that behavior because they want to make you happy and they don't want to act that way. Narcissists, they won't. So that's, that is a sign. If after they say they're sorry and the crocodile tears come pouring out and they're gonna do this and they make promises or whatever, it's lip service and the stuff keeps happening. That is your sign Honey bunny. That's it. They, they're not changing for me. More important than an apology though I value on it's nice. Speaker 1: (08:11) But more important to me is the changed behavior after the apology. Okay? So that is a sign though. If in general they really don't apologize, that can definitely be a sign. The number eight, playing the victim. So, well, what about me, right? Like if you're having a conversation and you bring something up and the other person says, what about me and my feelings? That is not necessarily a bad sign. I think it's human nature for us to also wanna feel seen and heard, right? So the difference is if this person is never taking accountability at all and then saying like, oh, what about me and my feelings and did it right? But they're never saying sorry, they're never taking accountability. That is also a sign in a normal relationship, you have a conversation, you share your feelings. Could there be defense or upset? Yes, we're human. Speaker 1: (09:03) So you have to understand the difference of that. And not calling everyone a narcissist that gets defensive or feels like a victim. Cuz sometimes people have insecurities, but is to look for the patterns and also the shared accountability. And that doesn't mean every situation, both people are quote at fault. But over time in your relationship, whether it's romantic or friendship or family ship, whatever, is family ship a word? I don'

Whether you are connected or disconnected from your narcissist, they can still have major effects on you! Here are 5 quick yet effective tips to heal and calm your mind and body. My 4 MINUTE meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade WORK WITH ME: https://www.christyjade.com/transformational-coaching Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Whether you are still connected or disconnected from a narcissist, they can still have power over you. They can trigger you, whether it's in the conversations with them or thinking back on your situation. A lot of triggers can come up. They get in those nooks and crannies and they bring out our insecurities. They make us feel cuckoo bananas, as my grandma used to say. I use other words. So we are going to talk about five quick ways and ways that I definitely used and still use when I am feeling triggered. It still happens in my journey too. You're not alone. Speaker 1: (00:39) Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a pre-recorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (01:59) When we feel triggered and emotional, we want a quick fix. Can I get an amen? So I have found these five things to be the best. They're not the only methods or techniques to use, but these are five that I use and I love. So number one is yin yoga. I discovered this a few years ago and now I teach yin yoga cuz I love it that much. And I do classes, I do one-on-one sessions. But in the moment, even when you are having this kind of visceral reaction to a narcissist or to memories of a narcissist or things that are brought up because of a narcissist, it is so helpful to even just hold a yin yoga position for a few minutes. Yin yoga is so good at releasing the negative, really just, ugh, that awful energy you carry when you're getting triggered. And yin yoga, for me, I, I love all yogas, but yin yoga is my jam. Speaker 1: (02:57) It gets into the deep, deep parts physically and mentally that for me, other yogas did not reach. So I am a big advocate. It is, you don't need to be flexible, you don't need to be advanced in yoga. It is so simple, but so freeing. So with my coaching clients now, I do provide sequences, like customized sequences for them. It's all related to releasing trauma, releasing those negative energies, stagnant crap that's sitting in our bodies. And you can go online, you can find different things. If you sign up with me for coaching, I will create a sequence for you. I also, I'll put in the show notes. I have a YouTube class up. Um, I just made it public so I could share it with you guys. If you want an example, there's like a 45 minute letting go of, of negative energy sequence that I do on there. Speaker 1: (03:50) So you can check that out on my YouTube channel. But in the meantime, you can always go look up, um, yin yoga poses or yoga poses even that are related to releasing negative energy, having to do a trauma, any of that. But if you want something more specific, you can email me at fierce mama m a m a c gmail.com if you want to, you know, get something more customized. Number two, meditation and breath work. So I put these together because with trauma they are an amazing pair. Meditation does not have to be some crazy long exercise, right? It can be beautiful. I mean, I've done some long meditations and been like, whoa, the Holy Spirit just spoke to me. But you, this can be like a very quick few minute activation exercise, whatever you wanna call it. And it might take a little practice to get there where it's, you can drop into that quiet place and cut out the distractions, but you will get there and it's more quickly than you think. Speaker 1: (04:52) So if you pair this with breath