The Sporting Probe with Roy & HG Catchup Podcast - Triple M Network - Roy Slaven and HG Nelson

In the final Sporting Probe for 2018 Australia’s greatest broadcasters left nothing on the field. In the spirit of Aussie Olympic hero, Edwin ‘The Lion of Athens’ Flack, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson tackle every big issue with gusto and flair. Like, CRICKET: What role did Michael Clarke play in the collapse of Aussie cricket? Have Smith and Warner met Justin Langer’s daughters? And, what is Australian cricket built on? (Hint: hate.) Then there are the BANKS and, Why bank CEO’s need a lot more mongrel? And, Are bank customers clowns and roadkill? Roy and HG take a long hard look at the OLYMPICS: Find out what happened when Roy put Sports Minister Bang-Bang McKenzie on the spot over shot-put funding. And, What are most consultants? (Hint: ratbags.) In FOOTBALL the big question is, What role did the Murderer play in the killing the AFL at Fish Creeks? And, What happens behind the unmarked door at AFL headquarters and, Does the Murderer have a bonesaw? BOXING is front and centre with every Australian certain to remember forever the magnificent 96 seconds of the Horn-Mundine bout and Roy and HG ask the pertinent question, Is there any more fun than getting punched in the head? Yep, this Sporting Probe is one for the ages to delight every probester, patriot, pilgrim and punter. Cheers!

The Sporting Probe delivers a simple but powerful and transformative message this week; a rallying cry for all probesters, patriots, pilgrims and punters. Cutting through to the heart of every and any problem, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson say, “Come on, Australia, pull your finger out!” The world’s greatest broadcasters practise what they preach as they unpack our nation’s woes and troubles to reveal: Why the FFA should have honoured Tim Cahill’s retirement with the Banking Royal Commission Cup. Why Australian batsmen are rubbish. (Hint: They’re batting like Graeme Hicks.) Why the Lithgow Groove is now joining the A-League. (Hint: Could be something to do with FFA board members driving flash new cars and are able to visit the Small Arms Factory in Lithgow any time they want.) Why boxer Daniel Geale is coming out of retirement. (Hint: He loves punching Mundine.) Why Australian Olympians will be slaughtering livestock in Japan. (Hint: new sponsor and team bonding.) But wait, there’s so much more including an explosive WORLD EXCLUSIVE when Roy lets slip that Cristiano Ronaldo will be playing for the Lithgow Groove in 2019. Now there is a good example of “Pulling you finger out!!!”

The Sporting Probe this week may be the most fair dinkum show in the history of Australian broadcasting with Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson giving it a red-hot fair go. Every probester, patriot, punter and pilgrim will be proud as they tackle the big issues affecting every Australian. Like, the finale of The Bachelorette – the finest radio personalities ever to grace the Australian airwaves have the inside goss on Ali’s chance of success with her new romance. Or revealing how the world-wide phenomenon of Andre Rieu began in a little Aussie post office. Is the current Wallaby team the worst since 1958? If they are it’s a little problematical because as Roy points out, ‘It’s a big call because the Wallabies running around back then were soiled bits of toilet paper.’ Then there’s the scarifying return of amateur proctologist John Hopoate to rugby league; big news on Hughie Bowman’s horse-racing suspension and how caddies are more important than the bloke hitting the golf ball. And then there’s the week’s biggest stink with news of dart champions farting to put competitors off their game and how this technique could be used in other sports. Fair dinkum!

It is the moment every probester, patriot, pilgrim and punter will long remember as, overcome by grief, HG Nelson breaks down weeping over the loss of Bruce to the Melbourne Cup. You’ll be heart-broken as you hear the tears splattering his boots as HG demands Sco-Mo issue a Prime Ministerial-decree to move Bruce McAvaney to Channel 10 so he can call next year’s Melbourne Cup. Agreeing with his partner, Rampaging Roy Slaven predicted that without such an order ‘this is the end of the Melbourne Cup as a significant part of the Australian landscape.’ Pulling himself together HG goes on to exclusively reveal how Hughie Bowman packed on an extra kilo as he rode Marmello to second place in the Cup (Hint: eating a big bowl of pasta while riding can do that.) Another issue The Sporting Probe unpacks in-depth is Australian cricket (Hint: Should Shane Warne or Viv Richards manage Cricket Australia?) Also big news in this week’s podcast is news from the Horn V Mundine fight that a reality-style TV show is in the offing featuring the Fighting Primary School Teacher struggling to put on weight as Mundine wrestles with shedding kilos. It’s exclusive. As is every other insight and revelation in this week’s podcast. And, what about them Wallabies? Yeah, what about them except, can they beat Italy? Sheesh.

