This week, let's talk about 5 Ways to Help Release Guilt and Self Blame After Narcissistic Abuse 

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00 )

Hello, beauties. Hope everyone is having a fabulous summer so far, or winter if you're across the world. For me, I'm in summer mode. I'm in vacay mode. Life is good. And it just makes me realize that we truly can create a life we want, even when we've been through some. So today we're gonna talk about five ways to stop self blame and guilt after narcissistic abuse. And I'm doing a second podcast about this because it's come up a lot lately with my clients. Some followers have messaged me about the self-blame and just feeling like ashamed and beating themselves up. And we don't have time for that. So we're gonna get into it this episode.



Speaker 1: (00:50 )

Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.



Speaker 1: (01:48 )

All right, so as we know, recovering from narcissistic abuse can be very challenging, right? And overcoming the self-blame, the guilt that just, oh, you feel like, how did I let this happen? All of those thoughts can really kind of stunt your healing. So we have to kind of break through this in order to move forward. So here are five ways to help stop all those things that we just, like I said, we don't have time for. Let's move, let's move forward. And shimmy, shake, come on. The first one, really educating yourself about narcissistic abuse. Obviously in my journey I have gone very, very, very deep in understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, right? It was part of my healing journey. It's how I'm here now, helping you, giving you information. But it was really essential for me to get through the guilt and everything. Like once I realized, wow, these are actually a specific type of people that do X, Y, Z, it's almost like a science.



Speaker 1: (02:54 )

It becomes almost predictable. I say almost, cuz not every little nuance is always predictable, but when you really start understanding narcissists, they become pretty predictable and you kind of know they're next to move and you start to see it in a more logical slash technical way rather than an emotional way. And that is helpful for our journey in healing. So listening to podcasts like this, watching YouTube videos, there's a million TikTok videos you can watch. There's just so much information out there now, thank goodness about narcissistic abuse. That being said, some of it, you know, check your resource if there's accurate information. Sometimes people just throw stuff there, stuff out there. So if you really want to understand, it is helpful to work with a therapist or a coach like myself that has been through it and truly knows what's going on, the ins and outs of narcissism and the abuse that they cause, right?



Speaker 1: (03:55 )

But understanding those dynamics can help you recognize the abuser's actions. Were not your fault. And until you really get how it all works, it's kind of hard to not feel like you had some hand in it and you didn't. So learning about the personality disorder, which is a real thing, a personality disorder that is very, I'd like to call it calculated. It's very, it's a manipulative type of abuse. Learning all of that can help provide clarity and validation to your experience. For us, I've been there, I get it. Needing that validation is essential, essential in our journey. And you, you can really get that through understanding how it all works, how they work. Number two, seeking support from a trusted network. Hopefully you have a person or two you can trust in your life. If not seeking out, like I said, a therapist or coach who truly gets it, who can validate your feelings.



Speaker 1: (05:05 )

Part of what I love about my work is when I'm sitting there with a new client and they're explaining their story and talking about their history and their abuse, and when I get to tell them how it works, explain that it's not their fault. And usually in the first session or two, there's some relief that comes out of them just hearing, just feeling validated. But hearing like this isn't your fault. And sometimes it takes a little longer, honestly, for victims, survivors of narcissistic abuse to really accept that it's not their fault. That can be a journey on its own. But just having someone say it to them who's been through it and knows like, this is not your fault. You are not crazy. I know your truth. I believe you and I validate your feelings is one of the best things in my job. Because seeing that relief on someone's face and knowing what that felt like when I heard it the first time, I, oh, I might get a little emotional right now.



Speaker 1: (06:18 )

It's just, it's just such a relief because you feel like you are batshit crazy or you did this somehow and it's your fault and, and you wrecked your own life. Maybe you wrecked your kids life, like all these awful thoughts that aren't true. And you get even just a little bit of relief in the first couple of calls. And then as we do more and more work, you're gonna by the end of it, be like, I'm a badass queen. I didn't do. This Emma Effa is a crazy person who made me believe all this stuff. But it's not true. And you see the real truth, and I love that journey. So yes, it's super helpful to have someone close to you that you can trust and talk about to it about it too, like friends or family and or a therapist or coach.



Speaker 1: (07:02 )

Number three, and this is hard for some of us because of the dynamic that has been placed upon us by such narcissist practicing self-compassion. So be kind to yourself. Acknowledge, first of all, nobody's perfect. We were not handed a handbook on anything when we were born. Okay? Like, I mean, let's throw parenthood in there. Let's throw how to navigate relationships in general, whether you're with a narcissist or not. We have to learn and grow. It's part of life. Like nobody's born just knowing everything. And especially with these jacked up, crazy narcissistic, abusive dynamics, there's no handbook. And th