work or even just doing the 4 78 technique, which I'll explain in a minute, it will make a big energy shift. So you can do them separately, but together they're so powerful. Just getting in a really quiet space. So you're kind of calming the body down and doing then like stepping into the actual breath work. So for the 4, 7, 8 technique, you breathe in for four seconds through your nose, you hold it for seven seconds and you exhale for eight and you repeat this until you feel like a calm little piece frog. I love this. It's a quick thing. I have taught my daughter to do it. I've taught friends to do it. I've taught my coaching clients to do it. It's so simple, but it really, really does just get you kind of out of your head and breaks that cycle. Speaker 1: (05:43) By the way, if you don't have my four minute meditation, it's a morning boost. I call it meditation. One of my client's favorite meditations I've created. If you don't have it, I will put that in the show notes. That is something you should be doing every morning. It's free. Just go grab it every morning to start your day off. You have four minutes, everyone's got four minutes. If you don't wake up four minutes earlier, it is worth it. I promise. When you start your day in that head space in a peaceful, calm, uplifting, it's a little empowering mind specifically, um, it just sets you off in a better mood. So that like anything coming in that day, anything negative, any stress, it will feel a little lighter. And if you want to, you know, do meditation throughout the day or at night, of course that's gonna amplify your results. Speaker 1: (06:34) But just doing that four minute meditation alone has changed my clients whole day, their energy and ah, I just love it. So that will be in the show notes. We have a lot of things in the show notes today cuz these are all tools and techniques and resources I have. Number three is journaling a plain notebook. We'll do get yourself a cute little pen, cute little notepad, making fun. But get those feelings out. Writing can really help release a lot of pen up, sadness, anger, resentment, any of those fun feelings as a result of narcissistic abuse. Yay. So just get it down on paper. I also created a not My journal, it's called hashtag not My. Um, that's my little coined phrase because as I went on this journey, I realized how much stuff I was carrying that was not mine to carry. Speaker 1: (07:26) And that was a result of, you know, abuse and mistreatment. And we learned to take on others crap that specifically narcissist who we were the victim of. But also we learned that as a behavior that it's almost just comfortable taking on feelings that really don't belong to us. We should not have to carry through our lives. So I created a notebook, and again, I'll put that in the show notes. You can get it on Amazon, but basically it has prompts for every day, every morning to basically just blah, drop those feelings into this notebook. And it's in four little, each page has four little sections. It, it just feels so good to get this stuff off your chest and start your day fresh. So fresh and so clean. Clean. Let's bring it back to the nineties. Was that nineties or two thousands? Number four is mirror work Mirror. Speaker 1: (08:17) I still have my mom's new yorken. Me Mira, it's m i r a Mira No mi rohr work . Can someone say that word right for me? So the premise with this is that you learn to love yourself by directly looking in your own eyes in the mirror and declaring your love. Mm-hmm. . Yeah, Queens. We're about to get crazy up in here, okay? But there is a book actually that talks about this. It's called Mirror Work, 21 Days to Heal Your Life. So Powerful. I will put that book in. Uh, it's from from Amazon as well. You can get it there. I'll put in the show notes. But in the meantime you can just practice saying, I love you in the mirror every morning. I know it sounds a little kooky, but if you wanna go deeper, this book will help you kind of dig up some stuff and looking in the mirror. Speaker 1: (09:07) Truly, this is so powerful, actually more powerful than I thought it was. I was like, oh, I guess it'll be nice. Let me read the book, see how it goes. It's actually really, really powerful and healing. So I know that's a longer term thing to read the book, but in the short term, and just, if you're having a moment just getting to a mirror and looking at yourself in your eyes and you can do affirmations, you can, you know, declare that self-love. You can say, I am worthy this per

This episode is for ANYONE, narcissistic abuse or not, has been hurt or insecure in friendships and is struggling to find true friendship later in life. Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?! Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade WORK WITH ME: All my current offers!   