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This episode describes my emotional journey as a mother incarcerated while battling to maintain parental rights and find a suitable living arrangement for my son, Tim, who is in foster care. Throughout my efforts, I face disappointments, such as Tim’s failed reunification plans with his father and the obstruction from Tim’s caseworker, Brian, who prevents Tim from receiving mail and visits from me.

In prison, I continue to experience a spiritual transformation, engaging with fellow inmates and disputing misconceptions about faith. My story also explores the concepts of God’s will versus personal desires, as I grapple with the possibility of losing my parental rights and learning to trust in God’s plans for me and my son. This is a story of resilience, faith, and unconditional love amidst the systemic challenges of foster care and incarceration.

00:00 The Struggle to Find a Home for Tim
01:05 The Heartache of Failed Reunifications
02:25 The Battle Against Bureaucracy and Time
04:37 A Mother’s Mission from Behind Bars
06:46 Finding Strength and Purpose Through Faith
09:46 Confrontation and Reflection: Facing Criticism
13:25 A Spiritual Turning Point: Questioning God’s Plan
17:24 Embracing God’s Will Amidst Personal Turmoil
19:13 Application for us today

TRANSCRIPT

Have you ever faced challenges where it seemed every solution was met with a “No”? Have you ever experienced the heartbreak of unfulfilled promises?

In May 2016 I experienced a turning point as I struggled to find a home for my son. I would also be confronted by a hostile inmate and fake friends. Join me as we explore the emotional impact of abandonment and rejection. Discover with me real solutions to God-sized problems.

We’ll uncover the secret to experiencing God’s good plans for you and how you can begin today! Listen until the end, you don’t want to miss a word. This is Projecting Hope.

“Hi, It’s Holly! How are you?” I was reaching out to every family member, friend and organization I could, trying to find a place for my son Tim to live. It was May 2016 and Tim, now 13 years old, had been in foster care for 2 and half years.

So far, Timmy had cycled through many foster and group homes. Occasionally Social Services wouldn’t have a home for Timmy at all, and he would sit all day at the Social Service offices, his backpack at his feet. He’d spend the night at an “emergency” foster home and be back the next day at Social Services, sitting at the office again. He’d also been placed in not quite right settings, such as group homes for older teenage boys with behavior problems, which concerned me greatly.

Ending another call, I hung up disappointed. Returning to my room, I reviewed the latest report from Social Services. My heart ached for Tim as I read. “Tim’s father agreed for the third time to a 6-month reunification plan in which he must attend Tim’s medical appointments. He never came to any appointments.”

Poor Tim, desperately lonely and wanting to go home! Tim was told the details of reunification plans. I’m sure Tim looked forward to seeing his dad at his doctor appointments, knowing this was the first step in going home.

I pictured Timmy in the doctor’s waiting room, hopefully watching the door, staring at the clock, excited for his dad to arrive. My heart broke as I imagined the appointment time growing closer and then passing altogether, Timmy still alone with a caseworker.

What would he be telling himself? How does one make that feel better? Timmy’s doctor appointments could be physically painful. How much worse as time and again it would be compounded by the emotional trauma of abandonment and rejection. How awful must the drive to his foster home have been afterward. Three identical reunification plans. Three identical failures. Hope obliterated in a child. Horrible. I feel sick writing about it.

Have you ever felt rejected or abandoned by someone important? Have you ever disappointed someone you love? How did you handle it?

Social Services also caused Tim trauma. Last fall Brian, Timmy’s caseworker, refused to give Timmy the mail I sent. (all mail was sent to Brian for delivery). During the same time period Brian also refused to facilitate my visits with Tim. He nevertheless reported through Social Services to the courts that Tim was receiving both visits and mail. It was a scary time for me, one I fought hard to fix.

Tim was unaware that stacks of mail from his mom were piled up on his caseworker’s desk. Tim was also unaware that his caseworker was obstructing visits. What Tim did know was that his dad, who lived nearby, had stopped visiting him and now it appeared his mom didn’t want to write or call anymore either. This absence of communication felt to Tim like both of his parents ##had abandoned him without warning. While I fought a legal battle to fix these things …Tim believed no one wanted him anymore.

With a new lawyer I reported Brian in court, accused him of perjury. Social Services officially responded by setting a trial date for September to terminate our parental rights with Tim. I was told if I could move Tim out of foster care to Minnesota, I could keep him. “But,” Brian threatened omce, “if you don’t move him to Minnesota and your rights are terminated in September, your relationship with him will be totally severed – no letters, no calls, nothing until he’s 18 years old. Your family too! Nothing!” Brian finished.

I had made at least a hundred phone calls recently, to everyone I could think of, and everyone so far said, “No.” I heard every type of reason. “He’s too old,” or “He’s too much work,” or “It’s ##too expensive,” or “I’m too busy,” or even “That isn’t something I feel like doing right now.” I had thought it would be easy to help Tim. Now I was dejected. Time was running out!

Calling someone every day had become my mission. I bought more phone time than ever before. I stopped buying anything I absolutely didn’t need so I could afford more calls. I called people to ask for the phone numbers of other people.

I asked for help from those around me and other women gave me referrals to organizations who helped children of parents in prison. Tim, however, was either too old (by a year), or I was going to be in prison longer than their standard guidelines (6 months too long), or there was always some other reason I was being told no with a heartfelt, “I’m really sorry.”

“God!” I prayed again now, “please lead me to the person who will joyfully take Tim.” Walking back to my room I prepared myself for my next phone call with Tim. In January I’d been excited to tell him about Minnesota. Now I was almost sorry I had. My failure seemed to confirm for him that no one, literally no one, not even family, wanted him at all, except his mom in prison who couldn’t help him. How do I encourage my son? I wanted to punch a wall in frustration!

God would soon respond to me in a way I never expected. In the meantime other battles arose.

Laughter erupted behind me the next day. Melissa and I sat at a table in the day room playing a game. I didn’t know her well. She hadn’t been here long.

“I’m worried about my teenage son,” she said, dropping a card on the table. My ears perked up; I could relate.

“What about?” I asked, laying down a card myself. I looked up to see Linda wandering over. Linda was back for the second time in a year. She told everyone her father was a preacher.

Linda dropped into a chair as Melissa answered, “Well, he’s been getting into trouble. We think he’s doing drugs, I’m not sure what else. My husband wants to send him to our church camp.”

I considered. Before prison, money and caregiving had seemed central to me in parenting. Once in prison, unable to do either, I became determined to find other important aspects of mothering. I now worked on fostering love, leadership, and respect. These were things I could pour into my children.

My relationship with Jesus kicked this into high gear as I experienced personal transformation I’d never known was possible until now. “Melissa, would you write a letter to your son?” I asked her. She nodded. Linda watched us, curious. “Ok,” I continued, “I write weekly letters, like Bible study letters, to my sons. I could share one with you, if you want.” Melissa agreed.

I wondered if she would feel comfortable teaching her son about the Bible. I could understand feeling hesitant. When I recently began reading the Bible, I had been shocked! I’d believed I already knew it, was knowledgeable. I discovered I was not. My information had been a second-hand echo and often a misrepresentation of the real thing.

That realization shook me. I now wanted to share what I was learning but I wondered, ‘If professional teachers had failed teach me about the Bible, then who was I to do a proper job?’ I was so thrilled with Jesus, however, that I had to share Him.

The book Story Structure Architect explains that all stories have either a plot-driven or ch