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From Surviving to Living: Transformation Through Faith

In this episode of ‘From Surviving to Living,’ Holly Bot shares her remarkable journey of transformation from a felon and sex offender who endured hard time, to being deeply moved by faith and the power of change through God. Holly opens up about the personal challenges she faced, including the battle to keep parental rights for her son, Tim, amidst financial struggles and personal growth while in prison. She recounts how embracing faith, practicing tithing, and putting others before herself led to unexpected personal improvements and a renewed sense of hope. Holly also delves into overcoming fear, anticipation of the future, and the importance of immersing oneself in God’s word to find happiness and purpose. The episode encourages listeners to face uncertainty with faith, seek transformation, and anticipate their future with joy through a relationship with Jesus, reflecting on prophecies and the promises of a joyful eternity according to the Bible.

TIMELINE

00:00 Podcast Introduction: The Journey from Surviving to Living
01:17 Episode Intro – Facing Uncertainty: Overcoming Fear and Finding Hope
02:24 Taste and See: A Story of Battle, Survival, and Faith
04:38 Financial Responsibility and Spiritual Growth in Prison
12:55 The Power of Anticipation: Learning Happiness and Preparing for the Future
13:32 Anticipating Eternity: Understanding God’s Plan for Our Future
19:35 Conclusion: A Prayer for Anticipation and Joy

TRANSCRIPT

Are you facing uncertainty? Is fear of the future weighing on you?

In January 2016, my parental rights were on the line for my son Tim unless I found him a home outside foster care. I would be confronted with financial challenges, unexpected weight loss, and new confidence from unlikely sources. Join me as we delve into overcoming fear, embracing hope, and triumphing over uncertainty.

Discover with me the secret to increasing happiness and how you can begin today! Listen until the end, you don’t want to miss a word! This is Taste and See!

A battle was on the horizon, one I hoped to avoid. Six months after I entered prison in 2011, my husband violated a restraining order and kidnapped my four younger children from my parents. He fled with them to Washington state.

Life didn’t go well for my children in Washington. Court records show my husband’s violent behavior towards women resulted in new restraining orders, his arrest record grew, probation violations became ordinary, and homelessness was common.

Our youngest son, Tim, had a challenging medical condition; if left untreated it could be fatal. My husband failed to care for him properly, and Tim nearly died. After receiving life-saving surgery he was placed in a foster home.

I was given a lawyer by Washington state who encouraged me to sign a waiver of my parental rights. This was a very confusing time for me, a frightening time. Normally I’m assertive. Prison, however, is an information vacuum. It shrinks a person. Facing 5 more years in prison, I signed the waiver. I don’t think I understood what it was. Three years later, hardened, ready for battle, I was ready to learn.

In January 2016 I asked my lawyer to revoke this waiver. I had become angry. I’d gone from scared to defiant. My release seemed closer, and Tim was having a hard time. I wanted to give him hope for the future and make plans with him in it. Social Services immediately responded by filing for termination of our parental rights. A trial date was set for September.

Have you ever made a decision without feeling informed? What did you learn from that experience?

“Holly, you can keep your son if you can find a home for him,” my lawyer mentioned one February afternoon. “That home, however, has to be in Minnesota,” she finished. Tim lived in Washington state, where my husband had moved from Minnesota after I was incarcerated.

“That’s great news!” I nearly shouted. “Thank you!” I made immediate plans to start calling everyone I could think of, certain Tim would be out of foster care soon. This seemed doable. I missed Tim very much.

I set my mind to finding a home for Tim and happily went to work the next day. My new love of the Bible had led me to read it every day. I worked as an English tutor at the prison. Our job included grading papers, helping students and occasionally creating assignments. Our teacher encouraged reading. When we didn’t actively have work to perform we were instructed to lead by example.

I had begun saving ten percent of my income in January because then I had learned about tithing. Ten percent feels like a lot, especially when one makes less than a dollar an hour. I had always been foolish with money, but I desired to be financially successful. Ten percent seemed doable, however, if one really tries. It made me feel good.

This day, I slipped into my chair at work and prepared for another day of grading papers. Jae, who had taken a sabbatical from tutoring for several months had just returned last week. She slipped into the chair next to mine, dropping her books on the table. She eyed my side of the desk. Usually prepared for the day with a stack of fiction books, the Bible sat alone by my hand. Jae raised a brow but said nothing. Her side of the desk included several new books.

Jae and I had been working together for a year and knew each other well. We both loved reading and shared favorite books. For the past year I’d read a fiction book a day. Since January I’d read nothing but the Bible. Jae had missed the transition, but now she was back, and curious.

As class began I opened to I Timothy. Class hummed along as I read, occasionally peeking over the book to check for raised hands. Scratching my arm I turned the page and stopped cold. A verse jumped out at me and I felt sick. It said:

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. I Timothy 5:8

Let me back up a minute. I had learned some phrases in prison I’d heard no where else. One is “criminal thinking,” at least this term was used in a way I’d never heard before. It refers to distorted perceptions of reality, rationalizations or lack of consideration for others that can lead to bad behavior such as entitlement, justification, manipulation, minimizing consequences, defiance, being impulsive, or shifting blame.

How many of you have ever thought of being impulsive as possible criminal thinking? I bet not many. But there you have it. Well these types of thinking lead to bad behavior. I was now being reminded that this is what I was doing.

Due to a legal loop hole I wasn’t obligated (legally) to pay child support. I was still married, so the state was blind to my financial situation. I knew women in prison who were not married and had children. Their meager pay was garnished, even in prison.

I thought of my friend Katy. She was the hardest working person I knew. Because of fines and enforced savings in addition to child-support she received only 25% of her prison income, which to begin with was less than a dollar an hour. Despite this she worked over-time relentlessly in order to meet her needs. Additionally she was cheerful, generous and kind.

In contrast there was me. Having already paid restitution I received my full income. Was I cheerful, generous, kind? The Bible told me I had denied the faith, was worse than anybody. I had no integrity. I couldn’t recognize responsibility without being forced to do it. I did not take care of my own children.

I was cut to the quick! Where was my hate now? Where was my pride? Nowhere.

I wanted to obey this, and yet I was concerned. Inside I felt myself to be a weak person, emotionally ready to cave when things got tough. For the past few years I’d been spending money on junk food to feel better. My usually petite frame had taken on a lot of unwanted weight. I’d been unsuccessful at any attempt to lose weight. Misery prevented me from giving up emotional eating.

And yet, God had caused me to read his Word, crave His Word! I recognized this as God giving me abilities I didn’t have inside. I had read previously in Psalm:

Taste and see that the Lord is good! Psalm 34:8

This means literally “Try it! You’ll like it!” In order to try it out, you have to take a step, use the demo. Reading the verse in I Timothy now in class I nodded to myself. ‘I’m going to try it,’ I thought. ‘Hopefully God will make me do this too!’

After class I grabbed a yellow kite form. Filling it out I requested that Accounting automatically garnish my pay by an additional 25% and put in my savings. I determined that every so often, maybe once a month I’d mail a check from my savings to my husband. Finished with the kite, I dropped it in the mail.

Time passed slowly. As my husband and I were not on speaking terms I made no attempt to tell him of my plan to send money. After about 6 wee