This week we talk about How to Know if a Person is Trustworthy.  This can feel especially hard to those of us who have gone through abuse, but I think you will enjoy these tips!

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Speaker 1: (00:00 )

Hello, beautiful beings out there. Put a smile on your face. I want you to be happy today. Let's decide to be happy. I hope you're in a good mood. If you're not, let's turn it around. All right. Today we are going to talk about how to determine if someone is trustworthy. On the previous episode this week, we talked about trust and regaining trust in ourselves and other people. So I thought I would do a little tip session. Nine tips on how to determine if someone is trustworthy. There are some signs. So let's dig in.



Speaker 1: (00:37 )

Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.



Speaker 1: (01:35 )

So after narcissistic abuse, it can be tricky trusting yourself to make the good decisions, trusting yourself to be able to tell if someone's trustworthy, trusting other people. Cause there's some whack people that hurt our feelings and our souls . So let's dive into how to know if someone is trustworthy. Number one, honesty. So look for consistent honesty in their words and their actions. I say actions more than words, right? Because there's a lot of lip service, especially if you have attracted someone of the narcissistic personality and you're worried about attracting it again, they are good at lip service. So yes, words matter, but actions matter more. So are they transparent? Are they open? Are they truthful in their communication? But it's kind of like, well, yeah, you asked that, but sometimes like I thought they were honest. Now that you've been through it, believe it or not, you actually can tell a little better than the start of your journey with a narcissist because you're here, you're away, you're trying to heal.



Speaker 1: (02:42 )

You did see red flags, you did get out or you're trying to get out. So you know, some of the red flags, you know that intuition feeling. You need to get in touch with your intuition to really be able to feel that. Again, I have some episodes go binge my episodes cuz I talk a lot about that. Meditation y yoga, doing these things really help you, um, kind of connect your intuition back to your mind, your body, your soul. So you can trust yourself intuitively, right? But one way to kind of test this is when you are, let's say dating or getting a new friendship, whatever. When you ask questions, do they feel like, seem like they're avoiding them? They don't want to answer, especially when you're asking pretty simple questions that have simple answers. Do they get defensive? So kind of read body language, see hesitancy, um, and see how open they are because a lot of narcissists will not answer certain things, especially in the beginning when they're trying to paint a beautiful, perfect picture of themselves.



Speaker 1: (03:51 )

Also, look at that. Are they very arrogant? Are they talking about how great they are? Either way, uh, narcissistic or not, homie, don't play that. Like I I am not into arrogant people, , it's just not a great trait. So pay attention to these things as they're talking, like I said, their, their body, their demeanor. Like are they asking questions about you? Are they remembering them? Does it seem, seem sincere? And you, we'll start to build this trust. Like I said, if you've gone through it, you do have a better idea and you, it might take time. This might not be overnight, but keep listening and watching. Number two, are they reliable? So do they follow through on their commitments? Do they make excuses, which isn't that cool? Do they cancel all the time? I had one narcissistic relationship, uh, romantic relationship and whew, that guy put me through the ringer with canceling and excuses and all sorts of things.



Speaker 1: (04:51 )

Not very dependable. So that was a sign I kind of missed a little bit. So are they dependable, punctual? That's a good thing. We like that. Can you rely on them to do what they say they will do? Number three is consistency. In the beginning, this may be a little tricky, but they will show themselves slowly but surely narcissist will become inconsistent. Um, often it can take a little bit, so sometimes we have to walk through the mud, but consistency is key. Do they display a consistent pattern of behavior over time or they, they do they change their stance or beliefs? Or if they're talking to one person, they may say something and then talking to another may say something else. Often narcissists will wear different masks depending who they're talking to. So if you're around their friends and they seem like different than when they're around you or they run into somebody unexpectedly and act off, pay attention to these signs.



Speaker 1: (05:57 )

All right, number four, integrity. This is a big one when no one is watching. So sometimes it's hard because, well, it's no one's watching. No. But even when they're not like out on the public eye, they're not posting on Facebook, they're not in a group, you know, all eyes aren't on them. As you get more comfortable with them, they'd be more themselves around you. And how do they act within the walls of their own home? How do they treat wait staff? How do they treat people? Helping them, you know, like at the grocery store or whatever, checking them out. Notice how they treat others when they're not like performing. Cuz a lot of narcissists, especially the more outgoing narcissist, will have this big, charismatic kind of fake , um, personality and act a certain way. And then when they're with people they're comfortable with or alone, they act differently in a negative way.



Speaker 1: (06:58 )

So pay attention to any shifts. It goes back to consistency. But also is it adding up to what they kind of present as their moral or ethical principles, right? Like in the quiet of the night, in the dark, when they're not on the stage of the world, how do they act and how do they treat people? Trustworthy? People act the same whether they are with themselves, whether with their, you know, of course there's little changes and just comfort levels, but I'm talking about what they do, right? Like I am who I say I am, right? I'm a giving person. I love to help people. Obviously it's what I do for a living. But behind closed doors, I also buy people their Starbucks. I pay for people at cvs. I leave litt