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TRANSCRIPT

FINAL But Still She Thrives Ep 34 Am I the Toxic One - The Answer You May Not Expect
 










 
Speaker 1


 
00:00
Today is a juicy topic. Am I the toxic one? I have been asked that. I see it all over narcissistic Facebook pages. People wanna know, am I the toxic one? And I've got some answers for you.




 
Speaker 1


 
00:16
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mindf? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.




 
Speaker 1


 
01:14
I am so excited to do this episode because A, we often will be made out to be the crazy one, the toxic one, right? The narcissist in our life will put blame on us. We know that. But once we get out and we're on the other side, especially, we may say, Hey, maybe I wasn't all these things. So I'm gonna dig in. There's two answers to this. There's a no, none of this is your fault and you are not the narcissist. Like if you are even asking, am I the narcissist, you're probably not because narcissists are not self-aware. They don't even think they could be a narcissist. So the odds of that are very low. Do you have any toxic traits by nature or that have been formed because of your relationship? Maybe. So let's dig in. So like I said, the fact you're here, you're trying to learn, you're trying to grow, is a very not narcissistic trait, right?




 
Speaker 1


 
02:11
It's also a not so toxic person trait. Does that mean you are free of any toxic tendencies that may be due to toxic relationships in your childhood, in your romantic hood, in your friendships, whatever it is that you learned or used as a response to someone else's toxic trait? Maybe. So we're gonna ask some questions. You can ask these questions to yourself and be honest, truly dig in. If you wanna figure out am I the toxic one? Do I have any toxic traits, right? The first one, are you only concerned with yourself? So this is a big narcissistic trait and it can be a toxic person trait. In general. Are you concerned with yourself? Are you self-absorbed? Everything's all about you. Everything always comes back to talking about you or your feelings, whatever, whatever odds are. If you are with a narcissist, you are probably sort of the opposite, A people pleaser.




 
Speaker 1


 
03:07
But once you are out of this situation or nearing getting out, you may start to build up that confidence and start to say, Hey, what about me? And that's great. I love that you're a queen. Do more of that. And at some point though, the the pendulum may swing the other way where you get like, wow, this is my time and it is your time. You get that self-care, but don't lose your, the sweet part of you, right? Like don't lose that caring for other people. Don't throw other people under the bus. All of that. You wanna still have that balance. But yes, it's time for that self-care and that does not mean selfish. There is a difference. Self-care is not selfish. So asking yourself, am I selfish in general, digging into that, if you are all about you and selfish, you can get help.




 
Speaker 1


 
03:54
There are ways to get out of that. You can seek therapy, read self-help books on how to start having more empathy or sympathy and caring more about others. The next question, do you always think you are right? Think about this. In any conflict that comes up with your romantic partner, with friends, with family members, do you ever say, Hey, you know, that might be my fault, or Hey, I'm sorry, I could totally see even though maybe I didn't tend it that way. I see how that could hurt you and I'm really, really sorry. Or hey, yeah, I jacked up, right? Think about, are you always right in an argument in conflict? If so, you have to dive into that. That is a very narcissistic trait. Doesn't mean you're a narcissist if you have trouble saying, sorry, not always. Again, that can be part of something else.




 
Speaker 1


 
04:46
Other disorders or can be related to trauma, whatever it is, it is somewhat of a toxic trait, right? Because you want to be able to say, Hey, I recognize I'm not perfect and that's okay and I'm gonna be accountable and I'm gonna say I'm sorry and I don't wanna hurt the people in my life. I don't have to always be right. This is a good one. Do you manipulate people to get what you want? Is that a pattern in your life? That is a, a very, very clear sign of narcissism. That is one of the ones for me, is like a huge red flag When I meet people, if there is any manipulation or coercion, not minding other people's feelings, but all about, again, that goes back to narcissist a lot are all about themselves and having control, right? So they will control others, they will do whatever they need to manipulate, gaslight, lie, whatever they need to do to get what they want.




 
Speaker 1


 
05:44
So ask yourself, do I have a pattern of manipulating people or coercing people or trying to get people to do what I want all the time? If so, that is definitely toxic unless you're in, in the courtroom, cuz that's part of your job, . But if that bleeds out into your personal life, even if you are a lawyer, that is something you should definitely work on and seek help for. Are you always angry? Step back and think, am I always angry and taking it out on other people, right? We're gonna have emotions, we're gonna have anger, we're gonna have sadness, we're gonna have joy, we're gonna have all these emotions. But what is it that you do with it counts, right? And if you are angry all the time, that doesn't necessarily mean you're a narcissist or a toxic person. It could be due to you having resentment because you were the victim of abuse.




 
Speaker 1


 
06:32
But what's important is to go get the help to release that negative energy. Okay? So getting therapy for something like that is really important. But think about, yes, that's a toxic trait, especially if you are taking it out on other people. And a lot of narcissists, they do have a lot of anger inside. They have a lot of depression. There's a lot of really dark feelings inside of a narcissist buried. Some are buried very deeply, but they come out in the form of treat mistreating other people, right? So are you mistreating other people due to your own emotions? If so, that can be a sign of narcissism, it can be a sign of many other things. And again, any of these traits, if they're coming up and they're, you're saying yes to these, it's time to get that help. That can be, you know, you can self-learn with books and podcasts, but you can also get accelerated help.




 
Speaker 1


 
07:22
And what I love in my life is t