Claim OwnershipCounselors Can Help
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© Copyright 2024 Merrill Fink
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This show is targeted at listeners who are debating if therapy is for them. We want to address people's fears, concerns and educate and inspire them to take the plunge into mental health therapy. We believe there is so much good that can come from it. The show is meant to be entertaining and give you a new perspective!
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In this episode we cover how people accidentally get into conflict. There are numerous ways family members get into a fight that nobody wanted. This episode walks through some examples of that and how to avoid it.In this episode we also answer questions like-How do I refute ideas I don't agree with?-What to do if another person is talking crazy? -How can I avoid a fight with my spouse or child?-How can I be a better negotiator?Also find me at counselorscanhelp.com
Learn negotiating skills from the best. In this episode we start learning the skills of negotiating from an FBI negotiator Chris Voss. From his book "Never Split the Difference" you can learn valuable insights which can relate to problem solving and relationships. This show will begin a series on negotiating.In this episode we answer questions like..-How do I start a negotiation?-What mistakes are made in negotiations?-How can I negotiate when the other person doesn't know what they want?-How can I negotiate if I don't know what I want?-Can the FBI teach me negotiating skills?-Where can I learn negotiating techniques?See me also at counselorscanhelp.com
In this show I do a review of conflict and where people generally go wrong. Where do we typically bog down? If we are getting upset due to a long-standing story, we tend to perpetuate more of the same. The argument just continues. Hope is lost. This show is trying to regain hope and talk about more examples that may be more effective. We discuss needs, nonviolent communication and the hope of "what is going right" and encouraging each other. In this show we answer questions about-How can we change the negative cycle in a relationship?-How can we get a better relationship?-How can we resolve a dispute if we both dig in? See me also on counselorscanhelp.com
In this show I will discuss the main reason change gets off the rails. Usually it is a situation that is overwhelming. People get overwhelmed by the whole situation in their lives. For that reason, it is hard to stay on track because new problems arise and we now have a game of whack-a-mole. This constant awareness of what is wrong and new fires to put out is just exhausting. For this reason, change has to make priorities and stick to them. This is difficult and I will discuss how to navigate this. In this episode I will answer-How to keep change on track?-Why do people usually give up on change?-How can I learn to take on problems one by one?-Who can help me with change?Also see me on counselorscanhelp.com
In this show we discuss how to begin the change process. In general, the recommendation is to start easy. Start with what you can handle. This will be different for different people. It is up to you to set the starting strategy.In this show we answer-How do I get started with change?-What typically leads to failing to start a new habit?-Why do people recommend you start small with change?-Shouldn't I wait until I feel better to start change?See me on counselorscanhelp.com
Numerous times we attempt change and don't succeed. It is important to take a quick look into what usually gets people off track and how to stay motivated. In this episode we discuss the deadly comparisons that people make and how to spot a negative cycle and actually develop a plan for the future.In this episode we discuss-How can I stay motivated to make change?-Can comparison be good?-Can comparison be harmful and how to keep it productive?-How to identify my bad habits?-Why are habits hard to change?-Can we make habits easier to change?We me also on counselorscanhelp.com
In this episode we will cover the idea of the mindset of change. What does it take to make lasting and effective change? Many times we focus on the outcome and the process, but not the mindset needed. Therefore, change becomes much more difficult. What is the mindset needed to create a better environment for lasting change?In this episode we will answer-How can I learn to make lasting change?-What usually leads to the unsuccessful change attempts?-What is the mindset of change?-What is a great resource for change?See me also on counselorscanhelp.com
In this episode I set up the idea of time preference. Many people want to make changes or decide a new year's resolution. What to choose? Time preference is a mentality that will really help identify the next step. Time preference is assessing if you have short term or long term goals. This episode will introduce a new way of thinking about how you look at problems and the world. In following episodes we will discuss how to take this into action in the following episode.In this episode we answer the following questions-How do I decide what needs changing?-What is time preference?-How do I learn to think more long-term?-What is short-term vs long-term thinking?-Why have I probably made bad choices in the past?-Can I make changes if I don't think I have a future?-What mentality is needed to make long-term changeSee me on counselorcanhelp.comIn this