1:1 coaching/energy work: weekly calls: She Thrives Transformational Coaching - Monthly   1:1 coaching/energy 3 month program for major transformation Queens of Peace Coaching Program MINUS Voxer   Self Paced Boundaries Course:  Empowered Boundaries Course   My #notmyshit Journal for daily empowerment: https://amzn.to/3XzbVYd FREE FUN: 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation:  Quick Morning Meditation   30 Day Toxic Relationships Declutter:  DECLUTTER TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS GUIDE   Abuse Recovery Affirmations:  Affirmations   And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1: (00:00) What's up? Welcome to, but still she thrives. It's Christy. We're gonna have like a kickback. Let's just be real. Let's be transparent and let's talk about something that more than just people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse can relate to today. And that topic is how it can be hard to make or maintain friendships as we get older. And yes, having abuse in your childhood or even in your relationships can have an impact. We'll talk about that and then we'll just talk about how certain situations with friends can really have an impact on future friendships. Speaker 1: (00:41) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up, ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or at pre-recorded boundaries course. Speaker 1: (02:02) Honestly, this episode, I just wanted to be very forthcoming. I wanted to open up a little, you can get to know me a little better and just how certain things have affected me in my life, in friendships, um, not just relationships or not just related to narcissism. I thought I'd just have a very open conversation about this. And I mean conversation. I want you guys to email me or write in the Facebook group. Um, those things are on how to contact me are always in the show notes, aka the description of this podcast on wherever you're listening it. So let's start off. First of all, for those people who have gone through narcissistic abuse, this can have a huge impact on our relationships and our friendships. Um, that's something we don't always talk about. For me, dealing with narcissism really created some big insecurities in me. Speaker 1: (02:58) I had some confidence in some areas, but when it came to relationships or even friendships, I was trying to make up for a loss, right? Like I almost created a family with my friendships. So very dependent on friends, like they were like my family. I felt very close and connected to my friendships that I formed. I was very good at keeping up with them and keeping close to them. That's something I'm really still good at, um, especially in my inner circle of people. That is something people have even noticed and noted about me my whole life. And I think part of that is, yes, I'm an extrovert and whatever that, that plays into it, but I think it's also when you feel like there's a disconnect and you're not treated well by some members of your family that you're around, it's, it feels safer and more comfortable to create your own space, right? Speaker 1: (03:57) Like I would not be home as much as maybe the typical person. I would stay out, I would stay over friends' houses a lot to kind of build that safety and security that I did not feel. So as I got older, um, like I said, I'm an extreme extrovert. I have a ton of acquaintances, but I would call them more than that. And I had one friend that was like, I had like 50 people at my party and she's like, there's no way you can like actually be friends, friends with these people. It's like 50 people. And I'm like, mm, yeah, I'm, I'm pretty close with a lot of em, you know, because I created that dynamic. So as I got older and had more responsibilities and got married, had a child, and especially when I did this could come with just age and maturity, but in my situation it also came with, you know, having a narcissistic abuser in my life and cutting that person off and realizing, wait, there are other people in my life and other friends that aren't treating me the best. Speaker 1: (04:56) It was just like once, it's kind of like one of those domino effects where once you realize something and you set it free and you see how feel it feels so good, you start to realize, wait, I'm getting that other feeling in this part of my life, right? So it's this domino effect. So that started happening. So there were a couple of friends that some I tried to talk to and it wasn't received well. Some just kind of distance naturally that I felt I had to create that distance to have peace in my life, to feel like I was being treated well by friends and not controlled it. You know, sometimes when you're used to narcissism or a certain way of, it doesn't even have to be narcissist, but a certain type of person in your life, in your childhood, you can later almost be drawn or during childhood be drawn to that. Speaker 1: (05:49) And as you get older, be drawn to relationships that are similar, right? Like people that are maybe more on the controlling side or people that it's their way or the highway Highway or whatever they say goes, that definitely can play out. And you might be bob in your head. Yep, yep. Especially if you've been through abuse. So I'm gonna dive in kind of pivot here to talk about a situation that happened when I was engaged. When I got engaged, one of my very, very, very close bestest friends, basically as I say, broke up with me. It, it felt like that. I mean, I was friends with her for ver a very long time. I think it was like two decades, well, no, 15 years maybe. But we were very, very close. And I still to this day am not entirely sure why she cut me off. Speaker 1: (06:37) And it really hurt. I got it, got a vague idea, but it, you know, it was something that was really sad that we couldn't talk it out. But then fast forward years later, I had a similar situation where I cut someone off and I was in a place where I felt like I couldn't even, I didn't wanna try anymore. And I think it was just like the reverse of that, you know? She didn't wanna try, she didn't