Either Winx runs in the Melbourne Cup or Sports Minister Shotgun McKenzie must cancel the race. That’s the big call this week from Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson who also demand an auction live on every free-to-air TV station to win the once-in-a-lifetime-chance to ride the champion in the race that stops the world. (Hint: you’ll need deep pockets; Roy hears horse loving Saudi princes are willing to bid $150 billion for the honour.) In tragic news, HG reveals Roy has turned down Cricket Australia’s offer to take over as chairman following David Peever’s axing but in good news, Shane Warne says he’s up for a Larry King-style TV talk show to unlock what makes successful people successful. More good news is the Wallaby’s new alliance with the Australian Army: (Discuss: “Is there an advantage to have rugby players who can take out a machine gun nest?”) There are details on how anyone – big or small - can get a job in the racing industry with a little help from Elle McPherson and tips on how to get fit using Roy and HG’s TV ad-break-training technique. That’s just a taste of what the world’s greatest broadcasters unpack in this week’s The Sporting Probe – the show for elite Australians who are not scared of winning – so saddle up probesters, patriots, pilgrims and punters and start winning.

Welcome to this bumper souvenir edition of The Sporting Probe celebrating the magnificent triumph of Winx. Enjoy the glory as Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson take you behind-the-scenes of the champion’s unprecedented fourth Cox Plate win. Bask in the afterglow of the magic that is Winx as the world’s greatest broadcasters pull back the curtains to exclusively reveal WHAT Winx has in common with the Royal couple, Harry and Meghan. (Hint: communication skills.) WHY Bruce McAvaney compared Winx to Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece, Mona Lisa. WHAT Winx was thinking as she arrived a Moonee Valley (Hint: HG and ROY were there to translate for you.) And HOW Winx is not the first horse Bruce McAvaney has fallen for. (Hint: Yep, hold on to your fascinators – this is the biggest shock of the day.) COULD this cheapen the love between Winx and Bruce? (Hint: Only if Winx finds out.) And, is there a message for other horses who might consider winning Bruce’s heart? (Hint: Hell, yeah.) Sure, there are other issues unpacked by Roy and HG like the new Ashes-style golf tournament and the 30 centimetre sausage roll coming to a sports stadium near you but, really, Winx is the big story so, Giddy-up!

The Sporting Probe has bravely and controversially called it early – Harry and Meghan’s Royal tour is officially the best ever. “There has been nothing like the magic that Meghan and Harry have smeared all over us this week,” says HG Nelson. Rampaging Roy Slaven opines: “What a great week to be an Australian with a couple of sandwiches in the glove box, a tank full of gas and a dream” In other words, this week’s podcast is chock-full of optimism. Mind you, there seems little hope for the Gold Coast Suns next year unless Foreign Minister Marissa Payne butts in and Premier Xi sends a container load of books to help the Suns get cashed-up. And what’s wrong with Australia’s cricket team? (Hint: our batsmen are great so bowlers, obviously.) But then, what does coach Justin Langer know about bowlers? (Hint: not much.) Should the Socceroos re-locate to Oodnadatta? (Hint: a good start to invigorating rural and regional Australia.) Discover how Roy experienced the beer-pie-toilet trifecta at Wentworth Park dog track and why he feels the venue could be improved with addition of toilet doors. And where will we find Bruce McAvaney all this week? (Hint: never a few steps away from Winx 24/7.)

Ah Spring, when an old race-callers fancy lightly turns to thoughts of Winx. Yes, romance is in the air at Sporting Probe this week as Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson get all dewy-eyed over Bruce McAvaney’s love for Winx. But what will happen to this romance when Winx loses and, Why does Rooting King hate Bruce? And  when did the romance begin? (Hint: About win number 10 …) In other gee-gee related matters, the world’s best broadcasters also have ideas on how to improve on this year’s Everest promotion (Hint: How about the White House as the next billboard? Or Redzel climbing Everest in special crampons?) And then there’s the plan to give Barnaby Joyce a couple of billion dollars to bet on big races with all winnings going to Drought Relief. By the way, Was this the right week to kick-start Gambling Awareness Week? Any old whoo, other topics tackled include Roy’s campaign to crack down on ball kid abuse at tennis tournaments, the fallout from the UFC post-fight brawl and how it is affecting Australian fighters and what’s wrong with the new Sydney Football Stadium. Finally, why was the Everest draw done in a public toilet and how did Roy save the fiasco from becoming a complete fiasco. Download now to be enlightened.