Join the new economy and donate to a movement using bitcoin. Here is the link to help you contribute a small amount or tip to the show and the bitcoin economy. Donate to Counselors Can HelpHolidays can be hard and family events can add stress. It's supposed to be fun. This show I discuss some survival tips to keep things on track and hopefully get more out of it. The theme is process of outcome. What does that mean and how to use that in situations? in this show we answer-How to survive holiday parties and events?-What tips will help me do better at holiday parties-How can I learn to keep my cool at family holiday events?-See me on counselorscanhelp.com
Join the new economy and donate to a movement using bitcoin. Here is the link to help you contribute a small amount or tip to the show and the bitcoin economy. Donate to Counselors Can HelpIn this show we will discuss trauma and how it impacts your life and your relationships. This show is about teaching you what trauma does to you, how we would work on that and then some examples of what this would look like. If you find yourself shutting down during any conflict, avoiding it to keep the peace, or being told you are too aggressive, controlling and angry, this show will address that.In this show we will answer the questions of -How do I stop being so angry at my spouse or child? -What can I do to change that?-How does trauma affect relationships?-Why don't I feel connected to my family?-Can I change my bad habits?-Why can't I stop yelling at my child or spouse?-How do I get my voice back?Also, see me on counselorscanhelp.com
Join the new economy and donate to a movement using bitcoin. Here is the link to help you contribute a small amount or tip to the show and the bitcoin economy. Donate to Counselors Can HelpHow can a person start to make changes after a life of anxiety? What is the strategy? If everything makes you nervous, how do you get over that? In this episode we will talk about the general strategy and what it takes to build the life you want. This show is best consumed with show 10, 11 and 12. A full anxiety buffet. There is hope. You can start to build a better life. In this episode we will cover-How to be less anxious?-Getting over anxiety-"Anxiety is ruining my life"-"Anxiety is killing me"-How is anxiety ruining my relationships?-My anxiety is getting worse-Can a counselor or therapist help me with anxiety?Enjoy the show! See more on https://www.counselorscanhelp.com/
Join the new economy and donate to a movement using bitcoin. Here is the link to help you contribute a small amount or tip to the show and the bitcoin economy. Donate to Counselors Can HelpIn this show I discuss more on what to do when another person is melting down or going negative. Communication problems in relationships is always unique and needs a set of skills. This episode is about listening and stopping or slowing unhealthy habits in relationships. Let's review how to listen and when not to try to solve stuff.In this show we discuss-Communication problems in relationships-How do I learn to listen?-Resolving or avoiding conflict in relationships-How to learn to listen and not just try to solve it-How do I comfort a person?-What are the benefits of listening?See me on https://www.counselorscanhelp.com/
In this episode I build the case of how to view a relationship and getting yourself and others to focus on the bigger picture and not just what is wrong. We typically can get into a cycle of bickering and criticizing or giving each other "helpful" suggestions about how to succeed. My visual in this case is a garden, and we will go through some examples of how to think about it. The use of a garden has been done before and so it is not new, but I will bring some new ways to think about it and how to use it to avoid the bad habits that people get into all the time.In this episode we will address-How is a relationship like a garden?-Why do people tend to just focus on the problems?-What are some common leadership mistakes?-How can I learn to be more positive in a relationship?-Should I be the first to text or communicate?-How does a garden metaphor help with relationships and leadership?See me also on my website https://www.counselorscanhelp.com/
In this episode I talk about what we control. It really is more than you think. There are numerous important things in life that we control. The point of talking about this is to plan to put more effort and thought into those areas. Lets spend less on the areas we don't control, which usually leads to emotional problems and frustration. In this episode I discuss-What can I actually control?-How much control do individuals have?-Do I control my emotions?-Do I control my brain?-Can I control the actions of others?-What are my priorities?See me on counselorcanhelp.com if you want to know more or want to work with me as your therapist and live in northern Utah.