have the energy to say or do whatever she had to say or do. And it was devastating to me. I was very, very like really heartbroken over it. You know, this is one of my best friends and, and it sucked at the end of the day. It sucked. And I know a lot of women who this has happened to in their lives. A lot of my own friends, a lot of clients that have lost friends and either don't know why or they do know why, but it's just really unfortunate and it, it's hard and it can change us. Speaker 1: (07:30) So this is the part where whether you have have had abuse in your life or not, which, if you've had abuse a man, that rejection there, that feeling like you found someone you felt safe with and they let you go like that, that is what really was hard for me. I think, you know, yes, it was sad to let her go, but we had kind of grown, uh, I won't say a part, but grown into, we were growing into kind of different people than each other and maybe different interests, different things like that. So on the service, if you looked at it, it wasn't like, and she had been kind of not so nice to me the couple years before we stopped talking. So part of me was like, well, it's not even like, oh my gosh, I can't live without this specific person. I think it really dug at that wound of man I felt safe and that's not real. Speaker 1: (08:25) It almost made me feel like I, I thought I could trust and I was safe with this person and I'm not. And after you go through abuse, like that really can re-trigger things. And so I think that's why it was like just really hard to deal with at the time. Anyway, obviously life went on and I grew, but I did notice that when I was meeting new people, I had a wall up. And that can happen where I didn't, I didn't really trust women. I get along, I feel like I get along easier with men. Um, and I don't know if that's just, cuz this situation, it's like girlfriends, this happened with or whatever. I do feel like in general, I'm very goofy and sarcastic and sometimes in my world, at least where I live or people I've met, I do fe

Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?! My 4 MINUTE meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider   Join my free facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade   All my current offers: Journey to Peace 1:1 Coaching Call and Blueprint https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ 1:1 coaching/energy work: weekly calls: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ 1:1 coaching/energy 3 month program for major transformation https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/queens-of-peace-coaching-program2/ Self Paced Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)  https://www.christyjade.com/ Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime! fiercemamac@gmail.com   Let's connect on social media! https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ https://www.tiktok.com/@fiercemamachristy   I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace. TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1: (00:03) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:00) Hello and welcome. I know it's been a hot minute since I have done a new recording, but here I am and I wanna try out, uh, let me know if the audio's okay. I always have my email address. I'll check the audio, but if you guys feel like the audio is good enough or you want me to go back into my smaller room with my headphones, but I thought I would try this, this way, it might end up sounding that great. But I'm just gonna do a quick, a quick little podcast bonus episode. Um, I've been reentering some older stuff and trying to figure out how to pivot this podcast. I feel like I am growing. I'm doing all of this somatic healing. Um, I just got, well, I'm almost, almost have my new certification in somatic healing and that's really expanding what I'm doing and I would love to incorporate a lot of healing and empowerment, not just around narcissistic abuse. Speaker 1: (01:53) So I would love to hear your feedback in an, um, email to me that will be in the show notes. Fierce Mama c is my email. Like I said, it's in the show notes. You can just, just grab it there and let me know if you would like to hear a more broad range of healing and empowerment. Not totally all narcissistic abuse related. Um, really focusing on just recovery and bettering your life and healing in general, um, and sprinkling in some episodes like this of narcissistic specific stuff. So yesterday, this is why I decided to, uh, talk about this today. Yesterday I was, um, thinking about a time in my past where I felt like I was terrified of a smear campaign, right, of a smear campaign that was going on. And if you don't know what a smear campaign this is, this can be anybody, I guess can technically do it, but it's often related to narcissists that they will do this as a form to try to control or gain control or get you even back. Speaker 1: (03:05) So what they do is they will try to smear your name. They will make up lies. They will, um, share information maybe that you did share with them that they promise to not tell people. But you know, once you have gone against them or left them odds are they, it's, it's very common that a narcissist will then start what's called a smear campaign. They're smearing your name and they're campaigning, right? They are getting as many people as they can on their side of things, believing their narrative and going against