People flock to the Sporting Probe for controversy. For hard-hitting opinions. For radical solutions. And most definitely for vision. And this week Rampaging Roy Slave and HG Nelson deliver in spades as they tackle the big issue of advertising a horse race barrier draw on the sails of the Sydney Opera House. In a nutshell, the world’s greatest broadcasters say, ‘A good start but how about the Parrot and the NSW Premier get real.’ First, Roy and HG propose punting on the barrier draw is an obvious innovation (Hint: a nationwide TV show jam-packed with entertainment and family-friendly betting.) Second, how about a TAB outlet at the Opera House so punters can get a bet on at interval during, say, a La Boheme performance (Hint: very classy operation to keep elites happy.) Third, a four-wheel drive hill climb race course over the Opera House sails (Hint: Roy says Jorn Utzon would support this: “He loved his racing, his dogs, his cars …”) Fourth, how about using the Opera House forecourt as a car yard (Hint: You go to, say, La Boheme and go home in a new car. How good is that!) Look, there’s more but if that doesn’t have you licking your lips in anticipation there’s Golf Month, The Bachelor, cricket, AFL, Kumuls, Winx and the best night Roy and HG ever had. All aboard!

You can smell it. You can almost taste it. You’re licking your lips in anticipation because you know the wait is over – yes, Probesters, it’s time for Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson’s piping hot, fresh from the oven Festival Of The Boot. And what a steaming serving awaits to delight you as the world’s greatest broadcasters carve up the Grand Finals in this week’s Sporting Probe. There’s Roy promising to never again punch people who talk about The Big Dance (Question: can he keep this promise?) There’s the big call for Sco-Mo to call a Royal Commission in to Collingwood’s loss (Hint: all conspiracy theories need scrutiny.) There’s plans to make 2019 The Year of the Umpires and Referees and the brilliant innovation to build an exact copy of the MCG in every capitol city so away Grand Finals are a possibility. And there’s piercing insight in to the Roosters V Melbourne grand final as Roy and HG take you behind the scenes to reveal exclusive after explosive exclusive (Hint: it will have your head spinning.) But wait! What about Golf Month, you ask? Don’t worry – Roy and HG have it covered including tips for how golf can attract younger players (Hint: will Plus-4’s take off as the new hipster look?) So lace up your footy boots, grab a 9 iron and play through. Fore!  

It’s the week’s biggest issue: should the grand final be known as The Big Dance or The Granny? Well, here’s the tip from Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson – the Big Dance has to go. In fact, the world’s greatest broadcasters are calling for Government legislation imposing massive fines and points deducted from driving licences for anyone using the term. (Hint: The Granny is not on solid ground, either.) And what’s next for Sam Newman since he kind of, maybe, quit the Footy Show? HG’s dream is that in a perfect world Sam will team up with Bruce McAvaney for Talking Footy Part Two but Roy’s mail points in a completely different direction … how about Sam After Dark on Sky TV? “Footy show topics have held Sam back in the past … what people want is Sam in a nappy, covered in boot polish and let off the leash.” (Hint: it won’t be a show for the easily offended.) With the Sydney Football Stadium now to be demolished, HG and Roy take a trip down memory lane with Roy revealing how he found Barbra Streisand lost in the car-park and how he had to punch a few fans as he led her to the stage. Did Dave Warner over-do it with the celebrations after scoring a century in his return to local cricket? Well, yes, if you think burning down the clubhouse and jamming fence pickets up the dates of opposition bowlers but as Roy and HG point out, it’s been a long time since he had reason to celebrate so give him a break. That’s just the tip of the iceberg that is this week’s podcast so welcome aboard to the good ship, The Sporting Probe, and full steam ahead.