Today's show is about hearing bad news. This can come from anybody at all, but the person has just experienced a painful situation and they are relaying it to you. We shall discuss some things to think about and try to keep it simple. We don't want to make the situation worse. You can use this episode to prep for a future event and also go back in your memory to a situation like this and see how you did or what you could have done differently? What can you try to do better in the future?In this episode we will answer the questions of-How can I support a person who is grieving?-How can I be a supportive friend or parent?-Can I be supportive but not enabling?-Should I give unsolicited advice to a person who is hurting?-Is it ok to tell a person to calm down?Also find me on counselorscanhelp.com
In this show we talk about what to do during a pause. The fight is stopped or you want to come back to a sticky subject with a person. How do you do that and not just come back to conflict as bad as it was before? What if you want to bring up a sticky subject? Can you do it in a way that does not promote both people just defending themselves?We also answer questions like..-How can we change our conflict pattern?-Can we learn to discuss something without the yelling?-How to problem solve or even discuss hard subjects.-Why do we always get into fights? Can't we just discuss something?-What if my partner cant handle the truth? Maybe say it in a different way
In today's show we will talk about attachment theory. This is probably the simplest and most effective relationship idea I believe there is. What basic traits and habits do some people have in relationships and how to use that information? As a motivation here, this will likely describe all the fights you have had and will likely continue to have. This is the key that can unlock a lot of frustration. We reference a test in the show you can do. It is quick and easy and free. Go to the link https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/ECR.php The output will reveal your attachment style. Of note, in the show we reference anxious attachment. The chart will call that preoccupied attachment. What I call Avoidant, the test calls dismissing attachment. The test also names the upper corner as fearful avoidant, which we called disorganized. Take the test. Better yet, listen to the shows and take the test with your significant other. Discuss!
In this show we will talk about my best idea for correcting and maintaining relationships. That is the idea of what is going right and focusing on how to grow success. Many times we think pointing out the flaws is the best path to harmony, but I don't think that is right at all. That is certainly needed at times, but I don't believe it is a good recipe for success going forward. This show focuses on this and past conversations about pointing out what is going right and discusses the key points of this idea.In this show we will answer questions like?-What does pointing out what is going right even look like?-If I don't point out the negative, how do I stop it?-This seems counterintuitive. Does it really work? Yes.-What is a great relationship technique I can do right now?-Can anybody do this? Does this apply in all relationships? Yes and Yes-Are there tips for success using this idea? Yes-What stops people from pointing out what is going well? Fear and bad habitsSee me also on counselorscanhelp.com
Before I get to this episode, Liza and I discuss the new movie Top Gun. I was very impressed and I want to do a show or series on the realism of this particular movie. I think it would be fun to educate people about what they saw (fighter pilot stuff) and discuss ideas in the movie that I think people would be interested in. More to follow on that! The fighter pilot in me has been fired up!Now back to the show..In this episode Liza and I talk about two very important ideas. These ideas are about telling the truth and the deadly compares we do every day. Telling the truth is discussed specifically in the context of a therapy session. The idea of comparing is more a discussion about how to curb this habit that can be very destructive. How can we make changes and feel good about it? Comparison is one of the thoughts that tells us we are way far from our goal and the task is just too hard. Don't listen. There is a better comparison tool that can help!In this show we will answer questions about-Is shielding information from your therapist a good idea? No.-What if I feel like I can't tell my therapist the truth? Houston we have a problem.-Is it normal to compare our lives to other people? Yes.-How do we curb or change this human habit of comparing?-How can I stay more positive when making changes or working on a goal?See us also on counselorscanhelp.com
On this show we continue the conversation on how the client can improve their chances and come to therapy with a good attitude. Liza and I will talk about the recipe for success in the room and try to quantify that. We feel therapy or counseling can work for anybody at any level. Having a great attitude and some strategies can help you get the most out of it.In this show we will answer questions such as..-What do therapists do to help their clients get the most out of therapy?-Will I be blamed or shamed in therapy for sins from the past? No.-Are therapists perfect in their own lives on all this stuff? No.-If you weren't shown great techniques for conflict resolution, is it reasonable that you made some mistakes in the past? Yes.See us also on counselorscanhelp.com
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