you, right? The flying monkeys, they're called, um, Sam Nan coined that phrase. It's the flying monkeys. And it's terrifying because you got all of these people now believing these untruths usually about you. Um, and they're on like under the demise of the narcissist, which if you know a narcissist, you know how it is to be under the thumb of them. Speaker 1: (04:03) And now these other people, you're finally out of it or getting out of it. And then you've got these other people that are now being controlled and being tricked by the narcissist, right? And they're gonna come after you or go against you. So what, what is the way to deal with this? And this is kind of common in what I say. The best way is no contact with the narcissist. Just like the best way to deal with a smear campaign is to not address it. No response. And this is hard. I was thinking back for me, I was like, there was someone that was believing some of the stuff this person was saying, and I was desperately trying to convince. And that is not what you're supposed to do, right? You are supposed to not respond, not take the bait, and you have to do this. Speaker 1: (05:00) And it, it takes strength because you have to believe and have faith, which I do now then I didn't. I've healed to a place where I now know in my heart that the good people, the people who support me, my true friends, my true family that supports me, those people are going to believe me. Um, it's one thing if you wanna say one time, just so you know that's not true, right? But overly trying to convince somebody, one of the flying monkeys or people that ha the narcissist is trying to control, maybe they're not successful yet, but the person's like, well, wait. Is this true about you? You can say, look, I didn't do this. You can choose to believe what you want, but that will filter out, it will filter out the people who really aren't a hundred percent for you, right? It'll filter out the people that are easily swayed by the narcissist. Speaker 1: (06:08) And again, we know narcissists are very, they're good at what they do. But once you're out of that mindset, it's good to surround yourself with other people that are not easily swayed by, by narcissists or by controlling people, right? That have their own minds and have gotten to a place in life where they can trust themselves. And now that you're in this space, you can know and come to this, well hopefully are, if you're not, let's do some somatic healing that is basically healing from the body. It's epic work. Email me or I will put, um, a Calendly link to just go ahead and set up your first session. It is amazing. Um, I should probably do a whole episode on explaining it more. Um, but it's really epic work. I have had such an awesome time doing it, and the work is deep work, long lasting work, and, and we always try to make it as fun as we can. Speaker 1: (07:06) Any type of work with me. So it's, everyone has loved it so far, . Um, but when you get to this healed space, it's important to know that it's actually a good thing. Like when these situations come up, instead of feeling the stress and hell around it, focus on the fact that this is going to clear out the toxic people around you. Because if you have in your, a lot, this is common. When you have gone through trauma and abuse growing up, you may have not picked the best friends. You may surround yourself with Fairweather friends or just people that control you or just, you know, can switch on a dime, right? Like not the healthiest of people because you don't know any better. You've been in abusive situations, you tolerate more than a healthier minded person. If you are in my space, odds are you're looking to get healthier or you are healthier than you were. Speaker 1: (08:09) Your mindset is better, right? Maybe there's more healing to do, but you're in a better space where you know, you wanna feel peace, you actually are ready for peace. So when you're ready for peace, things like a smear campaign, they can come at you and they can be ugly. But it's for you to now realize this is actually a little bit of a blessing because I know it's going to cut out anybody who doubts me. Isn't that, isn't that beautiful? Anyone who doubts you will be gone. So the person I'm talking about in my life that talked about me, it was nothing too too crazy, but just, you know, I was the bad guy all of a sudden, which was insane because I was the one getting abused and getting threats, all of that. We had mutual friends, a couple of 'em, and one of the mutual friends became kind of this flying monkey, um, contacting me to convince me to do X, y, z asking me questions, um, really trying to convince me to get back in touch with this other person, right? Speaker 1: (09:23) The narcissist. And you know what? I was luckily at a place where I did not fall prey, but I did at that point. This was years ago. I did at that point have this feeling of like, fear of this person is, doesn't like me anymore. They're not gonna like me if I'm not doing what the narcissist says or doing what this person flying monkey is trying to get me to do. They're not gonna like me anymore. And I like this person. This is a fun person. I enjoy this person. But I knew I had to choose myself and my health at that point, and my mental health, my, my peace. I chose my peace. And now I'm at such a point I can look back and be like, oh, that's a a friend anyway. Right? Like, that's somebody I don't need in my life. Speaker