While every Sporting Probe is jam-packed with old fashioned, no nonsense Aussie values this week’s podcast somehow finds room for more. Maybe it’s the time of the year as Spring blooms and Grand Finals loom that pushes Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson, the world’s greatest sportcasters, to new heights of Aussie excellence. Maybe it’s the way Winx goes clippety-clop, clippety-clop or the way Bruce McAvaney rides the champion to every win. Whatever, you’ll find the spirit of the nation here. Sure, they ask the hard questions and don’t shy away from the big issues like pointing out the lack of old fashioned, no nonsense Aussie values displayed by ‘the idiots steering the Australian cricket team around the park.’ And WHY this year’s Wacky Wednesday was the best ever and HOW to fix the AFL finals schedule and WHAT songs the Black-Eyed Peas will be performing at the MCG and why fans at Lottoland all sit with garbage bags round their gusset area (Hint: lack of toilet facilities plays a big role.) If that’s not enough to have you licking your lips in anticipation then how about a massive news update from that well-known Barossa Valley town, Nurioopta. Yep, thought that would do it. Get downloading now!

It’s the biggest Sporting Probe controversy of 2018 – who is the AFL Grub Of The Year? Many fans thought Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson went too early with their call but in this week’s podcast the greatest sports commentators in the world fire back at their critics and settle this fiery debate for once and all. (Hint: ensure you are sitting when Roy and HG reveal the Grub of the Year and the Golden Grub of 2018.) With Tiger Woods heading for Melbourne the question is, Can Melbourne be the start of the new Tiger ‘The Man They Call Tiger’ Woods? Have you ever wondered why Mark Webber’s pit crew sent him out to race with the bolts on his F1 car unscrewed? Wonder no more. Plus Roy and HG reveal what is sure to be the next smash TV hit – 36 episodes of Football’s Mad Monday Hijinks jam-packed with nude, drunken antics. And the fight plans of John ‘The Date Hunter’ Hopoate and Paul ‘The Date’ Gallen are revealed. If that’s not enough to have you licking your lips in anticipation, discover which sports 16th Century artist Caravaggio excelled at when taking a break from banging out the odd masterpiece or two.

The issue ‘du jour’ on The Sporting Probe this week is the Murderer and the Immigration Minister’s involvement in Australia’s ‘au-pair’ crisis. WHAT is ‘au-pair-ism?’ WHY do au pairs only get paid enough to buy an end of week beer, pie and packet of fags? WHY must au-pairs be ‘au fait’ with AFL current affairs? These questions and more are answered by the world’s greatest broadcasters, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson. But, of course, there are other pressing issues unpacked and analysed including: HOW the Adelaide Crows learnt that to be a good husband you have to be a very ordinary football player. WHO could be  Australia’s next heavyweight boxing contender? (Hint: Shane Mumford? Barry Hall? John Hopoate?) WILL the US Open umpire’s coaching of Special K revolutionise sport? And learn how Roy has been helping Chautauqua with barrier issues (Hint: It involves poetry.) Bonjour!

How good were the greatest broadcasters in the world this week? Were Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson (a) good; (b) very good, or, (c) as good as a dingo in a dunny. You decide as you tuck in to The Sporting Probe’s smorgasbord of tempting dishes. There’s analysis of the Wallabies Bledisloe Cup loss (“The Wallabies are the best team I’ve ever seen,” opines Roy, “They’re just poorly coached.”) There’s outrage as The Probe calls on the South Australian Government to pave the road to the home of our Motoring Correspondent’s Mum. There’s intrigue as Roy and HG reveal why Penrith Rugby League boss Gus Gould will be wearing just his undies and a box on his head to West Tigers games? (Hint: It’s an improvement on dressing up as a woman.) There’s advice for Network Nine’s Tennis Coverage (Hint: It involves The Sandpaper Three,) and there’s the full line-up of artists performing at Farm Aid including exclusive news about Kanye West’s duet with Phil Collins. And there’s so much more so, Two-Four-Six-Eight, Bog in, Don’t wait!

Underpant technology is a big issue on The Sporting Probe this week. Yes, it’s yet another world exclusive as Roy and HG reveal the innovation that will change your world (Hint: the self-cleaning undie is here.) Also, WHO is responsible for Rafael Nada’s hungry bum problem? (Hint: it involves ex-James Bond star Roger Moore.) And WHY Port Power captain Travis Boak is the hot tip to be the next Bachelor star? (Hint: he has his own underpants range.) In a related issue, WHY should rugby fans give the Wallabies the brown-eye as they fly out to New Zealand for the next Bledisloe Cup match. Drought relief is addressed with the Rooting King Foundation Firewalk For Farmers – find out how you can get involved. Plus, WHY is Sam Dastyari using chopsticks to eat a pineapple ring and Roy remembers when Vasco Da Gama set sail in the 14th Century with the Portugese Davis Cup team on board. Finally, WHAT is like a bent copper at a billionaire’s wake and WHO charges more than a blind butcher with leprosy? Yep, only the world’s greatest broadcasters are willing to explain all.

What a week, what an incredible week and Roy and HG, the world’s greatest broadcasters, are here to unpack all the big issues with a slew of world exclusives. Only on The Sporting Probe will you discover why every Australian Of The Year will now ride a famous racehorse to accept their honour. And, which horse will be first to take out Horse Of The Year and Australian Of The Year? In yet another world exclusive, find out why Olympic hero Ussain Bolt is about to go fishing. A lot. Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson also exclusively reveal Ussain’s on-field techniques when he runs on with the Central Coast Mariners soccer team. What is Michael ‘The Bubble’ Buble’s connection to Australian sport and why will he be soon singing duets with Rugby League Immortals at a very special concert. It’s another world exclusive. And you may know which football teams Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman support but how about Tom Hanks? Yep, another world exclusive. Can this podcast get any more incredible? (Hint: Yes it can.)

Yet another week of massive collects as Roy & HG, the greatest broadcasters in the world, unpack all the big issues on The Sporting Probe. WHICH sporting ceremony had laughter, tears, violence and good food? (NB: Not great food, just good food.) WHAT is the latest dastardly plan hatched by The Murderer aka The Killer to ruin the AFL? ARE Rugby League Immortals born without Original Sin and HOW do you know if your baby is a potential Immortal? (Hint: does your baby glow?) WHY is everyone becoming a muzzle freak and breeding greyhounds? (Hint: a million dollar purse is a lot of incentive.) And, WHY are smart dog breeders from all over the world trying to smuggle their dogs into Australia? (Hint: Again, a million bucks is a big incentive.) Plus, WHY South African cricketer Dale ‘The Underpants’ Steyn believes the Cape Town Trios ball tampering scandal is a cry for help and, Why the Cape Town Trio should be brought back into the Test team (Hint: fans want villians.) And grubs? Remember, they’re lurking everywhere.

This week’s Sporting Probe with Roy and HG saddles up to celebrate the Horses’ Birthday with timely revelations to help champion racer Chautauqua overcome his continued failure to jump out of the starting barrier. One tip would be how Roy overcame Bludging Slug’s refusal to start racing (Question: Are batteries up the date to give a horse a gee-up illegal these days?) Then there was Roy’s slightly more extreme way of helping Rooting King overcome his fear of barriers (Hint: Parental guidance suggested if kiddies are listening to the podcast.) World famous horse whisperer Monty Roberts gets a free character assessment as his techniques are examined (Hint: Again, parental guidance is suggested) but in family friendly news, kiddies will learn how homing pigeons use magnetic forces to guide themselves home. Then there’s the biggest issue of the week: Roy calls him The Murderer while HG calls him The Killer – which is correct? AFL fans may also ponder a related issue: why do umpires need a bag over their head to get them to the game these days?

Like our Prime Minister, Roy and HG are ENSURE freaks; bringing certainty to the issues that trouble the nation is a hallmark of The Sporting Probe. The world’s greatest broadcasters this week ENSURE that all probesters, pilgrims, patriots and punters are thoroughly briefed on everything from Russell Crowe’s acting tips to AFL rule changes to why President Trump is set to become a rugby league freak, (Hint: Hoges, The Shark and Joe Hockey will ENSURE this happens.) Budding scriptwriters can ENSURE their latest effort is any good by following The Probe’s simple sniff test (Hint: take script in to dunny; if still reading when the job is done your script is probably okay.) Discover how the AFL can ENSURE their proposed rule changes might work (Hint: they are going to need a lot of very big, very expensive quantum computers at every ground.) And if you’re a little rusty on your FAMILY FEUD history we can ENSURE you’ll soon be on top of this very relevant subject. Plus learn where you can purchase the audio-book of the latest edition of Rooting King’s autobiography, I Hate Racing Volume 2, as read by Sam Newman with sound effects by Winx. Saddle-up!